06 February 2014

312: The Play-Out of taking things Personally

An interesting point today at work - where I saw myself react as 'taking personally' a guest's words and tonality - where he 'seemed' to be reacting to my timing and requested something from me and said "I would like this quickly"

I reacted negatively as taking this personally - like he was personally attacking me and within myself, felt bad, felt defensive and wanted to go straight into blaming him - like internally I wanted to go to war with him

What is interesting is that I have been working in this same environment for quite some time and have worked with this point before in terms of facing all sorts of people and their reactions and requests and emotional outbursts and so I have, in the past, not allowed myself to take anything personally or react, to not let it 'get to me' or simply to let the point go in realizing 'they' are not reacting towards me 'specifically', that it's not really about me and so I realize there is never a reason or purpose to take customer's behavior or words towards me personally.

Yet tonight I did. After the immediate reaction of defensiveness within myself, I also saw this awareness as questioning myself like, 'hey girl - what's going on here, you're reacting and taking this personally.' And so although I saw this point within me of observing the fact that I reacted and realizing it was not about me, and it was unnecessary for me to take this personally and so allowed myself to breathe, let it go and remain stable within the job I was doing - the damage was already done in a way because there was an energetic reaction within me that was triggered and where I immediately wanted to 'fight back' as feeling like I was being attacked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the man that asked me for something at work and then said, 'I would like this quickly', in taking defense to this request as if he was saying I was slow and not doing a good job and so criticizing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, the man's words, in feeling like he was criticizing and blaming me and so within this, wanted to retaliate as inner blame towards him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the reaction I had towards the man's words, as if he was diminishing me and calling me out for not being effective enough or to his satisfaction and so within this - react towards 'him' for 'making me' feel this way - instead of realizing that 'he' cannot make me feel any way, it's absolutely what I accept and allow and thus my responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defensiveness within myself towards this man within thinking he was attacking me and so automatically wanting to attack him back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one is attacking me, then it's my right to defend myself instead of realizing what I am attempting to defend here is me as ego as self interest that felt challenged by his words and so within this, diminished myself in reaction to him and his words as giving my power away through the reaction - not seeing and realizing that this is then the reason I wanted to 'fight back' as to assert my power towards him because I already accepted myself to feel powerless as diminished by his words through my reaction of taking it personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people criticizing me at work in fear of them judging me and thus me not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back chat about this man and his request as the inner chatter that went into defense and attempted to make me right and him wrong

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove him wrong out of a reaction of taking his words personally

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when another reacts towards me that it's because of me, instead of realizing that it's not about me specifically and so the solution here is for all to stop making things about us - stop taking what others do or say to us, personally - realizing here we are simply existing in ego then and assuming the whole world revolves around us and thus think and believe we must defend our existence that is being challenged by others instead of realizing this is the cause of war within this world - because individually, we are all going to war with each other internally and externally as taking things personally, going into blame and wanting to defend ourselves yet here, if we simply lived within principles of self honesty, walk our process of self responsibility of who we are here, in each moment, remain focused on ourselves and what we require to do in order to be the change and stop pointing fingers, then we would no longer have war on an individual and thus collective level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where I automatically react energetically towards others as taking things personally - realizing here the automation of who we have become through our own programming, wherein when something happens in our world/reality, it is a trigger for our minds to 'act accordingly' and thus depending on how we've designed ourselves to act in such a situation - we will and so simply following the codes of the program that says, 'if this happens - then I will do this' - and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as an automatic being without awareness of what I have written as the script I would follow in life and with others - I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react in defending my ego without questioning 'what' or 'who' this ego is that I am attempting to defend

When and as I see myself reacting, automatically, and energetically towards other's words and behaviors through emotions, thoughts, and back chats - I stop and I breathe and here I do not allow myself to continue the pattern that plays out when one takes something personally, which is to strike back as returning the attack we think and believe was thrown at us - I see, realize, understand that in taking something personally - I am defining myself according to that something and thus attempting to protect my ego as self definition in some way and so I stop, I breathe and I commit myself to not allow myself to participate within this point of defending my ego and instead breathe through the reaction until I am stable and here and self directive as no longer taking direction from the programming of/as my mind that acts according to triggers and the rules in which I am suppose to live by - I commit myself to re-write the script of who I am and thus how I live and express myself through the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as recreating myself within self awareness instead of allowing myself to be an automatic robot that runs on emotions and feelings as energy that determines who we are, how we experience ourselves and thus how we interact with each other

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