24 February 2015

396: Realizations from Last Week - An Outflow of Self-Support

Last week I was placed into a position I did not expect, and in a way resisted for quite some time. Someone close to me was going through some problems and I was one of the main people in their life to 'pick up the slack' in a way - to step in and take responsibility for aspects of this person's life that they were no more able to do anything about as their situation left them immobile for the time being.

I started writing about this situation immediately and my experience within me and I saw this statement within me of "Why should I help?" Fueling this statement was another statement of, "they would never support me like this." And when facing this within myself through my writing, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was existing in this statement within a point of spite - I deliberately did not want to assist this being simply because I didn't see them capable of supporting me in the same manner, or that they wouldn't, simply because of how I have seen them in the past. This to me was the epitome of the problem of our world. We are not willing to give to each other, because we see no self-interest in helping others; because we think no one will do for us what we are expected of or put into a position to do for others and because of this, we don't support each other.

After asking myself the question, "Why should I help," and seeing the dishonest nature of spite I was standing in within such a statement... an answer came up within me. The answer to, "why should I help?" And the answer was simple - because I am able to. Because I can.

Within this answer, I realized what it means to give unconditional. When I removed the spite, and the anger and the blame... I saw myself in a position of being able to support another and take on the responsibilities they were no longer able to. And my reason for doing it was simply because I could. Because I was able. Because I am here and because I no longer accept and allow myself to exist in spite, expecting something in return before I'm willing to do for others, and instead realizing that through walking my process of giving to myself, of Self-FOR.GIVE.NESS, I have moved myself to also be able to give to another.

So that is what I did. I stopped the spite, and I stepped up. Because I was needed and it was necessary and there was no good reason why I shouldn't, only the spite.

That is the only reason we do not change ourselves or our world, or the nature of who we are that constitutes our world - because we exist in spite in relation to each other. We blame each other for our mistakes, and use the past as a reason to not create something new, as a new movement and a new decision to be someone else, someone that gives and supports unconditionally to another as themselves.

That was also the principle I saw step forward within me - realizing that despite what I think the other would do or wouldn't do... I could see the simple point. If I were in their shoes, I would like someone to do this for me; to support and offer assistance to the best of their ability. The situation this person in my life found themselve in was not a pleasant situation... and to have someone be able to step up and take on their responsibilities relieved for a moment some of the pressure, and I would be grateful to have someone do the same for me.

I've heard a being say these words before that I could really see what he meant in, "All I ask is you give to others what I have given to you." And here was my opportunity. To live the example I have seen in another - to give to another simply because I am able to, because I can, because they were hear and needing it. It was strange to see such a starting point, of willing to help knowing and not wanting anything in return, because I have never experienced that before. I have never helped without it somehow serving myself. This was the first time I could see clearly the ability to give unconditionally to another simply because it's been given to me, and I have given myself the support and so I was able to give the support equally to another.



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15 February 2015

395: Self-Honesty Instead of Self-Judgments

Continuing with the self-commitment and corrective statements in relation to my previous blog...

When and as I see myself approaching daily blogging within a starting point of getting it done as quickly as possible, and wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me not directing myself through a resistance to daily blogging and so accumulated this resistance that then influence how I approach it when I do decide to write a blog. I commit myself to realizing and understanding that this is my creation and consequence of what I accept and allow as a resistance as well as committing myself to re-direct my approach/starting point of blogging to be that of slowing down, and allowing myself to embrace the moment as me writing through breath

When and as I see myself writing a blog within the speed of my mind, as simply pulling knowledge and information out of me, to place the words as quickly as possible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is again a manifested consequence of me in relation to blogging and allowing a resistance towards it influence me in terms of how I apply it. I commit myself to slow myself down through breathing while writing my blog, as well as allowing myself to give the proper time, care, and attention to each letter as each word that I am writing and expressing as myself

When and as I see myself judging myself as a cheerleader/motivational speaker in relation to my writings/blogs, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have attached and created a negative energy charge in relation to 'cheerleader/motivational speaker' as not having any grounding or substance to my words yet seeing that part of the 'problem' is within a point of moving to quickly in relation to my writings. I commit myself to stop any judgments I have towards my blogs/writings in the moment I seem them arise, as to not participate, to remove any energy charge in relation to the judgment through self forgiveness, and to see instead with understanding that this is a red flag for me to work with in terms of grounding myself more when writing as to bring through the substance of myself as I express with each word

When and as I see myself judging motivational speakers negatively, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have accepted and allowed a negative definition to be attached to 'motivational speakers' as not living their words, and so to also then allow myself to experience that definition when I see myself existing in the same way as having no real substance or grounding to my writings. I commit myself to stop judgment towards others I see as motivational speakers, and towards myself and instead work on changing myself within my writing so that I do not just speak nice words, and instead I ground them into actual, physical, living application and so ensuring that I am re-defining words in a practical way in supporting myself to Live them as Me

When and as I see myself existing within judgment towards others and myself, and humanity as a whole for not Living the Words we speak, but just saying nice words that we do not yet Live, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that judgment does nothing to change something that requires to be changed, and only perpetuates the already existent lack of self-responsibility and so is simply a manifested consequence of who each one is as an individual. It is what is here and so I commit myself to not judge what is here as myself, or others, or humanity as a whole and to instead apply self-honesty in moments when I am not speaking words that I live as a practical, physical living expression of myself and to change myself as how I apply myself in the words I speak, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and practical application, as well as re-defining words for myself into a more grounded definition that I can live throughout my day and life.

