27 December 2012

104- The Desteni Group = Learning how to Live what is Best for All

So I am starting to see and realize how what I create for myself effects others. Since I have created this ‘time lag’ of not posting up-to-date blogs, I am about 2 weeks behind in posting my JTL blogs – and seeing how this consequence of having to ‘make up’ the lag, posting more than one blog at a time, so that I am posting in ‘real time’ meaning – one day – one blog, instead of one blog from 2 weeks ago, and then writing the one day’s blog – this creates a consequence for others.

The Desteni group is busy walking the process of self transformation – and within that, we share many many blogs and vlogs daily. We are constantly publishing throughout the days as well, because we are all over the world, almost in each continent and so we cover almost all the times zones throughout the day – so really, we are constantly present as a group within Desteni. Within this – we support each other, we support the Desteni Message of Equality and Oneness and Equal money and to do that practically, we rate and ‘like’ and share each others blogs and vlogs. So we can accumulate a lot in a day.

So how my own self created consequences effects others – is that when I am trying to make up for the mistakes I have made, in giving into self interest, and not doing what is best for all – I will/have to post more than one blog a day. I realize some must and that can be within self honesty – but this outflow from me was not within self honesty – it was in deliberate ignoring and abdicating my self responsibility to myself within writing and sharing within the group of LIFE. Because when I post more than once a day to make up for the time I decided not to utilize in consideration of doing what is best for all – that makes one more blog among the many in a day that must be supported with rating and sharing. So if this list isn't already long enough, I add to it with more than one blog, and so cause others to have to do more than necessary in a day of sharing. So this takes up more of others time where they could have used it for another reason. I am not judging myself, however I am definitely seeing how an individual effects the whole – that we are absolutely not isolated and every decision we make, every action we take has a consequence and it’s either best for all or it’s not. So definitely a point I will take into living actions – realizing that I am not alone in this world, that what I do or DON’T do has an effect… not only on myself but others here as well.

That is what is so cool about walking with Desteni – we are a small group yet we are expanding. And within our learning to Move Equal as ONE we are each realizing what it means to truly be Humanity – where decisions are based within what is best for all(the group) and realizing that for the individual to put themselves(self interest) above the rest has consequences on everyone. Cool to see and realize what this point really means.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that who I am and how I live and the decisions I make within my Life DO have an effect of every other being here, as I realize I am not an island and Humanity is as one a group and thus one part of the ONE group is effected, as the One is effected by the One group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my self interest above and before what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through creating consequences that are within the starting point of self interest, in turn create consequences for others, realizing thus that all are equal as one and whatever self creates for self does have an impact, effect on the rest of humanity

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that to put my self interest before what is best for all as a group as humanity, creates consequences not only for myself that are not best for me, but also for the group walking as one that is not best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the group within allowing my self interest to take precedence over what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that what is best for all is best for me and thus would seem the most simple point to always consider FIRST what is best for all, yet realizing that I have designed myself as a self protected interest seeker and thus must walk a process of self forgiveness and self correction to re-align my living into and as what is best for all as the group

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have always seen myself as separate and disconnected from the rest of humanity, instead of realizing that within the mind it can only exist, because in the mind, I am not here, not breathing, not taking into consideration and in fact living IN this PHYSICAL reality, yet caught within my mind's reality of self interest, and thus effect the disregarding of the rest of existence as this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to live within the awareness that what I do and what I don't do has a consequence, either best for all or not best for all, on the rest of life here

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow myself within and as breath to always 'check myself' within seeing who I am in each moment and always bringing myself to the awareness and consideration of what is best for all to ensure I am always living, deciding and expressing within self honest, realizing that who I am has a direct effect on all life here and thus self honesty is to see myself as equal as ONE with/as all life and thus to live in self honesty is to always consider what is best for all

When and as I see myself putting my self interest(what is best for my mind's perception of myself and my life) before what is best for all I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realization that I am equal and one as ONE with all life here and thus my living directly effects the rest of humanity and so I commit myself to always slow myself down within/as breath to always consider, "is this best for all" and realize that I know when something is best for all is when I am Here, breathing, with/as the physical, and not in my mind allowing energy to move me within desire, self interest, need, fear, lust or any other point of separation wherein I have defined myself according to pre-programmed self definitions that I have accepted within myself within limitation

