28 February 2014

Day 320: Changing what I Accept and Allow

Here are the self corrective statements in relation to the previous blog:

When and as I see myself justifying as back chats within my mind of 'they do it, I can do it too' in relation to accepting and allowing myself to go into emotional reactions - I stop and I breathe and I wave a red flag here for myself as I see/realize/understand that I have gone past the point of stopping the reaction and within this, am excusing my reason as to why I am right to participate within the reaction and so within such a stage, I commit myself to stop myself immediately, do not accept and allow myself to justify what I am participating in and take back the responsibility I have to who I am here and what I accept and allow within each of my moments so I commit myself to stop myself when I see I am emotionally reacting and to instead breathe as to calm and stabilize myself and to ultimately take responsibility for what I am accepting and allowing within/as me in firstly allowing the reaction to exist within me and to then attempt to project this responsibility unto another as if to say, 'they are doing it, I can do it too' and so here I commit myself to see this as a red flag for myself when I am in the stage of justifying my reactions - to immediately stop my participation and breathe until I remain stable, here, and thus directive within what I am accepting and allowing

When and as I see myself giving myself excuses and reasons as to why I do not have to apply myself in the most effective way possible within my days, as I see I am able, I stop and I breathe and do not accept and allow myself to give in to such limitations as I see/realize/understand the only way to create change is to change myself, through physically re-directing myself within myself, and within my day to day living to apply principles that I see are best for all and so here I commit myself to no longer give into the idea that I can wait for someone else to change or something else to change me and instead direct myself to be the change and thus move myself within the process I see is necessary to be walked to exist as such a point

I commit myself to stop waiting for others to change before I am willing to change

I commit myself to become a living example of change that is physically, practically possible and that produce beings of integrity and worth and thus create a world of integrity and worth

I commit myself to make my process of self-change as priority within my day to day living and so I commit myself to practicing and applying the tools I have within such a process such as breathing, writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, to always see and thus do what is necessary to be done to ensure I am pushing myself within myself to no longer accept and allow someone else or something else to have the responsibility over me that I see does not exist outside of me to be the change I want to see in this world

I commit myself to live the realization that I am responsible for myself and so my world and so I commit myself to live self responsibly and in ways I see best support me within my process and thus no longer expecting or accepting the idea that someone/something else must first change before I change me






















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27 February 2014

319: Am I the Shepherd or the Sheep?

This blog is a continuation of the points mentioned in the previous one - 'Why is the World Not Changing'. I saw this point within myself; seeing how I was justifying my behavior, my reactions, my emotional possessions and in reality, my unwillingness to stop and change myself, based on other's behavior and reactions.

The problem within this is obviously depending upon another to change - defining myself according to how another moves - thinking and believing 'if they are not doing it, I don't have to either' and so nothing changes because the responsibility is, through my own acceptance and allowance, abdicated and separated from me here and placed unto/as another.

This will never work. Obviously, if you want something done, you do it yourself. If you see changes 'should be made', you make the changes. If you are waiting for someone else to act, why not YOU be the example. What simple principles to apply/live/walk that produce real changes within one's life and thus the life of everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to who I am here, what I participate within myself, as my mind, as my emotions and feelings and reactions and thus how I live, act, speak - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to who I am here, in this life, through justifying my actions according to what others do or don't do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how I live and what I accept and allow according to others; who they are, what they accept and allow, how they live and use that as a justification as to why I am not applying myself within the context of what is best for all as walking my process of self-change through utilizing the tools I have learned that, when applied - PHYSICALLY, produce change physically as our world and thus we begin the process of changing our world as we walk the initial steps of changing ourselves

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to blame another person for the reason in which I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself unconditionally within my process, wherein I will 'use another' as a reason/excuse/justification as to why I will allow emotional reactions - when in reality, I am still seeking my own sources of energy as reactions to remain the same and to thus not have to change

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to blame another as the reason for why I am not changing as not applying myself when/as I see myself accepting and allowing reactions through the mind to direct/influence me within moments of my day - accepting the thought 'they react, I can too' and so not standing as the principle of 'be the change you want to see in the world' and only perpetuating the already existing complacent behavior within humanity that waits for someone else to do it instead of doing it myself

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I need others to change in order for me to change, to actually believe this is easier, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that i do not require others to change in order to change me as I am here and thus here is the responsibility that i Have to walk change in/as this world, through/as myself

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must live as an example of change instead of watching for others to change

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to live the realization that if I want to see change in this world, then I must be the change

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to live the realization that if i want something done, then I must do it myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that the above statements implies I become self directive in all areas of myself, my life and thus my reality as a whole

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that through justifying my reactions according to who another is/how another acts/lives - then I am only enslaving myself to the self limitation that I require others to change in order for me to change, instead of realizing the alone-ness that this process is wherein I, alone, am the only one that can change me, that can walk my process for me - realizing/seeing/understanding that no on can and no one will walk my process out of the mind and into physical reality - that responsibility is alone, here, with/as me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to give into moments of energetic reactions of the mind and then justify this through blaming others as saying 'they do it too'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that 'others to do it' for the reasons to which I am not applying myself within my life as effectively as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how others act/live and to within this, justify why I am not applying myself within the utmost potential I see is here within me, wherein I walk my process for/as me within pushing myself to no longer accept and allow me as my mind to direct me as automatic thought patterns and behaviors and to instead, dare myself to go beyond what I've created as my nature and thus the nature of humanity wherein there is an acceptance that 'someone else will do it - something else will create change' and instead, do it, live it, be it, here as myself