When and as I see myself diminishing myself through self-judgments when/as I see myself writing more from a knowledge and information stand point, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me not slowing down when I write, allowing myself to breathe and to feel the keys under each fingertip as well as checking myself as I go within self-honesty to make sure I am not simply placing nice words but that I am using the references I have as the process I've walked thus far as the insights, realizations and understandings I share through my writing. And so I commit myself to develop this practice of grounding myself when I write, slowing myself down, feeling the keys as I type, and being self-honest about what I am writing as checking to see if it is something I can relate to or something I've simply heard and am repeating back

When and as I see myself being like parrot wherein I am repeating statements and words and ideas as knowledge and information that I've heard from others but not have investigated or checked within myself as being something practical, common sense and what is best for all, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have been conditioned through constantly hearing the same words, ideas, beliefs and opinions over and over throughout my life, and it is my responsibility to not simply accept it, but to instead investigate it, check it and keep only that which is good as what is best for all. I commit myself to stopping myself as the parrot system/personality that repeats knowledge and information without referencing it for myself in terms of understanding how one is able to live it practically in physical reality, and to not express myself as the consensus of society simply because I've heard it before. I commit myself to expressing my individual understanding of what is here as our World as a point of support for myself and others to changing the nature we've accepted and allowed

When and as I see myself judging myself and humanity as a whole for living in separation of the words they speak, as when I hear myself and others repeat information simply for the sake of repeating information but that gives no substance or value to other's lives, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is the mechanism of the mind as keeping a being enslaved to thoughts, ideas, beliefs, opinions and knowledge and information that I/we do not currently live, as what has been passed on throughout the generations. It is what exists, it is what is here and my judgment does not change it, only my self-responsibility within changing me in relation to this particular point. I commit myself to take responsibility for myself as an equal participant of spreading knowledge and information around that is not original my own, but that I've accepted as who I am without any investigation, self-honesty, common sense or a practical reality understanding of whether it can be lived and is best for all and so I commit myself to not judge others or myself for what we've accepted and allowed and instead change me



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12 February 2015

394: Judgment Doesn't Change Anything

To continue form yesterday’s blog – the main points being a reaction I saw of self-judgment consisting of blaming myself for being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ that speaks nice words, but are not grounded in physical reality. Further in my writings, seeing that this reaction was stemming from two sources – first being that I do not allow myself to stop, breathe and slow myself down as I write my blog, instead I generally grab a point or topic I can write about and quickly get it done as fast as I can, like pulling of a band-aid or something. Which is funny, because blogging is not such a painful experience, yet I do see how a resistance formed to daily blogging has in a way influenced my approach to it, which is get it done and through it as quickly as possible. As if that is the point – to just produce the blog. When in reality the process as a whole, each moment as each word, is what matters. And since I am just usually rushing through the writing process, I am not ‘here’ physically, as physical matter and so my words do not as much matter, as I am then just speaking knowledge and information that has been stored in my mind, yet that I do not necessarily have a physical reference for.

So that was the first point I could see triggering this reaction of self-judgment, not slowing myself down to really access parts of myself that have that direct experience of what it is I am writing about, and so a more substantial grounding to my writing.

The second point identified being where I have allowed myself to judge others in the same way I have judged myself. Now while I lived or acted this point out before I ever allowed myself to judge others for it, I can see how such a reaction resurfacing can be based within a fear that others WILL judge me as I have judged them, or that others will judge me as I have judged myself. This is not as if they know I judged them, yet we become fearful of being done to what we have done unto others – and that is perhaps why we have a world of distrust and paranoia – everyone lives out a version of themselves that is not honest or best for all, and there is no responsibility or accountability for ourselves in who we are and how we live, and so because we know the nature of what we think, say and do, we can sure bet others will exist in the same way as well. Because I mean come on, if we are not taking responsibility for or holding ourselves accountable for who we are in thought, word and deed… how can we expect anyone else to?

So for this blog I will take on the first cause of the self-judgment reaction with self forgiveness.

