16 January 2014

302: The Ways of Self-Sabotage

Here I am challenging the ideas I've come to accept in relation to 'how' I self investigate within my process as self writing and looking at points/relationships I have created towards all things in my life/living and expose to myself another form of resistance I've created towards writing and how that is in fact self-sabotaging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my process of self investigation as writing in thinking and believing that “I don’t know how to sort out this point” in relation to experiences/reactions to people and situations in my life instead of seeing/realize/understanding that this is where I then stop and do not go into writing about it but simply accept the idea that I don’t know or can’t figure it out or that it is not clear when clearly this is simply me fucking with me as my mind to ensure I do not find out what is going on and thus apply solutions as self forgiveness and self correction as the actual process of self change and transformation and so here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to trust the thoughts and ideas and back chats within my mind that suggest who I am and where I am within my process or what is possible within my process as getting to know myself instead of seeing physically who I am as not writing out the points which is a physical action I am not yet applying unconditionally because I have instead settled on the idea that it’s not clear and I cannot figure it out

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to prolong the process of self transformation as the various forms of resistances I have created that I allow to keep me within my comfort zone and the limited perspective of me where I will stop at the idea that It’s not clear and think in time it will clear itself up and I will figure it out eventually instead of seeing/realize/understanding that here, within such an application, I am not standing within the self directive principle of me and instead still giving into the ‘me as the mind’ which is ego as self interest and exists to serve and protect myself based on ideas and definitions of me and thus not pushing through and establishing who I am here as this physical process and what it will take to break through the chains I've created within and as me and so I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to question the ideas I settle on that do not lead to physical action and instead look at who I am within what I do as physical actions daily as that which defines and reveals so clearly who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create different forms of resistances to writing as a way to not have to change, to see the problem and thus the solutions that I can practically, physically live that will in fact produce a better version of me from the perspective of no longer allowing my mind as ego to direct me but instead direct me here, as the living breath, through becoming the living word as self will to will myself to find out what is here as me and the relationships I have towards all things in/as me and in/as this life to align myself to that which is best for all as equality and oneness, wherein I clear myself in relation to ALL things to stand within equality and oneness and thus no longer sitting stagnant in reactions and resistances and ideas about myself and others and all things in/as this life that do not allow me to move and express and change who I am as this physical process of self transformation which include writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements and the living change as the corrective application of how I live, what I do, physically and who I am within that

When and as I see myself attempting to sabotage myself within my process as settling on ideas about me that I cannot figure out what’s going on within me, who I am in relation to myself, to others and to all things in/as this life, as a reason for not walking the physical action of writing it out, investigating who I am, asking questions, laying out the clear picture of what I accept and allow in relation to specific relationships/situations/circumstances, basically me and my life, I stop and I breathe and do not accept this of myself as I see/realize/understand this is another form of a resistance to going deeper within myself to see the truth of me and who I am in/as this life and so I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself within resistances to my process of self change and instead push for physical actions that are supportive in getting to know ‘what is here’ as me through writing it out as specifically here the application I've found to be most supportive, writing it out like I would write it to a friend/buddy/another – where I place the points in how I experience it and thus see/realize/understand that I've always been clear in what I see/how I am experiencing myself in relation to certain points yet have allowed myself to be stuck on the idea of ‘its’ not clear’ – the one back chat that I've allowed to direct me away from actually writing it out and so I commit myself to stop bullshitting myself and push to physically write it out and thus go through the process of self forgiveness and self commitment and corrective application as the only way to break through my own limitations and become more than what I've accepted and allowed of myself which is as the directive principle of me in every moment

And so I commit myself to no longer trusting the mind as me as ego as self interest that only serves to protect itself and it’s own survival and instead move myself into writing, to trust myself as the physical breath and the physical movements of my fingers/hands that place the words that are me here to see/realize/understand who I am and thus what I am currently facing at the points arise within my day to day life and living and so walk the points as they come up to bring through clarity and thus stability and so commit here to the responsibility I have to no longer accept a resistance to writing and instead embrace the writing as me and as this process we walk to establish within ourselves and within this life, beings with integrity, self honesty, self direction and self will to no longer accept and allow anything less than what is best for ourselves as what is best for all and that is to no longer accept the ‘me as the mind’ and instead push to see beyond our own limitations and the space within our heads that we have come to believe who we are yet is proven always to be in separation as not considering/taking care of real physical life, living and solutions to change both the inner and outer of our reality here

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