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the mind as energetic reactions and possessions and to then abdicate my responsibility to the dishonesty through saying 'they have/are doing it too'

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to limit my process and who I am within my process as how I walk my process, to be in accordance to how others do it - instead of applying myself within the responsibility I have to myself and thus no longer looking towards others to define what is okay for me or not, to instead move myself to a point of self honesty wherein I assess what is best practically and supports me in my process as how I apply myself within my life and thus who I am accepting and allowing myself to be

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that others will change this world and thus I can sit back and wait and follow by other's examples instead of taking the lead as leading myself as self directive principle within my process in developing myself within the tools of breathing, self honesty, self forgiveness, self commitments and self corrective application and thus support myself to support others within this process that change is possible, yet I must establish here first within myself and i see/realize/understand that I will never walk such a point if I am holding myself hostage within defining my process according to how others walk/live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility I have to create change within/as myself and thus within/as this world through projecting this responsibility unto others and think because they are doing this or that or not doing this or that, then that affects me and allow this to determine what I do or don't do, who I am or who I am not, instead of realizing only I accept and allow what affects me and so I  forgive myself that  Have not accepted and allowed myself to become self directive in my process as applying the principles that I see are best for all and will produce a world best for all, as it produce humans that are best for all and to establish myself within this point as ensuring nothing moves me form this stance as I decide who I am and thus what I live as the moments of each breath that accumulate the life that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine who I will be and how i will live my life by what/how others live and who they are, instead of deciding for myself, here, who I will be as that is the being in which I must walk/live with undoubtedly for eternity and the one I must face in everyone moment



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22 February 2014

318: Why is The World Not Changing?

One of the most crucial points in this process of change is realizing that you are alone within your process and that the one point that is holding everyone hostage in terms of not willing to actually change is through the excuse and justification that "well, no one else is."

And so we sit, complacent, and unwilling to move ourselves to take the lead in bringing ourselves to a point of change. "No one else is changing, why should I?" and "No one else seems to care, I'm not going to either." And we see exactly what this creates - a world of individual bubbles, walking around ignoring each other, ignoring the problems with our world, ignoring the suffering that happens on a daily basis, due to our neglect to change anything.

What is the starting point of this unwillingness to step up and be the change, in justifying 'no one else is changing'? Spite - it is spitefulness that drives the individual to say 'fuck it' to the world and only worry and focus on themselves, their happiness, their wants, their needs, their desires. We simply accept what is here, deliberately turn our cheek to what is here and all  because we are too afraid to stand up and be a voice that shouts loud enough for all to hear, this is unacceptable - We are responsible and we must be the change.

This absolutely starts within ourselves, at an individual level - each one having to take responsibility for their point within existence that consist of the whole we have here. And collectively, there is a hole in humanity that has been created through spite, greed, and self interest. We are waiting for someone else to make the move, to take the stand, to give direction - never realizing WE... I... Me... am the One that must be the Change.

I have recently seen this point within me, this justification as to why I've accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by emotions and feelings of irrational energy - I thought, "they've reacted - they've allowed this - they are not changing... I don't have to either." And so, no One taking the stand and being the change, because all are waiting for the other one to change.

Obviously no one is to blame for who they are - I am not in a position to say, "it's their/your fault" because I am the one who exists here and accepts and allows what exists here as me, within and without and so the fact that this point exists within me - this belief, this idea, this acceptance - is my responsibility. It is then my responsibility as to why this world is not changing - because I am not changing me, because I am still accepting and allowing this idea that I 'need' someone else to do it, that I need someone else to take the lead, to give me direction, to pave a path for me to follow. When in reality, this is the illusion of all religion - all beliefs in some higher power that suggests, I am not wholly responsible for every little thing in existence in it's entirety, there is 'someone else', 'something else' and THEY are the one's responsible. And so we accept some higher power to be the ones in charge to change our world and blindly follow this beLIEf that abdicates us from any responsibility and consequence. Yet we cannot escape our consequence - it is here as this World. It is the millions of children dying of starvation, it is the homeless people begging for money on the corner, it is the politicians making choices for their interest over the interest of the public, it is the wars that are waged, it is the the porn industry, it is the human trafficking, it is the hate, the anger, and the blame - it is manifested as our very world that we are equally participating and collectively accepting and allowing as is. And no one is willing to say, 'enough is enough, I cannot accept and allow this anymore - till here no further' - because the One that is Me is still accepting and allowing the justification as to why I can fall into the reactions of the mind that feels it's self interest is threatened and then blames the other guy for being the one that is causing the problem.