Not slowing down in the physical moment as breath as I write my blog, and so rushing through the information and knowledge in my mind to get it done as quickly as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself through a resistance to daily blogging, and instead allow it to accumulate to the point where when I do finally make that decision to commit myself to daily blogging, allow my approach to be influenced as having to get it done as quickly as possible, like pulling off a band-aid as if it is such an excruciating pain that I want to get over with as soon as possible - yet realizing it is only my creation and consequence of accepting and allowing a resistance to accumulate in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point of rushing in relation to writing my blog, wherein through a resistance to daily blogging, my approach to blogging now being to get it done as fast as possible to just ‘get it over with already’ and so to within this, pull knowledge and information from my mind as the speed in which I am accessing it at the speed of my mind, which is quantum fast, and so not taking my time or care to really consider each letter as each word as what I am writing and expressing as myself in each moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my approach with writing my blogs as a self-judgment as defining myself as a cheerleader and motivational speaker – yet within a negative energy charge as defining myself as speaking just nice words, yet without having any substance or grounding to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define motivational speakers within a negative energy charge where I judge them for just speaking nice words that I think and believe they have not lived themselves or have not understood what it means to live their words or wisdom practically and so judge them for this, and then judge myself within the same definition when/as I see myself living out the same point as simply speaking words that I have not necessarily come to understand or place into physical living application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others of the application of not living the words we speak, or just accessing knowledge and information that we've heard, yet that we do not place into an actual physical reality, practical living context, instead of seeing that it is what currently exists, yet does not require a judgment to be corrected, only self-honesty and a change within oneself as how one apply themselves in the words they speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down when and as I see myself wanting to move through my blog as quickly as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within self-judgments of myself when/as I see myself writing more from a knowledge and information stand point rather than a more direct access point from/as the physical, which I see, realize and understand I would be able to express more accurately through the application of slowing myself when I am writing – allowing myself to breathe, and feel the keys under each fingertip and to be checking myself as I go to ensure that I am here and not speaking just nice words, but making sure that I have a reference for it as what I have walked thus far in my own process and my own direct experiencing, within this ensuring that I am self-honest within who I am in each moment as each word I write

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have come to be like a parrot wherein throughout my life I have heard phrases and thoughts and ideas and beliefs over and over and over again, and through this constant repetition, accepted these statements as my own, without investigating them for myself and so instead take them in, accept them as my own and then spread them through myself as if it is my own expression, simply because I thought it sounded good or somehow validated my already accepted and allowed ideas, beliefs and opinions that merely just sustain a personality I present to others

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to investigate all things as statements and ideas and phrases I’ve heard throughout my life and so investigating myself in relation to what I’ve heard and see how I understand it and check whether it is within a physical living context or not

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and humanity as a whole for living in separation of the world they speak, wherein I see and hear myself and others repeat information simply for the sake of repeating information, without having any understanding of what we are saying, or why and asking ourselves - is what I am saying really matter in the context of what is currently here and what is currently possible in changing the nature of ourselves and life as a whole to what is Best for all... and so while I see this, I realize that to judge this does nothing to change it and so I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply judge without changing myself

Will continue in the next blog...





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11 February 2015

393: The Audacity of Humanity and Judgment Day

After writing and publishing last night’s blog I noticed a familiar reaction come up within me.

Often I go into self-judgment where I will feel as though my writings are too abstract, or not grounded/concrete enough and I end up just sounding like a cheerleader or motivational speaker – simply speaking words that have no real basis or understanding in practical, physical reality.

Later what I realized is that the reason for this, is two points actually. The first being, that after reading some other blogs yesterday about ‘slowing down’ – I realized this is not something I really do with my blog. Like I never sit there for a moment, take a deep breath in and ‘see’ what is here for me to write. Often I go to blog about a point that I've decided upon earlier in the day or evening, which is fine, though I notice it’s within this rushing experience of like, ‘Oh great – got my blog point, okay now MOVE.’ And so what happens is I go into writing the blog, and I’m just so quick within myself, trying to get it all out and all done without really being the words as I write them; feeling the keys on each fingertip as each letter I press to create a word. And so what I notice is that this information and knowledge just comes flying out of me that I think sounds good, and that perhaps I have an understanding of, though they are not placed in such a way where it is completely and absolutely grounded, and here. It is quickly pulled out of me and thrown unto the paper and then when I am done, then I can breathe.

So that is the first point – realizing the importance of slowing myself down as to then allow myself to access those parts of myself that are a real reference and remembrance for myself in terms of what I am writing about, rather than just information and knowledge I've heard here and there that I than say back, like a parrot in a cage saying the few statements he’s been forced to learn through repetition.

The second point I see as to why this reaction came up – a self-judgment of myself being a ‘cheerleader/motivational speaker’ with no actual substance to what I am saying - is due to my own judgments towards others. So I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in this exact same way – wherein I think they are just saying these words, they have not in fact lived them. Almost like mantras though without having any idea about how to actually, practically LIVE the words as my expression and actions. So it’s interesting how in my own judgments of others, I allow myself to live in exactly the same way. What came first though – me living the in such a way that I then judge in others? Or my judgment towards others that I then live out myself.

Well I do see that everything I think, say, and do comes from me. So any and all judgments I have towards others are actually judgments about myself or a reflection of how I see myself or my relationship with me. And in my not taking responsibility for my own self-judgment, self-relationship or living in such a way where I am not living my utmost potential, such as speaking knowledge and information as words that I have not in fact lived myself, I can easily go along and judge/blame others for existing in this way.

