To bring a close to the series of blogs I've been writing - tonight I will write about the potential of self within not giving in to the 'giving up' experience, and a bit about the point of regret.
Recently I was asked to Host a Live Google Hangout within the Desteni Community. While there were resistances and fears coming up within me, I knew this was something that would be of support for me within my own process, meaning - a point for me to expand, to face myself as my fears, and to practice the act of "public speaking", or in general, speaking on camera. So in general, and practically speaking, it was something I saw as an opportunity and knew I would go for it. I mean really, it was like silly for me not to, as there was nothing physically real suggestion that I couldn't or shouldn't, despite the energetic experience that said 'Noooooo!'
So while I was preparing myself and all the other elements related to the hangout, an interesting point emerged, or rather revealed itself the day before we were to go Live. I thought, "how can I get out of this?" And there was a real search for a 'back door' if you will, like an escape route I could take to get myself out of doing the hangout, because there were so many fears and resistances and nerves coming up that instead of walking THROUGH this experience, I wanted to just run away, and give up. Though, gratefully, I knew walking through the fear and just doing the hangout was my only option, or the only direction I gave myself because from my perspective, to not do it would be to allow the mind to influence/direct me as the experience of energy as the fear and nervousness, and to me that is not valid. In fact, that is the point/reason/purpose I walk the process I do with Desteni - to stop and no longer allow my mind as fear to influence me as I see it only keeps me contained within the same state of existence wherein I keep myself in my safe little bubble-of-mind and do not go beyond that because to do so would be to face Myself as who I've created myself to be (as the fears and so the energetic experience), and to realize that they are not REAL, and that I can exist/live/express/enjoy life without them. And, this process is about self-development, self-improvement, becoming directive principle of/as ME, of taking responsibility of who I am in each moment as what I accept and allow of/as myself, and so letting go of the Mind-Me and instead working with myself as a physical being and so my physical expression. It's about actual Growth, because when we step outside of our mind-box, we expand, we grow, we open ourselves to the more-ness that is HERE as this physical reality, as our physical bodies, of that which is REAL and so of that which is of LIFE.
So while that slight search for any part of me that would be willing to Give Up came up inside of myself, I knew I wouldn't give in because I have given myself a commitment to transform myself in this Life and what better way to do that then to do that which one is not comfortable with, or resistant toward, or fearful of; to learn HOW to direct oneself in a moment despite what the back chats in the mind and energy-experience suggests.
So I did it, and I was grateful AND found that (of course) the fears and nerves were simply existent because I was doing something I was not familiar with, and like anything new you are attempting, there is uncertainty or some kind of 'unknowing-ness' because obviously you have never done it before - yet until you DO go for it, you do not know whether your fears/ideas are valid or not. Once I did the hangout, of course my fears proved not to be valid, as they were no longer 'here' within me, and what I found was a real enjoyment in the whole process.
So what can we learn from this? If I would have allowed the fears and the idea that maybe, possibly I can just give up - I would have never pushed myself beyond my own limitation. I would have never seen who I am in such a moment and what I am actually capable of in terms of directing myself in the moment of Fear. I would have never seen perhaps some strengths that I can continue to expand, or even weaknesses that I can now become aware of/better understand and work with in strengthening. The point is that when we allow ourselves to give up the second we have second thoughts, we allow ourselves to miss out on moments that are opportunities for ourselves in a life of self-development/transformation.
And this is where the regret comes in.
I have come to within my process become a bit of a 'Yes Man' - where when anything is asked of me, or something opens up to me for me to 'try' and 'go for', I have more than not said Yes - simply because of the nature of this process as being willing to 'work with what is here' and to 'dare myself' to go beyond what I've accepted of myself in terms of what I see I am able to do. And what I can see within this, and what I am grateful toward myself for within it is this point of I know I will never regret anything in my life. Why? Because I've allowed myself to embrace those uncomfortable, fearful moments that, if I were to give in when I've "wanted" to Give up, I would have eventually regretted it because deep down, we all see the reasons for why we do what we do, or why we don't do what we do; that is self honesty, and we see, in self honesty, the reasons why we 'make up our minds' the way that we do. And so for me, I KNEW that if I did not take on the challenge (and change) of, like in this instance, the Google hangouts, I would have regretted it. I would have regretted not gifting myself with the opportunity to face my fears and walk through them; Regret is when we Give Up on Ourselves instead of finding solutions, or giving ourselves a chance. And this is simply not something I can accept of myself.
It's a process - and for me, this is one point I've seen I've been able to give to myself, and see I am still willing to give to myself as a point of support in my own Process of Perfection; wherein I allow myself to go for those moments that I fear, that I absolutely DO NOT want to do for no other reason then It's 'outside of my comfort zone', or there are fears suggesting that I should quickly RUN the other direction. Yet, I see, realize and understand there is only one way to go, and that is within a self-directive route wherein I decide who I am and no longer allow the self-imposed self-beliefs, and self-generated experiences that say "I can't do this" get in the way. I am here to change myself and I have come to realize that Change exists where we make the decision to Move ourselves into a space/place/situation/experience that we never allowed of ourselves to before.
Lesson for today (and from this blog series): Embrace the Challenge as the Change Existent when we move beyond our comfort zone(The Mind as the ideas of ourselves) and what we think we are willing and actually able to do. Open yourself up to what is HERE as the opportunities that present itself in each and every breath.
I suggest to invest in the Atlantean Series on Giving Up that has been my point of support throughout the past few blogs, as I only shared was was relevant to me/my process from the series; who knows what gems of support you may find in the series. And to investigate for yourself where you too can Prevent Regret in your life.
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