03 December 2013

282: Consistent Cleansing with the Desteni Tools

Today I was all over the place emotionally.

The day started with waking and seeing again a moment of choice/decision and within that, fallen. Hitting the snooze button and almost reveling in that. Like satisfied with my desire to sleep in longer and allowing myself to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue accepting and allowing desire in the morning to direct and influence me to hit the snooze button, instead of breathing and embracing my day as physically moving to get myself out of the day and stand within myself, as directive principle, as a support foundation of how I will enter and walk within my day

When and as I see myself waking in the morning, hearing my alarm and seeing the moment of choice as to either follow a desire as to go back to sleep/stay in bed or to breathe and move myself to get up and support myself within this first moment of a waking decision of who I can be within/as my day, I stop and I breathe through the resistance to get up and the challenge I  believe is before me, I decide to do what is best for me as deciding to direct myself and not follow the resistance/desire as I see/realize/understand how I am sabotaging myself within my whole day in not gifting myself with that first moment of awareness as to be directive of me here.

I got up and did a bit of my morning routine, but could not finish it all as I had to go to class for an exam

Feeling I have let myself down today – I have let myself fall – and it’s a cycle that I am looping through. It’s like I cannot get this point of consistency through to my living, as I once had or perhaps never had as it no longer exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in a consistent way that is self supportive in creating stability within, not only my life, but within me as my internal/inner experience where I see/realize/understand that when I do not support myself to act consistently within my days as actions that support me, I create friction and conflict within myself, as not clearing myself daily – so specifically here the point of writing. Reflecting on my day everyday – addressing the daily points or the main points required of my attention.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within my life and my daily living through not living consistently within the self support application and tool of writing – daily reflections and investigations to clear out any points that require to be directed as I see/realize/understand that daily I am faced with points within my life that support me to face myself – to trigger reactions and thoughts and back chats and emotional/feeling experiences and thus it is my responsibility to do a daily clearing/cleaning – to remove that which is self destructive and does not support me within actual physical living, but only feeds the internal reality as the mind of imaginations, projections, fantasies, desire, wants, ideas, opinions, interpretations and perceptions that is not based on actual physical reality or what is best for all but is plagued with the stench of self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘not take the garbage out’ as the decomposing process I allow within myself when I do not face/direct/address myself daily within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as I see/realize/understand the absolute necessity and support this daily action can give to me – as I give to myself, consistent application which equals stability which leads to self trust and thus a foundation I can actually stand on and build from as the process of removing the self interest of the mind as who I’ve accepted myself to be as the ego into an actual living, breathing being here participating and directing myself as a physical being in physical reality

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to create a foundation for myself that is solid and sturdy as a consistent and trustworthy application that supports me to see who I am willing to be and do for myself and thus for all life equally – and instead allow points within me to accumulate, build and be left to rot and thus create a dirty environment within me and thus as me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to clea(r)n my external reality as a way to not directly face the fact that what I have not been doing is my daily self clea(r)ning that is required to remove the blinders and filters that cause for a foggy vision and perception of myself, others and this life

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself through ways in which I try to avoid addressing who I am each day – as cleaning my room – acting as if I am fed up with my environment when in reality I am fed up with me – as my environment is me and thus reflecting that I have not yet allowed myself to clear some space for myself so that I can start moving and expanding and growing within myself without the clutter of the mind as the garbage I have not yet removed

I forgive myself that I Have not yet allowed myself to create the space within myself that is clear and free for me to redesign and move around as I see is best – best for me and best for all – and that is not placed already from previous generations or family environment or acceptances of my society – removing that which has been programmed and conditioned into me, that I never questioned and simply accepted that now reflect a ‘me’ that consists of self interest in attempting to fulfill wants, needs and desires, all based on energetic experiences as feelings and emotions that I have defined as who I am and submit my power and control over to – instead of realizing that what exists as me within my mind, was placed there by my own acceptance and through the same acceptances is still SITTING there – and so I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to absolutely and directively stand up and move myself to re-move that which no longer serves me within the awareness that I have come to see/realize/understand that I am responsible for me, for my life and for this world and I am the only one that can change me and so I commit myself to move myself as clearing out the garbage within my mind that only serves the self interest as the limited definitions and perceptions of who I ‘think’ I am and to instead stand and direct myself as clea(r)ning the house that is my mind of all thoughts/back chats/memories with consistent, daily application of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as I have come to see/realize/understand it is the ONLY way to get to know myself, to get to know WHY I am the way that I am, how I’ve come to accept ME as this nature and thus how I can practically, physically change and so here I commit myself to re-move myself back to the self-cleansing process as self purification of the tools I have learned within desteni – to everyday gift myself with this application of reflection and investigation – forgiveness and letting go – and commitments to how I will change me as I see who I’ve been does not serve me as life and thus does not serve life as what is best for all

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