Though the gift – what I judge in others, I’m judging in me. And that is something I can take self-responsibility for. This reaction of being a cheerleader/motivational speaker that just speaks nice words with no actual substance to them came before I ever judged another for this, and so now it’s time to forgive it, ground myself in my words, slow myself down in breath and no more allow myself to judge another until I have first ensured that I am standing in such a way where I can face all of existence and say I did all I could within my responsibility to the whole, and that I am clear from any accepted and allowed limitation or diminishment that one could ever judge me for. Then I could not possibly judge another, as I will then understand another, as I've walked the process of understanding myself. That I in fact did ground myself in my words that reflect the Life I create as being what is Best for All.

That is the audacity of Humanity – we so easily run around pointing fingers and blame towards others and the judgment – Oh the judgments we make towards each other are ruthless. Yet, the irony… it’s really only ourselves we are seeing and judging. How funny actually – want to know more about yourself? Hear what you speak about others. See the thoughts you have about others. Be self-honest in the secret of your own mind, the judgment, blame and hate we have towards others… face it my friend, that is how you feel about You.

Though we can clean this mess up, as it is our responsibility and the only Real purpose to this Life we find ourselves in. No need to wait for judgment Day – we can fix this here and now – starting with our-SELF.

Self-Forgiveness in the blog to follow…



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10 February 2015

392: The Desteni of Living - Living My Utmost Potential

About 50 blogs ago I shared a list of Principles that were my Declaration of how I am and would continue to Live my Life. Being that I have done some blogs now looking at the word Purpose and how I've related to the word and how I committed myself to Living a Life of Principles, as I see being the starting point for living Purpose, I see now would be as good of time as any to walk through those Principles, one by one, looking at each in how I am understanding it, how I live it, whether I am actually living it, and how I am able to implement them in my living actions.

So let's just get right into it.

The first principle listed in The Desteni of Living is 'Realizing and Living my utmost Potential'.

For me I have come to see this principle to mean that I have for all of my life lived in a way where I diminished myself in almost everything I do, based within who I was. The source of this self-diminishment existent within my thoughts, feelings and emotions - basically who I was in relation to Everything.

I often saw myself inferior to others, I had insecurities about my looks, and my intelligence, and my economic statues. I formed destructive, addictive habits to weed, drinking, relationships, entertainment, avoiding responsibilities, lying, cheating, stealing, gossiping, judging and the list goes on. I never thought much of myself, in all honesty, yet it was never something I considered I could change or would change.

Realizing and Living my utmost Potential, to me, implies that I do not accept anything less than what is best for me, and this best for me being within the context of living principles - being self honest with myself in terms of what I am experiencing; what thoughts I have, how I feel about things, looking at the why and the what that cause me to express and act in ways that in some way or another compromise me. Living my utmost potential implies that I do not allow of myself anything that does not serve me as what is best for all - so developing integrity and respect and trust and love within myself. Not allowing myself to think negative things about myself, not to judge myself or others. Realizing the Equality in all things and so honoring that in this Life as the Life of All.

Not allowing myself to procrastinate, or put off responsibilities. Not allow myself to stay in the same comfort zone simply for the fact that I think it's 'too hard' to do something I've never done before. To practice skills that will support me to be more effective in this world, like communication and social interactions, reading, writing, and learning new vocabulary.

Stopping my feelings and emotions around any aspect of myself or my life as I've come to see that emotions and feelings are irrational and unnecessary and only keep me from seeing the real point I may be facing or the actual solutions to any problem that may arise.

Realizing and Living my utmost potential is to expect from myself what I expect from others, and do do unto others what I would have done unto me. So not seeing myself as more or less than any other being existent, and instead Seeing the Equality and so the ability to stand in another's shoes and ask myself, 'Could I live the Life they are living, or would I have this be done unto me.'

To me this is realizing and living my utmost potential - pushing myself beyond any perceived limitation I have imposed on myself within my own mind as the thoughts I think and the ideas I come up with.

A more practical example would be going back to school and getting my degree. I never allowed myself to get really serious with myself and direct myself through completing a degree because I gave myself as many excuses as I could to justify why it didn't matter. Or always being on time for work, and not allowing myself to gossip about others. Or saying yes to hosting google hangouts, while the fear and resistance was there that was absolutely convincing that I should NOT do it, doing it any way because I could see the support for me to face aspects of my mind that kept me from doing such a thing. Realizing that fear isn't real, resistances are not real, that who I really am is a being that is willing and wanting to live self-responsibility, in consideration of others as myself, and truly able to express myself in each moment without any ounce of hesitation that keeps me back from actually Living for Real. For Real meaning without the energy of positive highs or negative lows pushing or pulling me in one direction or another - but learning what it means to live in Self-Awareness, as stability, consistency and self-directive in the decisions I make and why I make them - always being in the starting point of what is best for myself and so what is best for all.

Simply put - to not accept anything less of myself then who I really am due to a want, need or desire that has no real relevance to what it means to Live practically and physically in this Reality.

