29 March 2014

332: The Greatest Gift to Self

One of the most valuable things I have learned since walking the Desteni Process... the one thing that gave me the ability to stand up for myself... the one thing that gave me a purpose I was complacently waiting for throughout all of my life... the one thing that allowed me to see the real power I actually have... the one thing that I use to develop self empowerment.. .the one thing that changed my life, my perspective of myself, my perspective of this world... the one thing that changed the way I lived my life... the one thing that gave me a sense of hope that was more substantial than any positive feeling as it was something I could put into practice within my life, in all areas... in everything that I do... the one thing that gave me back the ability to LIVE.... was the one thing that was always here, yet I was always so busy waiting, looking, hoping it would be given to me by someone, or something... some greater force outside of myself... the one thing I NEVER considered would be the key to stop self-victimization and give me a solid ground to stand on from which I could come to realize the reality I am a part of.. the one thing that supports me day in and day out - no matter what I face.. the one thing I have with me always is the direction from which I steer...

That one thing is Self-Responsibility.

Oh so simple, yet something that seemed to always escape me.

So why self-responsibility? How can self responsibility change a person's life? How can it so dramatically change how one sees themselves, others and their reality? What the heck is self-responsibility? How does one even LIVE self-responsibly... I mean, what does that mean?

Self Responsibility is the ability to stand within yourself and realize... ALL is YOU. ALL is YOU? What does that mean? It means that no matter what is happening outside of you, in your world/reality/environment - no matter what is being done unto you, no matter what problems or challenges you may face, no matter what emotional turmoil you may be going through, no matter how bad things seem to be - you are in fact responsible for you and that my friends, is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Once I started realizing and understanding the principle of self responsibility; that I was in fact, completely, and totally, absolutely, in all ways, always Responsible for ME - the burden and weight as the waiting game for the savior stopped and I started seeing the life I had in fact created myself. Where I lived, the debt I had, the people in my life, where I worked, everything I participated in, day in and day out, everything that surrounded me - was a reflection of ME.. and who I was in relation to all of me as my reality, was 100% my responsibility.

There is such freedom within this one simple point... this one simple realization that removes all blame and pointed fingers and stops the excuses of why my life is the way that it is and why it's going the way that it's going... It's the one thing that I have complete and utter control over, as to how I exist within this world, who I am within this world, and how I will decide to live in this world. When I become self responsible for every little thing in my mind, as my words and in my deeds - I become one without chains as I am removing myself from being a slave to someone else, or enslaved to something else - I no longer feel as if some force has got power over me, as I realize there is nothing outside of me here, there is nothing that is controlling me or directing me, that isn't done through my acceptance and allowance. Thus I am responsible. If I see myself as a victim to someone, as if 'they' are doing something deliberately 'to me' - I realize I have put myself in that position - I am thus responsible for the self-victimization I am imposing on MYSELF.

It takes practice and a process to walk, yet this one point, taking self-responsibility, empowers one within all aspects of life. I am no longer powerless to anything as the powerless is the absence of self-responsibility; of knowing who self is and how self will live and who self will be in the various situations that come up in life. It is the greatest thing one can give oneself, yet it's not even a giving to self - it is always here and how we react, interact and engage in our world/reality/life reflects whether we are standing self-responsible - our ability to respond to what is here.



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20 March 2014

331: What Do You Take For Granted?

Recently I listened to the EQAFE Life Review Interview, Healthy Body - a House for a Healthy Life. It was quite the timely interview as it was discussing the point of how much we take for granted the things that seem to be 'normal' in our lives, such as our physical bodies. How, because the body we have has always been here, working for us, without our actual awareness or say in what it does, we assume it will always be here, working for us, as it always has. Yet, this interview explained how this was the most important points in our life to explore, investigate and get to know - those relationships or points or things in our life that seem 'normal' and 'always the same' - those things we can so easily take for granted.

This being that was doing the interview described how he had always been fascinated by his hands as a young child, and how they would move, seemingly without his awareness. He was not the one to say, "Okay hand, now I want you to move the thumb slight upward and to the left." No - we simply move our bodies or specific parts of our bodies and it seems to comply. Yet we have no awareness of what is happening in that moment when we are instructing the body to move and it does. He realized how, when later in his life he developed a disease that prohibited his motor skills, just how much he had took for granted his relationship to his physical body.

And of course, a similar point I am realizing myself in the last couple days.

Sunday evening I developed the symptoms of a sinus infection and sure enough, within two days, I was laying in bed with a fever, feeling miserable and unable to do anything but simply allow my body to rest and get better.

Normally this would not be something that I would look more into, yet what I was seeing and realizing in the days that I was slowly losing my ability to function in the seemingly day to day, 'normal' stuff I do - is how much I've taken for granted my body, it's health and well being and even the moments during my day I have to actually move myself and direct myself, with the functioning, healthy body.

I realized this because, the time before I became sick and had plenty of time do to things, with a healthy body and so the ability to move and direct myself and take care of the things necessary in day to day living, I had actually squandered those moments as taking for granted my ability of having a healthy body and thus being able to function, move and direct myself. And so while I was laying in bed, I was thinking this couldn't have happened at a worst time - there are things I need to do and these are the days I planned to do them.... however... those were the days I planned to do them because essentially I had put them off to do them those days, when I had ample time before to get them done.

So lesson learned - stop squandering the moments we have here and take advantage of the body when it's healthy - use it to it's optimum potential - make the most of every moment we have and stop wasting time on things that do not matter. Investigate those things in our lives that we think will always 'remain the same' because they've 'always been here'. Don't take for granted the actual abilities we have as human beings, and the body that allows us to express ourselves in so many ways.

