14 July 2013

215: Gripped in a Moment of Choice as Facing an Addiction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suspend myself within my mind in a moment of time when/as I see myself hanging before the cliff as if I could easily fall into the addiction in which I am stopping

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself, within my mind, making the decision to fall into my addiction through justifying reasons and excuses as to ‘why’ it is ‘ok’ and that I can ‘start over’ and to within this actually for a moment or several believe this and actually think I do not have a choice within my decision – as if I do not have the ability to in that moment, despite what my mind is showing me or what I am accepting in that moment, I can always change, I can always change my mind, I can always change my nature and no longer allow that point to exist within me as taking back directive principle – even though I realize how easy it is to NOT – to just trust the habitual ways of my existence that validate to me the ease I experience when I just give into the point of addiction – as it’s what I ‘always’ do and have done and so instead of trusting this – trusting MYSELF to actually stop realizing that this moment of uncertainty is here because of me and so I decide to stand equal to it in directing myself out of the uncertainty and back into the certainty as the decision of who I will be in this life as what I accept and allow in each moment as me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to actually contemplate going back into the addiction I am stopping in allowing myself, for just a split second to think, “maybe I will fall”, instead of realizing that in that split second of the moment I was willing the fall in even considering, contemplating and entertaining the idea – instead of realizing that it is not beyond me to stop – as I so easily trust my programming as my addiction – I can equally trust myself to change it, to re-script it into ways of living and existing that are best for me and ultimately best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never making through the moment of the grip as when the addiction come up to test me – fearing I will fall and give in as that is what I Have always done and so through this constant ‘fall’ completely lose faith and trust in myself -and so when this moment arise, fear myself – fear I cannot trust myself as I have seen how it usually go and to within this existing in the past as the memories of times before when I did not push and apply myself and to within this even sabotage myself from the NEW moment I have here of actually stopping, and changing and trusting that I will continue to apply this (stopping) within myself each time the moment arise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop my addiction for others – so others will take my example and stop their own instead of within this realizing that with this starting point – I will never stand, because it’s not a statement as ‘who I am’ that I can then live for real for eternity as who I am and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to desire saving others as I save myself within stopping addictions in realizing one can only ever do it for oneself and so I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that only once I actually stop and save myself from my own addictions can I actually be of assistance and support to others and thus to stop FOR others is not actually valid or real but is in fact separating myself from my responsibility to me HERE

When and as I see myself facing the moment of my addiction as the test of the decision I have made as to whether I will fall or stand - give in or give myself the ability to stop and direct myself - I stop and I breathe and I continue to reaffirm to myself the decision I have made with the realization of the process I must walk through as walking out of the addiction and giving myself back the power to be self directive and not a slave to my mind as the energy in which I have created in relation to my point of addiction - I commit myself to stop being a slave to energy

I commit myself to stop and breathe and decide to CHANGE in one moment as I see I am able in not 'going for' the easy route as falling for my addiction but instead stand stable as who I am as the statement in which I accept and allow as the moment of choice in how i live and continue to walk this process of stopping the addictions and releasing myself from the hold i Have created within myself towards something outside and separate from me here

I commit myself to walk the process as the Journey to Life, with writing, self honesty, self forgiveness, self corrective statements and breathing as getting through each moment self willed in becoming self directive principle of who I am in each moment and no longer being a slave that cannot stop and change my mind, my nature in one moment - I commit myself to walking the process of freeing myself from all addictions within/as me

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