15 December 2015

431: The Absence of Direction = Distractions

Recently I've been looking at the point of direction. I have no clear cut, obvious, in your face 'point' as far as what I can direct myself towards. Never any 'gifts' or interests specifically, nothing I'm drawn to, or that I find motivation to get involved with. I never really had 'a point' in life, and in a way, I've allowed that to be an excuse for myself to not give myself direction. Because without a specific point that clearly waves the flag of 'come hither... come to me, learn this, do this, embrace and be involved in this' I've rather allowed myself to be consumed by distractions. Whether that be work, movies, tv series, life dramas like gossip and things that don't really matter or nurture any real potential of the life within. In the absence of direction, I've given myself distractions.

So it's been an excuse... for a very long time I can see the theme song playing in my head, "I have no point, I have no point, I have no point.' Now it's not in the nature of I have no point I should end my life, more like an aimless wondering through life looking for something, always outside of myself, to direct me and LEAD me in the 'right' direction.

So the point I can see I've missed is that of self-direction. Directing myself towards something specific. Actually deciding for myself, or asking myself even, 'what do I want to do in this life.' Now while there may be a general idea of this, nothing specific as a clear-cut interest comes to mind.

Though here is what I see, realize and now understand through looking at this point of no direction = more distractions. There are 'potentials' within my life - are directly in my environment. Though there is the lack of energy, or passion, or drive that moves me within it. Key words here: "...that moves me within it." So there is the misalignment - the missing key, the misunderstanding. I've always looked for something outside of ME to move ME... never really grasping the concept of self-movement, self-willed decision making to lead to a self-made being. It's always been environmental, or family, or social relationships, or energy from my mind as 'how i feel' about things that decided, and influenced me and so which direction I took in life. If something didn't shout 'hey - take this on', I wouldn't even consider it.

And what does that type of acceptance and allowance create? The consequence of being dependent on outside forces to move and direct one's life. Ever look for signs in life, to 'tell you' your in the right direction? Yes - that's the type of nature I'm talking about here. I spent many years following the carrot on the stick, following my 'highest bliss', looking for the next moment that conjures up a 'coincidental goose-bump experience' that was 'too obvious to ignore' that told me 'this is where I SHOULD be.'

Okay so that is the consequence. The reality of that consequence is in order to change it, I have to stop looking for the signs, stop waiting for the good feelings, and start making decisions based on practical reality assessment of what is here, where I would like to go, and the potentials of what exists in my reality right NOW.

So such a point exists, and while I have no drive, passion, or motivation towards it, I do realize that 'it's here', and I've come to understand that that is what I should be working with in my life. 'What is here' - as what is real. A point I have in my life, as the potential to expand myself in many areas, presents itself, and so it's up to me to decide to do it, as it's not deciding for me, no feelings are deciding for me, nothing is pushing me or pulling my toward it... only me in what I can see would be best for me, with all the information I have at this stage.

So that is the point  I want to share to you, and to better understand myself. You don't need positive feelings, or motivation, or passion towards something specific in your life. You can actually create that as you go. You can decide, on your own free accord, to move in a certain direction, creating the experience yourself. The passion comes from doing, the motivation comes from the movement, the drive comes from the self-will.

Just because you don't feel energetic, or motivated about or by something, doesn't mean it can't or wont exist, and it absolutely doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't do/pursue it. Chances are, if there is no emotional or feeling attachment to it, then it's something worth going into because then you know it's YOU moving you into it, not some emotional or feeling energy that, after investigating and understanding, you realize was based only on ideas or assumptions or projections in your mind, and that like any lovey-dovey, floating on cloud 9-relationship starts, comes crashing down to earth with the shattering loss of that energy feeling. Working with real-time physical reality, no feelings and emotions, is the key to unlocking, and developing your true potential, which is simply the act of you moving yourself and putting yourself into a position and different things that gets you out of your comfort zone and into expanding territories.

You don't need arrows pointing you in the right direction, you can see for yourself the right way to go. Use principles, considering what's best for yourself and others as your guide, and take notice of what is here and around you - the opportunities, the open doors, the relationships with others... anything suggesting a potential to develop yourself, your skills, your expression, and ultimately your life, Like anything that grows... it takes a seed to be planted, cared for, nurtured, given attention to before it will sprout, and expand and fulfill it's true nature.



Featured Artwork by: Andrew Gable

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01 December 2015

430: At what cost Do you Feel Better about Yourself?

Listening to the latest reptilian recording on Eqafe, "Where are you?" the question was asked, 'where am I?' The response I had was in the context of myself, like inside myself, my body, my mind. In the interview, it was mentioned that if the response was in the context of where you are physically, like your environment, it's a pretty cool reference for yourself in terms of your awareness being focused in the physical reality.

That was not my response, so there was a slight reaction to that. Though briefly before that, there was hope and anticipation that they would mention something about how I responded and that it would be "better than the first response."

So this is a point I've noticed some up a few times in the past week.

I've started two new jobs, and I noticed there were comparisons I was making between myself and those training me - both seeing myself as better at the job than my trainers, as well as management noticing this too - me wanting to be seen as 'better than others' and me thinking that about myself.

This generates a positive feeling/experience within me, which indicates the negative also exists. This is definitely a point I can relate to, and am more familiar with - Comparing myself towards others, and they, in some way, shape, or form, are always better than me.

That seems to be more predominant for me as an experience, yet that positive/better than others experience has also been present.

What I can see, and have realized is that that positive feeling is always an attempt to correct one's actual experience. For instance... my actual experience is that of inferiority/less than/not good enough/something wrong with me - especially in relation to others. So when I do go into the positive experience of feeling good about being better than others, it's like my way of rectifying an uncomfortable experience. I feel diminished so I want others to be diminished as well. I feel shitty in relation to others and I want to turn the tables if you will. Like looking for some relief.

So what I can see is that in an attempt to change my experience, I only diminish others in my own mind. it's like I feel better, yet at the cost of others.

This is something I also see plays out in the greater as in between many people. It's like we've come to accept the idea that empowering ourselves, especially in the context of interpersonal relationships, we've got to cut others down to do so.

Another example is when we feel wronged, or attacked, or someone deliberately caused frcition in ourselves, we've got to perceive them as trash, or bad people, in an attempt to find some sort of solace in the experience. Like if we look down on them, and what they've done, and who they are, then we come out on top, feeling better, with a positive feeling.

How many times do we say, "Karma will bit them in the ass," and have a good feeling about something bad happening to another - like 'they will get what they deserve.' Or we judge people for their words, or deeds, and say they are not worthy of our time, simultaneously putting ourselves on a pedestal of self righteousness.

The thing about this is it's all an act of separation - which basically divides people, pits people against each other, causes us to lose our compassion and thus we end up in a world where each fight internally and externally with one another. Then of course, harmony cannot exist.

So quite the realization to see how my participation in such a pattern can sustain a world of discord, as of course each individual, and who they are, makes up the whole of humanity. And so gain - each responsible for what they accept and allow within themselves, and so this world we share and create collectively.



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