Thank you Eqafe, my body and the sickness, for supporting me to realize changes I require to make; to make the most of my days and the ability to function my body gives to me, to support my physical body the best I can as it supports me unconditionally. Use what I got and make a +1 impact in this world that will be best for all.



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17 March 2014

Day 330: The Tool we Use to Deceive Ourselves

A point to consider in one's life is that whatever is going on within our mind; whatever it is that we THINK we know about ourselves, or we THINK we are assessing about who we are, our lives, our relationships, our process in general of how we are changing... cannot, in any way, be trusted.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She had been stable in her life, going to school, going to work, doing what was necessary for herself to ensure she was surviving and even enjoying the time she had with herself throughout her days as she was in the process of getting to know herself and for once in her life, building an agreement within herself as to how she would change herself in this one life she had as she saw the responsibility to making absolute changes within herself that would be best for herself and best for all. She was not giving to much attention to things outside of her control or that she was not within a relationship, which had always been such a prominent desire throughout her life. Then one day, this girl meets a boy and in an instant, the girl gets caught up in the feelings and excitement of a new relationship. Her attention becomes diverted to only this relationship, as it became a source of so much positive energy, she just could not get enough.

In her mind she was having thoughts of "I am changing, and my process is going well, and I am making progress in my life." With these positive thoughts and positive feelings, she had convinced herself she must be doing something right, something must be 'on track' and she was doing well to have deserved such an experience. Yet in her ACTUAL, physical reality - her actual behavior, actions she was taking and actions she was not taking in her day to day living - was indicating quite the opposite of what she was telling herself in her mind; what she was THINKING. Her mind suggested not to question what she was experiencing or what she was doing throughout her day or where her attention as her focus was going, and instead to accept things as they were, to 'enjoy the ride' of you will and to simply continue along with the new found excitement as energy that was keeping her hopped up on the love drug.

So what can be trusted? The Mind that says, "I am changing, I am making progress, I am doing well, I feel good about myself and my life and everything is as it should be... yay!" or the actual, physical reality of herself as her day to day behavior, pattern and routine, which had gone from herself and her life as the priority to her relationship and another being as the priority? The day to day, actual physical behavior, that which she was actually LIVING out was that of one that was so completely possessed and obsessed with a new relationship - with the energy of excitement and the prospect of the future that she could not focus on anything else she had originally established in her life as priority - school was moved down the list as well as work and also the relationship with herself. She put on the back burning, her motivation of self investigation, of questioning herself, of what she is doing throughout her day, how she is adding value to her life and the life of others - she instead opted to remain tunneled in a vision as an idea of what was in her life as a new relationship and didn't care as much anymore about herself as an individual expression, an individual being, her process, her life and what she was going to do for herself to support her overall well being. The priority became this other being and the relationship they were creating.

So what to trust? The Mind that she was feeding herself with as positive thoughts? Or the physical reality of what she was actually living, day in and day out?

Obviously the physical reality and the everyday actions we take or do not take, and who we are within each and every action we decide to take or not take, clearly shows us who we Really are and what we are actually accepting and allowing as ourselves. The Mind - the tool we've come to use to deceive ourselves to pay more attention to that then who we are in actual, physical reality.

How have we done this? Through defining 'who we are' or 'who I am' as the Mind, and all that exists within the mind. What is the Mind? The mind, currently, is the voices in your head. Yes - you have voices in your head, you are talking to yourself in every moment. Have a look - what are you thinking right now? What do you hear yourself saying within your mind? What memory does this remind you of? What feeling or emotion are you experiencing as you read this? What statement are you making about what you are currently reading? Have you actually read this as actually retaining the words, seeing the words, HERE, or have you, for the moment, been distracted by what was going on within your mind and you have not at all actually seen what you've read because you're assessment of this moment and how you interpret my words through your own ideas and opinions scream louder as the static in your mind than the silence of breath. That is the Mind - that part of ourselves that we so absolutely CONvinced ourselves is who we really are. When that is not real; not really who we are. That is CONsciousness - a limited version of ourselves that we have contained within a box in the small space between our eyes wherein we go to make sense of what we experience physically, for real, in this reality, and of course, making sure beyond all measures that our assessment makes us the best, the winner, better and more than anything and everything else - that is where we convince ourselves that we are right and everyone else is wrong and we have a right to our CONvictions as our viciousness towards all life, our judgments of others and why what we do has no effect on the rest of this existence and so thus, we cannot possibly be responsible for the atrocities that exist on this planet daily.

The truth of ourselves exists in our actual physical, living behavior. The thoughts are there just to distract us and not question who we are in actual, physical reality. How can we question and investigate and get to know ourselves for real, as this physical reality, when we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within the limited space within our minds? That is the distraction. That is the deception. That is the ways in which we fool ourselves in thinking we have a grasp on what life is, who we are in relation to it, what the hell is going on in this world, and how to make decisions that serve only ourselves, our experience, our feelings - me, me, me.

Don't trust anything within your Mind, instead, question it, always. Look to the physical as the cross reference of what we are actually accepting and allowing as 'who we are' - that is where the real story exists and is playing out, without our awareness. We must stop the autopilot of justifications within our mind that feed us lovely imagery and positive feelings and keep us complacent in our lives and in this world. That is the responsibility we have in this life.

