The blog yesterday I had written out couple days ago and went to add the corrective statements before publishing but I found that the amount it takes me normally to write my blog - it took perhaps longer yesterday and without the same effectiveness. There were moments where I had no idea what I was writing - or what I was reading and I was so lost in the distraction of this other being - not that they were doing anything specific - but just the fact that they were there it was a distraction. Well actually, I can see that their typing was a point of distraction. But mostly the experience was a distraction in relation to not being alone and having this other being here as I write my blog. I see this is also because I have programmed myself to write my blogs alone and so that is what I am now use to. You put someone else in the room and it's like my whole program is shattered as I 'think' something has changed that I cannot now do what I usually would do - which is simply write a blog. Here I realize the only point that has changed is me in relation to writing my blog with another in the room - I do not have to change, and it should not matter whether I am alone or in a group of a lot of people - who I am must remain constant, stable and directive within myself in whatever it is I am doing as well as whatever is around me - sounds, people, lights; it shouldn't matter what is going on outside of me only who I am within it- which in this case is simply being able to direct myself to write my blog without being distracted/influenced or even 'taken away' from what I am physically doing in that moment.
I saw myself then go into the points of "well I will just not write a blog with them - I will remove myself to be alone to write the blog" as if that is a real solution - that is only temporary and putting of the fact that I must look at/investigate why I allowed myself to be so heavily influenced just by another being sitting in the same room as me while writing my blog.
So here I am again, writing my blog and again this being in sitting here. I see that I am more focused and 'here' as I type my words and what I can see as well here is that the experience from yesterday was in relation to an overall uncomfortability I was experiencing within myself during the day - so that moment of writing my blog was not necessarily in relation to writing my blog with that other being there, but it was having to do with me and my overall experience.
Although now I see this point of as they sit there, thinking they are watching me and so again it's like my awareness moves towards them and wondering what 'they' are seeing as me writing my blog. So again the attention is focused in separation of myself here - and although I am more able to write this blog, I am able to follow my own line of thinking, I can see how I want to put my attention onto them instead of myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself, within myself, when I am writing my blog with another in the room with me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self experience to change when I find that I am no longer alone writing my blog but now there is another present
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted and disorientated almost with the presence of this other being in not being able to focus and direct myself within what I am doing such as writing my blog and instead place my awareness unto them in terms of thinking about what they are doing, what they are seeing and wondering if they are experiencing the same as me - basically separating myself from my own self awareness here as the breath, here as my physical body, here as me expressing myself in the form of my blog and instead placing my attention unto another and what they are doing and thus creating a detachment from myself and what I am doing here
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot focus when another is here in the same environment as me and use this as an excuse to not simply stop giving my attention away from myself here and instead stop, breathe and continue on as pushing myself through what I am busy with such as writing my blog
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted by the sound of another typing on their computer and thus within this become occupied by the sound instead of here directing myself through stopping the experience of being distracted and instead continue on what I am doing, breathing and being here with the sounds around me but not allowing them to influence me within what i am doing
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to design myself in such a way where I cannot simply write a blog whether there is noises or others in my environment or not
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest in thinking and believing that another is focused on me in the moment of me writing my blog, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I am only projecting the focus and attention onto another and within this believe they are doing the same as I am doing and so here I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my self acceptance and allowance unto another in believing they are doing what i am doing
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to make everything about me as self interest in thinking another is having an experience in relation to me when in the room with me as I write my blog instead of realizing the silly distraction I am allowing myself to unnecessarily distract myself - like wtf, this is such a simple point that i have allowed myself to completely go into which is like why? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as if the world revolves around me instead of realizing the self interest limited existence this is and the abuse it it towards life in attempting to make myself so much more - in this one moment of thinking another is more focused on me in a moment then themselves
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to want to be distracted by another in the same environment as me as a resistance to writing my blog, instead of seeing and stopping what I am accepting and allowing in this moment of not directing myself and instead giving into the games of the mind wherein I lose myself in my self created experiences and ideas within my mind - yet they are not real so trapping myself in an illusion instead of stopping and simply directing myself
I forgive himself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for this point that I am writing out in my JTL blog as if it is 'too small' and to 'pointless' to be worthy enough to be in my JTL blog, instead of realizing what I see here is the shame we as humans exist as when we accept and allow ourselves to exist as ego where we make everything about us, we are stuck in our own personal view of ourselves and have not been able to actually evolve as expanding our awareness to what actually matters in this world such as putting an end to global poverty and world hunger and ensuring every human being has their right to basic human necessities as their right to life - instead I am writing about this point of being distracted by another being in the same room as me and so here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by the creation of my own mind and participate within it enough to create a relationship towards it that blinds me from the actual reality and what matters in this world
When and as I see myself distracting myself by any points that are simple distractions and I see I have within my the ability to stop, breathe and direct myself - I push myself to do so as I see/realize/understand that limited existence I have created/accepted/allowed within who I am as a being wherein I am too stuck in my own personal creation of the mind as reactions and experiences to be able to stop and consider or even care about what is going on in our World and so here I commit myself to stop distracting myself deliberately as a way to not take responsibility for the world I exist within - the world i am equally responsible for creating and sustaining and I commit myself to move myself beyond the limitations of my mind as perceptions and beliefs where I occupy myself with my own self interest and instead I move myself beyond to be here, breath with/as physical reality as to assert myself as self directive in no longer accepting and allowing myself to waste away a life or a blog or a point where I could have pushed myself beyond what I have accepted of myself - instead I commit myself to see/exist beyond my self interest as my personal view and instead start to consider what actually matters in this world - putting into perspective what matters, what is of worth, where is the real value and aligning myself to live in such a way where I walk these principles to create within myself and my world equally what is best for all
I commit myself to the daily process of writing and self forgiveness to put into place the personal matters that are required to be sorted out as supporting myself to expand into understanding our world and how it operates and functions - getting to know what is here as I get to know myself and no longer just stuck in myself as my own self interest but instead walk an equal process of getting to know/understanding/realizing what is here within and without - equal and one
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