To do what I say I will do, to not think bad about others or myself, to not have a hidden agenda or secret thoughts that I could not dare to share with others. To realize that I have throughout my whole life waited for a key to unlocking an expression within me that I knew was here yet I believed I never had access to - and to instead BE the Key to Myself as the point in which I have been waiting for, realizing that I am all that I have, I am alone within and as myself and so I hold the power to re-creating myself to be the best version of Me. And I have the tools to which I can use, writing, self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and self-corrective application - always seeing myself in each moment as the 'who I am' within all that I do and making sure that the I Am that stands is the I Am that I can face without shame, regret, guilt, remorse, sorrow or disappointment. Living in such a way where I am satisfied that I gave it all in this Life to Change myself from being the Nature that reflects a World that is not best for All.

So it's a working progress and a Journey to Life - though through the years I have seen my potential come through, I have developed seeing that I am capable of so much more than I ever allowed of myself... that when it comes down to it, I simply stop in a moment, breathe and make that decision to Direct myself in ways that I see are necessary and of benefit to not only myself but to others as well.

Realizing and Living my Utmost Potential is to never Give up on myself and Stand Up, every day, as the Statement of Who I am, what I will accept and allow and what I wont accept and allow and never allowing anything less of myself than who I really am. To see that My thoughts, words and deeds have consequence for myself and for others and so for Life as a Whole and so to Live my Utmost potential is to take my place as One that Stands Self-Responsible for whats to Come from me in This Life. To never allow myself to give myself any excuse as to Why I am not living to the best of my ability within these principles that not only support me, but others we well, to realizing and Living our utmost potential.





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09 February 2015

391: A Clear Purpose

A cool point I saw after writing yesterday's blog is that while I saw the Desteni Group, and the work being done from people all over the world, and the Process of Changing Ourselves being that point of Purpose I had been waiting for in my Life, with it opening up again Here, at this time and stage in our Process, I am able to see that while Yes, the work I do with Desteni, and the process I walk as the Journey to Life is a purpose I am grateful to have and able to practice as I have seen the changes within myself that I couldn't imagine without such a point - I am still separating myself from Purpose as it's been coming from Desteni as a Whole - that Desteni gave me that point of Purpose and so from that perspective, I have still not LIVED Purpose as Myself, I have still used some external force to move me within Purpose.

So a cool point because now I am here able to re-align myself within Living Purpose, harnessing it from within myself, creating and defining it for myself and so allowing myself through what I have walked so far, emerge as the next stage in my Life and in My Process. Pulling Purpose out of Myself and establishing it into all that I do.

And so on with the Self-Corrective Statements and Commitments in relation to yesterday's blog:

When and as I see myself defining purpose through a job or a field of study, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that to define purpose as something I do, as something that exists outside or external from me Here, is to in fact separate myself from the word Purpose, and so separate myself from Living the Word Purpose as that which comes from within and as myself. I commit myself to re-defining the word purpose to be something that exists within me and thus Here as who I am and no longer outside of myself as something I do for work or as something I study

When and as I see myself defining myself as having no purpose, within the context of how I've defined the word Purpose within limitation as being something I do for work/career, and to within that feel as if my job/work and so 'purpose' is not something I am satisfied with, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that purpose is not something that I do as a job/career, and that how I define the word purpose will create my experience within the word purpose and so how I live the word purpose and so I commit myself to re-defining the word purpose to be that which something I can stand by and live as myself and so not as something that exists in the work or career I do, as how I make money.

When and as I see myself thinking I have no purpose if it does not exist as my job/career, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that again, through defining the word Purpose to exist only in that which I do as a job or work, I am only limiting myself within the potential of purpose and how I am able to live it, through defining it to be only that which I do for career or work. I commit myself to stop limiting myself within the word purpose in how I've defined it, and instead allow myself to re-define the word purpose to be a living expression of myself that I am able to be and live in every moment and in all that I do

When and as I see myself defining the word purpose within the context of how much money I make, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that how much money I make again does not define a purpose in life, as to have that as a purpose is the reason why we are in the mess we are in on Earth where greed and self-interest are the driving force of Humanity to cause abuse and harm to each other and all life, and so I commit myself to not limit purpose as a living word to the context of only how much money I make, and instead define it within the context of who I am, and the principles I live by as I see that is the only way to Live Purpose for real, as well as taking responsibility for my own nature that is equal to and one with the abuse of this world as how it currently exists

When and as I see myself feeling lost without a purpose I can clearly see or define, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that while my experience may indicate a negative point within not 'having' a purpose, that I am in fact in quite a cool position as I am free and clear to decide for myself who I am as purpose, and so not living out a pre-programmed path that determines my purpose - that I can in fact, within principles of self-honesty and self-responsibility, decide for myself who I am as Purpose and how I will live it within this Reality to produce an outcome that is Best for All

When and as I see myself enslaving myself to how I've come to define purpose as being something that exists outside/separate from me here, and so in thinking I do not have such a point and feel lost, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I AM HERE and nothing outside of me can determine my experience of myself, or who I am in fact. And so I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to give my power to live a life of purpose as who I am to something outside and separate from me here.

I commit myself to gifting myself with a life of Purpose as bringing it back to myself and no longer seeing it or thinking I will find it outside of myself.

