01 July 2013

209: Stopping the Pattern of the Past: Resistance to Writing

A point here is resistance for writing my blog tonight - specifically because I opened a new point in yesterday's blog in regards to communication in the work place and my participation and lack of awareness/responsibility for the words I have been speaking and the words I have not been speaking in terms of being directive and standing within the principles I see are best for all.

So the resistance is in relation to seeing this 'new point' with 'many dimensions' and so then I project in my mind the imagination/play out that it will be a 'long process' and I 'don't know where to start' in terms of 'taking on' the points revealed in my writing.

I see this resistance has been building over time in my writing process, where I have had these back chats of "this will take too long" or "I don't know where to start" and "there are too many points that I am not seeing" and "I might miss a point/something"

I have even giving up on some of the points I have started walking in my Journey to life blogs - where I simply just stop taking them apart and investigating them and applying the appropriate self forgiveness and through this allowance as my actions, I continue to accept the back chats and thus the creation of resistance.

So now resistance tonight to the new point opened yesterday. Will address this before I continue and make a commitment to myself to go back and finish up/direct the points/blogs I opened before but just 'left hanging' without direction or solutions/self forgiveness/commitments because essentially what I am implying that these points that are WITHIN ME - that I bring forth in my blogs - are more than me and thus give them power in seeing them as 'more than me' that I cannot walk through all these points. Yet this is the process - a process of consistency and self trust to will myself through my mind, facing myself as the accepted nature I have allowed to become me and to change it/no longer allow it. But to leave some points open and not walk them to completion is a pattern I have ALWAYS existed as - and a lol here because I saw this point emerge (this pattern of not completing things I start) a couple days ago and wrote about in my blog from a couple days ago about not wanting to complete things I start - so the point here to support me in seeing/facing what I have been accepting and allowing and not leaving me until I remove it/change it/transform it as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to writing my blog tonight because i opened a new point within me/within my blog that I now see as 'too much' and with 'too many dimensions' that require to be walked through/removed/directed/addressed with self forgiveness and thus accepting this idea that I cannot possibly walk through all the points and that it will take to long - create a resistance to simply starting and walking the process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel resistances towards writing/new points I bring out in my blogs because of back chats I accept and allow of "this will take too long" or "I don't know where to start" and "there are too many points that I am not seeing" and "I might miss a point/something"

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I am in essence revealing to myself here is that these points are more than me, more powerful then me and I am not able to walk through them as removing/transforming and changing them as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself in seeing points I address within my blogs as my Journey to Life as more than me that I cannot direct in not realizing they are me - equal and one with who I am in this moment as what i Have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in relation to MYSELF where I see the points I expose/address in my blogs as being more than me and that I am not able to actually direct them into livable solutions and thus submit myself to MYSELF - realizing that they are me - me as my mind - me as my nature as what I Have created myself as through habitual patterns and cycles that I play out over and over again until it's automatically the way I function - instead of realizing that it is me - I am able to direct me - to see me, to sort myself out and I, as my mind, is my creation and thus I am equal to it and so no need to stand inferior to it as obviously one cannot possible change from such a position of dis-empowerment

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less then myself, as less then my mind and points/experiences/reactions within me instead of realizing they are me as what i have accepted myself to be and as I have accepted myself to be them - I am able to change them as me through the same process - determining/deciding what I will and will not accept and allow within/as me and as my physical actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always exist in a way where I do not walk anything I 'take on' within myself or my life/reality into completion - where I will start something new but give up eventually on it and not walk myself through to 'the end'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my Journey to Life Process, my writing process, my process of self transformation/change as I have always existed as being one who never completes what they start such as opening new points in blogs but not walking them to completion - not walking through all the dimension - not applying self forgiveness for every point I see within my writing in relation to the specific point I am addressing and so here revealing the nature I have always accepted of myself as being not one to complete things, to start but never finish - basically giving up on myself in inferiorizing myself in thinking and believing its too much, I can't do it, it's too hard

I forgive myself that i Have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself through the resistances I have created in relation to walking through ALL the points revealed in my writing as my Journey to Life blogs - where I start a point, write for a few days about it and then simply stop because of the allowed back chats to influence me in directing me away from the points and into the automated behavior of never completing that which I start and so here I forgive myself that I did not allow myself to stop in that very first instance where I saw myself 'throw in the towel' in terms of walking away from a point/points I was walking through in my Journey to Life blogs, where after so many days/blogs, I gave up and saw I was running away, avoiding and basically diminishing myself in saying "I can't do this - this is too much, I quit"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this journey will be a challenge - as I am challenging my accepted nature of 'who I am' as how I have always existed as and so instead of giving up at the moment where I become perhaps uncomfortable or facing the extent of my own ways - instead of giving up in this moment, stop, take a breath, stand within self honesty as the principle of what I am walking in/as this life of willing to change myself and embrace the moment of change - in no longer being directed by resistance, but instead directing me to change my ways in that moment and continue with the writing process - address the point I see in my blogs until I have faced/addressed/sorted and giving solutions to ALL of it - to change my nature - to finish what I start

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to leave myself hanging - where I will open points within myself in my blogs but not walk them to completion - leave them sitting there, open - waiting to be finalized and with direction in how I will change myself - in actually removing the points instead of allowing them to just sit there, still sitting within me playing their part as I have not taking them apart and removed them from me

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in my Journey to Life Blogs as not completing each points I address in my blogs - where I will give up after so many days, and through this action tell myself that I cannot finish - I cannot do it - I will never change as I prove it to myself in such a statement/action and thus through this recreate, over and over again, the same point that I continue to live out, such as tonight - facing resistance to the new points address/exposed in my writing yesterday and so see here even the process of creating a resistance and wanting to give up coming quicker and so cool support to see that I can no longer allow this of myself and so

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stop and go back and finish that which is still waiting for me - sitting idly by, open, exposed but without direction or solution

And so here I commit myself to stop myself from continuing to open more and more points when I have not yet allowed myself to close previous points - where instead of adding more and more stuff to sort out and direct through not completing the previous points (as allowing my natured way of not finishing what I start) to instead stop and sort those out, finish those up, tie up the lose ends and allow myself to walk clear and fresh in each day, each moment, each blog - where I am no longer avoiding the past, but clear my past as the previous points in each of my blogs to be able to walk the path of self change without the influence of 'who I was' to determine who I will be in this moment

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