18 April 2013

148: 21-Day Breathing Challenge: Back to the Reality of Breath- Day 5

So in yesterday's blog I was faced with the polarity-relationship I have created within breathing. What I saw is how I am defining 'breathing' as a good thing or with a positive charge, and 'not breathing' as a bad thing or with a negative charge. And so living out this acceptance, when I am 'not breathing', I go into this negative experience for/as myself where I judge myself as bad, and not doing something right and so in essence I am in judgment of myself according to how I defined/accepted/allowed the action of not breathing to be a negative thing.

And the same for the positive definition - where I define breathing as a good thing, something I 'should' be doing and so I accept a positive experience for myself when I see that I am breathing. What it comes down to though is that breathing is simply a physical action, it is a physical statement of who I am - and thus does not require or need the polarity definition I have giving it to be what it is - or I do not require the polarity definition I have given it in order to apply it. That is actually WHY I apply it - to STOP the polarity definitions that produce polarity experiences of either good/bad, positive/negative, constantly on this high and low trip within/as me that creates conflict as I am constantly moving back and forth from the negative to the positive. This is the essence of separation, of judgment, of friction. Because while I define one good and the other bad, I am basically standing in judgment of myself, as either being 'good' or 'bad' and this is where morality becomes a motherfucker because while not being aware that I have taken the actual physical action of living and created a mental idea about it - 'what' it is, and who I am within it - and thus this mental idea of it becomes my master and I it's slave. A slave to my own creation. Interesting.

So while I have enslaved myself to this polarity-relationship with breathing - I am constantly fearing the one side and attempting to get to the good side. When it simply exists without it - so why not remove the definition I have given it? The Value and right-ness of it is measured by the simply fact that it is what gives me Life, it is who I am as Life and so to turn that into something that I see as either 'good or bad' is quite fucked as I have taken life and turned it into an illusion within my mind that I live according to. How I have defined it within my mind is what determines my experience. And thus shows the value that I am not living as who I am, as I am not standing with/as the breath, but instead creating a separate relationship to it within my mind according to what I define as either good or bad. It's just here. That's it.

Ok - so let's get this self forgiveness going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not breathing - as being within my mind and not physical breathing with/as my body, within a negative charge as being something 'bad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define breathing, with and as my physical body within a positive charge as something that is 'good'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, according to the accepted definitions I have giving to breathing or not breathing, experience myself as either positive or negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not breathing because of the definition I have given it as being a bad thing and thus attempt to have to good experience of breathing as how I have defined it within the positive polarity and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to, out of my fear of being 'bad', according to how I define 'not breathing', desire to breathe as a way to produce this positive experience for myself within the polarity that tells me I am being good and doing something right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the definition I have given to the act of breathing or not within the confines of my mind and allow that to determine who I am here in each moment, as being either positive or negative

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within who I am as my very existence, I can either be good or bad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself and split myself into a polarity of conlflict as positive/negative and good/bad to where I have become a slave to the limits I have created for myself through seeing life and accepting life to be only polarity; one or the other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that without polarity, life and it's expression and its experience becomes open and boundless

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative definition I have given to not breathing

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive definition I have given to breathing

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my application of breathing to be either right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that breathing is what supports me to stop the polarity creation I have accepted within my mind as I see/realize/understand that to accept life to be only polarity, I am accepting this world as polarity, thus I accept the haves and have nots, the rich and the poor, the beauty and the ugly - accepting this as reality without considering this is only my creation and thus I am responsibile for the inequality and polarity that exists as who I am within how I define life within myself and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define and accept life to be polarized as the judgment of either good or bad, positive or negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the positive experience of breathing out of my fear of not breathing - as fearing to be in my mind as I see/realize/understand what it supports in/as me and thus realizing I am only fearing myself and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am here as the mind as the separation I  have created through defining life/reality/myself as polarity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust the positive experience I have accepted within 'breathing' instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it's origin/source/starting point is in/of/as fear and thus showing I am always only existing within fear as the negative experience and so going into the positive is never the solution, as I am only continuing to support/validate/trust the negative polarity I have equally supported in/as myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to define the act of breathing or not is to further perpetuate the polarity as inequality and separation that exists here, within and without

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to breathe in order to get a feel good experience within/as myself wherein I have defined breathing as being good and thus able to praise myself for being good and thus only using it for ego purposes of defining myself as 'right' and better than others because I am breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from/as breathing through the definitions I have given to it within my mind

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to give breathing polarity value within my mind instead of realizing/living the value it is without my mental perception of it as being that which is life as this is the real value it holds as being trustworthy, stable and constant, without judgment, conflict, friction, fear or desire

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to equalize myself within/as breathing and instead turn it into a morality guide wherein I judge myself as either good or bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical act of breathing; of leaving it to be a means in which to control and judge myself with, as either being good or bad

Breath, Breathing - that which gives/is/supports life. It exists and remains without the definition I have given to it within my mind and so...

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience of/as myself when I see/become aware of the fact that I was not breathing with/as my body and instead separated into/as the mind and not here, I stop, I breathe, bringing myself back to reality and out of my mind and DO NOT judge myself for this point, as I see/realize/understand to then go into a negative experience as defining myself as being 'bad' for not breathing, I am only supporting the separation I just took myself out of and so I commit myself to when/as I see myself in my mind and not breathing, I simply bring myself back here, back to breath and clear myself as standing back up, asserting myself to myself as who I am and what I will and will not accept and allow - not according to judgment or polarity charges, but as the statement of who I am as I see/realize/understand that to breathe is to live and to not breathe is to separate myself from life and thus I commit myself to live life, for real, with/as each breath as who I really am - without morality, polarity or judgment

When and as I see myself going into a positive experience within/as myself for remaining with/as breath, I stop and I breathe as I realize that I have just then gone back into my mind as giving myself the positive charge of 'being good' and thus supporting the polarity that exists through my separation from/as the breath as defining the physical act of breathing within/as my mind as either punishment or reward and so I commit myself to no longer require the reward of a positive feeling to accept myself here as I see/realize/understand that this positive experience was birthed from/as the negative as I fear it and desire to feel better and so I commit myself to bring myself back to reality, out of polarity as separation and stand with/as breath because I see/realize/understand that it is best for all - as it is best to be here, self directed, moving myself along my journey to life to create a being and a world that lives with/as life here on earth... Physically and For Real.



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