The responsibility being - to no more accept and allow the mind to be that part of ourselves that we use to be ignorant to what we are actually doing and what we are currently accepting as ourselves and instead, ground it within practical, physical reality as a tool to be used. First in understanding who we are at the moment, what we've created as ourselves as a Mind of Consciousness throughout all the moments of our lives, and to then redefine it through walking an actual physical process of correcting and aligning to and with ourselves, as the actual nature of who we are, as life in equality and oneness, which we have inverted to exist within only our minds, instead of as the totality of this physical existence.

The Mind exists, currently, in separation of the physical reality as it does not take into consideration the physical reality - it says, "I am changing, I am doing well," while in physical reality, we are living in ways and of patterns that do not actually support or show we are making any real changes. We are only changing our experience and the positive experience is the ultimate trap as it's like a sugar fix that get you high, lost in the clouds and so, not grounded in physical reality.

Time to come back to Earth, back to reality, back to self as the flesh that lives and breathes, back to physical standing here, aligned with this physical reality and no more up in the clouds that is our minds, where we do not SEE the truth of Who we Really Are and what we are currently accepting and allowing and how we can and must change ourselves as the Mind to become that of the Flesh, as the body. We must get HERE to start to see ourselves for real if we ever want to change ourselves as the MATTERS at hand.

So - stop the Mind and start working with physical reality. Start breathing. Start writing. Start self forgiving what we have accepted as 'who we are' and start learning how to Use the Mind as a practical tool for support and change, and no more allowing it to be a chain that enslaves us the the same old cycles of not seeing who we are, what is going on in this world and how we practical, PHYSICALLY change it. Do no buy into the bull that is the Mind as we've created it to serve only our self interest and energy addictions as our pursuit of happiness. Only until we take the reigns as directing ourselves as the mind and no longer allowing the mind to run rampant, taking us from one extreme to the next, can we then begin to trust ourselves as the Mind.

Investigate Desteni I Process Lite as the free course which supports you in learning the tools that actually support you in the journey of self discovery; freeing ourselves from the maze we have created as our mind where we seem to have took a wrong turn somewhere yet told ourselves we were on the right path.



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14 March 2014

329: Eating to Feed my Body, not my Ego



Here, the corrective and commitment statements in relation to the previous blog, "328: The Ego in What I Eat"

When and as I see myself defining some foods as good and others as bad, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the interpretations of my mind and instead be here, in this physical reality, breathing with/as my physical body and thus seeing the food as an equal physical substance that sustains and supports my physical life and living and so I commit myself to stop defining/seeing/perceiving foods from within/as my mind and instead see it, in all it's forms, as physical substance from/as the earth

When and as I see myself attaching a positive energy or negative energy to the foods in which I am going to eat, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the mind and back here, grounded in physical reality, through/as my physical body as breath and thus bring myself back to the realization that when/as I give positive or negative values as definitions/judgments to the foods I eat, I then influence myself in how I will experience myself and the foods I eat - creating a polarity relationship in which then I give the power to influence my experience as either positive or negative, without seeing/realizing/understanding that those positive and negative feelings and emotions as energy related to food, has got actually nothing to do with the food - the foods I eat are not actually positive or negative and so I commit myself to realize these judgment/definitions I am giving to foods as either positive or negative is my creation and thus I am accepting and allowing myself to have a polarity relationship to/towards foods that cause conflict and friction within me as I am not stable, here, grounded in physical reality and thus seeing and eating physical substance, instead I am consuming the energy in which I've attached to the foods and allow that to dictate how I experience myself and so I commit myself to stop giving energy as positive feelings or negative emotions to the foods that I eat and instead learn about the various physical substance that is food, in all it's forms, and thus learn what best supports my body - realizing I do not require a positive or negative attachments to the foods I eat

When and as I see myself defining some foods as good or bad as positive or negative, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to earth, as my body, as this physical reality and thus back to the realization that I am of/as the same source/substance as my food - both equally from/as the earth and so I commit myself to stop separating myself from the foods I eat, as the source and substance from which I come, and instead stand equal to and one with the foods I eat as physical support for my physical body and thus interacting, within awareness, with the source of me which is the earth, that which is of life and so allowing me to live life

When and as I see myself resisting or wanting to avoid certain foods within a starting point of judgment as thinking and believing 'these foods are bad for me' - I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the judgment of the mind, out of the energy that influence my experience, and instead bring myself back to breath, back to earth as I see/realize/understand that I am the one causing/triggering the reaction as a negative experience in relation to foods and so it is my responsibility to stop and not allow a negative reaction/judgment to determine what i do or who I am - instead i commit myself to investigate the foods I eat, test different foods as getting to know what best supports my physical body and thus do not deliberately not eat foods out of fear or judgment without investigating it for myself - doing the research and testing out what works and what doesn't and thus supporting my physical body as the earth supports me with the foods it provides, unconditionally

When and as I see myself reacting to the world's view of certain foods, as making it my own view, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to participate in the acceptance of my worlds perspective of foods and instead investigate for myself and thus decide for myself what is best for my body as I see/realize/understand that when/as I react to what I hear from others about certain foods, I am essentially allowing another the authority over me to tell me what to eat and what not to eat; what to believe and what not to believe - and so here I commit myself to find out for myself, what is here, as the foods we consume, how it works with my physical body - what my physical body is best supported by and thus implement a dietary relationship wherein fear or reactions I've seen within others are no longer influencing me in how I eat and instead I decide for me, what is best for me

