I can see for myself in moments of conflict with another, often times I can see it’s a conflict I am perpetuating. Meaning – I am the one who is feeding the conflict within me with my thoughts, I am not letting it go, I am not being forgiving, I am standing my ground in a self-righteousness of blame and revenge.
Which is strange, isn’t it? Why would we want to be in conflict with another? Do we like to fight? Do we like to create chaos?
I do see the relationship between who I am within conflict with others, and the existential reality of war. Why do wars exist? Because I can see within my own nature, war exists, and as within so without – equal and one. So I realize that it is my responsibility, as an individual within the whole, that I must stop the inner wars to begin stopping the outer war. I mean we must all do that, which is how wars will cease to exist, when they no longer exist within humanity’s nature.
Though despite this realization, I often see when I am in the midst of conflict towards another, it is often something I deliberately choose NOT to stop. I want to fight. I want to argue. I want to be right, and for them to be wrong, and I want to hold against them whatever it is I think they’ve done bad. It’s like I place myself in the superior position of being right and I must be the almighty condemner of punishment or something, and in that I must impose my law or rule unto them. And when I see I ‘want’ to fight, it’s a deliberate choice I am then making to speak in the energy of conflict within me. I will chose to use words that are attacking. I will chose to act in spite, and aggression, I will do what it takes to destroy the ‘enemy’.
Then the conflict plays out and the cycle ends and most likely than not, I feel regret. Regret because in the conflict, I tarnish the relationship I had towards who I was in conflict with. Often times we say things we don’t actually mean, but we know if we say it, it will hurt. Like how we drop bombs. We memorialize the dead after we dropped the bomb. We say it is devastating, and we mourn, and we have anniversaries to ‘honor’ the dead for years to come. We are ashamed of the destruction we create, we say it should never happen again, and we say we should strive for peace. Though we were the ones to do it in the first place. And often times we speak empty words. So of course it’s obvious – we know what we are doing when we do it – whether that is speaking in spite to hurt another person, or to drop a bomb that will destroy an entire area of the world – we do it deliberately to create harm and destruction. And this we believe is how to solve our problems.
Conflicts never come out of nowhere. They are an accumulation of thoughts circling in our minds. We think over and over again how ‘they’ve’ done us wrong. We think over and over again how mean or rude or disruptive they’re being. We blame them for being that way. We think its wrong they are like that. We generate emotions with it – we are angry, we are frustrated, and we are impatient. We begin to harness spite, especially if we feel attacked, which is us taking things personally. We make things personal, we take things too seriously. We automatically default to conflict in an attempt to solve a problem, to align a misalignment. We never think about communicating, we trust our inner emotions and thoughts. And so we go into conflict.
Imagine if we were to instead stop, and breathe. To stop participating in thoughts of blame, and to rather communicate, directly, and immediately any time any rift comes up within us. We dare to speak openly and honestly about what we are experience, and why, daring to be self-honest with ourselves and so then another. Often when we are in conflict with another, we are not facing our own truth – we are just tunneled vision to the apparent problem which often we will placed outside, and separate from ourselves. In our minds, we are never wrong, we are always right, and god dammit, we think it’s time for others to know.
So next time you see you are at war with another, whether actually, physically and verbally, or whether it’s still just being conjured up in your mind, consider your position. Consider where you are coming from, if you are blaming, if you are in spite, if you are being self-honest in your role in how a relationship is currently existing. Ask yourself, ‘what can I do differently” or “how can I approach this with a solution-minded direction’ rather than a full force of destructive behavior. Remember – whatever we say, whatever we do, whatever we think is who we really are and once it’s within us, or expressed from us, it’s here in this reality and we cannot take it back. What is done is done, and so prevention is the best cure.
Instead of defaulting to war and fighting and arguing and blaming and spiting and the mayhem we inflict on each other…. Stop and breathe. Know you have the CHOICE to make, and you either make it within self-awareness, as self-honesty as the principles of what is best for ALL, or you chose to be right, to nurture your ego of self-interest, and not care about anything or anyone around you as what becomes most important is YOU being RIGHT and imposing that belief unto others – making sure the other has to face the wrath of you that is directed by the mind, by thoughts, by emotions, by beliefs, by opinions, by self-definitions that constrict you from acting in accordance to common sense and doing unto another as you would have done unto you.
Stop wars. Choose to find Solutions. That is one part of ourselves, as human nature, we must change.
Featured Artwork By: Anna Brix Thomsen
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