The inner is the Outer. The Outer is the Inner and our Inner World is reflected as our Outer World and we can see it in the relationships we create with others, in our back chats, in our thoughts, in our words, in our deeds. What we pay attention to, what we entertain ourselves with, what we give value as what is 'important' in this world, all consists of sustaining exactly what is here as our World.

Is it worth it? Are we being effective? Well, perhaps before these questions - first things first - are we still waiting for someone to change first? To save us? To show us how? To take the lead? Why are we not leading ourselves? Why are we not directing ourselves? Why are we not showing the way? Why must we wait for someone/something to give us the sign we have been looking for or to throw the consequences that are manifested in this world on our door step before we are willing to make that one move - that one step as the standing within the principle of who I am, what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow.

Why have we not lived the realization that we must Be the Change we Want to See in the World? The One that sets in motion the movement that creates change - the place in which change emerge. Self.


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17 February 2014

317: Missing the Moments that Create my Future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in future projections within my mind as imagination and in this, not be here with/as my current reality and current points/responsibilities I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach positive value/energy to future play outs/projections and to within this, judge my current physical life and points that are here that I am walking, within a negative context and thus create a resistance to what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more attention to my future then to the moments here as my current day to day living application as that which creates my future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise and sabotage myself as the present through valuing the future projections as imaginations within my mind as being more valuable/interesting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the type of future I create is a direct outflow from who I am HERE, in/as the present moment of physical reality and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself in thinking I am 'planning for the future' when in fact I am sabotaging myself as my future in not being here and giving my full attention and focus within what is here for me as my present life/moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a plan for the future and thus want to design one within my mind of 'what I will walk' as a way to secure the imagination of my future that I want and so within this, react when physical moments as the present do not indicate such an imagination will play out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within separation when/as I am participating in my imagination as possible future play outs and thus not here, breathing, in my body and walking/working with each moment I have here and thus the points here for me currently as that which constitutes my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on possible future play-outs I've imagined within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest as wanting to create that which is within my mind as possible future play outs and thus attempt to hold so tightly to them that I am not willing to 'work with what is here' and thus non-reactive and instead response-able to what is here and how to direct myself within the context of what is best for all/me as the direction I will take to create a future I see is possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way wherein I am basically waiting for the future within my mind to play out and thus squandering the moments/time/points I have here to work with as getting to know myself and developing myself in such a way where I am giving myself every opportunity and chance to become the best version of me, as I see/realize/understand that is the point that will create a future that I am satisfied with and seeing it takes a process of accumulation, one day at a time, doing and acting and living in such a way where I support myself to be here, work with what is here and stop giving my precious energy as the life force that I am, attention and focus to the mind as future projections and instead use it as a practical tool to give myself direction with in terms of doing what is necessary in this moment to get to a future moment I see is possible to be created, yet not valuing it as more than what is here and existing in a way where I'm waiting for it, as I realize I will always be waiting as it's never 'here' because I'm not allowing myself to BE HERE

and so here

I commit myself to stop giving attention/focus to my mind as future projections and imaginations and instead stop and breathe and bring myself back to myself in each moment as the physical presence of myself here and thus work with what is here, embrace what is here and in doing so, gifting myself with the opportunity to create myself in such a way where I become directive in all possible future play-outs as I decide HERE, in this moment, who I am and what I will and will not accept and allow and that is one who is flexible and able to adapt and change, yet remain constant in 'who I am' as not defining myself according to how things go and instead always able to respond to any situation/possibility/potential points/play outs as self directive and self honest



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15 February 2014

316: Rebelling Against my Own Creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my days to the best of my ability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to expect a struggle within my days in terms of moving myself to do what is necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the responsibilities I have to school, my process and other priorities due to not being fed the positive feelings/energies that I find in other activities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value positive feelings as energy within certain activities more than physical movement as action within what is necessary to be done in a day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in at the slightest of resistance to the responsibilities within my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do something if it produce positive/good feelings for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my daily responsibilities within a negative definition as ‘work’ and to thus want to do the positive definition of ‘resting’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as something negative, hard and challenging and thus create a resistance to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not motivated enough to do what is necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define responsibilities within my day as that which I ‘have to do’ and so creating a force within myself that says “I must do this’ and so in this definition, create a resistance as wanting to rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rebel against myself as that which I've defined as responsibilities within my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to exist within my wants of how I would like to live as getting the most positive energy I can, instead of what is physically practical and effective in order for me to create a life that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my day to day living as monotonous and to within this – create a resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design myself within my days as so systematized that I have not allowed myself to create any creativity wherein I allow myself to express in other ways than simply following the ‘to do’ list

When and as I see myself resisting my daily work as responsibilities as that which is necessary to be done, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the negative energy reaction that I see/realize/understand the resistance is as wanting to avoid that which I believe will not give me the most positive energy outcome, and so I commit myself to redefine work and responsibility as no longer carrying a negative undertone and so thus no longer accepting and allowing my experience to be influence by how I define the words and so instead I commit myself to redefine the words work and responsibility as practical, physical actions as that which is necessary to be done in a day and so an actual living application of moving and applying myself and participating in this physical reality - realizing here the support of the day to day work and responsibilities as physical actions that support me to get out of my head and back HERE, into physical reality where no positive or negative energy is required to move myself and so bringing myself back here, out of the mind, out of polarity definitions I've given to things in my life and instead walking breath by breath, practicing being here, moving myself, becoming self directive and no longer requiring energy as a reward to move

