I have opened up this point - of finding out I am the bully that I feared - and while I am busy walking through it - I see thoughts and back chats coming up as reactions to it - not wanting to 'do it' - or complete it - like just wanting to 'free write' about my day or not give myself direction basically in actually sorting out what is here as the memories I have placed - as the whole personality I have developed that is still existing within me of being a bully - so it's like I see this point as "too big" and will take many blogs to complete and yes, so not wanting to actually direct myself, commit myself to actually walk through what I have allowed myself to see. This is not cool because obviously it's an attempt to ignore what is here, and what I have specifically, physically placed for myself to write - so I will apply self forgiveness and corrective statements for myself here as to no longer allow the resistance to walking this point direct me, and thus support myself to keep on walking - keep on moving into the direction of actually removing this from myself as I see it only serves to keep my trapped in the past, stored in my mind, influencing who I am today and thus is oh so useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance through walking with self forgiveness and self corrective statements for the memories I have placed for myself in my blogs as taking responsibility for who I was in my past and how I am still allowing it to direct and influence me, through back chats and thinking and entertaining ideas of "this is too hard, this is too much, this will take too long"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts long enough as reactions of "this is too hard, this is too long, this is too much", to then create a resistance within myself towards actually, physically walking myself through the memories with self responsibility as self forgiveness and self corrective statements - in wanting to give up what is REAL as my physical process of/as the journey to life and instead trust the ILLUSION of my mind as back chats/thoughts that tell me "I can't do this"
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to entertain these thoughts long enough to create an energy around the point that then direct me in not wanting walk through all of the memories - in investigating all of myself within these memories, in actually getting to know myself in how I have and do function and thus I forgive myself that i Have not allowed myself to realize/see the gift I have given to myself as the memories of who I was in creating myself as a bully and the fear of being bullied that is still here with me - as it is an opportunity to learn about myself within self awareness, as the tools I have of self honesty - wherein I can actually take a look at who I have been in my life, the patterns I have participated in and WHY I accepted and allowed this in my life - as who I am, thus be able to get a better understanding of who I am and how I am able to change as I see/realize/understand that I cannot possible change unless I allow myself to see myself for real - with self honesty and the principles of what is best for all as then I am able to re-write what I accept and allow as myself as well as remove these memories that I Have carried with me throughout my life
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea of within my mind as 'how long' it will take to walk through these memories, not realizing that I have accumulated myself throughout time to be who I am now for 28 years and thus patience is required in realizing that I have a gift to slow myself down and walk myself slowly but surely through these last 28 years to see what i have accepted and allowed and actually correct it - in looking at every moment of my whole life, what a gift as getting to know myself, in seeing who I am and what I see this reality and how I can actually remove the filters that I have placed on myself as given to me by this world and generations before - I have the opportunity to actually become responsible and thus I allow myself to slow myself down, cherish these memories as the support in getting to know myself and allow myself to live patience as who I am, taking care of every detail I see I am able to correct
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what i tell myself in my mind of this being 'too hard and too much and too long' is not actually real and so I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my thoughts instead of me - as becoming self directive in what I do in this life, what i do each day, what I will accept and allow and no longer allow thoughts to direct me
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that thoughts as back chats directing me away from doing what I SEE and REALEYES is best for all as walking my journey to life, as supporting myself to change with the tools of breathing, self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective application - instead of stopping in that moment and giving no value as validation to ANY thought that I see attempts to influence myself away from what is best for me, as walking my process of self responsibility in no longer allowing abuse I see within myself to exist within me
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe my thoughts in relation to the memories I have of being a bully and walking myself through the process of clearing all the shit I have carried with me as the memories as bigger than me - are real, instead of realizing it is my own way of attempting to sabotage myself in actually changing, in misdirecting me away from what is practically necessary to be done - deal with what is HERE as me, within and without
When and as I see myself back chatting about my blogs and the process I walk in investigating who I have been throughout my life as the accepted nature of myself within/as self interest - I stop and I breathe and I do not allow this of myself and so I stop in that moment and do not allow any thoughts as I see/realize/understand that to allow the thoughts, to participate in the thoughts, to entertain the thoughts only adds energy and thus through this energy, the resistance exist as I have now given value as energy to the thoughts that "it's too much, i can't do this" - and thus direct me away from what is best for all as I also see/realize/understand that if I simply breathe and do not allow the thoughts/back chats, if I stop them in one moment, then I am not giving them any power, I am not validating them and thus I am here to breathe and direct myself as deciding what I will do throughout my days and here throughout my life and so I commit myself to support myself within breathing, bringing myself back to breath and stopping any thought I see arise within me in no longer trusting that i am my thoughts and instead trust that I am life as the breath, that is really who I am and so I commit myself to no longer creating my own resistances through participation in thoughts and instead trust myself to direct myself in each moment - in each blog, to do what I see is common sense and necessary in creating myself within the nature of what is best for all and thus support myself to be able to support this world in creating a world that reflect each individual standing within the same principle
I commit myself to walk my journey to life, slowly but surely in realizing it will take time, patience and self trust to do what i see is necessary to be done as what is best for all
I commit myself to trust myself to stop thoughts that I allow to create resistances
I commit myself to realizing that patience is key in walking my process as the journey to life, as it took 28 years to create myself to be who I am and thus I walk an equal amount of time, as the commitment I make to myself and all life in this one life
I commit myself to stop seeing my thoughts more powerful than me as allowing them to influence me away from walking my journey to life
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