19 July 2013

218: Tripping on Fear

My summer school semester is coming to an end with one week left. The follow week I am going on holiday and the other night I kept waking up with the experience of fear and thoughts of the trip and fearing things were not settled and I would go on the trip not being prepared or missing something that I should have done before I left.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday in feeling like I am not prepared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my upcoming trip/holiday because I fear I will not be prepared or have everything that I need – I think I will miss something or forget something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of fear when considering my upcoming trip yet within this not have a valid reason as to why I should be experiencing fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to quickly get to the day I will be going on my trip yet at the same time experience a resistance towards the trip as the date approaches closer and closer and so within this it’s like this point of rushing all along to get to the date and now that its right around the corner I am fearing and resisting it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a polarity experience in relation to my upcoming trip wherein I initially was excited and judge the trip as something positive and good and so within this want to move quickly towards the date and want it to be here already so that I can have this experience of how I defined the trip to be positive – yet as the reality sets in of the date actually around the corner – the trip becoming more and more real – go into the polarity experience of fear and resistance, where essentially my mind reality is facing physical reality and thus I experience a conflict because I did not support myself to remain here, walking moment by moment and instead project myself into a future reality within my mind wherein I think and believe everything will work out fine and I want to quickly get to the destination – yet in reality there are many things to consider and the reality of myself to be faced as actually facing the unknown and uncertainty and because I did not support myself to walk in real space and time, experience myself as not grounded in relation to the trip as I allowed myself to go into my mind and imaginations in relation to the trip and thus now have to shatter the bubble of/as my mind as the reality I have made up and not taking into consideration or care of physical reality

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to trust my imaginations to the point where I create an experience of feeling like I will miss or forget something for/during my trip because I spend so much time just projecting into the future of being on the trip instead of here, walking each moment and ensuring I am placing all practical reality points into place to ensure that I do not miss anything and I do make sure all is set and ready for me to go on the trip and thus create stability within myself in relation to the trip as I walk self stability in making sure everything is set and in place for me to go and not have to worry about missing or forgetting anything as essentially I am walking breath by breath to ensure I am directing everything into place and so

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to walk breath by breath in relation to my trip and instead allow myself to exist within my mind as a future projection and thus as I walk closer to the date of actually going on my trip feel unprepared and nervous about missing something or not being ready because I have not supported myself within physical reality practical points and instead just allowed myself to lose myself within my mind of imaginations of how the trip will go/be and not consider the physical reality in which I must take care of certain points in order to support myself to ensure that I can actually be 'here' and not worrying about anything and thus actually being responsible for myself and for my trip and for what needs to be done before I go, instead of existing just in the illusion of my mind as the mental projection of what the trip will be like without consider physical REALITY

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of fear within me in relation to my trip

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the fear I experience in relation to my upcoming trip and so within this - when the point/thought/back chat arise that I am afraid of the trip and worried about how it will go or if I will have everything I need and take care of everything before I go - feel overpowered by this emotion of fear - instead of stopping, breathing and realizing it's my creation in how i define myself in relation to the trip and so instead I commit myself to support myself to remain here and sort out any points within me or within my reality that require to be stabilized and given attention to ensure I do not have to worry about it while I am gone and thus support myself to actually be able to go on the trip without any concerns or fears so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the emotion of fear in relation to the trip instead of questioning whether it is a practical fear or not and if it is - then to sort out the points in reality as a way to support myself - and if it is not practical then stop and investigate what I am afraid of, what am I reacting to and so get to know myself to create stability within myself to be able to let go and enjoy myself on the trip instead of experiencing irrational fear based on mental ideas and definitions that I can easily support myself to remove



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