14 September 2015

422: I Suck at Success!


I’ve never had a relationship to this word. Or well, perhaps I have, the it’s been of one of separation. What do I mean by separation? Success was never a word I could relate to, or one that I ever thought I lived. It seemed so far off – away from who and what and how I am – as if to exist in some other part of reality that I was not a part of.

And now I find myself venturing into a new direction for work and this is a point emerging that exists in conflict. The work/business is that to produce success – not just for myself, but for others as well, yet how can I possibly do that if I’ve never been able to even relate to the word?

So I will here sort out how I’ve defined the word and define it new for myself, one that I can relate to and one that I can practically live, and thus support others to live as well.

Though, let’s go back to the beginning.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve never been able to relate to the word success, it just didn’t exist in my reality – it was no where in my environment. Success was someone who had a lot of money, or who was really smart, and to me it seemed an awful like a lot of good luck. I didn’t have good luck, nor the fortune, as money, that I associated with the word success.

So success to me was non-existent, it was for a lucky few in the world. Those with rich parents, or a talent people payed a lot of money to see or be entertained by, or even one who was really smart, and could afford to go to a fancy university and really make something of themselves.

To me, success what not in the cards. I suppose I settled on an idea about myself and my life being only mediocre.

What I find most interesting about this definition I had to the word success throughout my life, is that I didn’t really see the process, or effort, one may have to put into actually materializing success in their life. I didn’t consider someone who worked really hard in school to make the grades to get a scholarship to a great university – the discipline, and persistence and constant developing of a particular skill to get to where they wanted to be. I only saw the end result, and often that was enough to use as a comparison to where I was, and seeing it as so far from where I would ever be.

Now though, I realize the basics of physical reality – that things don’t just instantaneously materialize – there is no just thing as instant gratification - not of anything that is real of course. There is space and time, and daily accumulation of particular habits and actions that shape and form and manifest one’s life. So ultimately it’s up to the individual what their life consists of, and whether or not that is successful.

Now I do also realize that some are ‘fortunate’ and are born into a situation where they immediately are successfully, or their process/journey/road to success is not far – they essentially have all they need to fulfill a potential that can create success in their life. That is one aspect of our reality that is unequal and unfair, not all given the same starting point to fulfill their utmost potential – though that is a different topic on a different blog.

Here, what I am saying is that some, depending on their environment, have an easier time to create success in their life. And of course, it depends on how one defines success. How I have and do currently look at it is in the context of work, and of course money. I realize that real success is not dependent upon something outside and separate from me, though I also realize that I’ve separated myself from the word success. And through my idea/definition of the word success, I've built my life.

I’ve given it a positive energy association, matched by images of people smilling with nice cars, and a graduation cap and gown on, living in a big house with what seems to be no concerns in the world. And on the other hand, I’ve created the polarity – the failure – the negative equal to the positive definition. And that is what I’ve defined as who I am. I relate more to the failure than the success. And that is where the conflict came in.

I am standing before a journey to empower myself and others within a business structure that I’ve been preparing for for quite some time, and yet I am conflicted. Conflicted because it is the ultimate definition of what success should be – empowering self and others equally in multiple areas of one’s life, and yet I feel dis-empowered, hopeless, and useless even because despite my understanding of 'how' to move myself to create a business and direct myself within the business to produce results, there is an experience influencing me to give up before I even start.

That is when I realized the words success, failure and my relationship to these words, has had and is still influencing me within my life, and until I sort that out – and give it a new meaning/definition/livable application, I will remain stuck in an idea about myself.

So that is what I would like to do with this and upcoming blogs. Share my process of redefining success.

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