06 May 2013

164 - the 21st Day of my 21 Day Breathing Challenge - I Will Live Life

So I have completed this journey in which I placed for myself - walking in bringing myself back to breath for the past 21 days. As I've mentioned and as some who read this know - breath is key in birthing self as life, as letting go of ego, of remaining here as the real reality, standing here as the constant expression without self interest or expectations. So this is a process in which I push myself to walk every moment, yet I took myself on this journey specifically to create a new habit and let go of an old one.. where I trusted my mind more then my body to give me/sustain me as Life.

What I can see is that I experience the last 21 days like a lifetime. So much happened - I faced so much of myself. Points opened in my world and points closed, I had to face fears and anxiety and desire and within it all - Me. Myself - and that is why I breathe. The process of facing self, as who and what self has accepted and allowed within the limited expression of thoughts, feelings and emotions that is subject to the energy provided by the physical body - with breath as the guiding hand, allows self to specify who we are in each moment, where we are coming from and where we are directing ourselves to go - and if it is in fact us calling the shots. I have seen just how much I don't breathe, just how much movement is still within my mind, just how much I have trusted myself as the experience I create through my participation in separation of myself. I have seen when I am moving me and when energy is moving me - I have seen ups and downs and so I know I have not yet established consistent stability as I walk this life - yet I have seen a change. The last 21 days I have seen just how much I am willing to push myself, how I am willing to hold myself accountable, how much I am willing to try new things, to test things out, to become humble. I have seen just how much I don't know and how much I have yet to give myself credit for. I can see how I am able to direct myself - to give myself the reason and purpose for my own existence and live beyond the limitations I have placed around me.

There is still much to sort out, but as I close this moment of the 21 day breathing challenge - I open a new door within my Journey to Life. One that becomes more specific - one where I push myself more, accept nothing less then what I see I am capable of. I will trust myself more, I will be more self honest and damnit I will dig deeper into myself then I have ever before. Because I realize the only way to 'get out' is to go within, to see who I am withing the darkest parts of me - the stuff I have buried deep down that I believed will never see the light of day. Well I will be the will to bring to light the darkness within me. I will walk this process, I will bring myself back to breath, I will bearth myself as Life. I will let go of my ego. I will stand up for this world. I will address things in my life that I see are working and are not working and I will allow myself to enjoy the journey.

I will stop judging myself and I will express myself. I will stop my addictions and investigate my expectations. I will stop all hope and future projections. I will remain here. I will stand here. I will push myself to stop the image presentation of myself and I will live out loud. I will live ready to die.

I will write myself out. I will forgive myself. I will make physical changes in my day to day living. I will stop the thoughts and I will no longer react. I will breathe. I will allow myself to live a life I never imagined I could, realizing only I can create the life as me. Only I can change myself. Only I can forgive myself. Only I can be honest with myself. Only I can accept myself. Only I can trust myself. Only I can be the change I want to see in this world. Only I can realize the change required to be made. I will stop these empty promises as words without substance and I will commit myself to walk with/as substance in purifying my words to live them for real as my Journey to Life, as who I really am, every day until it is done - until I have faced the totality of me in seeing who I am as how I currently exist. I will expose my nature. I will change my nature. I will never allow myself to give up. I will get to know our reality as I get to know myself -  I will realize Equality and Oneness. And I will utilize the constant that is here as the real me, that which allows me and gives me and is here for me to Live Life- I will breathe.

So I am grateful for this 21 days, and I am grateful to myself for walking it. I am grateful for all the participants in my reality and for the assistance that never ends.

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