04 May 2013

162: Day 19 of 21-Day Breathing Challenge: bEarthing Real Life

Today is my bearthday (well a few hours ago at least). Yes, my bEARTHday. The Day from which I was born into and on this Earth. It's interesting that we calculate ourselves and our life according to this day, as this was the day from which we took our first BREATH. Our First Breath Here on Earth. What is even more interesting, that from this moment of Bearth - we never again consider it. The first breath is what gives us life, yet the rest of our "life" we forget to breathe. We forget about Life. Because slowly but surely we amalgamate to what is here as our world and our reality within accepting it unconditionally and without question.

Today is just another day for me. Like yesterday and like tomorrow. Because I have learned what it really means to Live. Because I have learned to bring myself back to Life - Back to Earth - Back to that which allows me to Live - Breath. Yet - this is not without struggle. I have spent 25 years of my life not breathing - not paying attention to the flesh that I am, the flesh that is made of this Earth, no - instead I have identified and created myself into and as a Mind. A mind that is very active and busy is seeing, interpreting, collecting, analyzing and presenting a sense of self that I had only partially contributed to. I am a product of my environment, I am a product of my family, I am a product of my generational line, I am a product of my culture, I am a product of entertainment, I am a product of brainwashing, I am a product of Mind Control, I am a product of "Love", I am a product of desire, I am a product of hate, I am a product of greed, I am a product of lies, I am a product of this world as it is currently accepted. And I accepted it as me.

So in this creation of self that is me, walking through a life being stimulated to accept and define myself a certain way, as a certain nature, as a certain expression - just one part of the whole that runs automatically and without awareness. Who I have become has been designed to exist a certain way - to see things in a specific light, to react to certain things accordingly, to have one preference over the other, to relate to some on one level and not with another. I, in no way throughout my life, ever decided, as Myself as who I am AS life, as that which is OF this earth - ever decided "who I am" in/as this world, in/as my life. My life was programmed. And I run as the program - a script in which I follow because I have no directive principle - that I gave up once I accepted a life without breath.

Yet - 3 years ago I came face to face with Desteni. And Desteni showed me who I had been living as and supported me to see what was beyond what I accepted as me. Desteni brought me back to Life - back to Breath as the process of Re-Birth. The Journey in which I take each and every single moment I allow myself to breathe as Life - the journey I walk here in my blogs, pushing myself to live out loud for myself and for all as me. The Journey that pushes myself beyond the nature I have created as myself. The Journey in which I challenge myself to investigate all things of/as myself that is of this World. Such as a birthday. Today is no more special than yesterday and will not be more special than tomorrow - because the moment I define something to be more or less that something else - I am creating separation. When i create separation, I produce inequality. And as this world shows, I have become a producer producing a product of inequality. And yet, I don't even know how I've done it. Because I came into this world and never questioned anything. I just trusted it, never got to know it. And the first acceptance I allowed was Me as the Mind. As my thoughts. As my emotions. As my feelings. As my desires. As my fear. As my judgments. As my beliefs. As my personality. As my characters. As the being that changes according to what another says or does, by what is near me or by what I hear. A reactive robot that moves according to energy.

What even a struggle to walk through/as this blog, as I still fight with my mind in wanting to present my ego as something special, as having some kind of great insight, so that others will see me and say "wow" - but this just proves my point. I am still very much enslaved by myself - by my mind - my ego - my definition of 'who I am' and how I must be, that I can't even share myself openly and in self honesty.

Birthing Self as Life that is Here, free and clear without the Movement of the Mind as the director of what I express - is a process. A process that I have committed to myself and continue to commit myself in every breath I allow myself to breathe. To be here. To live life. To be equal and one with who I really am that is not of this World, but of this Earth. Yet I realize I must walk through what I have created/accepted and allowed myself to be FIRST. Only through my mind will I get back to my origin - the darkness from which I emerged as a being in this world without anything - as nothing. Just flesh and bone and blood and breath and a beat.

Self Awareness and Self Discovery is the process of learning about the limitations we have placed on ourselves, as what we have trusted ourselves to be in/as this world without question. It is the being that accepts inequality, separation, desire, self interest, lust, love, fear, greed, resistance and spite. It is a being that accepts it within and without, above and below. This is a being I no longer choose to be and the only choice I have is to take responsibility. Responding within the ability to realize that i have not lived what is best for all, I have attempted to live what is best for me and that "best for me" as the pursuit of my own happiness, has been programmed into me. And so in every moment of breath, It is like I am going 'against' "me" - yet pushing myself to become the real me, the me that is Life, that is flesh. Interesting that we cannot even breathe consistently - proof we are not actually Life, we are just here taking up space, as our bodies are the ones that are real, of substance, of Life.

Until I know how I created myself the way that I am, until I know where every single thought comes from, every image in my mind, every feeling, every belief, every idea, every fear - until I know what it is that drives me, I can never say I am free to choose/be who I am - because it's not me, HERE, driving me, it is what is within/as my Mind. There is more beyond what we can see/are aware of. We are more than the space between our eyes. We have a whole body that exists for us here, and we are not even paying attention. And that is why I am here. To find out for Real, who I am  and what I have been missing. To give myself the purpose in which I will push myself to live. To change Me and this World to no longer accept anything less then what is Best for All and what is Best for All is for All to be Here as Equals, as Life, no longer accepting inequality but supporting ourselves to live for real.

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