07 February 2013

Day 115: Expectations of Self Interest

A point of expecting others to 'be' a certain way in order for me to fulfill my self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within expectations in relation to another – where I expect others to be a certain way for me, for how I expect them to be so that I feel I am in control and getting what I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in expectations of others in expecting them to ‘give me’ what I want, so that I can have certain feelings and experiences that I have become dependent upon to ‘feel good’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest in interactions with others wherein I use others for my own desire/want wherein I want them to ‘be’ a certain way with me so that I in turn can feed of the energy of ‘how I feel’ in how they are with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others for my own benefit, wherein I do not consider them, their lives, who they are and our interaction as an equal and one expressing of who we are and instead use them for my desire/want to get what I want from them, which is usually a feeling or emotion as energy that I feed off of to feel better about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to fulfill me within the desired experiences I have to feel ‘positive/good/high’ wherein like a parasite I feed off the interactions I have with others in order to get my fix and when I do not get what I expect, feel like I a missing something and push the point to then get what I am looking for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others within using them for my own self interest, where I do not consider the totality of who they are and who I am in our interaction, and instead just blind myself with the expectation and need to get a certain feeling experience from them that validate my experience of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself within depending/expecting others to interact with me in ways that I can ‘feel good’ wherein I then validate my self acceptance of requiring others to ‘give me something’ that apparently I cannot give myself

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to question the expectations I have from others as in how they interact with me, as I now see/realize/understand that it is within the starting point of self interest – only concerning myself with how I feel and what I want and desire from them and thus proving I am only using them for my own personal gain

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to question that which I believe I get from others within the expectations of their interaction with me – this ‘feeling good’ wherein I energize myself within how they respond to me that I then use to define myself within my mind as my ego of ‘who I am’ and become then dependent upon this experience to validate my existence – as when I do not receive what I expect others to give to me as the way they interact with me – I am forced to be alone, within my experience of expectation of others and thus have faced myself when others do not give me what I think I require and thus I am grateful for this experience as I am then able to face myself and see and realize what it is I am doing is in fact not best for all as it is within self interest

When and as I see myself expecting from others to be a certain way with/around me as the desire/want for a specific feeling/energy I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the awareness that this game is abuse and self interest and thus I bring myself back to breathe, to stop expecting others to give to me that which I believe I need and realize that I do not require feelings and emotions and positive experiences to live, I only need/require physical support in the form of actual physical things like food, water, shelter, currently money – and so I stop the dependency on energy that I have created within myself to ‘feed me’ and bring myself to the only source which is can actually feed me – life/substance/physical

I commit myself to stop the parasitic feeding of others for an experience of energy as feelings like a drug addict looking for it’s next fix, and instead breathe within bringing myself back here, as breath realizing that breathing is the action which feeds me as life – I am able to live as I breathe and thus I stop feeding the mind/ego with the search for energy and instead be the breath of life

I commit myself to stop abusing others in using them for my own self interest wants/desires

I commit myself to face the dependency I have created towards others and energy and to stop the addictions I have accepted and allowed as a way to validate the self created definition of ‘who I am’

I commit myself to be self honest in ‘who I am’ in relation to all things in order to see the truth of what/why I do what I do, and only keep that which is best for all – as NOT using others for my own gains, but instead breathe here in not needing anything from others and thus able to be unconditional in sharing and communicating and interacting without any hidden agendas or games

I commit myself to expose to myself the nature of my being in order to empower myself to change myself

I commit myself to walk the journey to life as writing, self honesty, self forgiveness, self corrective statements, in realizing that only through these tools will I be able to direct myself as the experiences that come up that are not best for all, such as allowing self interest direct me to expect from others and thus I commit myself to being the directive principle of myself, and not depending on energy or others to give to me something that motivates me in this life, and instead motivate myself within self movement to be/do/live that which is required to be a human that actually care and that can actually create change in this world, within and without

Journey to Lifers

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