29 April 2013

157: Day 14 of 21-Day Breathing Challenge - Policing Myself as Self Dishonesty

So here a point I have been 'walking to' in regards to seeing this belief in the background coming to the foreground of thinking that within this 21-Day breathing challenge - I MUST only write about breathing, lol. I realize that the point of this journey was to walk 21 days of really bringing myself back to breath and seeing when I am not, yet at the same time, it's like I don't want to address any points I have seen, but instead just focus on breathing.

For instance, I guess I did write a bit about seeing some addictions to the energy of the mind since I have started this 21-days, but every time I come to sit down, I want to write about breathing and things I saw in relation to breathing, instead of allowing myself to simply write unconditionally what is here and what has been here as me throughout the day.

So it's like placing myself on a path but there are walls keeping me from going off track, like believing that I can only go 'this way' or 'that way' instead of allowing myself to open up and expand on things I see throughout my day, as breathing and this 21-day challenge supports especially in relation to see one's day more specifically, what is coming up in the mind, when I am breathing, when I am not and so yeah, like more with the ability to 'see' clearly. So it's ok for my self to write about thing I see throughout my day, lol - I don't have to police myself into writing ONLY about breathing. As I realize I am not breathing enough to write such a blog, and thus the purpose of this challenge, essentially - to show myself just how much I am not in control of myself and I have created quite the mess in the Mind. But in seeing the problem we can support ourselves with the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my 21-day breathing challenge is only about breathing, where I believe I can only write about breathing, instead of realizing the real purpose and starting point of this challenge, was the show myself just how much I am not in directive principle and create a new habit of myself in bringing myself back to breath and so I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the process of seeing is how the breathing challenge supports - to see who I am in each moment and to realize that yes, it's ok that I write about these things, there are not 'rules' or ways that I 'have to be' - I can express myself and what i have seen throughout my days where I was either breathing or not, realizing that what this journey has actually shown me is how much I don't breath and so cool to see because within this I have the solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept limitation within/as myself in thinking and believing that with walking the 21-day breathing challenge, that is all I can write about in my blog, instead of seeing and realizing that I am here, walking a journey to life, and within this, a journey of breathing for 21 days, yet the point remains that it is about self, self investigation, self honesty, self forgiveness and self movement as self change and so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express and expand in/as my writing as I walk the 21-day breathing challenge in thinking that I can only write about breathing

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to actually want to only write about breathing, so I do not have to face or become self honesty about what I see throughout my day and so it's like using the 21 day breathing challenge to hide within my mind and not address what is here as me and so I forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself within the 21 day breathing challenge as a way to not face myself as self writing and self forgiveness, and instead keep me in line in following some rules I made up in my mind that i have to adhere to, instead of stopping and breathing and daring to go into myself in ways in which I have never allowed myself to - the brutal truth of self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within the 21-day breathing challenge as not being effective, wherein I do not have to share things I saw within myself that I might have reacted to or participated within energy, as thinking and believing that walking this 21 day breathing challenge, I must show some kind of great changes, and because I feel as if I don't/am not, don't want to share it, yet within this dishonesty, expose to myself the starting point of not addressing who I am in each moments and still allowing myself to want to present an image that is of separation of who I am here, instead of supporting myself to get real, to express myself for real, to be self honest for real in sharing all of me as the process I walk in/as the journey to life

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to expand within myself and my process is not using this 21-day breathing challenge to expand on points I see throughout my day where I am not standing with/as breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being 'wrong' in not sharing about breathing or not being honest about not breathing and so fear to be punished or ridiculed for not being more effective, instead of being gentle with myself in allowing myself to walk this process unconditionally and without expectation in realizing that it will take moment by moment space and time walking to become effective and directive within who I am, and so as I apply, I learn and grow and expand and so trust myself on this journey to push myself to be more than what i have allowed myself to be

When and as I see myself wanting to 'follow some rule' that I Have placed upon myself as to 'how I must be/write' within my 21-day breathing challenge - I stop and I BREATHE in stopping the belief as the thoughts and the ideas and perceptions - I bring myself back to reality and back to myself here as I see/realize/understand that within this is a dishonesty to not have to face myself as 'opening up' points I see throughout my day, and instead just wanting to write about breathing - and so I commit myself to become self honest with myself in pushing myself to open up more points I see throughout my day where I did not allow myself to breathe, but instead existing in the mind - in these moments, I look back at what I was thinking about, within what energy as either positive or negative, I look at what triggered it, the nature of the experience, who I was within it... I investigate these points as investing in myself in learning about myself and caring enough about myself to actually take a good look at who I am within my day, in aligning myself to become more effective in my application of 'being here' and doing what is necessary to be done as stopping the self interested reality within my mind and living here with/as the physical real reality





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