When and as I see myself reacting to the routine of my day to day work and responsibility as boring and monotonous, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the reaction as I see, understand and realize can lead to the polarity reaction of wanting to rest and get positive energy as rebelling against my system/routine and so here I commit myself to give myself time and space within my day that is not on my 'to do list' and instead pushing the point of self expression and doing something more creative and fun for myself and so not allowing myself to become so systematized, in where I do not allow for anything outside of 'what is necessary to be done' and instead find ways to enjoy myself outside of my schedule - here giving myself room to do more than what I've planned in my day



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08 February 2014

315: How to Approach the Unfamiliar

Here are the self corrective statements from the self forgiveness in the previous blog:

When and as I see myself resisting 'new things' as that which I am not familiar with or not comfortable with, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself out of the resistance towards this 'new thing' and instead breathe until I am stable and self directive within the direction I will take as I see/realize/understand that I will have to step outside of my comfort zone as that which I am familiar/comfortable with to be able to expand myself and my ability within things - also realizing here that is how I become effective within that which I am not yet effective with - practicing, doing it, working with the 'new thing' that I initially resisted and so I commit myself to stop any resistance that might come up when facing a new point, a new understanding, a new skill or application and instead I commit myself to direct myself through within realizing the common sense solution is to simply do it, get to know it and practice it to then be familiar and comfortable with it

When and as I see myself 'wanting to give up' in the face of something new or something I am not familiar or comfortable with, which is essentially everything that is not within my programming as 'what I know' - I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the back chat of "I want to give up" and instead breathe until I am stable and self directive in the moment to decide how I will proceed as not just following the thoughts/back chats that are coming up. I see/realize/understand that the "I want to give up" in the face of a new task, application, information or arena of my life is in fact a program running to keep me from stepping outside my comfort zone and so I commit myself to, when I see this back chat of "I want to give up" in the face of doing/understanding/learning something I am not yet familiar or comfortable with, to instead stop and breathe and push myself to move through this in no longer accepting and allowing myself to remain in my comfort zone, I commit myself to push myself outside my comfort zone in realizing that is where I allow myself to expand

When and as I see myself wanting to dismiss something in my life within the belief that it's challenging or foreign to me and thus allow a resistance to come up, I stop and I breathe and flag this moment for myself as I see/realize/understand that in this accepting of dismissal, I am sticking to my limitations and not going beyond what I think I am capable of and so I commit myself to investigate the moment as to 'why' I want to dismiss it, remove the beliefs, ideas and judgments around the particular point and script myself corrections as to how to approach/walk through/apply myself within a new point as to expand myself within who I am and thus what I am capable of

When and as I see myself defining myself according to new things that open within my life; new tasks, application, information, and immediately judge myself for not being familiar with it, I stop and I breathe and do not accept and allow this of myself as I see/realize/understand that abusiveness within this as well as the limitation I am placing on myself in automatically thinking "I wont get it/know it/understand it" and so I commit myself to not judge myself when I see I am not familiar or comfortable with something and instead give myself the opportunity to get to now that which I am not yet familiar or comfortable with as this is the way to get familiar and comfortable with it - to work with it and so I commit myself to not judge myself for not knowing something and instead allow myself to get to know it

When and as I see myself judging points within myself that are 'new' or I am only now becoming aware of, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to participate within self judgment as I see/realize/understand that this is missing the point of this process as getting to know myself and the judgment is just a smoke screen to keep me from seeing the actual point within me as the judgment clouds 'what is actually here' and so I commit myself to breathe through any self-judgments that may arise in relation to new points I see within myself that are required to be walked through in writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application and so to actually work with myself as 'what is here' and not allow myself to get stuck/stop at the judgment of it - I commit myself to get familiar and comfortable with it/me as that is the only way to than change it/me
























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07 February 2014

314: Inferior to the Unfamiliar

I noticed myself in a 'mood' tonight wherein I started having reactions towards myself and my overall experience was gloomy and heading into depressive, which is a self sabotage point to not support self within standing up and not accepting and allowing 'experiences' to influence ourselves and to instead, take a stand, give direction to ourselves and find out 'what's going on'.

So I started to apply self forgiveness, unconditionally, for how I was experiencing myself, what thoughts were running in my mind and through this, eventually got to 'the point' that was influencing me.

