Today was not much better than yesterday in regards to breathing. I found myself not breathing much, forgetting to breathe and even found moments where I reacted as irritation towards another. I saw this irritation arise and as I stood up to remove myself from the situation, I went further into it as becoming possessed and even speaking back chat that I was having towards another.
(Read Out Loud)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated in moments of my day as I was not breathing and so allowing this accumulation of energy as irritation to possess me to speak my back chats; completely accepting and allowing the moment as me to spite another with my words as to project this experience unto another - and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as weapons in projecting my acceptance of irritation as me unto another, realizing this is the consequence of who I am and I must walk through it yet realizing that I could have prevented this with/as breathing and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use breathing as a preventative measure in stopping myself from becoming possessed in moments by energy such as irritation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto this moment as irritation within believing somehow it was making me powerful and so when I saw I required to breathe, resisted breathing as I wanted to exist within this irritation as a way to justify myself and my position of why I was irritated and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to deliberately not utilize the tools I have to become self honesty and self responsibility in a moment wherein I see energy as irritating directing me
When and as I see myself becoming possessed with energy as irritation and want to go full force into this energy as a way to 'act out' my perceived power within it, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself here, back to breath to where I take my self honest responsibility in no longer allowing myself to give power and life to the energy generated through/as my mind as back chats and instead become humble in what I am doing and no longer allowing myself to abuse myself or another with my words
So again, what I can see today is that I was just as much ineffective with breathing as I was the day before and have been up until this moment. I see I am effective first thing in the morning; as I am feeding the cats and getting my banana and coffee and sitting down to check my e-mails, I am able to breathe with myself. And at the end of the day, while I am finishing up my responsibilities; coming here to write my blog, I again am able to bring myself back to breathing - yet in the middle of the day there are people coming and going, people texting or calling me or things will come up that require my attention and direction and within this I find myself not at all aware of my breath and very seldom recalling to 'bring myself back to breath'. In these moments I see I am not always aware of my thoughts either, but am aware of my physical behavior, as sometimes I will move a certain way that will like 'snap me back' into reality in seeing like, "oh - what the hell was that" and so I will breathe, but again, it does not last and it is some time again before I remember to breathe.
So I am glad I am walking this process in seeing just how much I have not pushed myself to breathe and walking through this will assist me to re-member; the breath with be 'on my mind' and so the more I walk, make myself aware of this point(s), the more I will breathe and bring myself back here, back to my physical body, back to myself as life. I did see some judgments today though for seeing how much I wasn't breathing.
(Read Out Loud)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for seeing how much I am not breathing, instead of realizing that it will take time and patience and persistent application to get this done; to remain here, standing with/as my breath and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself instead of realizing judgment is still in/as the mind as not taking into consideration physical reality and the process it takes through space and time to create habits that are consistent and trustworthy and so I commit myself to push myself to become consistent with bringing myself back to the breath and stopping my self judgments when I see I am not breathing - instead allowing myself to realizing it is like a baby learning how to walk. Fall, stand back up. Fall, stand back up. Fall, stand back up until I am here standing and walking what is necessary to be done.
This is aligned to a desteni forum post placed today by one who was asking why it was so hard to not remain breathing and why even with/as the breath, thoughts are still running. I can see this is our manifested consequences of who we are, who we have accepted ourselves to be and so for those that are willing to remove the veil and direct themselves to no longer accept the belief that "we are the mind" and are willing to walk a process in stopping the internal mind reality that dictates our every moment as we do not breathe - they find it is quite difficult. Because it has been so accepted as 'the way that we are' that when trying to change, it is going against the very nature of ourselves and according to the laws of physics - we need quite the momentum to actually change as naturally we resist any change or force. ( LOL - i'm not sure if this is absolutely right - yet it is what I 'picked up' when reading physics journey to life blogs, so check it out and/or correct me if I'm wrong). The point is though that it will take determination and dedication and really pushing ourselves to not give up in applying this; as the resistance pushes us, we must push back as to walk through it, not submit to it, not give in to it, not validate it in any way as directing us but instead direct ourselves in pushing ourselves into the direction that we see/realize is best for all.
So the fact that we are flooded with picture and images and memories and thoughts and back chats and imaginations and fantasies and ideas and beliefs and opinions and future projections and fear and emotions and feelings and all that exists as who we currently are, and we are not able to STOP in one moment - reveals just how much we have separated ourselves from ourselves, as Life, as the breath in accepting ourselves as simply 'the mind'. We have given so much of our attention and energy to what is going on in our minds, that we are not even able to simply be here and breathe without something 'popping up'. We have enslaved ourselves to our Minds. I challenge you to stop for a moment and breathe and see just how much shit is running through your mind, separating you from the physical reality and giving you reasons and excuses to why we are the way we are and why this world is the way it is. Really - seriously, stop and take some breaths and see just how fast you are back in your head, distracted from the moment and not here as what is real - Physical Reality/Life.
I dare anyone willing to see the reality of themselves, to walk this process of the 21 day breathing challenge - or investigate Desteni as a real solution to ourselves as who we are as the manifested consequence of our acceptances and allowances that have accumulated through time. Dare to investigate yourself, dare to become self honest - Dare to become equal with/as Life.
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