272: Our Responsibility to Become Self-Aware
What I see is that the last week, as I said in the previous blog, was a lot of things coming up within my mind that I have allowed myself to be distracted by and not utilize the tool and even responsibility I have to breathe - always bringing myself back to/as awareness within breathing because what I can see from this point of 'where I was' or 'have been' in the last week is within my mind and thus not breathing. And so 'losing touch' with actual, physical reality which is where self awareness exists.
So in this moment I laid out for myself yesterday, it's clear my first mistake was not being disciplined in my application of breathing. I did not consider the normal way of how to proceed when one is in the middle of the intersection to make a turn and the yellow light turns red - obviously you make the turn. But I had been so caught up in my reactions within my mind, that I separated myself so much from physical reality, what is going on in my physical environment and the common sense ways in how to move and function. I mean this simple point - 'forgetting to turn' is like what the fuck girl, where you at?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately separate myself from my self awareness within/as this actual physical reality, within/as breathing, when I participate in thoughts and back chats and imaginations within my mind, where I am too pre-occupied and distracted by what is going on inside my mind, that I am not even HERE in reality to pay attention to what is going on and how to proceed in effective and common-sensical ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose touch with reality and what is going on around me when/as I participate in my mental reality as an act of separation from actual, physical living and not realizing the consequences I can create for myself when I am not paying attention and directing myself in physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as becoming possessed by my mind and the business within it that I separate myself from THE actual physical reality, that is real and that is affected when I am not here, fully participating within awareness as the breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe as an act of becoming self aware as the responsibility I have to be in here this physical reality, participating within awareness in this physical reality as I see/realize/understand that this little moment I had is a clear example of how all humanity currently exists as so lost within our minds and distracted by the illusions we make up, we are not paying attention to or directing this actual physical reality and thus create consequences in our lack of care such as letting people starve and giving power to money to dictate peoples lives, rape and murder and theft accepted as the 'norm' and no one questions it because we are too busy distracted by our minds, possessed by our minds - our own personal bubble of self interest where our only concern is about ourselves and how we experience ourselves - not realizing how who we are in every moment and what we accept and allow as 'our experience' has a direct effect on physical reality and thus all of life here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and thus live the responsibility I have to become self aware within this physical reality realizing its the only reality that matters and how much time and energy I am wasting and an actual LIFE I am wasting when I am allowing myself to be busy in the mind
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not care enough about myself to breathe - to become equal to that which actually gives me life, to become aware not only of my breath or my physical environment, but my actual body - the flesh that is here and that functions without any assistance and support from me, such as the earth - this physical body as the earth that functions and supports LIFE to LIVE and what are we as humanity doing? The same thing we are doing each on an individual level, ignoring our body as our flesh that pumps our blood and beats our heart and breathes in the air that sustains our life - we are disregarding and thus abusing the actual life that we can touch, taste, see and feel all for an imaginary world within our minds
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an imaginary world within my mind without realizing the matter in which I find myself, my body - this earth, all expression of this physical world that we are destroying because our lack of care and considerations - without our attention and direction - without our awareness of who we really are, what we are accepting and allowing and how that creates consequences for ALL life here in/as this physical reality
When and as I see myself becoming possessed by my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, imaginations, back chats, fear, worries, doubts, future projections, memories... I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to my self awareness as my self responsibility to STOP the imaginary reality of the mind and instead stand, fully participating within this physical reality, within/as breath and so I bring myself back to the earth, back to my body, back to the breath and stop myself from accumulating separation that I allow when I accept even one thought to be entertained within my mind
When and as I see myself possessed by my mind that then creates consequences within my physical reality, such as not being able to effectively move and the physical reality having to be that point which 'snaps me out of it', I stop and I breathe and I do not go into judgment of what I've accepted and allowed and instead look back to my days and week to see what I have been busy mulling over in my mind, realizing that point I have been given attention to, instead of this physical reality, and thus I realize this requires my direction - when something is coming up in my mind, it is my responsibility to have a close look at what it is, where it comes from, what I am defining myself according to within it and then release it from me as I see/realize/understand the consequences of having a lot of shit going on within my mind and I also realize what sustains it is not only my participation, but my life that i Have lived up to this point and so here I commit myself investigate myself and the points that come up within my mind - look back to my week, see where I've been, what I've been reacting to, why I'm allowing it to go un-directed and to then remove it from me with/as self forgiveness and self corrective application which I realize can be as simple as walking self honesty - breathing in every moment
I commit myself to become responsible for the life I live in every moment and who I am in every moment within seeing and realizing that who I am here and what I accept and allow has an effect on the rest of this existence and so I commit myself to stand responsible for myself as equal to life to ensure that I am aware and here and directive within who I am to ensure I am not creating more consequences within this world that is not best for all in all ways
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