07 February 2014

314: Inferior to the Unfamiliar

I noticed myself in a 'mood' tonight wherein I started having reactions towards myself and my overall experience was gloomy and heading into depressive, which is a self sabotage point to not support self within standing up and not accepting and allowing 'experiences' to influence ourselves and to instead, take a stand, give direction to ourselves and find out 'what's going on'.

So I started to apply self forgiveness, unconditionally, for how I was experiencing myself, what thoughts were running in my mind and through this, eventually got to 'the point' that was influencing me.

That is the thing, this experience of not wanting to move ourselves or going into a 'low' state is simply a diversion from keeping us from seeing what is actually going on, 'behind the scenes' so to speak, about what we are hiding from ourselves as the self acceptances of self interest and self limitation. My 'mood' was a hiding place to not see what was actually bothering me/going on within me, the 'real point' and so through applying self forgiveness - I got to the point and so here is the self forgiveness for that specifically:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply the realization that I will not become effective within something until I allow myself to practice and apply until I ‘get it right’ and so not to give up on the first try or when I face a little resistance as I see/realize/understand that overall I resist anything new or that I am not familiar with and so stepping out of the comfort zone is already a resistance and so here I see/realize/understand that I will have to continuously make the decision to push and apply myself within getting familiar and comfortable with things that I am not yet familiar and comfortable with as to create myself as effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on things the moment I hit a wall as a perceived challenge or problem, to automatically react within thinking I must now walk away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never give myself the opportunity to try things I am not yet comfortable with or not familiar with as expanding myself within points that I have not yet gotten to know and so within this, realizing that it will take me actually doing it/practicing it for me to become familiar and thus comfortable within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist anything and all things that are ‘unfamiliar to me’ which is another way of saying that is not within my programming or that I have not yet been introduced to or made aware of it yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to do things that I am comfortable with as things that I ‘know’ how to do or what to do and not consider learning something else or trying something new

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define learning new things as difficult and challenging and to within this, define it within a negative energy wherein I then simply don’t want to ‘go there’ and instead want to give up and walk away and stick to 'what I know' as that will be a sure thing of feeling okay with myself wherein it's no longer a challenge and I am not challenged to face this definition within me of 'not being good enough' or fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always accepted myself to, when I would face/come across something that was new to me or I was not familiar with – to simply say, ‘this is foreign to me and so I must turn away from this’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep me contained within that which I am comfortable with and not want to try anything new within a fear of failing or making a mistake and so within this - wanting to protect an image of me that says I don't do anything wrong or there is nothing wrong with me and so wanting to protect this fear of being weak or vulnerable or incapable of somethings and so instead want to do what comes naturally to me or that I'm comfortable with as to avoid facing criticism or being seen as not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being criticized by others as not doing something well or not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a fear of failure as a reason I will not try to understand things I am not familiar with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to things I am not familiar with as ‘not good enough’ wherein I judge myself for not knowing something perhaps I was never made aware of or exposed to and to then automatically judge myself for this instead of stopping the judgments of myself and instead try to understand that which is unfamiliar to me as expanding within my awareness of things and so of myself – getting to know myself beyond my own limitations and boundaries of sticking to only that which I know/am comfortable with

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I want to be comfortable within any type of information or skill or task or job or application – I will have to learn about it, study it, investigate it and thus practice it/apply it = realizing that no one is instantly perfect at the first attempt of anything – this is the process of learning and creating new awareness and skills within ourselves and thus the process of becoming self perfected as an effective human being within life and so why judge myself for not knowing and give up immediately instead of realizing the point is now here for me to investigate and understand to apply the practices I see I am able to support me to understand something I am not yet familiar with

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I've essentially created my relationship towards myself in the exact same way I see how I react to things that are unfamiliar to me – I take a look, think I don’t understand, don’t bother to investigate or get to know it/me, judge myself for what I see I am not familiar with or seeing for the first time and then give up/walk away from walking the process of becoming equal to that which I am facing and thus responsible and in a position of self power to change that which I see is necessary or to apply that which I see is necessary

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting to know myself as the parts of me that I've hidden from myself/not allowed myself to expose to myself, that of me I have not wanted to understand and to instead just judge myself for being the way I am yet not changing myself within what I see as actually getting to know/understand that which I am, at this stage, unfamiliar with, realizing here it's a point opening up for me and thus an opportunity to get to know

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of understanding and thus being comfortable with things that I have not been exposed to or am unfamiliar with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I am not familiar with as if it stands as some kind of threat to me – which essentially it does as it threatens me as the mind as the programming I've accepted of myself as the self definition that states “I don’t know, I will never know, I cannot know, this will be too hard,  this is more than me, I'm not good enough, I will fail, what’s the point anyway, I give up.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle, as simply accepting within myself how I've designed myself in relation to new things, new information, new points of me that I see I have not been yet aware of - new skills, new tasks – to automatically say “NO, I can’t do this/know this/understand this” and to shut the door there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself from my full potential as NOT investigating ALL things, getting to know all things, understanding all things, forgiving all things and thus keeping that which is best for me and for all life – to actually investigate what is here as all aspects of our world/reality and equally as myself – investigate all aspects/dimensions/parts of me that I am still unfamiliar with as not yet seeing clearly; to investigate all of it and keep that which is best

To be continued...




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