I commit myself to live the realization that all life is equal and one and thus who I am and how I live and what i do or do not do has an effect, either best for all or not best for all, on the rest of me as life/existence/physical reality

I commit myself to live in ways where I am considering always what is best for all, and I commit myself to do this within slowing down to be with/as each breath to really see what is moving me and to redirect my movement to be self willed

I commit myself to realize that I am not an island, and that my actions and inaction has an effect on all life here

I commit myself to stop putting my self interest above and before what is best for all as the group of life



25 December 2012

103 - Responsibility and Education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist school work while I am in taking classes

I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough within the process of education

I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to believe I don’t know how to apply myself/get done the responsibilities within school work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off school work to the last minute wherein I then make it ok within my mind that I am turning assignments in late – only justifying my postponement on the work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself anytime to apply myself within school work

I forgive myself that ih ave accepted and allowed m yself to make school work more complicated then it actually is, thus allow myself to resist doing it within this definition, instead of realizing that I have applied myself effectively, efficiently and practically within school work before, and I do know how to support myself within school work – all it takes is for me to DO IT

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within school by allowing procrastination direct me in not turning my assignments in on time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that I am a ‘good student’ and believe I can just easily write up any assignment in a day, not giving myself time to thorough research and go through the assignment requirements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a procrastinater and within this accept and allow myself to procrastinate with the school work material, not at all allowing myself to really learn the material and instead 'half ass' my process as a way to 'just get it done' while under the pressure of my own self creation - instead of allowing and supporting myself to walk through, point by point, what is required of me within school to allow myself to gain the best experience within school, actually learning about the material, instead of just getting it done to get a grade

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as if I must 'just get through' the semester, instead of redefining the reasons I am in school, and to within that apply myself to become an effective student that is able and willing to actually learn the material, and apply the material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the advantage I actually have as the ability to go to school/educate myself as many in this world do not get this opportunity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish in not applying myself in school to ultimate support myself within supporting this world in creating what is best for all, as an equal money system, realizing it will require an understanding of what this world currently exists as and the structure within it and thus I realize my responsibility within getting my education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully receive from my education what is possible within walking the process, as I have not yet supported myself with the time and patients it requires for each class, each assignment, each point of the material learned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in relation to school as 'just getting through it' instead of realizing this is just a waste of my time and thus fully applying myself effectively as I know I am able

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that currently I require an education to create any real change in this world, and as my current position in our world system allows me to educate myself, I forgive myself for not fully realizing the responsibility I have and have committed to myself in this life, educating myself within what is currently existent within our world, how and why and what are practical solutions to make it into a world of real worth, best for all

I commit myself to slow myself down with/as breathing within life and within my education process, to really support myself to walk through the courses and the material and the lessons with full awareness of myself and what I am currently learning, to be able to change myself within becoming an effective human being in this world taking responsibility for what this world currently is and thus able to change it into a place that is best for all, realizing I cannot do that until I allow myself to really see/understand/realize what is here, and I am able to support myself to do that within getting an education

Featured Artwork By: Jl Kenney


21 December 2012

102 - Relationships = Relate-to-Self

Desire for Relationships. I am becoming more aware of it – now it’s about stopping it in the moment to not allow it to influence me. I realize I can enjoy life, and I can have real communication, and I can have real physical intimacy, yet it’s about living within PRINCIPLES – to make/take a stand within my starting point of who I am an not accept any thing less then who I really am, as seeking relationship within self interest. And so this point is about realizing within myself that I do not need a relationship outside of myself, yet it’s okay that I have one - and that everything in existence exists in-relation to each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive life without a relationship with another is not a life being lived

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being in a relationship with another is what life is all about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed when not in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be in a relationship with another then I am fulfilling my life’s purpose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason we are here on this planet is to be in relationship with other people

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that all that exists in this existence is relationship and within the ‘desire for relationship’ I am separating myself from all life that is in fact based on relationships and instead seeking some ‘special relationship’ that I define as better then other relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see some relationships between people, such as ‘friends’ as less then other relationships between people such as intimate/partnership relationships and desire to be in an intimate/partnership relationship as I believe this will ‘give me more satisfaction’ instead of realizing the separation and judgment I am accepting and allowing and ultimately the self interest as I am seeking to gain something outside and separate from me here in the desire for a relationship and intimacy with another and judging ‘friendships’ as ‘not good enough’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the world system as it exists in portraying humans existence’s purpose in life is to ‘find love’ and within this search out my own ‘true love’ as believing that is the meaning to life