When and as I see myself going to eat a meal or a snack, I stop and I breathe, before I allow myself to go into the options within my mind wherein I have placed some foods in the positive/good column and others in the bad/negative column and thus play-out the pattern of eating certain foods from a starting point of a reaction as emotion or feeling and instead stop the pattern before I allow it to play-out - instead I breathe through any reactions/thoughts/back chats/imaginations that come up in relation to what I am about to eat and instead breathe and apply self forgiveness until I am clear and here and thus able to make a decision based on self honesty and within practical, physical reality - here I commit myself to test ways of getting to know myself, see what it is the body is indicating it requires as source of substance and so find ways to learn about my body, what foods best support it and thus get to know the real me, as the body, as the flesh that is from/as this earth, instead of participating within the me as the mind that currently is driven by fear and desire

When and as I see myself wanting to make a decision about the foods I will eat within a starting point of positive energy as wanting/desiring a specific outcome such as eating something that will not support more weight and thus desiring to be thin - I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to continue participating in feeding the ego as self interest instead of the real body as my physical in support of what is real, and not what is fake - I see/realize/understand that the relationship I have created to/towards foods is that of self abuse and manipulation and imposing an image within my mind unto my physical body and thus forcing myself to eat in ways in which will produce a matching image as the one in my mind - here I commit myself to further investigate the relationship I have created to/towards my physical body, where clearly I am still accepting and allowing myself to judge my physical body in it's shape/form as comparing it to images within my mind, images on magazines, images in the movies as that which is 'the best' and thus desire to have this same look - I commit myself to letting go of this self abusive relationship I have created towards my body and thus the foods that I eat and redefine my relationship with my body and the foods I eat to be based within/as the principle of what is best for all - no longer using foods and my body to fulfill a desire as the image within my mind that I think will keep me safe and secure in this world and in the eyes of others and instead bring myself back to me here, back to what is real, back to the functioning of my physical body and no more valuing the shape of my physical body

I commit myself to walking the physical process of changing who I am in relation to foods, to no longer being a point that sustains/feeds my ego as self interest as the mind and instead, bring it back to a grounded, practical, physical relationship wherein I eat because the physical substance feeds/nourishes and thus sustains my physical body and it's functioning

I commit myself to releasing myself of any/all mind components that arise when/as I am considering what to eat, through self forgiveness and breathing and to instead get to know my body as becoming physically aware of my body, and thus the communication taking place as that which is best for my body - and so learning how to be aware of myself as my body when/as I am deciding on what to eat - seeing what the body is asking for and not what the mind is asking for as that which feeds/fuels the mental fears and/or desires

I commit myself to continuing working with this point of who I am in relation to foods/my diet to get myself to a point wherein I am no longer interested in eating foods for a particular outcome, projected within the mind, and instead as a physical interaction with the body of the earth that produce foods to support the physical body of me, here




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08 March 2014

328: The Ego in What I Eat

Okay, getting straight into the self forgiveness for the relationship I have created towards and with food/my diet. Read yesterday's blog for reference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some foods as bad and others as good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some foods within a negative definition and others within a positive definition and to within this, attach a specific energy within the definition that then influence how I 'feel' or experience myself when I eat these foods

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the food that I eat, as that which is of the earth, as I am of the earth, and as that which physically support my body to function - through defining some foods as good and some as bad

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to place a judgment on foods that I have defined as 'bad' as that which is 'bad' for my body and think and believe these are foods I should avoid and fear even as being that which could cause harm to my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see food as something that I should fear and avoid within accepting certain fears of my world that have said "don't eat this or this will happen to you" and so within this - react within fear and thus want to avoid certain foods

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see foods as something that will either harm me or help me and to within this, create a specific relationship to certain foods, where when I see a certain type of food, I will have a specific reaction as placing it in either the good or bad column within my mind - as being either positive or negative

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by others and outside sources of information that tell me what is good for my body and what is bad for my body instead of doing the investigation myself, instead of doing the research to find out for myself, without allowing a fear/negative energy reaction push me into not eating certain foods and so investigating it myself to see what is supporting my body and what is not, instead of immediately casting a judgment on certain foods just because I heard this piece of information from this person or read this piece of information from this source and so simply accept what is told to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to whenever I go to eat a meal, consider my options within the column of my mind where I have placed certain foods in the good and bad column and to then scan through my options and the definitions/reactions I have given to all the options and to from there, make a decision about what to eat - considering what is 'good' for me as 'healthy' as the positive energy reaction and thus allowing me to feel better and to look better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to eat foods that I think if I eat, I will not gain weight and so within this, revealing a fear of being overweight and allowing the information and knowledge I have heard/read as what is good for keeping weight stable and what is bad as in one gaining weight, determine what I eat and how I feel about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my relationship with food to be about how I will feel about it and the ideas I have about it and the desires I have within it - as getting something out of what I eat as fulfilling an image within my mind of what I would 'like' to look like and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within this, not consider what is best for my physical body as supporting it within how it functions and works together to sustain my physical body and thus my life and instead value the ego of me that would like a specific image to present to the world as 'fitting in' to the image portrayed by others as that which is acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use food as a way to feed my ego as eating foods I think will not allow me to gain weight and thus keep a slim figure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to eat foods that will 'keep a slim figure' as the desire coming form a fear of being overweight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a slim figure as positive and being overweight as negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the value on the shape of my body as more important than how the food will digest and be used as a source of energy for me as my body, and all cells of my body that currently move and act in unison as one unit as my body to sustain who I am here yet I am without such an awareness as I have given more attention/focus and value to the me of the mind as the ego of self interest and thus failed to see the life of equality and oneness working here as me as my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my relationship to foods and within this, the earth - as ALL foods come from the earth, no matter how it is processed or made - it's origins come from and as this earth and so when I look at food as simply a way to fulfill a desired image within my mind - I am missing the bigger reality I am a part of as that which I receive from the earth, that which sustains my ability to live here and move about and exists as an ego even and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander the relationship I have with/as the earth as the actual interconnectedness that I participate with daily when/as I consume food... and instead seeing it as only a means to attain an image of me that I define within a positive nature instead of as the actual nature that I am being sustained by as the very substance of the source from which I come/am birthed, the Earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within how I see/perceive food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating foods that I think will cause me to gain weight and so whenever I do decide to eat this - go into internal conflict and friction about what I just ate as fearing what I just ate will not help me achieve the look I am trying to manifest as a healthy looking body - which is simply just a thin body

