29 April 2015

409: Creating My Own Conditions

Continuing from the previous blog...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of waiting, as waiting for some specific, perfect condition to provide me with the opportunity to move myself and utilize my potential, realizing that no condition is ever perfect, and that I must create the conditions myself, in how I condition myself in my day to day living actions as either being self-supportive or self-destructive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of waiting… as waiting for some future moment or event to signify my ‘okay’ to move myself and utilize my utmost potential, instead of realizing that this is simply existing within a future projection, an image within my mind of how things ‘may be’ and is essentially just existing within hope… hope for some future event to magically manifest wherein I THEN can live my utmost potential..

Here I realize it’s as if I’m in a resistance to living my potential, a resistance towards applying myself to the best of my ability and using the excuse or hope for better conditions to be the reason I cannot move myself to my utmost potential and so what is a resistance? A gift of what exactly to do… to stop waiting and to start moving as realizing I am the only one that can create the conditions in which I am living and expressing as my utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in my accepting and allowing myself to exist within a point of waiting and hope for some better living conditions or environmental conditions that will allow me to move more than I am currently, in terms of expanding my expression, my actions, my participation in various things, is to accept the nature of waiting for a savior, or waiting for jesus, or waiting for a sign to give me the ‘go ahead’, which is a perpetual state of separation and abdication of self-responsibility.

I realize nothing and no one will save me, nothing and no one can move me, and nothing and no one will be perfect in the context of my ability to start living my utmost potential… it’s something that I must do and create every day, every moment I see I am able to apply myself to the best of my ability and to simply stop myself at that moment where I see I am accepting and allowing myself to wait, and using a less than  apparent perfect condition/environment to facilitate that as an excuse

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the extent to which I've allowed myself to live the expression of ‘waiting’ wherein I do not move to live and express my utmost potential, as being something that I have been playing out and participating within my life for quite some years. I saw it when I found desteni, I saw it when I was in school thinking once I was done I would be able to do more, and I again see it now… thinking once I move and am in a new environment, THEN and only then will I be able to fully express and act in ways that are best for me and best for all wherein I push myself beyond the limitations of thinking something better will manifest that will support me to move.

I commit myself to realize that only I can move myself and nothing and no one else can or will… I am alone in that regards and so it is up to me, and my responsibility to stop waiting and start living

When and as I see myself waiting for the perfect condition, such as a change in environments, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there exists no perfect condition, especially in how we've created this world to be and so it’s up to me to live my utmost potential in every moment as creating the conditions for my own self-expansion and change. I commit myself to no longer wait for my conditions to change, and instead change me as re-conditioning myself to move myself day to day, in not giving into this ‘waiting’ experience, but instead to make the move now, today, as myself

When and as I see myself waiting for some future event or magical moment to manifest as the ‘perfect condition’ in my life to be able to apply myself more effectively and within my utmost potential, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a point is in fact a separation of myself here, where I exist in some hope for some future that is not HERE, meanwhile my HERE and me as HERE gets neglected. I realize and see the dishonesty within this and so I commit myself to stop giving hope to some future event or circumstance to change the conditions for me to be able to live my utmost potential, I commit myself to instead LIVE it myself, as a re-conditioning of myself, day to day, through not accepting and allowing myself to NOT move myself based on the hope of some future projection.



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