That is the thing, this experience of not wanting to move ourselves or going into a 'low' state is simply a diversion from keeping us from seeing what is actually going on, 'behind the scenes' so to speak, about what we are hiding from ourselves as the self acceptances of self interest and self limitation. My 'mood' was a hiding place to not see what was actually bothering me/going on within me, the 'real point' and so through applying self forgiveness - I got to the point and so here is the self forgiveness for that specifically:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply the realization that I will not become effective within something until I allow myself to practice and apply until I ‘get it right’ and so not to give up on the first try or when I face a little resistance as I see/realize/understand that overall I resist anything new or that I am not familiar with and so stepping out of the comfort zone is already a resistance and so here I see/realize/understand that I will have to continuously make the decision to push and apply myself within getting familiar and comfortable with things that I am not yet familiar and comfortable with as to create myself as effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on things the moment I hit a wall as a perceived challenge or problem, to automatically react within thinking I must now walk away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never give myself the opportunity to try things I am not yet comfortable with or not familiar with as expanding myself within points that I have not yet gotten to know and so within this, realizing that it will take me actually doing it/practicing it for me to become familiar and thus comfortable within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist anything and all things that are ‘unfamiliar to me’ which is another way of saying that is not within my programming or that I have not yet been introduced to or made aware of it yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do things that I am comfortable with as things that I ‘know’ how to do or what to do and not consider learning something else or trying something new

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define learning new things as difficult and challenging and to within this, define it within a negative energy wherein I then simply don’t want to ‘go there’ and instead want to give up and walk away and stick to 'what I know' as that will be a sure thing of feeling okay with myself wherein it's no longer a challenge and I am not challenged to face this definition within me of 'not being good enough' or fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always accepted myself to, when I would face/come across something that was new to me or I was not familiar with – to simply say, ‘this is foreign to me and so I must turn away from this’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep me contained within that which I am comfortable with and not want to try anything new within a fear of failing or making a mistake and so within this - wanting to protect an image of me that says I don't do anything wrong or there is nothing wrong with me and so wanting to protect this fear of being weak or vulnerable or incapable of somethings and so instead want to do what comes naturally to me or that I'm comfortable with as to avoid facing criticism or being seen as not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being criticized by others as not doing something well or not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a fear of failure as a reason I will not try to understand things I am not familiar with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to things I am not familiar with as ‘not good enough’ wherein I judge myself for not knowing something perhaps I was never made aware of or exposed to and to then automatically judge myself for this instead of stopping the judgments of myself and instead try to understand that which is unfamiliar to me as expanding within my awareness of things and so of myself – getting to know myself beyond my own limitations and boundaries of sticking to only that which I know/am comfortable with

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I want to be comfortable within any type of information or skill or task or job or application – I will have to learn about it, study it, investigate it and thus practice it/apply it = realizing that no one is instantly perfect at the first attempt of anything – this is the process of learning and creating new awareness and skills within ourselves and thus the process of becoming self perfected as an effective human being within life and so why judge myself for not knowing and give up immediately instead of realizing the point is now here for me to investigate and understand to apply the practices I see I am able to support me to understand something I am not yet familiar with

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I've essentially created my relationship towards myself in the exact same way I see how I react to things that are unfamiliar to me – I take a look, think I don’t understand, don’t bother to investigate or get to know it/me, judge myself for what I see I am not familiar with or seeing for the first time and then give up/walk away from walking the process of becoming equal to that which I am facing and thus responsible and in a position of self power to change that which I see is necessary or to apply that which I see is necessary

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting to know myself as the parts of me that I've hidden from myself/not allowed myself to expose to myself, that of me I have not wanted to understand and to instead just judge myself for being the way I am yet not changing myself within what I see as actually getting to know/understand that which I am, at this stage, unfamiliar with, realizing here it's a point opening up for me and thus an opportunity to get to know

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of understanding and thus being comfortable with things that I have not been exposed to or am unfamiliar with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I am not familiar with as if it stands as some kind of threat to me – which essentially it does as it threatens me as the mind as the programming I've accepted of myself as the self definition that states “I don’t know, I will never know, I cannot know, this will be too hard,  this is more than me, I'm not good enough, I will fail, what’s the point anyway, I give up.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle, as simply accepting within myself how I've designed myself in relation to new things, new information, new points of me that I see I have not been yet aware of - new skills, new tasks – to automatically say “NO, I can’t do this/know this/understand this” and to shut the door there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself from my full potential as NOT investigating ALL things, getting to know all things, understanding all things, forgiving all things and thus keeping that which is best for me and for all life – to actually investigate what is here as all aspects of our world/reality and equally as myself – investigate all aspects/dimensions/parts of me that I am still unfamiliar with as not yet seeing clearly; to investigate all of it and keep that which is best

To be continued...




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06 February 2014

313: Assured in the Security of Physical Reality

I took a slight detour from the previous series I was walking in relation to where I placed my security, confidence and assurance. For context, you can read all the blogs in the series:

304: Is there a Cure for Insecurity?
305: CONsequences of Insecurity
306: Removing the Illusion of the Beauty System
307: 'The Look' of Limitation
308: The First Mistake we Make in Relationships

This blog specifically is the self corrective statements for the most recent blog within this point, 309: Giving Me Security


When and as I see myself looking outside of me here, for a sense of security, confidence and assurance through/as a relationship with another, in their words or actions, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to continue participating in this search as I see/realize/understand that I am missing the point of me here as the point that is to be established as self secure, self confident and self assured and so I commit myself to stop myself when/as I see myself expecting and looking for another within a relationship with me to give to me this point and instead allow myself to realize I must bring it back to myself, I must cultivate it within me as who I am and how I live, I must redefine what it means as a physical application as who I am and not as a feeling someone else gives me

