24 September 2013

250 - The Limits of Self Definitions

Here I am stopping and starting over and bringing myself back within the commitment and self agreement I once placed for myself yet gave up within the energies of hope and desire. The process of getting to know self, forgiving self and then actually, practically, physically changing self is not an easy process, yet it's one that I cannot deny nor ignore because I am always here with simply me. Everything that exists as me as thought, word and deed - is ME. There is nothing or no one outside of me to blame, to validate me, to confirm yay or nay to the ideas I hold about me, to give to me what I am looking for. I will never find an answer outside of the questions I ask myself. So I am starting over as the starting point from which I walk my Journey to life and my Process in general - getting back to the simple principles and tools that have brought me this far and I will trust within myself to apply and that will support me to continue walking this process of self honesty and self intimacy.

Here I share some self forgiveness for the self definitions I see influence me so much within my life, the characters and personalities I create from these ideas about myself and thus letting go of that which keep me from living to my potential, which I see is here, waiting for me... like I wait for change, the expression that is me, that is here as who I really am, is waiting for me to stop and realize that I will find nothing outside of myself. I will only find a life worth living within principles applied and LIVED as who I am Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others do most of the talking within communication from a starting point of fear and self judgment where I tell myself that I have nothing to offer, nothing to say, I am boring and thus would rather have another speak as to avoid facing the fear of loss I experience within speaking about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid communication with others where the conversation is directed at me, within fear of what I will say and how another will see me – fear they will judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another's judgment of me  because of how I communicate about myself, about who I am in communication – what I share and what I express, judging myself as not good enough and thus rather remain silent as to avoid the fear of how another will judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have nothing to share in communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as boring in communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and refuse to talk about myself and my life and my process with others in fear of them thinking I am boring and dull and thus become disinterested in me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk to speak within communication with others, or to keep it at a minimum in fear of them judging me as unworthy in relation to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unworthy in relation to others and allow this to manifest/be lived out as me through not pushing myself to speak about myself and my process in communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self and my life as boring and thus not entertaining to other's satisfaction and thus within this fear others will not be interested in me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear of loss - losing relationships with others - within self judgments and definitions I have accepted about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging and defining me according to how I have judged and defined me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as uninteresting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inadequate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as dumb

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as weak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as insecure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as slow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not able to be equal to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not smart enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not cool enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself a lacking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as having a faulty personality that others do not like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project all these self definitions onto others in fearing them judging me and defining me as these as I have done to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept others defining me as this as I have accepted myself to define myself as this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out my self definitions within my life and with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not capable of being the things I believe I am without

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be without the proper personality and character skills that keeps people interested in me and within this attempt and try to find ways to be and act that I  think others  will approve of and accept me as and to within this, compromise myself within living for others and limiting myself within beliefs about myself that are not real but based on societal rules and standards in which I have attempted to live up to and which are unrealistic as they are based according to values within the mind and lacking the essential principles that is in fact equal for/as all – that all life is equal and thus equally valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within thinking all the self definitions I have about me are forever who I am instead of realizing I can change them, I can change myself and thus I can change my nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within my very nature to be limited and lacking and without the essentials to ‘win people over’ within receiving their validation and confirmation that I am okay, I am worthy, I am acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek outside and separate from me here, validation and confirmation within the self definitions I have given to myself, wherein I judge and diminish myself and then attempt to find a fulfillment or an upliftment from others as to prove myself wrong, that I am not these things I say about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that others can give to me that which I keep from myself which is self wholeness and completeness and validation that I am equal as the value of life, that I am not inferior and I am not superior – I am equal and thus equally valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the origin of life through defining and seeing myself as separate as these self definitions that are not within the principle of equality and oneness and what Is best for all as life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see life as more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize life to be within a polarity definition within my life and accordingly attempt to move from one polarity to the next as fulfilling the holes I place within myself as being unworthy, inferior and weak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume others will judge me as I have judged myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect the worse from others as judging me as I have judged myself - accepting and allowing only the worse of myself as how I have come to define myself - this stops here

I will continue in the next blog with self corrective statements to apply and commitments to live


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