11 September 2013

246: The "This is Me" Mirror

Today I came face to face with a moment as a reaction towards another; their actions and movements and in this moment, the self corrective statements I have told myself that I will live as the application of change, came through and immediately, through the reaction, saw the responsibility I had towards 'what' I was seeing in another.

What was interesting however, was once I had this reaction and then the the real truth of what I was seeing - as the ME that I have allowed myself to exist within and as, as it was reflected back to me in the mirror of another, I somewhat reacted to the realization of my responsibility - like seeing more of the reality of the responsibility I must take and have not necessarily taken as I have held onto resentments and judgments towards other's behaviors, so it was like this experience of "Fuck - this is actually me I am seeing, my responsibility - it's not about her, it's about me - fuck, I am that which I see" lol - it was somewhat funny because as I have been aware of this knowledge, it like finally came through today in a way that was more substantial and obvious and how I have been hiding behind my judgments and resentments in not willing to change - to be responsible for myself and how I live in moments and so this was actually a very cool moment I had today and grateful for the gift as another being here as a "this is me" mirror.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within anger and judgment toward another's behavior and action that I define as unacceptable instead of realizing that I have been living out this 'unacceptable behavior' as myself and thus actually angry at myself in seeing myself in such moments where I am not being self honest, but instead dishonest as denying the reality of who I am and instead of becoming responsible - stopping this behavior and changing this behavior - project my self anger for this unacceptable behavior unto another and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking responsibility for myself in how I live, how I behave, what I think, say and do and no longer automatically allow myself to define and judge another until I have investigated myself fully as the responsibility I have to who I am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards the realization I had of seeing that what another was showing me was actually actions I take myself and I have seen this and see it more even now so clearly and thus when I see that I am looking in a mirror, react within annoyance that now I ‘must take responsibility’ – as if this is such burden instead of realizing the gift another is showing me as parts of myself that I was not yet been willing to see and here she presents me a moment of self reflection where I come face to face with parts of myself that I have separated myself from and had not yet taken responsibility for and thus the opportunity to sort it out, release it from me and thus correct my living so that I no longer exist in a way I am ashamed of, but instead free and clear from any destructive behaviors and patterns that just keep my trapped in the same cycles and thus also stops me from judging others for things existent within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to within realizing the points that were mirrored to me by another, say within myself, “fuck – now I must take responsibility for this – I am actually here” and to within this, experience this weight of sadness as a resistance towards realizing what I must do in relation to stopping the generational patterns that exist within me – realizing that all the blame and resentments I hold towards another are actually me and seeing this come more clearly here as my awareness, resist actually looking at the relationship I have towards this being, what I see in this being as it actually being the reflection of the relationship I have towards me, and the responsibility I have to no longer accept and allow it within/as me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to use blame and resentments towards another as an attempt to become better than them – to make myself more than what is actually here as the source/cause/origin of me as who I have created, accepted and allowed myself to be and become and within this inability to take responsibility for what I see in others and bringing them back to myself to sort out and deal with, prolong the process of self perfection, in continuing to hide out in the ‘I don’t have to/want to change’ experience when I realize that this is the process I am walking and might as well become directive in each moment and in each relationship that I have as to not put off the inevitable – which is coming face to face with the consequence and creation I am responsible for as who I am here and thus I commit myself to direct myself in each moment, breathe in each moment, to stand aware of all movements within me in realizing that what it is I react to, how I perceive things, what I interpret my reality as are all reflections of what exists within me and thus I walk my process with diligence and determination to no longer accept and allow myself to abdicate the responsibility I realize I have always had and instead stand when I see what others are showing me in my judgment or reactions towards them – a clear image and likeness of myself that I have separated myself from as not yet standing equal to and one with and thus changing and so I commit myself to use the gifts here, to give myself the ability to become responsible for ALL parts of myself, ALL thoughts of myself, ALL actions I live in each moment to no longer project any of me separate from me here and instead be the change I want to see in this world, realizing blame, resentments and resistance to this realization as living the commitments I have made to this process I walk, are useless and only keep me from realizing what is actually possible within/as life – to become a being of true integrity, living out loud and without shame or fear of what/who I have become

And so I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting to the self realization in the moment as I react to another and seeing ‘this is me’ to not accept and allow myself to, in that moment, resist the truth I see as what is real and actually here and instead embrace and become grateful for that moment as what others show me as I see/realize/understand that others are here supporting me equally within this process for all life to become purified without separation, blame, resentments and fear and instead to become free within ourselves from the secrets we keep as who we are in each moment, as our thoughts, words and deeds, to thus be able to live out loud, in full expression, in equality and oneness as what is best for all

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