When and as I see myself expecting my relationships to give to me a sense of security, confidence and assurance, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of my starting point of separation as thinking and believing these points exist outside of me as in the hands of another and instead bring myself back to the realization that I am here and thus that is where I must find who I am as secure, confident and assured as I see/realize/understand that it exists within the principles I apply and live within my life, it is in the words I speak, it is in how I express myself - it is a point I must realize exists within me and until I stop the expectation as a belief that another can and must give it to me, I will forever think I am 'missing it' and so I commit myself to stop missing me as the point in which I must establish within/as the words secure, confident and assured

When and as I see myself looking for a 'feeling' of being secure, confident and assured, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to me here, as my physical breath, with my physical body, grounded on this physical earth as that which is secure, stable and I can be assured is here as that which is real as i see/realize/understand that feelings are not real - they do not actually exist as what PHYSICALLY MATTERS because in one moment, I can stop the feeling and it is no longer here - and so I commit myself to align myself with real security which is in/as this physical reality and my physical body and so does not exist within my mind as ideas of how I can get this feeling from others - I commit myself to realize it's here, equal for all

I commit myself to align myself to physical security as this physical reality which is constant, stable and assures me the support of life and living

I commit myself to walk a process of bringing myself back to life and living within/as this physical reality within the principle of what is best for all and so establishing this in/as myself and so in/as this world, where all life is given the security, confidence and assurance that all are supported in life and living


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312: The Play-Out of taking things Personally

An interesting point today at work - where I saw myself react as 'taking personally' a guest's words and tonality - where he 'seemed' to be reacting to my timing and requested something from me and said "I would like this quickly"

I reacted negatively as taking this personally - like he was personally attacking me and within myself, felt bad, felt defensive and wanted to go straight into blaming him - like internally I wanted to go to war with him

What is interesting is that I have been working in this same environment for quite some time and have worked with this point before in terms of facing all sorts of people and their reactions and requests and emotional outbursts and so I have, in the past, not allowed myself to take anything personally or react, to not let it 'get to me' or simply to let the point go in realizing 'they' are not reacting towards me 'specifically', that it's not really about me and so I realize there is never a reason or purpose to take customer's behavior or words towards me personally.

Yet tonight I did. After the immediate reaction of defensiveness within myself, I also saw this awareness as questioning myself like, 'hey girl - what's going on here, you're reacting and taking this personally.' And so although I saw this point within me of observing the fact that I reacted and realizing it was not about me, and it was unnecessary for me to take this personally and so allowed myself to breathe, let it go and remain stable within the job I was doing - the damage was already done in a way because there was an energetic reaction within me that was triggered and where I immediately wanted to 'fight back' as feeling like I was being attacked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the man that asked me for something at work and then said, 'I would like this quickly', in taking defense to this request as if he was saying I was slow and not doing a good job and so criticizing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, the man's words, in feeling like he was criticizing and blaming me and so within this, wanted to retaliate as inner blame towards him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the reaction I had towards the man's words, as if he was diminishing me and calling me out for not being effective enough or to his satisfaction and so within this - react towards 'him' for 'making me' feel this way - instead of realizing that 'he' cannot make me feel any way, it's absolutely what I accept and allow and thus my responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defensiveness within myself towards this man within thinking he was attacking me and so automatically wanting to attack him back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one is attacking me, then it's my right to defend myself instead of realizing what I am attempting to defend here is me as ego as self interest that felt challenged by his words and so within this, diminished myself in reaction to him and his words as giving my power away through the reaction - not seeing and realizing that this is then the reason I wanted to 'fight back' as to assert my power towards him because I already accepted myself to feel powerless as diminished by his words through my reaction of taking it personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people criticizing me at work in fear of them judging me and thus me not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back chat about this man and his request as the inner chatter that went into defense and attempted to make me right and him wrong

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove him wrong out of a reaction of taking his words personally

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when another reacts towards me that it's because of me, instead of realizing that it's not about me specifically and so the solution here is for all to stop making things about us - stop taking what others do or say to us, personally - realizing here we are simply existing in ego then and assuming the whole world revolves around us and thus think and believe we must defend our existence that is being challenged by others instead of realizing this is the cause of war within this world - because individually, we are all going to war with each other internally and externally as taking things personally, going into blame and wanting to defend ourselves yet here, if we simply lived within principles of self honesty, walk our process of self responsibility of who we are here, in each moment, remain focused on ourselves and what we require to do in order to be the change and stop pointing fingers, then we would no longer have war on an individual and thus collective level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where I automatically react energetically towards others as taking things personally - realizing here the automation of who we have become through our own programming, wherein when something happens in our world/reality, it is a trigger for our minds to 'act accordingly' and thus depending on how we've designed ourselves to act in such a situation - we will and so simply following the codes of the program that says, 'if this happens - then I will do this' - and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as an automatic being without awareness of what I have written as the script I would follow in life and with others - I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react in defending my ego without questioning 'what' or 'who' this ego is that I am attempting to defend

