What I can clearly see is that, although I could see the practical, supportive reasons as to why I should change my diet, to support my physical body and so my overall well being, I do see there were many other factors at play as well. Such as fear - fear of the 'bad' foods out there that will deteriorate my body. Or the 'bad' foods that will make me gain weight. So while I convinced myself I was making a decision within self honesty, as what is best for my body, behind the scenes, within my secret mind, was my real reasons and that was fear of eating foods that were considered 'unhealthy' that could harm my body, my health and would make me gain weight. I say these are the real reasons because those are the points that propelled me within it - the energy that drove me to actually start eating different foods.
So from the starting point of defining some foods as 'bad' and others as 'good' - I desired to eat good foods for the good results I expected to get, which was overall feeling better and looking better.
Now I am not saying that eating healthy is not necessary, I'm simply saying that for me, I can see what was going on within my mind that I used as the reason to get motivated to change my diet and it was not based in self honesty - it was based in fear, worry and thus desire. I feared being sick, and desired to be healthy and so changed my diet. I feared being overweight and desired to be thin, so changed my diet. These are not self honesty starting points because within these fears and desires, I was not considering my physical body - what was physically best for me, I was only concerned with the self interest, the ego of me that wanted to look and feel good and to use my change as a way to define myself as somehow better or more than myself.
There was a time when I ate food to eat food, because the body requires it. I didn't concern myself so much as to 'what' I was eating, I was simply eating, because it is required to survive. So it was never something I was worried about or hung up on - yet I can see how I allowed many external factors to trigger these thoughts within me of taking note of what i was eating and what it would/could do to my body, how I started defining foods within the polarity options of either 'good' or 'bad' and from there started to formulate how I could perhaps change to attain the positive through eating the foods defined within the positive definitions. So it was no sugar, no soda, no carbs and eating more fruits and vegetables.
There is nothing wrong with educating ourselves about how the foods we put into our bodies effect our physiology, however, when fear or desire is the motivating factor, then we are not making a rational or common sense decision and thus action - we are moving within an energy of something bad happening to us or not looking the way we want. It's about imagination, projection and desire - not actual, practical, physical considerations. It has become about Me as the Mind and not Me as the Flesh, as the body.
And so what happens when we move from a decision based in fear or desire as energy of emotion or feelings is - soon the energy fades and we are back to where we started from as our starting point was not based on anything real or substantial as actual facts or practical, physical considerations. If it were, a commitment would have been made in seeing what is best for ourselves and so our changes would not be so easily swayed, as that is proof we were not actually clear on 'why' we made our decision for change - we made it from the realm of illusion and not a firm, grounded decision we could stand from.
Slowly but surely, we go back to our 'old ways' because those 'old ways' were not really investigated to see who we are in relation to changing the specific point, such in my case, diet, and we soon begin to give ourselves reasons and excuses to flip flop on the original decision we made. This is why we cannot trust ourselves/the decisions we make when fear, or desire as thoughts and energy motivate us within such decisions - it is not ourselves that is making the decision, it is ideas based in the mind and not in actual, physical reality. We did not firmly ground ourselves in our reasons for changing, instead we were impulsed by external factors such as friends, family, the media, our culture and society that we then impulsively made a decision to change something without doing the research or investigation into ourselves and into the specific point we are wanting to change to be able to make an informed decision.
Okay - so that is opening up the point I will continue to walk in the next few blogs with self forgiveness and self commitment statements - to correct this relationship I have created towards my diet.
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