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to praise myself and feel good about myself whenever I eat something that I define as good and positive and think and believe it will help me to achieve the look I am going for - thinking I made the 'right choice' as the better of the two choices I have given myself - good or bad foods... instead of realizing that I am the one that has defined food within limited definitions as either good or bad, positive or negative and so I am the one that can stop this and change this and change who I am in relation to food to no longer being to serve me ego as self interest as wanting to be a look I think others will accept or that I think my world will accept and instead create a relationship of equal support, of an actual recognition of the life that is here and that I am apart of and that supports me unconditionally - to get to know how I've separated myself from the actual life substance through accepting me as a limited view from within/as the mind

to be continued...





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07 March 2014

327: What Influenced me to Change my Diet?

A few blogs ago I referenced a point about my diet to explain the importance of our 'starting points' in relation to certain things in our life. What I mean by 'starting point' is what the specific reason was that I gave myself to make the decision to change the way I was eating. So what prompted me to change my diet? Was it fear? Was it for a desired outcome? Was it for physical support? The reason the 'why' and for what reason is important is because that will determine or does define 'who I am' within changing my diet and as such, how those changes go.

What I can clearly see is that, although I could see the practical, supportive reasons as to why I should change my diet, to support my physical body and so my overall well being, I do see there were many other factors at play as well. Such as fear - fear of the 'bad' foods out there that will deteriorate my body. Or the 'bad' foods that will make me gain weight. So while I convinced myself I was making a decision within self honesty, as what is best for my body, behind the scenes, within my secret mind, was my real reasons and that was fear of eating foods that were considered 'unhealthy' that could harm my body, my health and would make me gain weight. I say these are the real reasons because those are the points that propelled me within it - the energy that drove me to actually start eating different foods.

So from the starting point of defining some foods as 'bad' and others as 'good' - I desired to eat good foods for the good results I expected to get, which was overall feeling better and looking better.

Now I am not saying that eating healthy is not necessary, I'm simply saying that for me, I can see what was going on within my mind that I used as the reason to get motivated to change my diet and it was not based in self honesty - it was based in fear, worry and thus desire. I feared being sick, and desired to be healthy and so changed my diet. I feared being overweight and desired to be thin, so changed my diet. These are not self honesty starting points because within these fears and desires, I was not considering my physical body - what was physically best for me, I was only concerned with the self interest, the ego of me that wanted to look and feel good and to use my change as a way to define myself as somehow better or more than myself.

There was a time when I ate food to eat food, because the body requires it. I didn't concern myself so much as to 'what' I was eating, I was simply eating, because it is required to survive. So it was never something I was worried about or hung up on - yet I can see how I allowed many external factors to trigger these thoughts within me of taking note of what i was eating and what it would/could do to my body, how I started defining foods within the polarity options of either 'good' or 'bad' and from there started to formulate how I could perhaps change to attain the positive through eating the foods defined within the positive definitions. So it was no sugar, no soda, no carbs and eating more fruits and vegetables.

There is nothing wrong with educating ourselves about how the foods we put into our bodies effect our physiology, however, when fear or desire is the motivating factor, then we are not making a rational or common sense decision and thus action - we are moving within an energy of something bad happening to us or not looking the way we want. It's about imagination, projection and desire - not actual, practical, physical considerations. It has become about Me as the Mind and not Me as the Flesh, as the body.

And so what happens when we move from a decision based in fear or desire as energy of emotion or feelings is - soon the energy fades and we are back to where we started from as our starting point was not based on anything real or substantial as actual facts or practical, physical considerations. If it were, a commitment would have been made in seeing what is best for ourselves and so our changes would not be so easily swayed, as that is proof we were not actually clear on 'why' we made our decision for change - we made it from the realm of illusion and not a firm, grounded decision we could stand from.

Slowly but surely, we go back to our 'old ways' because those 'old ways' were not really investigated to see who we are in relation to changing the specific point, such in my case, diet, and we soon begin to give ourselves reasons and excuses to flip flop on the original decision we made. This is why we cannot trust ourselves/the decisions we make when fear, or desire as thoughts and energy motivate us within such decisions - it is not ourselves that is making the decision, it is ideas based in the mind and not in actual, physical reality. We did not firmly ground ourselves in our reasons for changing, instead we were impulsed by external factors such as friends, family, the media, our culture and society that we then impulsively made a decision to change something without doing the research or investigation into ourselves and into the specific point we are wanting to change to be able to make an informed decision.

Okay - so that is opening up the point I will continue to walk in the next few blogs with self forgiveness and self commitment statements - to correct this relationship I have created towards my diet.



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06 March 2014

326: Stopping the Cycles and Creating Real Change

Continuing from the previous blog, "Day 325: What Are my Reasons for Wanting Change?"