When and as I see myself reacting, automatically, and energetically towards other's words and behaviors through emotions, thoughts, and back chats - I stop and I breathe and here I do not allow myself to continue the pattern that plays out when one takes something personally, which is to strike back as returning the attack we think and believe was thrown at us - I see, realize, understand that in taking something personally - I am defining myself according to that something and thus attempting to protect my ego as self definition in some way and so I stop, I breathe and I commit myself to not allow myself to participate within this point of defending my ego and instead breathe through the reaction until I am stable and here and self directive as no longer taking direction from the programming of/as my mind that acts according to triggers and the rules in which I am suppose to live by - I commit myself to re-write the script of who I am and thus how I live and express myself through the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as recreating myself within self awareness instead of allowing myself to be an automatic robot that runs on emotions and feelings as energy that determines who we are, how we experience ourselves and thus how we interact with each other


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311: Is there Power within our Appearance?

Okay - so an interesting point here that's emerged and connects to the last few posts. My previous post was in relation to this 'acting out' I see I was and have been accepting and allowing, specifically here in relation to my parents. Now the reason this is interesting is because what I see I was reacting to within myself and then projecting onto them, this anger and frustration, was specifically in relation to the previous points I had been walking in terms of defining security as something outside of myself - specifically my 'looks' and also within relationship. The 'looks' point is what I was going into as defining myself according to my looks, becoming dissatisfied, or should I say, reacting negatively to 'how I looked' and within this, becoming frustrated, angry, annoyed and lashing out on my parents.

Partly because I see there exists still blame within me towards them for conditioning me to care so much about how I look. I realize this is absolutely my responsibility, totally and completely, yet there is still this aspect existing within me that says, "You did this to me, you told me to care about how I look, you care more about how I look then me." And so yes, definitely still blame and so what happened was when I saw myself reacting negatively towards my appearance, firstly I reacted towards my reaction, that I was still valuing and caring about how I look and then because they were in my physical environment, I immediately went into the point of "it's YOUR fault." And so within this, victimizing myself to my conditioning and programming, to my environment growing up - self pity even as if I have no control over how I was raised and where the values were placed within myself and within my life, when I in fact accepted and allowed all of it. I never questioned it, I participated within it and still am as clearly the fact that I am reacting toward 'them' for caring how I look implies I am still caring how I look. I realize this has nothing to do with my parents, as they are a product of their environment and family and so this world, and so like everyone else, we are all responsible for ourselves in all ways, always - I mean that point must be clear if self change is to ever be real

So I see this is an inherent design within me that will take time to sort out, because the layers accumulated and solidified within me over the years of constantly and continuously defining myself according to my appearance and thus participating in the whole construct of the beauty system that exists within this world - which actually starts with me - it exists within me and thus this world shows ME who I am as what I've accepted and allowed within ME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I look and thus whether this definition is positive or negative, act accordingly and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively to how I look, define myself according to this reaction and then feel shitty within myself in thinking who I am is reflected in how I look yet not seeing, realizing or understanding that 'how I look' is still being seen through the eyes of my own filter as the polarity of consciousness that judges something as either good or bad, positive or negative and so I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to define the way that I look within a polarity as being either positive or negative and so then within this, allow myself to experience myself as that judgment

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I look, judge it as negative, to then accept and allow myself to go into the energy experience of negativity wherein I become irritated and annoyed and frustrated in not existing within the positive definition of feeling good about how I look

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself according to a positive or negative definition and thus experience I give to myself through my appearance

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to use my appearance as a determinant for who I am and thus how i experience myself

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to constantly judge myself as either good enough or not according to the way that I look, thinking it's me caring about me and my looks, when really it's me caring how others will see me and if I think others will judge me as not attractive or gasp, dare I even say it - ugly, and so if I think and believe that i am not living up to the standards I have placed in the power of others in how they see me, become irritated and frustrated as an actual experience of fear - fearing that I do not look good enough, because I've defined myself according to my look, fear others will see this as well and thus trap myself into a never ending cycle within something that has no real value within this world whatsoever

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to react to myself when/as I see myself still participating as accepting and allowing myself to react to how I look

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for giving so much value on how I look to the point where it's an automatic point that I believe is greater than me and will take much time to sort out instead of realizing that each moment I see myself participating or accepting and allowing myself to go into this 'valuing the way that I look' character, I am able to stop and time after time after stopping and stopping and no longer accepting and allowing it of myself, I will begin to trust myself again enough to take control of who I am in the moment in no longer allowing ideas and images to direct me within who I am and thus how i experience myself and so I forgive myself that i Have not accepted and allowed myself to yet be patient and gentle with myself in relation to this point of aligning who I am to be that which is of physical substance and not the physical image

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents as abdicating my responsibility to ME and my life, for how/who I am in relation to my looks - thinking and believing it's their fault I am the way that I am instead of taking responsibility for myself in not questioning everything of me throughout my life

