09 January 2016

436: Using the Past Against Me and You

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project failure onto others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the past in defining others – in how I see them and what to expect from them being based on past moments, wherein I am holding them hostage to a specific pattern and anticipate they will always play it out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand the difference between allowing one to change, and understanding patterns that others play out… within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the realization that to anticipate certain patterns in others, certain behaviors, is actually indicating a point of self-honesty, a self-seeing if you will that there is such a point/pattern existing within myself and in my anticipating or expecting others to fail, I am also accepting and allowing a point of failure within myself where I can anticipate or expect myself to fail, because I've already made the decision to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from others what I give to myself, which is leniency – wherein I allow a loose rope to hang around my neck – where I allow little moments here and there to slip by where I am not taking responsibility for myself, where I am not being self-honest, where I am giving into emotions, and feelings, and thoughts – where I am directing myself from a point of self- interest and to not realize the consequence of this as the accumulation of falling within one's process of change - as one is not giving it one's all, absolutely, in all ways, diligently - one is still holding onto points of desire and wants as self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the realization that until I change, nothing will change… and perhaps this applies to others. Obviously I cannot expect others to change if I am not changing myself, and so my responsibility within what is best for all is to change. Once I change, others have an opportunity to change. Until I change, I cannot expect others to change. And if I’m expecting others to change, I have not changed or understood the absolute reality of the mind consciousness system that exists within/as each and every singly human being, through self-forgiveness, because if I did I would not anticipate the failure of others, and wonder why they are still allowing certain points within themselves and their life… I would rather understand, and know as I understood and took the time to know myself what it will and does take to actually, physically change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to change before I change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to lead me through their change, instead of leading myself through my own change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become perplexed by other points for people in their process, instead of remaining focus on my own process… and reflecting what I see in them, back to me… place myself in their shoes, understand what could create such a pattern/behavior/play out and take responsibility for where I have existed in a similar nature thus realizing it's not about them, it's about Me and where I still require work to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always assume the past will repeat – in the context of others – assuming others will continue to do what they’ve always done, instead of giving them the opportunity, as I would like for myself, to walk with a clean slate, without my past being held against me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my past against me, and to not have unconditionally forgiven, and let go of what has happened, and who’ve I’ve been, and the decisions I’ve made that did not support me within my highest potential, and did not act in ways that were best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do unto others what I have done unto myself, wherein I hold their past against them – I expect them as I’ve seen them in the past, instead of allowing each new moment with them, each new interaction, to be just that… NEW – and present, and an opportunity that it actually is to be the moment of change

What I can see here is that if we anticipate certain behaviors or patterns or play outs from those in our life, there are a couple possibilities as to why. First is – it is a reflection, a mirror those others are standing as to support ourselves to see ourselves better – to have a better glimpse into what we are accepting and allowing within ourselves, because what do we know? What we see, and react in others, exists within ourselves and that is absolutely our responsibility, and ours alone.

The second point I can see as a possibility for this to exist – the point of anticipating and expecting certain behaviors and patterns from others, is because we are still holding onto resentments, or judgments, or ideas, or beliefs, or perceptions about something that happened with them in the past. We are using a past moment with them to define who they are – placing them within a limitation of ‘that is all they will ever be’ instead of expecting the best from others, yet understanding the difficult and challenging process we are all currently facing of changing ourselves… it is no easy feat, but it is possible.

So I can see for myself past resentments and reactions towards others that I now define them as how they will always express and act and be, and there’s no consideration of a possible change. Again – this says a lot more about myself than them… it is what I’m accepting and allowing, and of course has nothing to do with ‘them’. It’s almost as if we can take ‘them’ out of the equation, and instead see ‘them’ as us and in that, we are everyone, equal and one. Then the mirror is always in our face, and there is no hiding from what we’ve accepted and allowed - we are always in a point of responsibility.

When and as I see myself anticipating and expecting certain behaviors, actions, and patterns from others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this could be a point of me either holding the past against them, and defining them within a limitation and not allowing them the room and space and unconditional support to actually change, as well as seeing a similar point within myself wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to exist within the same behaviors, actions, and patterns that I am not changing… that I am continuing to live out without taking the responsibility I have to change it. And so I commit myself to stop focusing on others and what I expect from them, and rather use others as the gift of seeing me, of expanding within  my own process wherein I utilize the equality and oneness that is here and see me in everything and everyone to change myself into ways that are best for all.

I commit myself to stop holding the past against myself and others, and rather practice unconditional self-forgiveness, wherein through self-forgiveness I get to know and understand my own shortcomings, and in turn allow myself to get to know and understand others shortcomings and then there exists no judgment, resentment, or reaction – there is simply a practical seeing of what is here, what is working, what is not, and what can be practical done to change it.

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