When and as I see myself 'hyping' myself up with positive energy/feelings in relation to implementing changes within myself and my day to day living, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the realization that change is not and should not be about making myself 'feel good' as the reward of positive energy and instead be a decision based in self honesty and self responsibility to who I am and thus how I participate within this world and so I commit myself to stop myself when I see I am going into a positive energy reaction in relation to making/implementing changes in my day and instead I commit myself to walk the physical day to day, moment to moment process that ensures my consistency and stability within the actual point of real change so that it becomes a change that stands the test of time and not just a fad or hype I participate in for a moment to give myself a fix of positive energy

When and as I see myself reacting positively towards changes I have or am currently implementing in my day to day living, as thinking "i'm doing well" or any other ideas about me that define me within a positive light, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the positive energy reaction and ground myself back into physical reality, physical life and physical living that does not require positive energy as I see/realize/understand that with such a reaction after making changes, I was not clear in my starting point for why I made the changes; the decision was within a negative context as the positive experience proves the polarity I am currently playing out and so I commit myself to stop the positive reaction and instead investigate the origin of my decision for the changes I am/have been implementing and so thus remove the negative energy/experience as ideas or beliefs or fears or worries that motivated me into the point of making changes instead of it being a self directive, self honest reason for moving myself within change and so I commit myself to investigate myself within writing and self forgiveness, to expose to myself 'where' I was coming from and to release myself from any negative thought patterns that directed me to move

When and as I see myself exalting myself above myself or as being superior to myself or others in relation to making/implementing changes within myself/my life, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the ego of the mind as self interest and instead stand here, equal with/as all life, within this physical reality and instead I commit myself to walk a process of self honesty as making changes because it's what's best for all and not within a starting point to make myself feel or look better - I see, realize and understand that this perpetuate who I currently am as a human and what that creates within this world is a world where each one is for themselves and does not consider who they are and how that 'who they are' affects the whole and so I commit myself to stop being selfish in my reasons for wanting to change as another way to define myself as better or more than and instead, walk humbly and with consideration of the world around me and how my actions and thus who I am, determine what my world exists as and consists of

When and as I see myself making absolute statements within myself of "I have changed" after a few days/moments or opportunities of applying changes, i stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to continue to feed myself with positive energy as feeling good about myself and instead ground myself back into the physical reality and the reality of the process it takes to change and that is through/within time, walking consistently and with stability as the proof that, in time, I have changed and I am standing within principles in relation to the changes and thus have actually changed me as the nature of who I am and so I commit myself to not get 'ahead' of myself as going into my mind about the process of change I am walking, and instead stay in-breath and here, with the physical reality, allowing change to be a slow but sure process of everlasting change that do in fact stand the test of time

When and as I see myself reacting negatively to any particular point within myself or my reality and to from within this negative reaction, make the decision to 'change something' - I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to make a decision about myself or about my life in such a reaction, as I see/realize/understand the polarity play-out I am then creating where form the negative, I attempt to attain the positive and from the positive, I crash back into the negative and thus cycling through the emotions and feelings as positive and negative energies and thus never actually create real, substantial change, yet only create constant conflict and friction within myself which only distract and prolong the inevitable reality that the energy consumption must stop and I must bring myself back to earth, grounded in reality, breathing in my body and walk the real process of change where the energies produced by me through participation in the mind as positive and negative perceptions and reaction no longer direct me or move me within who I am and thus what i live and instead I become the self directive principle of me, here, working with the physical reality, taking into consideration what is practical, what is best for all, and so what is best for me to be the real change I want to see in this world and that is by becoming real and no longer an automated reactor that respond only to positive or negative reactions to myself and my world - I commit myself to remove the filters of the mind that interpret reality as how I 'think' I see it and instead see for real - what is here, who I am, what is necessary to change, how do I do that and then apply those changes in my life, day to day, moment to moment, accumulating a new nature that no longer serves self interest as self definition and instead stand equal to and one with all life, HERE



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Day 325: What are My Reasons for Wanting to Change?

Continuing from yesterday's blog, "324: Hyped Up on Making Changes? Time Reveals whether it's real".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'hype myself up' when making changes within my life as if to give myself the reward of positive energy and accept that to be the extent to which I am satisfied with change - when it makes me 'feel good', yet not actually walking within the physical process of ensuring my changes are lasting, for real and standing the test of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick myself into thinking I am making real, everlasting changes when/as I experience a positive energy rush as the self reward that I use to define myself as 'doing well' or 'doing good' and to within this think, 'yes, I have changed' when actually such a reaction reveal I have not done enough yet in terms of making sure I was/am 'clear' within my starting point of the actual decision to change - seeing/realizing/understanding here that if, within days of making changes, I am pumping myself up with positive energy in relation to any changes I have made, then I was making/applying changes in my life for the wrong reasons, as this is not the reason to make changes, to just make myself feel better, it's to actually see who one is in relation to a particular/specific point and to take responsibility to physically walk a process of correcting/changing something about me/ my life/how I live to be from self interest as the ego into aligning myself to what is best for all, walking in physical space and time process of constant and continuous change, here, breath by breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a starting point of making changes just to make myself feel better or to define myself as somehow superior when I do make changes - revealing my changes are to serve my self interest as ego and not within a starting point of self honesty as the responsibility I see within me to support myself within physical life and living, that requires to be changed from the mind seeking energy rewards to actual, physical life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself that 'I have changed' after a few moments or days or opportunities where I do in fact apply change in my life yet go straight into a positive energy reward to uplift and define myself as better than I was and thus trying to make myself more than I am instead of realizing that time will tell if I am actually clear and self honest within me as the changes I am making and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the process of 'hyping myself up' in relation to changes I am making, instead of sticking to the principle and the solutions I have given to myself in relation to making changes in my physical life and living and not go into the mind/energy as this is not changing, this is remaining the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the polarity construct I am allowing within myself/my mind when I go into a positive experience after a few times/moments/days of making changes instead of realizing that clearly my starting point was from within/as a negative energy/experience, where from the negative I move to attain the opposite polarity as the positive and so when/as I experience the positive, I must stop and go back to where I started from and align myself back to a physical, practical change and not one based in the mind as fear or worry or some negative experience that propelled me into making some kind of changes - realizing this is not self movement or self direction - it is of the mind moving from one polarity to the next

