A point I saw today as I was coming home from the store and walking into the house and through the living room and into the dining room, was this point of self responsibility and self awareness and how in each moment we have this amazingly great opportunity to really become intimate with ourselves and our environment/physical reality - but how so often we allow something to distract us from what is actually here and thus who we are within and as what is actually Here.
I have come to see this point previously in my process - this point of self responsibility within every moment I have as each breath and what I specifically do within/as each of the moments - how do I shut the front door, do I leave things as I found them - do I deliberately and specifically move myself in actually directing what I am doing or am I in a rush and moving without awareness and not taking care and thus note of what is actually here in every single moment of my day.
It's amazing to see how much time actually exists - how much space and room we have in an actual moment within space and time as a single breath. I mean this point of 'slowing down' really come into focus when I look at all the decisions I make throughout my day and how in each moment of breath, I have what seems like eternity to make a decision within self awareness, self honesty and self responsibility. Yet the key here - would be to be HERE - to actually be aware of myself in each of these moments; each of these opportunities I have in every single breath to define who I am and thus who I will be in this Life. I mean I really have no excuse when I see the vastness of one single moment - one single decision I can make in every moment as a breath to establish who I am in this Life.
The choice has usually been to distract myself. To detract from actual physical reality, from my very physical breath and to go into the Mind - to see what is going on in 'there', what is busy playing out and how I experience myself within that. I am constantly distracting myself from what is actually here and the greatest of opportunity I have in one single breath. The vastness of a breath. That point really came through tonight - the who I am in each and every single moment, the choices and decisions I am making that are accumulating to be the outcome of who I am. That is the process - the moment to moment process and opportunity I have to actually decide, for MY-SELF, who I am and what I will be in this life - the actual ability to DIRECT myself and no longer exist in automation without awareness of what I am touching, what I am hearing, what I see and how I am moving.
I mean there is such a gift before us that we are so completely oblivious too and it's because we have submitted to distractions of the Mind, the distractions of energy as experience and the desire to fulfill ourselves with what makes us feel good - what keeps us from actually being here - the constant search for reward. The addiction to energy.
I realize the gift I have and perhaps have squandered in walking this Process and how I have not really taking hold on what I have here before me and as Me and what is actually possible when one dare to slow down and be directive in each moment in seeing who I am, what am I accepting and allowing in this moment, will I accept and allow something less than who I really am and what I see I am capable of or will I make a decision to Stand, within each moment I breathe, to become Self Responsible and Trustworthy in and as Life. I mean I see that point when I do not lock the gate to the living room - returning it to the state in which I found it and taking consideration of the other people I live with. I see this in how I wash the dishes - if I am hitting the side of the sink because I am not being careful and specific in my movements. I see this when I am slamming doors and not actually touching the physical walls and floor that support me - when I am too busy distracted by what's going on in my mind, what experiences I am having or what internal voices are talking to me as the back chat of what I would say to another.
I mean have a look - dare to look at one simple moment of yourself and how you move in your physical body and your physical reality. Are you actually touching and thus feeling the cup in your hand? Do you actually hear the noises in your environment, do you actually consider the people around you and do to others what you would have done unto you? I mean these are simple things we can do that would produce a life without shame and real integrity - of an actual Awareness as the Decision of Who I am and no more room for questions, "what am I doing, who am I, where am I going, what just happened." Every single moment we have the gift to decide that for ourselves. Yet it takes a process to SLOW DOWN because we have for so long distracted ourselves from this actual physical reality, our physical bodies and the breath that sustains our life. We have separated ourselves from what is actually Real as physicality for the movies in our Minds and our eternal search to feel good.
I have used many things to distract me in life - many points that provide a tunnel vision for me to not actually Stand Here, in Reality, fully aware of Myself in every moment and what is actually here as my environment and thus able to direct myself within principles that are in fact Best for All. I mean I see the opportunity and the gift and the actual ability to decide in each moment who I am and whether I am standing Here or going into the Mind, looking for another fix of self interest - I mean that is such a limited acceptance of what is Life. And that's the thing - it's just an experience, it's not even REAL.
I will embrace this point I see here and move myself to slow myself down to become responsible for deciding who I am in each moment. I realize that it will take a process - yet the more I walk and the more difficult it might seem to be - the more I learn about myself and glimpse into the potential of what Life could really Be and what actually exists in a Single Moment and to me that is Worth it.
I will continue with this point in looking more closely at the points I've used as distractions in my life. There are some major players I've used in my life to distract myself with to keep me from seeing me and what is actually here, now I decide to take responsibility in getting back to reality - which ultimately is back to the real Me as what is actually here in every single Moment as breath.
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