04 January 2016

432: The Catalyst of Change

Waiting.

I have been waiting for perfect conditions for as long as I can remember in order for me to fully live, or express, or move, or change. Though this waiting has always been some perfect condition outside of myself. Which is actually quite the perfect ‘condition’ in the context of what the mind represents.

A dis-empowered self that waits for something or someone outside of oneself before one will move, change, take responsibility for themselves and their life. This is the perfect condition for the mind because in that, one will always be waiting and thus never fully living, as it’s full potential and expression of what is possible as life, and rather give all power and control to the mind. It’s the condition of the mind, as self has defined itself, basing its decisions and direction on the experiences as emotions and feelings that come up, creating complete chaos in one's life, as represented by the world as a whole.

I have conditioned myself to wait, justified by thoughts, that suggest there is something waiting in the wing, something to come that will be the key for me signifying my time to shine.

When really… I have been and am only waiting for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for some perfect condition before I will change me as taking responsibility for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my reactions to seize before I participate more with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for work to be less busy before I will organize my time better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for more money before I move myself within certain directions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for a feeling of stability before I will share on my blog and/or vlogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for some future event to change me in how I experience and direct my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for more information and knowledge that will propel me in a movement that will alter the course of my life for the better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for someone to tell me what to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of waiting as a condition of my mind, wherein I give up the power and authority to direct myself here and now as who I am, and rather give it up to the mind to direct me by following the emotions and feelings as my experience of things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for more confidence before I will share myself more openly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for some other initiative then my own to trigger me into more action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within waiting – as a point of abdicating and squandering the gift of the PRESENT moment, as my day to day living, in the opportunities I have in every moment to express my fullest potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it’s acceptable to wait for something or someone outside of myself to be the catalyst of my change

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be my own catalyst of change

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the power and potential I have now to be my own catalyst of change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to own/take hold of/express/develop my ability and power to be the catalyst of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something to change within me, on it’s own, before I will experience and feel a change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something to happen to me, or in my life where I will then decide to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify to myself why I can wait within my life, realizing in waiting, there is no living, there is only a state of limbo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word waiting – as waiting for something or someone, outside and separate from me HERE to determine who I am, how I express, what I do and how I will live

It’s astonishing how much we as humans actually just wait… wait for some politician to change something instead of becoming the politician ourselves. Wait for a new job to come along before we our content in what we are doing. Wait for some relationship to come along and cure all our woes. Wait for the world to change – for leaders to stop going to war, for bankers to stop being greedy, for the consequence of our actions to bring upon destruction before we will move ourselves.

We really are asleep – completely unaware of how in our waiting, we are passing through space and time, where our physical bodies hold a power unknown to this world – where our physical actions can produce change, where our equality and oneness can bring about peace and harmony – where our individual responsibility taken by each can create a catalyst of change in this world. It takes each one. It takes me.

If I want the world to stop waiting, I will have to stop waiting. If I want the politicians to change, I will have to change. If I want the bankers to stop being greedy, I will have to stop being greedy. If I want racism to stop, I will have to stop my own racism. I can’t expect something to change me when I wont even change me.

So here, a first step for me to stop waiting and to realize…. I am the key. I am the key to my own change. In and as waiting, I’m only wasting time.

When and as I see myself waiting for some perfect condition outside and separate from me here to trigger a change or a new direction or a new experience, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to wait is to waste away and to not live the life as the potential that exists here in all.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my life, myself as an individual within this world waiting for change, to be the change myself that I want to see in this world.

I commit myself to stop waiting for a new job, more money, more information and knowledge, the perfect relationship, or some catalyst to change me and instead I commit myself to be my own catalyst of change by practicing the actions of breathing, of writing, of self forgiveness as self empowerment, of taking responsibility, of physically moving and doing and showing to myself and all the potential of the human life….

I commit myself to show there is no gain in waiting, there is only a wasting of life and that the time is now to be the change. No perfect condition will change what exists within you…. You will have to be the one to change the condition of yourself.




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