20 August 2013

233: Seeing Life Separate Leads to Suppression

A point in relation to judging myself and then suppressing myself in moments of communication where I go into fear of sharing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the considerations or perspective that I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid for the considerations or perspective that I have and then within this not want to share myself, not actually wanting to be self honesty about what is going on within me – what is here as me, and instead would rather suppress myself, deny myself in fear of how others will see/perceive/judge me as I have done unto myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what exists within me, as a point of self honesty or simply a perspective I have or a consideration I could make – to judge myself for this and then project it unto another is if they are the ones to do this to me and then to within this suppress myself in fear of how others will see me if I speak or share what I have here as me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my expression, as who I am here,  in moments of communication as if to say what I see/share is not valid, it is worthless and thus not worth it to share myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself in such a way where I do not allow myself to speak or express myself and instead suppress myself in fear of how others might see/perceive me instead of realizing that it’s me judging me and if I simply stop then I am free to express myself and share myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to see where this point comes from, as in where in my life did I decide upon the fact that who I am as what I express is not worthy of life, as not worthy to share myself, to express myself or to be able to honor myself enough to be here, expressing myself in whatever ways I see I would like but to instead question myself and then judge myself and then suppress myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more value on how others perceive/see me then how I see myself and in this placing the value of other’s perception of me as the determining factor of what and how I will express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own self power to simply be here and express myself, actually allowing myself to be free without the constraints I place around me through valuing how others see me more than myself and not even realizing it is through my perception of what/how I 'think' others will perceive me as of course this is but another way to deceive myself in trusting my mind's reasoning for how I function instead of finding out for real through communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate myself and others through acting and expressing in ways where I think I will be the ‘safest’ where others will like and accept me and I will not have to face my fear of others not liking me – of not accepting me or even – gasp – judging me instead of realizing that none of this would exist within me in relation to others if I was not doing it to myself and if I was standing within my own self worth and self acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still judge myself for who I am here, as a being apart of existence and somehow think that I am not valid or worthy enough to stand equal to all beings here

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to others and so within this exist within FEAR of myself in relation to others where I accept others as more than me and then to within this define myself as unworthy to stand equal to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet stand equal to all beings here without placing some on a pedestal and others below me according to how I see and define them as well as how I see I define myself and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as life as ALL beings that are here in seeing some as more or less than me and then through this determine how I will act and who I will be – enslaving myself to a definition/perception within my mind that is not actually real as I realize all beings are equal, as physical substance we are equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrain myself from simply being here according to how I perceive others as either less then or more than me and to within this decide on ‘who I will be’ in the moment with them – then allowing myself to go into a character that I created as a way to survive in this world, in thinking I must be a certain way in order for others to like and accept me – thinking this determines my survival instead of realizing that what actually keeps me alive is food, water, healthy nutrition and shelter – and that is equal for all and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the perception of my mind in how I compare myself to others as more or less and then live according to this, instead of realizing and LIVING the realization in every moment that I am equal and one with all beings – there is no more or less, superior or inferior, that is an illusion I created and sustain through accepting and allowing it and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within an illusion as separating myself from the actual physical reality where all beings are equal and one

When and as I see myself suppressing myself in moments of fear of not wanting to express myself, not wanting to share myself through judging myself in relation to others and thinking another will judge me as I have judged myself I stop and I breathe and I give myself the opportunity to stand up, to stand up within myself and out of suppression and actually allow myself to be here, to express, and to stand equal to and one with other beings as I see/realize/understand that all are my equal and only through the mind do I create the illusion of superiority or inferiority and so I commit myself to stop playing this game, to stop the illusion, to get real and walk in/as the physical with all others beings that is physical here and equal to and one with me in what is required in this world for all to live a life of self expression and so I commit myself to walk the process of standing up from suppression, to stop pushing myself down, to allow myself to speak up and to share myself, to stop judging myself as abusing myself and to stop valuing how others see me in realizing that if I honored myself than it wouldn't matter how others see me – if I stood as self worth then I gift myself with self-worth and nothing can move me and so I commit myself to walk the process of establishing within myself the gift of self living for self – of self value, of self worth, of self honor – in utilizing the tools I have of writing, self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective statements to redesign myself in way that is no longer self abusive, but that honors the life that is here as physical substance, the life in/as all as my equals

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others in defining some as more or less then me I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to me here as the breath and back to the reality that all beings are equal as I see/realize/understand that only within my mind of created illusions can separation possibly exist as some being more or less than others – I stop this abusive self definition game and no longer allow myself to give away my power to others in seeing them as more than me as well as attempting to get power from others as seeing them as inferior to me – I stop the power games and get back to life as I see what is actually here and actually real within physical substance, that all are equal in their strive for life and until I free myself I cannot free life from our strife and so I free myself as life from this game of seeking power and instead walk the process of removing all separation from me that I Have created through/as my mind – I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness, self honesty and self corrective statements/application to get to know where this all comes from, how I created it and why I continue to accept and allow it – I commit myself to my journey to life, removing from me that which isn’t life so that I can stand here absolutely equal and one with the life that is real for/as all – in/as physical reality


















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