01 April 2014

333: It's not Really About Time...

Yesterday, while doing my writings, I found an interesting and cool point of support when looking at a specific back chat within my mind, the idea/statement of "I don't have enough time." This was in relation to incorporating a new point for myself within my weekly schedule and while I have considered adding this new point of responsibility/commitment to my week for awhile now, the one point that has been used as a resistance or justification as to why 'I can't' is because of this time point - thinking and believing I don't have enough time.

While writing this out, what I noticed within the last week was that while I was satisfied with how I was moving through the points during my day and so overall my week, there were many moments wherein I went to entertain myself. Now, even though I was getting through everything else that was priority and in that, satisfied with my application - I noticed that there were many moments where my 'time' was filled in ways in which I could use for this other/new point I have been considering adding to my schedule.

So what does this reveal to me? I would not have existed within the back chat of, "there is not enough time" if I was in fact utilizing my time effectively.

While I am busy entertaining myself for purposes that do not support me - here I mean, there is nothing wrong with 'entertainment' as watching a movie or TV series or playing an online game, yet one's starting point within such an activity reveal whether one is being self honest or not. I was not entertaining myself from the starting point of self honesty - it was based within a starting point of resistance and wanting to escape the various responsibilities I have and so I created this entertainment point as a way to justify my relationship towards my responsibilities as being 'too much' and feeling slightly 'overwhelmed' and so instead of facing and sorting out this relationship towards the responsibilities I have, I instead moved myself through them, yet within the reaction of "I have to do it anyway" and from there, created this entertainment point of 'getting me through' wherein I would take many breaks to soothe myself as 'letting myself rest'. So this indicate that I am/was not clear in even my starting point for how I was moving through my responsibilities and instead was in a way, forcing myself through, pushing myself through to 'just do it already' and so not a clear statement of self - of who I am and what I accept and allow, and thus as a directive decision within myself to move me, instead it was an energy movement of an idea that suggested, "I have no choice, I have to do this, let's just get this over with." And so then created this polarity point as how I was entertaining myself to balance out this point within me.

So that is interesting.. because actually, while writing this out yesterday, I did not see this doing responsibility/entertainment polarity play out - instead I was strictly looking at how I was using time as an excuse to not add something to my schedule, when in fact it will support me within most of the other things I am busy with these days, and how even though I was telling myself within my mind that I did not have enough time, in physical reality - my behavior suggested I in fact do have enough time, that time was not the problem, it was more how I was utilizing my time.

So cool to see this point open up more, in how I created this polarity relationship to my responsibility (negative) and entertainment (positive). I will continue with this point in the blog to follow.

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