17 November 2013

274: Face the Mind without Judgment

This is a continuation of a series I've been walking through writing, which you can see here:

The next point that I can see within the initial writings is placed here:

I then realized I missed the usual movement one would make in such a situation - when the yellow light turns red, and you are in the intersection - you make the turn. And then after realizing this, I wanted to cry. It was like an accumulation of an overall experience I've been having the last few days where it's like I feel like I am not stable and missing so many things and losing touch with my awareness. This moment triggered the reaction within me of feeling stupid and dumb and it was like how could I miss such a simple point.

What I can see here is a moment of accumulation spill over into the emotion energy of self judgment and frustration. Basically I was coming from a few days of an internal storm that I could not quiet and had a hard time stabilizing myself within. The point that is absolutely unnecessary is the self judgment I was allowing of defining myself as stupid and dumb and think I am missing something and so in that, an experience of being lost. And that is not a cool experience. I realize it's a self-created experience, yet I also realize how absolutely we have given our power to our mind and the energies it produce that we then call our thoughts, feelings and emotions and how much we define ourselves according to these things and think that is who we really are, without realizing that is in fact not who we really are - it is simply a lesser version we have accepted as who we are. Because I have found many times in moments where I am 'lost' and overwhelmed within my experience and reacting to the thoughts in my mind that I can simply stop - yes SIMPLY stop - make that decision and NOT participate, not give power in beLIEving that what I am experiencing is actually real.

So this accumulation point that spilled over into tears was through a constant acceptance and participation within the mind and not finding my stability within it. Because the days before this, I was seeing that I was reacting to many things in my world and I 'saw' that they were of the mind, and not real, yet they seemed so real. When we trust them or consider or contemplate them for even a moment - we abdicate our power to it and accept that that is who we are and the experiences we create within it are valid. And so that is what I had done and that is where I was judging myself - because I saw I was reacting within/as my mind and within that I was judging myself - instead of stopping myself.

When we judge ourselves as what we see we are doing within the mind - when we know it does not support us and the actual process we walk is to step OUT of the mind and back HERE into/as the physical - we can react to our reactions. We then add an additional layer to the points we are working with because in that we think, "what is wrong with me, why can't I stop thinking, I am reacting... NO this is 'bad' - I am bad, why can't I stop" and so we continue to feed the mind and the energy as emotions through not simply stopping and not reacting to our reactions. I mean what a waste this is - to give more energy to the already established energy that we see is consuming and possessing us. Instead of simply stopping, breathing, stand EQUAL in realizing yes, okay - this is my mind, I see this is my mind reacting, but I realize it's not really who I am so okay, now I must sort this out - see what is going on, take it into writing and self forgiveness and release myself from the cage of consciousness.

However, I've throughout my process - and even the initial stages of my process, went into extreme reactions towards my mind. Judging myself every time I saw any kind of movement within myself or my mind - and would think, "I am so bad, this is so bad" and so adding more to the experience in judging myself and reacting negatively to the fact that I am the mind and now I must walk a process out of it.

So the point here would be to stop reacting to what we see goes on in our mind because when we react, we are separating ourselves from our mind. And in that, change is impossible, because we are still saying 'this is not me, I am better than this - my mind has got the power, or I got the power over my mind" not realizing the simplicity and self honesty truth of who we have become as what we've accepted as ourselves - a programmed robot that has an internal reality that is filled to the brim of memories of our whole life and who we are in relation to it. There is no judgment in that. That is simply the reality. Once we can see that within clarity, meaning - without an idea of it being 'right or wrong' or 'good or bad', or within a polarity definition - we can then begin to take responsibility in facing the actual reality of who we are. I mean that is step number one - face the reality of who we are as the mind without judging or further defining self within that. Stand in seeing - this is who I am yet it's not who I continue to accept myself to be - let me take back power and control through realizing that I must first FACE all of me as who I am HERE, as the current form and version I've created and remove all that which is not real and not of life through a process of self forgiveness and self correction. Removing all which is of consciousness.

Self forgiveness in the next post... 

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