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a victim to conditioning and programming and to within this - feel as if I am a victim to my parents and so within this blame them for why I am the way that I am in relation to my looks instead of realizing they are the way they are because of their parents/environment and the point repeats and so we have the sins of our fathers yet here i see and realize that I am not a victim, I am responsible for my life and who I am and how I turned out and thus have the ability and power to question me, who I am, what i do, how I exist and to thus change me into no longer accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from me that matters, the physical substance that is of this physical reality instead of valuing an image of me that does not actually exist or reflect who I am as a being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to abdicate the responsibility to who I am within how I define myself according to my looks through blaming my family, my society, my culture - in a way attempting to 'save' the ego of me that values the image of me when I feel good about it and thus here seeing/realizing/understanding that through blaming, I am deliberately not wanting to change me as an attempt to hold onto some kind of power I perceive I have within this world in relation to my looks

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the definitions I have given to myself in relation to my looks

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not yet see, realize and understand that the image I'm attempting to hold onto as a sense of perceived power, is not an image i Have given to myself, it has been accepted by me through what I've seen within my world that has come to define life as a picture and not actual life substance and so here seeing I'm wanting to hold onto the program, onto the conditioning in fear of not having that point to define myself according to - fear of who I will be without it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the value I've placed on the way that I look

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being defined as ugly/unattractive within this world and so go to extremes in order to 'feel okay' within how that I look, in fear of judgments from others and thus not being accepted or fitting in - or in fear of losing my 'power'

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is real power within the appearance of myself

I forgive myself that i Have not yet realized that the power I am trying to possess through defining myself according to my looks - is a point of separation as competition in wanting to be better than others, to be the best looking girl and so get all the attention and to within this, feel safe that others will like and accept me and I will be okay within this

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to so utterly accept the twisted views of this world that value the look of someone more than who they are as a being and so allow myself to live this out throughout my life wherein I valued more how i looked than who I was and so created an insecure girl who fears not being perfect in the eyes of the system that is brutal and abusive to life

I forgive myself that i Have not yet allowed myself to realize what it means to redefine who I am within how I look - to use my physical appearance as an expression of who I am, yet not defined as who I am - not as something that enslaves me within thinking I must look a certain way to be okay and feel okay about myself - I realize that I do not require that, I require food, water, shelter, education, satisfaction in my overall experience of life and that does not depend on the way that I look - it is the same for all life, the requirements for a 'good life' that is actually currently dependent upon money and so here I see/realize/understand that a good life is not defined by a good feeling that is defined through how I look - that is an illusion I commit myself to shattering in this life

When and as I see myself defining myself within a negative reaction according to how I look and thus allow my experience to change within who I am here, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to me here, as life, as my physical body, as the REAL me that is of/as this physical substance and breathe through the reaction until I am stable and within the realization that I am NOT my looks and thus I do not accept myself to be influenced by the image of me within my mind I've attempted to project onto my physical body - instead I commit myself to allow myself to be here, in/as my body, as who I really am and let go of the self definitions of limitation I've placed within how I look - I commit myself to apply self forgiveness for the points that come up in relation to any negative reactions I have about how I look and give myself corrections to live, as I remove the layers as walking through this point of letting go of the 'look' of me

When and as I see myself reacting positively to how I look and to within this, feel good about myself, I stop and I breathe and breathe until I stop the positive energy as I see/realize/understand that to define myself and allow myself to participate in the 'positive' side of this point in defining myself according to this look, I am simply sustaining the whole beauty system construct within me that exists within the polarity of positive and negative and so I do not allow myself to go into the positive side either as I realize it's also not who I am and only an attempt to gain some kind of perceived power within myself and within this world, clearly due to a feeling of powerlessness within myself and so here I am simply attempting to find the power within myself outside and separate from me as in my looks - and so I commit myself to, as I stop the negative reactions about how I look, to also stop the positive reactions about how I look and do not allow myself to participate in ANY thoughts or reactions within me in relation to how I look - instead i keep it simple and practical and work with what is here as my physical body, yet without the fear or desire to look a certain way to drive me - I commit myself to investigate the positive experiences in relation to my look through writing and self forgiveness and give myself self correction to live as how I will change me in relation to this point of no longer accepting myself to limit myself to be only a picture presentation

When and as I see myself blaming my parents or my family or culture or society for who I am in relation to my appearance, I stop and I breathe and do not accept this of myself as I see, realize and understand that I am completely and totally responsible for who I am here, as how I currently exist and so I realize that to blame is to abdicate the power I have to change, and that is a point of deliberate abdication of my ability to change and so I commit myself to stop myself from blaming and instead investigate what I am trying to protect or hold onto through not becoming self responsibility for what I accept and allow myself to participate within myself in relation to my looks - I commit myself to BE THE CHANGE I want to see in this world and thus realize that is not possible through pointing fingers or blaming anyone or thinking I am a victim of circumstance, I realize I must take full responsibility for my life and who I am in this moment and so I commit myself to do so, to be the change, to no longer think I am a victim and so I commit myself to walk the layers of this point in removing the illusion of the beauty system as I see it does not serve any purpose in life other than separation, competition and abuse and so I take the responsibility to no longer participate within this point as stopping it here within and as me



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