I commit myself to take back self-responsibility within who I am as purpose, harnessing it within me as the Here-ness of physical life and living and directing myself within the principles of self-honesty, and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to realizing that real purpose is based within principled living, and thus exists within every moment of who I am and how I apply myself within such principles

When and as I see myself defining purpose as a word as something grandeur and bigger than myself that I must attain, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that purpose exists within and as me as a seed of potential and through nurturing myself and caring for myself it can develop and grow into an expression of me present in all that I do as it is who I am

When and as I see myself experiencing a negative reaction/emotional energy in relation to the word purpose, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is due to my acceptance and allowance of defining the word Purpose within a positive energy charge, as a life being fulfilled and becoming whole and complete and so when I think and believe that I do not have a purpose, go into the negative experience as the opposite of how I've defined the word - because I believe I lack the word in my life, than I experience the lack of how I've defined it. Yet here I also realize this is my creation, and how I am currently living the word, through separation, and so I commit myself to stop defining positive/negative energy charges to words, specifically here within the word Purpose, and to instead stabilize it within how I live day in and day out, breath in and breath out, applying principles that support me within Living the Word Purpose as Myself

I commit myself to stop defining myself and my life as incomplete or without a purpose

When and as I see myself waiting for some great and magical life purpose to reveal itself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this expectation exists within the belief that such a thing will magically change me or my life once I am 'living purpose' and so then allow myself to sit and wait for some purpose to come to me, instead of creating it as myself. I commit myself to creating myself as a Living Purpose, serving what is best for all life in all ways as the only way to fulfilling myself and my Life's Purpose as that which I see is the only thing to be done in this Life - changing the Nature of what Life has become and creating it within the Living Principle of Equality and Oneness

I commit myself to becoming the directive principle of myself, in all ways, as the clearly defined purpose I have been gifted in realizing through walking the process of birthing myself as Life in the Physical - applying myself within the tools of writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, self commitment and self correction - taking responsibility for my Life and My Purpose, as it is defined within Who I am in every moment and so I commit myself to continuing my Journey to Life and so my Process of Creating and Expressing what is best for All in All ways



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08 February 2015

390: A Life Without Purpose?

Purpose.

This has always been something I felt has escaped me, like I never really had a purpose in life. It was essentially a waiting game wherein I thought that my purpose would some how miraculously appear to me one day, and I just had to be ready for it. Growing up I never really 'knew' what i wanted to do - I knew what was in a way expected from me in society, yet I never had that real drive towards anything - besides a modeling and acting career that after some years of pursuing, I decided was not something I actually wanted to do. This was a purpose programmed through external influences that told me, and I accepted, as being a worthwhile purpose in Life.

So besides the American dream of being rich and famous, I always felt a little lost in terms of what my purpose was. Yet due to my religious and spirituality thoughts and beliefs, I knew there was a purpose for me in this Life, yet I didn't have any fricken idea what it is.

Then I came across the Desteni interviews in early 2009. After listening to the interviews and the words of the beings that spoke, mainly about self-responsibility, self-honesty, self-love, self-trust, self-forgiveness, Equality and Oneness and this world being a reflection of who I was as a Mind - to me I found my purpose. My purpose was to walk this process of birthing myself as Life in the Physical - letting go of the self-defined Mind I had created throughout my life consisting of Characters and Personalities that were designed to stay in separation of what Life really is, how Equality actually exists as all, and to finally let go of my striving to find some kind of purpose for my Life on Earth outside and separate from me Here. To me, I was finally home and now actually starting to Live my Life - my purpose became more visible in a way. This was exactly what I had been waiting for.

So while recently again looking at this word Purpose, and how I relate to it - I can see that while walking my Process of self-change with the support tools shared by the Desteni Group, purpose is still something that seems to escape me. In a way still feeling a bit lost and wandering around like I am looking for and in a way, still waiting for my purpose to present itself.

Yet one thing I have definitely learned since walking the tools of self-responsibility is that I am the only one that can create/design my purpose; that it does not in fact exist outside of me, I will not find it in work or career, it is not in my relationship with others. Meaning - there is nothing outside of me that will determine my Purpose in life, that is something I will have to come up with all by my self.

So I am still in the process of dis-covering my purpose, as delayering myself as the mind and the ways in which I have limited myself and my expression, I am discovering potential and capabilities I never allowed myself to see or be before. So while initially there has been reaction within myself of living a life without purpose, I can see that through self-forgiveness and self-commitment to Principled Living - Purpose is what I can create as myself. Because that is ultimately what I see - that Purpose is not necessary something I do or say or where I work or do for work - it absolutely exists within who I am in each moment, my starting point within each day, for each action, how I relate and interact with others and how I express myself as the Statement of Who I am in This Life and so who I will be and what I will create.

