27 June 2014

348: The Consequence of Lying to Myself

Continuing from the previous blog, I am here to firstly address the point of using back chats as a way to distract myself from seeing the real issue I was facing within myself in relation to a new job, and to for even a moment, entertain the perception I was coming up with within my own mind in relation to a new job. For context, I suggest reading the previous blog. And for support, I suggest reading the following self forgiveness out loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as back chats within my mind as statements I make to myself about my new job causing me to have a busy schedule and to within this, consider whether this is something that I really want to do and so in a way, participate within a fear aspect of contemplating 'what I should do' or 'if I should do this', instead of bringing it through into physical reality writing, as I see, realize, and understand that to consider things within my mind only has, at this stage, the potential to serve only my self interest, and to exist in ways that perpetuate my current nature which is to run when fear emerge in relation to trying something new and thinking I will fail, which actually exists without considering physical life and living, what is practical, and what is best for all and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the statements I make within my mind as if I am actually 'looking' at a point, yet not seeing, realizing, understanding that statements I make within my own mind that have a bias to them or an energy attached to them, such as fear, is always serving some character within me that is not being self honest with myself - I am in fact hiding something or not seeing the real issue and instead attempting to justify some initial reaction I had and thus trying to make a decision based on an emotional reaction or a perception that is not seeing practical reality and instead only seeing whether I will come out in the best image or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the statement within my mind of, "This will be too much" and "I wont have any free time" and "Do I really want this?", as the progression of self compromise that was leading me down the path to make a decision that essentially would not be best for me, as it's played out so many times before in my life, and also within this, did not see or consider or even take responsibility for the fact that I accepted the new job and to keep the current job and so I am the creator of my current position/situation and thus responsible for the position I am in now - which when I look at the decision to get another job, I see it was done in the context of what was best for me, what was necessary for me at this stage and what was actually practical and thus here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within these back chats for even a moment, as the act of not taking responsibility and basically going into a form of blame for my current situation, instead of seeing that the decision I made led me here and thus must face myself here and what it is I am in fact afraid of, as I see/realize/understand that there is something else going on, that the busy schedule is not in fact the problem, as the initial consideration to get another job was to in fact utilize all the free time I have in a way that will best support me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the voices in my head, as the back chats that come up and suggest a perception of my reality that I should believe is real and valid, instead of in that moment, stopping and breathing and not entertaining or participating with/as them for even a moment, and to instead take it into physical writing, as actually writing it out and seeing for myself what was going on and whether I am being influenced by any positive feelings or negative emotions which exist to serve my current version of me as self-definitions within self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within my own my mind as the back chats coming up in relation to the new job, and the 'busy schedule' and to within this, not see, realize, and understand the real issue in which I was facing, what I was protecting, what I was hiding from myself as I see the consequence of this is the act of actually lying to myself and to within this acceptance and allowance, creating the habit of me lying to me, creating myself as my nature as one i cannot trust and so as I do to myself, I can easily do to others and so within this, realizing that accepting and allowing myself to trust the back chats within my mind that were actually deceiving my own self from the real issue, I've created a consequence that is in fact not best for all, as what I do to myself, I do to others and so here seeing more clearly the outflow consequences of who I am within/as this world and how that effects others in my reality, and the world as a whole - imagine 7 billion people lying to themselves, and thus lying to each other, willing to deceive each other as they deceive themselves within their own minds. This would definitely create a world of conflict, and friction and ultimately a place where humans cannot be trusted to do and be and act in ways that are best for all as they are not acting in ways that are best for themselves.

Commitment/corrective statements in the blog to follow.




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