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the ‘search for love’ is actually the search of sex and within this separating myself within my own self interest to feel fulfilled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will feel satisfied once I am in a relationship

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself within and as the relationship with self – realizing that in seeking and searching in separation of myself here for an intimate relationship with another – I am failing to realize/live/be intimate within the relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to accept the realization that if I am unable to have a self honest, open, intimate relationship with myself, I will never be able to have a self honest, open, intimate relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that all relationships within my life are a reflection of the relationship I have with myself – as all are me as life, equal and one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others to fulfill me within the relationship I desire, as the one with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that once I am in a relationship I will be happy and satisfied and thus more productive and enjoying life

I forgive myself that I Have never ever allowed myself to realize the relationship that I am looking for is right here as me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all relationships exist within the starting point of and as me – as who I am IN-RELATION to others and thus I am always in a relationship, yet it’s up to me to determine whether that relationship is within self interest as separation or an equality and oneness realization that all life is equal in/as interaction/relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within all relationships within my life as separation – seeing others separate from me because I have separated myself from me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the one relationship that determines who I am here as life and thus what exists within and without

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that relationships with another determine who I am instead of realizing that I determine who I am in relationship to others and thus accept and allow what relationship will be and are within and as my life

I forgive myself that I Have not yet allowed myself to realize that all separation within me is my lack of attention/direction to my relationship to/towards those points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the relationships that are here as the foundation of all accepted and allowed manifestations in this world – realizing that it is relationships that build this world, and it is relationships that determine what this world is and thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to create a relationship within myself that is best for all to then determine the relationships with others that will also be best for all

I forgive myself that I have constantly throughout my life searched outside of myself for a ‘missing piece’ never realizing that the 'missing piece' I am looking for is that part of me that I have separated from who I really am as life, as the seeker looking for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as ‘lacking’ in believing there is another in this world that can give to me that which I am unable to give to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to others who I believe can give me something that I cannot give to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a slave to others, expecting others to give to me that which is right here within and as me, and when I do not get what I expect from others, because I have not yet realized/lived it for me as me, believe I am not living the best I can, that I am not experiencing the best that I can and that life could be so much better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out relationships throughout my life within the starting point of separation and accepted lack within saying that, “I need to find this other person to be satisfied and fulfilled”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain and distract myself from physical LIVING within the ideas about relationships, not realizing relationships are everywhere, in everyway and right in front of my face and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate, explore and discover the relationships here as me, within and as all of existence, in my search within my mind for the ideas of relationships I have accepted to be real, all the while ignoring the physical relationships that determine and create this world to be what it is

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to fully investigate the relationships I have created within myself to/towards my outer reality/world and instead busy myself within the thoughts and images of relationships within my mind

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to investigate the relationship within myself before I dare to seek a relationship with another

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through my desire for a relationship separate and search outside of me here, accept whatever and whomever gives to me that which I seek, attention and love and acceptance - sabotaging myself from creating these things for real as I will accept anyone that gives it to me without investigating if it is in fact best for all - and obviously it is not best for all if I am seeking these things outside of me and require another to validate it for me and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation, acceptance, love, attention outside and separate from me here

I commit myself to realize that all relationships are all that exists within this world that in fact determine this reality for all

I commit myself to realize that all relationships within this reality are equal and one with/as the relationship I have with/as me - as all are me, as all life is equal as one and thus all relationships are determined by/through the relationship with myself

I commit myself to stop searching separate from me here within and as another in believing I 'need' someone else to be in a relationship with to actually live

I commit myself to live a relationship that is best for all with and as me here

I commit myself to realize that which I seek in another is in fact here as me

I commit myself to investigate/expose/determine all relationships that exist within and as me within and as this reality to sort them all out within realigning them to what is best for all

I commit myself to stop accepting my limitation as self definition of lacking in my search for a relationship with another

I commit myself to take responsibility for all relationships here within and as me

I commit myself to stop accepting relationships that are not best for all

I commit myself to realize the relationship I seek is here as me and thus I gift to myself the relationship within myself that is best for all, in developing self honesty, communication, openness, and trust through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective/commitment statements

I commit myself to realize that I must live the relationship within myself that I would like with another, as it is always a reflection of me and thus I commit myself to create, form and design a relationship with myself that is best for me/all as me to ensure that the relationships I accept and allow within this world and reality are only that which is best for all

I commit myself to stop seeing some relationships as better then others within realizing this is defining some within self interest and thus I commit myself to stop my self interest and give to all the relationship that is best for all as equal consideration, honor and support



19 December 2012

101 - Priority

I have a priority point to deal with. Which is – priority. How I prioritize my life, and it’s time to get self honest about it.