So while I am in the process of creating my purpose, here are some self-forgiveness I wrote in relation to the initial reactions and self-definition of myself as being without Purpose;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word purpose in separation of me here, wherein I see it as existing outside of myself as some external point, such as a field of study or job that defines my purpose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as without a purpose based on my limited definition of it being in what I do for job/career, and so in not being satisfied with my job/career, feel as if I don't have a purpose, or a purpose that is good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think without a job/career as a purpose, then I have no purpose in life

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that purpose can be expressed in all that I do as a statement of who I am, rather than 'what I do for work/money'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define purpose to be how much money I make - as being the ultimate purpose in Life - to make money as the fear of survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost without a purpose that I can clearly see or define

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to how I've come to define purpose as being something that exists outside/separate from me here and so in thinking I do not have such a point, feel lost - instead of realizing that I am HERE and nothing outside of me can determine my experience of myself, or who I am in fact, yet it can THROUGH my acceptance and allowance and so I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to take absolute power and control as self-responsibility within who I am as Purpose, harnessing it within me as the Here-ness of physical life and living and directing myself within the principles of self-honesty and self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that real purpose is based within principled living, and thus exists within every moment of who I am and how I apply myself within such principles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define purpose as a word as something grandeur and bigger than me that I must attain to instead of realizing that purpose exists within and as me as a seed of potential and through nurturing myself and caring for myself it can develop and grow into an expression of me present in all that I do as it is who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive energy charge to the word purpose and so when one 'find their purpose' - they are fulfilled and their life is more whole and complete and so when I think,  believe and define myself as not having a purpose, feel the opposite energy experience as negative due to me thinking that, based on my definition, since I do not have a purpose, I am not living a life fulfilled or complete or whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and my life as incomplete without a purpose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect one's purpose in life to be this great and magical thing that instantly changes who one is and within this, wait throughout my life for this magic experience wherein my life becomes fulfilled and whole because I apparently found my purpose

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to clearly decide and define who I am as the living word purpose, through principled living, as giving myself direction and directive principle to create and express what is best for all in all ways

Self-Commitments in the blog to follow...




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07 February 2015

389: Correcting My Starting Point of Change

Continuing from the previous blog's self-forgiveness:

When and as I see myself resisting certain aspects, relationships and responsibilities within my day to day living, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the resistances I experience towards things, people, aspects or parts of my life and day to day living are in fact my creation and sustained through my own acceptance and allowance. And so I commit myself to instead direct myself and change myself in relation to the particular aspect/point as well as take responsibility to not allow such resistances to play out into a manifested consequence such as allowing myself to avoid these things with napping

When and as I see myself resisting anything or anyone within/as this world and reality, as well as anything within/as my day to day living, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is in fact Me resisting Me as the principle of Equality and Oneness - being that I am Equal to and One with what is here and so I commit myself to stop resisting Me as the Totality of Me and to no longer resist, avoid or run away from me and instead face me and sort out the relationships of resistances I have towards me

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that I can just stop any and all habits/patterns within me and my life without understanding the Why and the What, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the Why and the What as understanding a particular habit or pattern I am attempting to change is the actual source of 'the problem'. I commit myself to understand the nature of the habit and/or pattern I am wanting to change through writing about the resistance and identifying the thoughts, feelings and emotions that sustain such a resistance as actually getting to the root of the problem and so the solution.

When and as I see myself wishing that change was as easy as just stopping in one moment, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is within a starting point of wanting change without putting in any effort or work and while sometimes change can happen in a moment, as I have experienced this as well, some habits and patterns are more conditioned as being more automated and so I commit myself to open myself up to working with and understanding what is here as my nature as specific patterns and habit I find more difficult to stop in a moment through the tool of writing, and self-forgiveness as preparing myself for that moment of application wherein I have enough understanding and awareness to stop and change the pattern/habit in a moment

When and as I see myself resisting aspects or part of my life, and not giving them direction in terms of walking through the resistance, and instead simply allow it to exist, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that resistances are a gift as a point of expansion and understanding how I've created myself as my mind towards things in my world and reality and so I commit myself to give myself this gift of getting to know what I am resisting, and WHY as the insights into myself and the potential solutions I am able to apply in my life to change me

When and as I see myself reacting to myself as being ineffective as stopping and changing my napping habit as defining myself as useless, not strong enough or thinking there is something wrong with me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my reaction to my process of getting to know myself as the nature I've created as myself does not serve me in actually changing but only adds more layers to deal with as additional emotional energy in relation to the point of napping and resistances. I commit myself to instead allow myself to slow down and understand What and WHY I am existing in such a habit/pattern instead of focusing on what I'm doing wrong - sticking to the task at hand and not distracting myself with unnecessary emotional reactions that do not in fact support me to change the pattern/habit

When and as I see myself not giving myself the patience as the time and space to get to know myself in relation to any and all resistances I may face within my day and my life, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is within the starting point of wanting immediate results NOW within an energy of urgency and being rushed within an expectation that I 'should' be moving faster and thus not allowing myself to See in the totality of myself as what is actually here, what I am actually facing as resistance in identifying the thoughts, feelings and emotions that create such a relationship. I commit myself to instead slow myself down and work with any resistance within the tool of writing and identifying any and all thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, ideas, beliefs, self definitions of my mind that are sustaining a relationship of resistance within me.

