03 October 2013

253: Making My Own Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a doctor as an authority of myself, in thinking and believing the doctor is valid in their opinion of me getting a tetanus shot and to within this, fear saying no as fear of saying no to an authority figure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reaction of the doctor when I say no to having a tetanus shot, fear of what she will think of me and that she will judge me for being foolish or stupid for saying no – like going against her ‘professional opinion’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and  allowed myself to project my own points of taking things personally onto the doctor, where I thought she would take it personally, as if I was turning down her professional opinion towards getting a tetanus shot, instead of realizing that I cannot know what she is thinking and it’s not at this moment my responsibility and thus what is my responsibility is where I take things personally in my own life, realizing that this point with the doctor and me assuming she is taking it personally would imply I am making a judgment about her when in fact it is something I Have considered for myself and has nothing to do with the doctor, she is just the messenger, so to speak, doing her job and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe others will take things personally that I say or do or don’t say or do as I have taken things personally that others have said or done without taking into consideration the actual physical reality and process taking place

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to react to the imagination within my mind of me saying no to the doctor to get a tetanus shot and her then persisting and insisting that I get it – fearing that she would ‘not let it go’ after I make my decision and simply say no

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not let things go in relation to others in my life, where they will make a decision or a stance in relation to something and instead of letting it go – persisting, insisting and pushing the point onto them instead of simply trusting them to make their own decisions and bring myself back to my point of self responsibility and what is going on within me as to why I ‘feel’ as if I cannot let go of a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea of the doctor reacting/taking it personally that I said no to the tetanus shot

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear the doctor asking me why I would not get a tetanus shot, and want to deny the truth as to why I am making the decisions – perhaps putting into questioning my own reason for making the decision – is it within self honesty or based on an idea – here I see myself questioning the validity of the point I saw in an interview – that I should not take it seriously or as a basis for my decision; that perhaps I could research the purpose of the tetanus shot myself

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different in that I did not accept the tetanus shot as it was offered to me – fearing how the doctor would see me – judging me as foolish or stupid

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as stupid or foolish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question myself within points in my life that I Have made a decision – a simple decision – and to within this, give others power and validity to question me and thus allow it to influence me within my decisions and standing – thus abdicating the power of myself to direct myself to others

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to trust others more than I trust myself and my ability to assess practical reality within common sense

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as different than others for not having the tetanus shot and to within this – fear ridicule from others for being different or not ‘going with the flow’ or even questioning the procedures that are so readily acceptable/not questioned

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to question myself within why I do not get the vaccination while the doctor was telling me about the causes and reasons for the shot – fearing that ‘she was right’ and ‘I was wrong’ and to within this – question the  perspectives that I have heard in relation to the tetanus shot – instead of perhaps doing my own research on it, finding out where it comes from, why it’s here in existence, what purpose does it serve, does it actually support the body and to within this, make my own clear decision as to whether or not get it – without giving power outside of myself to another/outside source to make decisions for me in my life

When and as I see myself fearing authority and saying no to authority – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here in stopping the separation games of positions in this world – I see/realize/understand that one do not necessarily know more than another and because of this knowledge have the power to make decisions for others and so I commit myself to stop making myself inferior in relation to points of authority in this world and instead get myself into my own self standing of self authority so that I can trust myself to direct myself and make my own decisions and no longer look for or expect or accept that others must do this for me

When and as I see myself fearing being different in not going with the flow or not participating in certain procedures in this world such as getting a vaccination – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to me here and stand within my own self authority and self trust to realize and stand within the purpose and point of me here and the process I will/am walking in/for/as this life – and so I commit myself to not fear being different or doing things differently and instead realize that I am learning to look at practical reality within common sense and from the starting point of what is best for all and thus it’s not about being different it’s about actually changing the very nature of myself and our existence and so I commit myself to not see changing as being different within a negative context and instead seeing it as a process all must walk to realize who we are as life here

When and as I see myself attempting to or have made a decision that does not stand in terms of questioning myself later or not being clear as to 'why' I made the decision - to stop and breathe and investigate the starting point for my decision and if it's not clear, then to clear it up with writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements and to then, support myself to research what is here as our world and certain acceptances and procedures, such as vaccinations - to instead of simply 'accepting' what is here - to investigate what is here, to find out for myself the purpose, reason and point of having such vaccinations and to from here, trust myself to make a self honest, practical reality, common sense decision as to what is best for me and so I commit myself to not make decisions simply because it's what others do or say but to instead find out for myself, do my own research and from here make the decision as my own self authority



























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