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the mind consists of polarity and so if/as I am within a positive energy experience, that is because I have moved from within/as a negative energy experience and so here realizing the responsibility I have to 'see where I started' from as that which 'caused' and triggered the movement into the positive, being to 'get away', deny, suppress or ignore the negative experience and so here I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to always question the positive energy experiences I have and see the gift of the awareness of stopping this positive energy and thus the cross reference point I have to realize okay, I have moved from a negative starting point and so I must go back and see where/how/why I made the decision I did to apply changes and remove any negative ideas, thoughts, self definitions that would to cause me to exist in polarity as desiring the opposite experience as the positive

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the cross reference point I have as the mind when/as I see myself within a positive energy experience in relation to making changes within my life, as I now see/realize/understand that I have moved from a starting point of separation, of the mind, based on thoughts,imaginations, fears, worries, future projections - something within my mind that moved me to make changes to suppress the negative experience in relation to the specific point and to then seek out the positive experience I then accept and allow myself to go into once I have given myself a few moments/days/opportunities of changing the particular point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I am within a positive energy experience after a few days/moments/opportunities of seizing the change that is here, then that implies I am doing something well instead of realizing I am only blinding myself within the feel good experience as to not have to face where I started from, where I moved from, what moved me to go into the positive energy experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a negative starting point of making changes within my life instead of within a starting point of self honesty and thus self responsibility and so as self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so quick to praise myself when/as I am making changes in my day to day living, instead of remaining with breath, as the physical space and time walk to always check to see who I am and if I am in fact walking real changes that will stand the test of time, or only temporarily giving myself a boost of energy as positive feedback that I fool myself with to believe that I am changing when in fact I am not

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to always check/self investigate myself when/as I see I am deciding to make some changes in my life and within myself to ensure I am moving me from the starting point of self honesty, self responsibility and thus as what is best for all

Will continue...



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04 March 2014

324: Hyped Up on Making Changes? Time Reveals whether it's Real!

A point I would like to discuss here is somewhat in relation to yesterday's blog.

This point of time and how only through time can we actually see/prove to ourselves that we have in fact changed.

A tendency I see I have is to get hyped up on the prospect of change or a few days of consistency or application that I am satisfied with, or when I try something new - after just a few moments/days/opportunity to make changes and I do, I then go into this absolute statement of "I have changed" and then with this - all the positive feelings as rewards that I have done 'a job well done'. Yet often times I notice, or what I have found within my process is that many points I had convinced myself that I had changed within - through time - it's proven that I have not in fact changed it. The positive energy as the 'hype of change' carried me through long enough before I crashed and burned. lol - this sounds more brutal than it actually is.

What I am saying here is that I have quite a cool cross reference for myself as the actual physical space and time as days, months or even years. I can see how, throughout time, whether my actual application of change is standing the 'test of time' - if I am consistent in the application of a certain change I've made within my life or if I was only fooling myself and the foundation of change was not sturdy enough for me to stand on and walk with.

Take for instance food. I had made some changes over a year and a half ago to my diet and the way that I ate; moving myself into giving myself foods that were more supportive of the body; cutting out sugars and sodas and basically trying to work with the physical more and supporting my body with foods that support it to it's optimum functionality. Well, a year and a half later and I can see that I did not actually create a firm and grounded starting point as the foundation from which I made these changes, because I can see the slow but sure progression back into 'ways' of eating where I am not supporting myself the best I possibly can. So this is a cool reference point for me to see - okay - so this point, my diet, what I'm eating, when I am eating and why I am eating, I can see is not 'standing the test of time' and so I must go back to the drawing board in essence and re-establish the point for myself - redefining me in relation to my diet. To make sure that my starting point is grounded in practical physical reality and not based on fears or desires or within expectations of some future outcome I would like to achieve.

Okay, so actually a couple points here - not to allow myself to get 'hyped up' on the idea of change or the few moments of making changes and instead, walk the physical process, through space and time, that will be the proof of whether I am actually standing within change or not, as time reveals who I am in relation to any specific point and the second point would be the starting point for which I am making changes, as okay, now I see that these two points actually go hand in hand in terms of the one will absolutely determine the other.

So if I am not clear within my starting point of 'why' I am making changes and how to be practical within my decision to make any form of changes, and giving myself practical, physical solutions to apply, then I/the point will not stand the 'test of time' - it will not be consistent and I will eventually fall, as the starting point is not clearly within a point that is self honest or best for all. And so instead of going straight into the 'yay for me' in relation to changes being made, yet without the time to prove whether it's real or not, walk the actual, physical process of making sure I am here and grounded and being self honest about the changes I am applying in my life.

So some cool points here for me to work with and in the next blog I will go into the self forgiveness process.



