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Showing posts from September, 2013

252: Doubting My Stability Created Instability

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Recently I saw a shift in myself in relation to another - my total experience changed from what I had previously experienced in relation to this being and within it - it was quite a shock.

What happened was there was a point of stability within me in relation to a specific point in my relationship with another, where I was not reacting - I was clear from the perspective that every time this point would emerge within the relationship, I had no reactions; no thoughts about it, no back chats about it, no energy even about it. I was 'clear' in that I saw it for what it was and nothing more or less. Within this, I could give a clear perspective and support in relation to this specific point, because I was not being influenced or directed by any of my own mental objections or instructions. I could assess within myself my point of self honesty, where I was in relation to it, see I was 'clear', realizing it wasn't about 'me' and thus could offer support in specifi…

251 - Stopping the Self Definitions

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I'm continuing here from the previous blog of self forgiveness in relation to self definitions that have only limited me within myself and my life and how I see they have influenced me in certain moments and so here the corrective statements as corrective changes I will make to ensure I no longer accept and allow myself to limit myself within how I see/accept and define myself to be

When and as I see myself defining myself within negative energies as limiting myself within how I see myself and who I allow myself to be - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to my body, back to myself here and do not allow myself to entertain thoughts or back chats or ideas within my mind that are actually self abusive and keep my trapped in ideas of myself that I have formulated yet are not real as I see/realize/understand that inferiority/superiority game I am playing with such definitions of myself and how through accepting myself within a negative idea about me, I attempt and try to go i…

250 - The Limits of Self Definitions

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Here I am stopping and starting over and bringing myself back within the commitment and self agreement I once placed for myself yet gave up within the energies of hope and desire. The process of getting to know self, forgiving self and then actually, practically, physically changing self is not an easy process, yet it's one that I cannot deny nor ignore because I am always here with simply me. Everything that exists as me as thought, word and deed - is ME. There is nothing or no one outside of me to blame, to validate me, to confirm yay or nay to the ideas I hold about me, to give to me what I am looking for. I will never find an answer outside of the questions I ask myself. So I am starting over as the starting point from which I walk my Journey to life and my Process in general - getting back to the simple principles and tools that have brought me this far and I will trust within myself to apply and that will support me to continue walking this process of self honesty and self …

249: Stand Up... No, Really - Stand Up

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Three years ago I was shown a way to stand that is an actual, physical 'standing up' and self directed positioning of self as being here. My shoulders are back and down, my chest is out and I stand, facing my world, walking with one foot in front of the other.

When I was first shown this supportive physical stance - there were immediate reactions. It was one of, "I'm sticking my chest out - this is being snobby". Just in this one physical movement of myself, attached were all these mental ideas of 'how' I was standing and walking. And in this, felt like I 'should not' be standing/walking in such a way - almost as if I was inferior to this posture.

I have since applied this standing of myself as my physical body. When I become aware that I'm slouching, I stop and I put my shoulders back and down, I stand up straight and I stick my chest out as no longer allowing myself to 'sink' into myself as a way to 'cave into' myself. It…

248: Sinking into the Sickness

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up within myself when I am feeling physically weak or tired

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately fall within myself when I am physically sick, weak or tired - to see that I have already created a consequence as being physically weak or tired but here seeing who I am within such a consequence/experience - where I will just 'give into' the experience and use it to fall within myself - to say within myself "I AM" this physically weakness and tiredness and I give up - and want to just fall into and as it within victimizing myself, pitying myself, and thus actually relishing in the experience of "I am falling" because of physically how I feel instead of realizing that even within being physically sick or tired or weak, i can still breathe and not accept and allow myself to internally experience a point of 'giving up' and 'falling' where I simply a…

247: The Mental Me Won't Try New Things

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider ideas for things I can do in certain moments as being self supportive or challenging myself to move past what I have accepted as my limitations yet not follow through as instead following the idea with back chats of "I can't do this" and "this will take too long" or "this will be to hard for me" and just accept these statements as reason enough to not follow through in moments where I see I can do something that actually supports me, challenges me and moves me beyond what I have accepted as what I am capable of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of following through with ideas I have as opportunities I can give to myself in moments where I will have an idea to do something, but instead just accept the thoughts I have about me, about what I am limited to and accept at face value the back chats that tell me "don't do it"…

246: The "This is Me" Mirror

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Today I came face to face with a moment as a reaction towards another; their actions and movements and in this moment, the self corrective statements I have told myself that I will live as the application of change, came through and immediately, through the reaction, saw the responsibility I had towards 'what' I was seeing in another.

What was interesting however, was once I had this reaction and then the the real truth of what I was seeing - as the ME that I have allowed myself to exist within and as, as it was reflected back to me in the mirror of another, I somewhat reacted to the realization of my responsibility - like seeing more of the reality of the responsibility I must take and have not necessarily taken as I have held onto resentments and judgments towards other's behaviors, so it was like this experience of "Fuck - this is actually me I am seeing, my responsibility - it's not about her, it's about me - fuck, I am that which I see" lol - it was …

Day 245: Worry as what is Here - Reaction or Creation

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this worry that I am being a caring person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to exist within and as me as a negative energy experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed worry to become an emotional experience within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I worry about others I am actually somehow assisting and supporting them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on other peoples lives within the experience of worry in thinking and believing that somehow my worry will cause a reaction within another and will create some kind of solution for them - somehow justifying or validating the experience of worry within me as being something that will somehow, in someway benefit others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my…

244: Moving Forward

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look outside/separate from me here as a source from which will give me direction in my life, where I think and believe I require something outside and separate from me here to guide me, to direct me, and tell me ‘what to do’ and ‘how to see this’ thinking and believing I am missing some important information that once I have I will somehow come into a more clearer perspective of ‘what I should do’ when really I was within the experience of “I don’t know what to do’ in the face of challenges, of something I have never faced before, and didn’t know ‘how to proceed’ and thus within this experience of not knowing ‘what to do’ attempt to alleviate this experience of feeling inferior or inadequate or without proper information to take on the challenges before me and so within this

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to accept and experience myself as inferior and inadequate and essentially diminished in ‘not k…

243: Some Perspective from the Cats

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Here I want to share with you an interview that I listened to last night, from EQAFE - which is an awesome site sharing tons of interviews and perspective and support for those interested in getting to know themselves, the mind, life, reality - all things considered.

I listened to one of the Animals Series, Cats and Self Discovery part 3 - and this interview was not only timely and specific for what I have been/am currently facing in my life, it offered practical support that I can apply in my own life, to start actually livingchanges that I see I can and that are required to really get myself in a standing of becoming self directive.

You see, recently I have been having a lot of reactions to my own mind; to all the things going on 'in there', things coming up, thoughts, emotions and feelings and 'feeling' very overwhelmed in relation to it all. Within it, believing there is no possible way I can 'get through this all'. And while I was hanging on for dear life …