When and as I see myself wanting the instant gratification of changing a point within/as me without understanding how I've created it and where it started in my life, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this reveals a point of defining change within a positive energy and thus within it, I am seeking a positive energy experience within change. I commit myself to instead change for real without an expected outcome or time frame with which I 'should' be changed, as wanting the reward without putting in the time and effort as the actual physical labor required. I commit myself to walk the process in real time, physical time measured breath by breath and word by word within the tools of writing, self forgiveness, self commitment and then walking the correction in the moment

When and as I see myself expecting myself to be able to stop any point at any time that I may face as the process of changing my nature, yet when I'm not able to, become frustrated and irritated with myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that while some points may be done in such a way, I see that in relation to my napping habit as an outflow of not directing myself within resistances towards things in my life it will take understanding through writing and self-forgiveness. And so I commit myself to get to the source of my napping habit as understanding the resistances I face within things in my world and reality as the actual cause and origin - allowing myself to take out the root rather than just stop napping as only trimming the tree

When and as I see myself expecting my process of change to move as the speed in which I've become accustomed to in my mind as quantum fast, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that through my conditioning to participate/accept my mind as how it is and that it's 'just the way it is', I have programmed myself to not be able to walk in real time, as breath by breath, as the physical reality indicate physical time moves slow, steady and surely. I commit myself to align myself to real time as the natural time of breath by breath and so re-programming myself to not expect instant results as the McDonald's style gratification and instead walk with myself moment to moment, breath by breath, point by point, day by day - staying gently yet directive with myself as the process of getting to know myself and changing the nature I've created





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06 February 2015

388: Getting to the Root of Change

Self-Forgiveness in relation to my previous blog:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships within my life that are of resistance, wherein I resist certain aspect, relationship and responsibilities within my day to day living, instead of directing myself or changing myself in relation to the particular aspect/point and to within this creation of mine, not take responsibility but to instead allow it to play out into a manifested consequence (symptom) of my avoidance as napping

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that to resist anything within/as this world and reality, as well as any aspect or part of my day to day living is to in fact me resisting ME within the principles of equality and oneness - I am equal to and one with ALL that I resist, avoid and run away from

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can just stop any and all habits or points within me/my life without understanding the WHY and WHAT as the actual source of 'the problem' as well as then within the principle of preventing it from being created again - preventing being the best cure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that change was as easy as stopping, where sometimes it may be, and sometimes it may not and so I must allow myself to be open to working with and understanding what is here as my nature as the relationships of resistance I have created towards aspects/points in my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand the nature of my napping, being as a way to cope with the resistances I have towards things in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize the gift of resistance being a point of expansion and understanding how I've created myself as my mind towards things in my world and reality and so giving myself the insight into myself and how I am able to change me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my ineffectiveness at stopping/changing my napping habit as in defining myself as useless or that I'm not good enough, or there is something wrong with me instead of seeing/realizing that I was not allowing myself to slow down and understand WHAT and WHY I was existing in such a habit/pattern

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the patience as the space and time to get to know myself in relation to any and all resistances I may face within my day and my life, and instead want immediate results NOW within an energy of urgency and being rushed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the instant gratification of changing a point without understanding how I've created it and where it started in my life thus revealing a point of defining change within a positive energy and thus seek this positive energy within change, instead of changing for real without an expected outcome as a positive experience - wanting the reward without putting in the time and effort, the actual physical process/walk of self-change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to be able to stop any point at any time that I may face as the process of changing my nature, yet think and  believe I can do this without any understanding and to then become frustrated or irritated in not being able to stop without seeing and realizing that I am not allowing myself to get to the source/cause/origin of the problem - weeding out the root of the problem instead of trying to just trim the tree

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how I currently exist has an origin point within my life wherein it took space and time, and a constant acceptance and allowance of myself to condition and create myself in certain behaviors and patterns and it can take equally as long to stop/change and recreate myself in relation to that habit/pattern and so instead of expecting and wanting instant change, to realize that it will take a process within space and time, as the physical reality indicate the movement of Real time, is slow but steady and so it is up to me to align myself in real time with the process of change, as every day giving myself the space and time, through/as breath, to walk this slowly but surely, and steadily to ensuring I am understanding all parts of myself as taking responsibility for what I am, what I've created and how to actually change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the opportunity I have within the process of understanding WHY I do what I do as the habits and patterns I live out, and instead just want to STOP and CHANGE without understanding the mechanics of it, me or my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in relation to changing myself within the starting point of urgency and immediate results and so when something takes more time and attention and understanding on my part, become frustrated and irritated and think I'm doing something wrong and so further myself into self-definitions that do not serve me instead of realizing that if I were to change myself in relation to HOW I change, the process becomes more natural and effective as I am not forcing myself to move in ways that are not practical and instead giving myself the time and space and the understanding to see what is here, how it was created, and how it can be changed for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to the movement of my mind as things happen in a quantum moment, that I have reacted to the actual, physical real measurement of time as breath by breath and so not realizing that only through breath by breath will I change me, not by forcing a stop but instead a gentle, consistent and steady walk in the direction I set out within my own directive principle

Self corrective/commitment statements in the next blog



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