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03 March 2014

323: Journey to Life Blogs - the Gift of the Challenge

Tonight's blog is in 'real time'. Meaning - I am sitting here, writing this specific Journey to Life blog entry, in the moment, about a point that I want to share. This is not writings from the other day or self forgiveness from this morning. I am here, in the moment.

I have been a bit spacey with my Journey to Life blogs as of recently - prioritizing my time to focus more on school work, I have not given myself the appropriate time to be as consistent as I would like with my Journey to Life blogs. I'm not saying this is 'wrong' or 'bad' - it's simply something I had to do in order to sort myself out with my school work, to make sure I was satisfied with myself in that specific aspect of my life. Yet all the while, I 'knew' I was not giving myself that extra push I know I could to write and share and move within my Journey to Life.


It has been an amazing gift - this point alone (The 7 Year Journey to Life Blogs), within the Desteni Process. It supports in so many ways. Exposing/working with/breaking through fears and judgments, doubts and uncertainties, limitations and beliefs about what we as an individual are capable of. It exposes the ego and the self interest we are seeking, our self definitions - comparisons, judgments and assumptions. It shows when and what type of energy is moving self. It truly reflects what I am accepting and allowing, daily, when I go to write my journey to life blog.

It has been a point for me that I have wanted to perfect - meaning - to walk the Journey to Life process, daily, as a self-commitment I have made to myself and to life, within my own Process, that I started over 4 years ago now. It's a process of challenging myself to be better than I have accepted and allowed of myself, because I can see how I've lived throughout my life, that I have limited myself in so many ways, that I have not actually lived. The gift - realizing it's my responsibility and I can change it/me. And this Journey to Life blog gives me just one opportunity to face me as who I am throughout my day, and to daily, take on the points I see no longer serve me as what is best for me/all and only serve me as the Mind as self interest/ego.

So this journey to life process has been a point of great support for me within my process. And I've seen recently many people embarking on their Journey and I am reminded of why I write. Why I come here and post a daily blog, why I committed myself to this process, why I choose to investigate myself and forgive myself and to share my process with others - because we all know we are not actually Living. We all know there is more to Life and we have all sought the answer to our question, "What is the point?"

The point, I have realized, is that I am alone, here, within who I am and how I live and what I do and what I say, and what I see, and that I am completely responsible for everything that exists within me and who I am in relation to All things. And in that, is this amazing opportunity to understand ourselves as life, as how we have created ourselves as Life currently (which we can see clearly is not in fact Life or living) and so too, how we are able to re-create ourselves into/as Life which stands equal to and one with All that is Here.

This Journey is a challenge, yet in that, the Gift. The gift I give to myself to go beyond what I've thought I was capable of; to face myself daily, to see 'what is here', to get to know myself, to share myself and share with All who I am, what I stand for, what I support, what I accept and allow, what I am struggling with and what I am working on. There is no hiding - there can't be. If there is, one sees it within oneself, day after day, the same points emerge, the same experience arise and we realize, the gift of the journey allows one to daily, see who self is in relation to all things, whatever the point/topic/subject matter might be, and to align it into what is best for all, into practical, physical living, into common sense reasoning.

It is something I decided to do because I saw the opportunity to make real the commitment I had made to change myself and to within that, live the realization that changing human nature, my nature, will take space and time, discipline and directive-ness, integrity, self honesty, consistency and a commitment - a commitment to apply the tools and principles I have seen and utilized to transform me in ways I did not think were possible. I don't want to live a life I cannot stand by and or be honest about or share with others. So to be able to come here, share my life and my process and myself - is giving me the opportunity to break free from the illusion of 'who I have to be' in this world and to simply stand as 'who I am' currently in this world, and share how I see I can support myself to change. I can get to know the Real Me.

The word 'process' has come up a few times in the last few days of conversation. It is important for me to realize, and for others walking their process and Journey to Life, that although we can change ourselves in one moment, with one breath - this Journey is a process that will take time and a consistent statement, as we walk, of who we are and what we stand for. It will take time, because only through time, can we prove to ourselves that we have in fact changed. It's easy to say, "I'm changing" or "I have changed" - when actually, the proof is in the physical actions, as the evidence of who I am here. And this Journey to Life is one point we can utilize to show exactly that. I am Here. I see I am responsible. I see I must Change. I am here to do it. One Blog = One breath - and so we walk our Journey.

So this blog is for those just beginning their Journey, and for myself, reminding myself why I walk my Journey - to bring all together, within a process of taking responsibility and standing up and saying "We Are Here and We will be the Change necessary in Our Life" And to say - it's not easy. Change is not easy. Yet, it's as difficult or as easy as we make it, lol - but in reality - there is no short cuts. We must walk in physical reality, space and time, breath by breath, day by day, point by point in order to dis-cover and unravel what we have weaved as 'who we are' within our minds - the many personalities and ideas and beliefs, passed through generation after generation. We must be the ones to Stop the cycles of the Past and start new, to create a future that reflects what is best for all. Yet, we have to first understand how we got here to get back to our starting point - where from there, we can re-create ourselves, from no-thingness, from clarity; seeing reality and who we are within it clearly, without external influence or conditions of our past - to be that which is in fact, best for All life, standing in Equality and Oneness. No thoughts, no reactions, no emotions or feelings creating irrational movement to do this or that - simply a human being, walking here, working with the physical and directing oneself to be of support for All life, Equally.

Okay - my little real time rant of expressing where I am within my process and bringing myself back to the realization of the gift I have within my Journey to Life blogs. Thank you for walking with me.




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