02 June 2013

189: Resting in the Face of Resistance

Taking a break from the series I have been walking as the memories within the 'bully character' - here I am going to address a point I saw within/as myself today.

Sundays are usually my days of not resting, but in fact doing all the things I am unable to do during the week due to either classes or work. I have been on break from school for the past few weeks. Tomorrow starts a new semester and so a new opportunity to correct myself within who I have been in walking within school/classes.

So I am keeping Sundays to be that which I do that I am unable to do during the week - such as laundry and grocery shopping and self work as my DIP lessons and Agreement Course Lessons, and then participating on the desteni forums and generally anything that gets put to the side during the week as obviously school is priority.

Today I got about half of the stuff done. Because when it came to the points that I have generally throughout my process have had resistance to, specifically my SRA lessons - I usually fall. Today I fell in that I was moving myself in the direction of sitting down and opening up the lesson to do some work on it, and in an instance, the thought came up in my mind of 'taking a rest' instead. Which I have had the tendency to use sleeping/naps or 'resting' as an excuse to fall in the face of resistances. Today I accepted the tendency. And what I can see is that I require to give myself specific direction within this point because this 'resting in the face of resistance' was used within school work as well. Especially this last semester.

So this requires a solution as myself obviously, because not just my SRA work is being put off for later, but I use it within putting school work off as well, and this accumulate fast consequences and after the semester I just came out of, I see it is not best for me and I'm actually just wasting my time and money in allowing myself to not 'give it my all' in terms of actually applying myself as I see I am able, to the best of my ability, to actually push myself beyond what I have generally accepted within/as myself throughout my life - which is not much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing my SRA lessons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing my school work/lessons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the face of resistance, fall in giving myself the excuse that I can 'rest' instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ideas about myself and about the lessons I see are necessary to be done within SRA and school that then create a resistance within me, as keeping me from actually, physically doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts/back chats and ideas enough to add energy to these ideas/back chats and ideas in relation to me within my SRA work and my school work, wherein the energy acts as a wall that I think and believe that I cannot walk through

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continue to allow resistances to direct me in stopping me from doing that which I see is practical and necessary to be done in this world/in my life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give value to the resistances I have created within myself through thinking, back chatting and reactions to SRA work and school that I trust the resistance is real, that direct me away from actual PHYSICAL work, of actual physical self movement wherein I decide as me as principle, and not the resistance as me, who I am and what I will do or not do in my days and within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the moment of sitting down to do SRA work or school work - exist as a thought within my mind as an image of me laying in bed and 'resting' and to within this - desire to live out the image in my mind wherein I will then physically get up and move myself to my bed and lay down, trusting and following the image within my mind as the influencer of who I am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to coninue taking direction from/as the thoughts/images within my mind

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the face of a resistances in desiring to 'rest'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR the resistance I experience within me of actually, physically doing my SRA and school work to then move from this fear into desire to do something else, which is usually sleep as a way to suppress the resistance experience that i Have created within and as me and so within this, I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my self creation of resistance within me in relation to SRA and school work, and instead allow it the play out automatically without any self direction or decision to actually change from resistance to acceptance - realizing that I see SRA and school work is practical, physical work that supports me within my process of self transformation, development, growth and expansion and to allow the resistance implies that I am not willing to actually, physically change and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make the living statement that I do not want to and I will not physically change when I accept and allow myself to fall in the face of resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my self within my process of self change when I allow myself to be directed by myself as the resistance to SRA work and school work, instead of, within this resistance as me, take responsibility to move myself through/as the resistance, moving it as who I am in no longer being directed by it but instead me directing it within the principle of self honesty - as I see/realize/understand that the resistance is me, the work I do is me, it's about 'who I am' within/as it and thus it's time to become self honest in no longer separation myself as resistances to points within my world and reality

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as resistance to SRA work and school work, wherein I believe the resistance is more than me that it has the ability to move me in a specific direction, instead of standing within the responsibility I have as the creator of myself as the resistance and thus moving myself as the resistance to no longer allowing it to exist within/as me and instead direct within me as no more controlling me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see the consequences I create through accepting and allowing resistances to direct me, wherein i these moments of allowing myself to fall in the face of resistances, I accumulate the work that still requires to be done and that i am not actually escaping the responsibilities that i have, I am only suppressing them and denying and trying to ignore them, which really I am only trying to suppress, ignore and deny my responsibility within the resistence I have created and thus I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myslef to believe I can run away from the resistances I have towards SRA work and school work when I instead decide to 'rest' instead of realizing the consequences I accumulate for myself that are not best for me/all

I forgive myself that i have not yet allowed myself to investigate all of myself within/as resistance to school work and SRA lessons as giving myself support as self direction to see within self honesty what I am actually accepting and allowing, as getting to know myself as my mind as what i Have accepted to be 'who I am' and how i live in/as this physical reality and simply just accept the automated direction of the mind that shows me an image that I trust to be who I am and how I should live resistance

When and as I see myself coming face the face with the resistances I have created as me in relation to school work and SRA work, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself within the awareness, as my breath, to see what is moving within my mind in order to stop them in a moment, or if required in that moment, seeing that there is too much energy as the resistance pushing me away from the responsibility I have in that moment to walk through the resistance, sit myself down and write out what it is I am experiencing and apply self forgiveness as releasing myself from the energy hold I have placed around myself that keeps me from actually walking through the resistance as I see/realize/understand that any resistance i have is my creation and within not walking through and instead falling as deciding to rest in the face of resistance, I am implying that I do not and will not physically change and I can no longer accept this of myself as I see/realize/understand that the ONLY way to change is to physically MOVE myself as the resistance, as it's my responsibility - it's what i have accepted as me and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for/as the resistances I have created in relation to the SRA work and school work that I allow to influence me away from actually doing the work and instead commit myself to find out WHY I continue to feed the resistance as thoughts/back chats/reactions and thus release myself from the energy I have given to it as the value I have placed on the points existence within my mind - I commit myself to stop all resistances in the form of physical self movement in realizing that is the only way to no longer accept this as me. I commit myself to support myself to walk physical through this resistance with writing and self forgiveness, but I also commit myself to realizing that resistances can be changed in one moment, in going through/walking through the resistance that i am faced with and thus I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to 'fall' and instead stand up within/as myself, within/as the resistance, within/as the responsibility I have to it's creation, as it is within me and thus direct/move myself as the resistance, through it in longer allowing 'it' to direct me, but me direct me as the principle of self honesty within self change



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