08 April 2013

138 - A Word with the Power to Change Me

Continuing from the previous posts:
Day 132 - Fear put my in my place
Day 133 - Humbled by seeing and shamed by my blame - bringing the fear back to myself.
Day 134 - The Anger I fear in Another is the Anger within Myself
Day 135 - Seeing the Reflection of Myself
Day 136 - Deceptive Denial of the Change Required
Day 137 - Learning How to Love My-Self before I can Love my Neighbor

Self Forgiveness and corrective statements for the following points:
-Reacting to being called a bitch, a physical reaction of my heart racing and my hands shaking
-Taking personally being called a name

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of reading another's words towards me as BITCH, react automatically as the physical manifestation of fear - heart racing and hands shaking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself in such a way wherein I have no directive principle over/as me as my physical body - have completely separated myself from/as my physical form as my body and it's functionality so much so that it will respond automatically without any of my awareness or control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to so completely accept and ingrain the energy of fear within me when another speaks a word that I will automatically activate the physical experience of fear as my heart racing and my hands shaking; having absolutely no control over myself as my body in such a moment and instead a slave to the emotion of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word bitch spoken towards me to be within the negative energy charge as a 'bad word' that implies anger and hate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when being called a bitch

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the word bitch through defining it as 'bad' and 'negative' and to within this attach negative emotions to it such as fear and anger and hate and so when the word is spoken/written towards me, react automatically and according to how I have accepted/allowed/designed the word to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others seeing me as a bitch, as how I have defined/accepted/allowed that word to exist within/as me as my mind as being 'bad/negative/hateful'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if another calls me a bitch, then they are angry at me and hate me and to within this fear being hated and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others hating me, giving value to others in how they see me, instead of valuing myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another being angry at me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if another is angry at me or hates me than this means they will harm me and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed by another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally being called a bitch, wherein I react as if to say, yes - I see the word bitch as a negative thing and you called me this and thus you called me a negative thing, and that is bad and now I feel bad... instead of realizing that within this I am only enslaving myself to how I have defined the word bitch and thus a slave to my own creation, and not realizing that as I decided for me what the word bitch will represent, I can also change it, in taking back my power in not giving it to the word to have some sort of power over me to control me in a moment that it is spoken towards me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another calling me a bitch in taking it personally, in seeing it through my minds eye of what that word means and thus then go into the whole character of having to defend myself which implies blaming the one who spoke the words, instead of realizing that this person did the same thing I am doing in this process, reacting within my ego in having to prove my point/defend my position/abdicate self responsibility through blaming another, to exert my power and control in the experience of feeling I have none, and so I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to react to the systems of the mind that exists in all of humanity instead of taking responsibility for the system that is me/as me within my mind to eradicate them to no longer have directive power over me but for me to instead stand and take my right to direct me, to decide for myself who I will be and no longer a slave to a definition I have given to a word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power and authority away to my mind as the system that controls who I am in a moment when someone speaks the word bitch to me, wherein I will then access the programs in which I have stored the word and what it represents within me and to from here become this representation as the personality that I now must become in response to what I accept as the word instead of in that moment of reading the words, stop and breath and ground within me any thoughts/feelings/emotions as energy that arise, to not allow myself to become possessed by the definition I have given to a word and instead stand stable, as I breathe, to direct myself and the situation I find myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take personally being called a bitch; victimizing myself within pitying myself for another calling me a name, instead of realizing the actual self interest I am allowing in this moment, as making this moment about me and my precious ego and feeling hurt - instead of realizing that in such a moment I am giving away my power/authority/directive will to stand stable to direct myself to not react, to not give such a word or experience any attention, but to instead direct the situation as me, clear of reactions and clear in who I am as what I will and will not accept and allow

When and as I see myself physically react to another/a moment as heart racing and hands shaking, I stop and I breathe and do this until I am calm and stable and my physical is equal in this expression, to make sure that I am 'here' before speaking/moving or proceeding in directing myself in the moment to ensure that I do not create any further consequences but to instead take control of myself to be completely aware of myself and what I say/how I act as being self responsible and so I commit myself to flag such a moment for myself to than later be able to investigate what it is I was physically reacting to - what I was giving away my power and control to in allowing an automatic reaction to exist within me wherein my body reacts and I have no control

When and as I see myself reacting to another calling me a name, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to myself, as my breath, as my body to clear myself and get myself stable before continuing any kind of reaction, as I have seen/realized/understood that if I do not take directive control within such a reaction, i will than go into a personality that attempts to defend myself as my ego as self interest, in separation of myself by not standing equal to the system by taking it personally and thus only perpetuates the current state of humanity that acts as reactive robots to themselves and each other and does not have any sense of directive will within them, only simply allow the reactions as programmed personalities to run and so I commit myself to flag such moments wherein I react to another calling me a  name to then later be able to investigate myself in such a reaction; to see what i was accepting and allowing and to take responsibility for enslaving myself to a word and an energetic emotion attached to it so to no longer allow this, but to instead stand steadfast and stable and here as the directive principle of who I am in each moment, no longer changing according to a word spoken by another that I have given definition to

I commit myself to removing all positive/negative energy charges I have given to words so that I may express them as who I am without polarity/separation and no longer allow myself to be enslaved by words

Featured Artwork By: Jl Kenney

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