04 June 2014

344: Rushing to get my Energy

Here I'm going to jump into the self-forgiveness process for the previous blogs wherein I wrote out this point of who I am in relation to time, specifically a negative reaction I had to the amount of time it would take to complete a specific lesson I am currently walking within the Desteni I Process - Agreement Course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within a negative emotion when considering my own self-supportive application of 'how to' walk my current agreement course lesson as one word a day, and within seeing 50 words to be done as 50 days it would take to complete - react within thinking it was 'too long' and wanting to get it done faster as to define myself within a positive energy as being 'accomplished' and able to move through things quickly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define moving through things quickly and getting things done fast, as in a shorter amount of time, within a positive energy charge and thus approach things within my life within this starting point wherein I want to be able to serve my self interest as defining myself within this positive definition as being the best and the winner and somehow greater because of the amount of time it takes me to get this done, in defining the shorter amount of time as the better way to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a race within myself through a judgment of going slow with things in thinking and believing that if one is fast in getting things done, then somehow they are better and so to define myself and judge myself negatively for being slow and thus attempt to reach the polarity of this as the positive feeling of being 'fast' and thus accomplished

I forgive myself that I have did not accept and allow myself to see and realize the supportive application I was giving to myself in considering to walk the redefining process of 50 words in 50 days as being a practice of self commitment, self consistency, self direction and self discipline and instead see only the emotional reaction of 'not being fast enough' and thus not take into consideration the other aspect of such a process/walk/application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 50 days to complete an agreement course lesson as 'too long' and to within this, react to the idea of it taking me that long to complete it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put certain time frames on the things I do as either being right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative, and so approach myself from this split starting point wherein I am trying to avoid the negative definition I have given to a particular amount of time and thus attempting to attain the positive definition I have given to a particular time and so in essence, competing and racing against myself as my own self created ideas of 'what is good' or 'right' or 'better' than something else, in the context of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this reaction, completely miss the point in which the agreement lesson is all about, which is to get to know myself as the words I've lived throughout my life and to determine whether they stand within the context of practical physical life and living and to change who I am as the words I speak/live to be that, to be a living expression of me, as to become the living word and instead attempt to live out an idea of how to make myself better as being done with the agreement course lesson quicker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within time, see it as something that I must race against and complete things in the fastest amount of time and so within this, missing the living example I see all around me as the physical earth in which I see the time it takes to create oneself as standing the test of time, and so within this, not realizing that in my race through time, I miss the process of how to perfect oneself in ensuring one is seeing all aspects, all considerations, all dimensions and all information, in every moment, in relation to oneself and their life to be in the position to best support them within how they direct themselves and their life and so miss the process, the journey to life and living through only seeing the end result and the energy I can gain through living out my own self created ideas about the time it takes to get things done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to speed through time instead of embracing the real measurement of time which is my breathing, wherein each moment is defined in a single breath and in that process of becoming aware of the breath, I am slowing myself down to walk with/as physical space and time - yet here seeing myself exist instead within the mind wherein future projections, the end results, and how it serves my energy addiction become more valuable to my ego/self interest and thus I miss the moments, the opportunities I have in every single moment to apply myself within my living commitments such as living to my utmost potential - which would include to become self-aware in every moment and thus deliberately directing myself within all I do where no ideas or mental constructs influence me in how I walk/apply myself within space and time

Will continue in more blogs to come...

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