21 May 2013

179: Why would One Need Validation for it's Existence?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, even within the realization of the nature of myself as self interest, in where I am constantly seeking and seraching to find ways to ‘fill myself’ with a reward for the being in which I display myself as, still exist as the starting point – in still allowing myself to move from/as self interest as who I am instead of stopping and breathing and moving myself from the awareness of what is best for all as I see/realize/understand that to move from/as self interest in not best for all – it is in fact greedy and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as greed as self interest in where I just want to get anything I can to reward myself as a form of validation for ‘who I am’ not realizing that the ‘who I am’ that I am trying to reward is my ego that has been constructed and programmed into me since birth, in where I was taught ‘how to be’ in order to survive in this world and in this world of comparisons and competition I have accepted myself to have to be the best and thus move within this starting point in/as desire to be the best, better than others, something that others will approve of so that I can survive in this world and within this thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this world of survival as competition and comparisons in not investigating whether this is of something that matters – of substance – if it is best for all or best for me as I see/realize/understand that what I(it) create and produce in this world is inequality in all ways and abuse and greed and selfishness and lack of humanity – where we as humans do not care about life, as we do not even care about our own life as the flesh we are because we are too busy within our minds attempting to validate the existence of our ego as needing an reward for the personalities we present that we think are of value and worth and so I forgive myself that I have given my value and worth to a false idol, a false self that does not take into consideration what is actually real in this world and instead separate myself into an illusion as me as ego as the sense of self that needs feedback/validation in order to exists as I see when I do not get the validation/feedback I expect – the mind reacts and wonders “what is wrong” and so I forgive myself that I have so utterly accepted myself to be an organic robot taught and trained to exist for reward, never giving unconditionally but only consuming the FLES(h) as SELF for something that I never bothered to question such as why would I need validation for my existence when I AM HERE – as I breathe – I AM HERE and that is constant and trustworthy and without the need for an external reward system – it simply exists – that’s it – and so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the true meaning of life and living to be here without need of a reward and thus be able to unconditionally give – as I would like to receive



When and as I see myself existing within self interest – in realizing it is ingrained as the very flesh I am as the movement as me in/as this world – I stop and I breathe and I gift myself the opportunity to get to know myself as who I have accepted as a being of self interest, where I do not take into consideration the life that is here and the life that suffers because of my unwillingness to care as I am too busy caring for the ego of my mind that seeks reward for it’s existence – only proving that I am not life, I am but a programming operated to function in expectation of who I must be in this world as a part of the whole that sustains the very system that takes life and does not give life and so I commit myself to investigate myself in ALL WAYS to find out the origin/starting point of/as my existence and why I believe and have accepted that I NEED something in order to exist as I see/realize/understand that what life is, is equal to and one with the manifestation of the body that breathes – a constant give and receive that does not require validation for it’s existence, it is simply here, sustaining life and so I commit myself to bring myself back to myself as the part of me that is life, as my breath and push myself to remove the self interest that cause inequality and lack of true compassion in this world – I commit myself to get out of my head as the limited space of self interest where I wear blinders to the reality that is here, that I have created without awareness yet am fully responsible for and so I commit myself to become/walk/stand within self responsibility – taking responsibility for what I have created within the starting point of self interest and push myself to no longer allow it – so committing myself to SLOW myself DOWN with/as breathing to see who/where I am within myself as the ‘reason’ for what I do/say/think – to see the starting point of myself as I realize from that is what I create and if it does not produce what is best for all then it is not worthy of life and thus in separation of life and so I commit myself to re-align myself to/as the substance as life as what matters in physical matter as what is best for all

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