What I see, within all the responsibilities that I have, that I tend to do those that ones that I define as “easy” – wherein they do not take up much time. Within this – I am able to get those things consistently done, daily – yet when I am without time at the end of the day, I find that those things or responsibilities that are definitely more of a priority than the others, are being ignored, and so there will be days where they do not get any of my attention or focus. So this is about prioritizing my life and the daily responsibilities that I have to ensure that I am being self honest about what requires attention and what maybe is not as important. As I see myself becoming more effective in not allowing myself to just be entertained throughout my day by doing nothing really, there is still this ‘rush rush rush’ experience of trying to get through everything, and feeling like I let myself down when I do not get everything accomplished.

This is because I do not prioritize my responsibilities effectively, within this – I allow that which I have a resistance towards be the “last thing on the list” of things to do. So first looking at, what is a priority in my life – what should come first before all other things. That would be school. This semester I have definitely let myself slide on studies – and this I can see as a character development of “being good in school/being bad in school” where I have played out this polarity in relation to school. This point I will save for a later blog. So school is priority. Next would be my own process – my self process, and that is the development of the relationship with myself. What I mean by developing a relationship with myself, is getting to that point of self honesty with myself each day, to self reflect on who I have been, who I was, what I participated within my day, what thoughts did I have, what emotions and feelings did I give into, what are my experiences – you know, getting to know myself for real as becoming self intimate with myself. Creating a relationship with myself that is best for all, where I am honest with myself, where I am able to trust myself, where I am responsible for myself, where I allow myself to express and not limit myself by pre-programmed self definitions. Basically ridding myself of the ego each day to clear myself in order to be/live as a more effective human being in this world.

So this is definitely a priority point. My Process – and I do this with writing. Writing everyday is a way to build self trust, to stop the resistance I have about facing myself and to create a stable point for myself to grow and develop that self communication and self intimacy – to really spend time with myself each day in building myself as who I want to be.

So within this point of writing, obviously goes hand in hand with self forgiveness and self corrective application/commitment statements where I re-script myself into how to live in this world, instead of allowing automatic responses to just jump out of my ass – but to really become self directive in each moment as breath to decide who I am going to be in each moment. So within this daily application of self support as the process I am walking, the next priority I would say is the Desteni I Process courses I am currently walking. The structured re-education course I am taking online that assists and supports me with these tools I have come to learn on how to look at myself within self honesty, and self responsibility - yet it is more extensive as the process of self investigation and it supports/pushes me to really dig deep and look at specific mind constructs and to really face myself. So DIP and the Agreement Course are up there with the list of priorities. Next I would say are the responsibilities I have as walking as part of a group – the desteni community. Within that we are very busy with forum support, our own daily writings, supporting each other’s blogs and vlogs, emails, chats, transcriptions, weekly video campaigns, overall supporting the desteni message on various social media sites. So the major point of priorities within this would be those with ‘deadlines’, such as transcriptions. These are usually assigned and due within 2 weeks, where we get various interviews from Eqafe shop to transcribe so that they can be translated into other languages so that more people are able to get the support desteni unconditionally gives in so many ways. So that would be next on the list.

As far as daily responsibilities – these 4 things are the main points that I have had a tendency of “putting to the side” and so to direct myself within realizing these are in fact the priorities, and from there, once they are done – the day is free to do other things I would like. Such as then participating on the desteni forums, rating blogs and vlogs, organizing my living area so that it is effective to live within, cooking, playing with my cats, visiting with friends and family, taking a walk and further studies of ourselves and the world systems we are currently in, as well as reading other destonian Journey to Life blogs – as we are walking the same process of directing ourselves and so there is much support here I have not yet given to myself.

So this was to direct the point of 'priority' within my day to day living, to stop creating myself as a victim to my own self created resistances that lead to consequence and unnecessary experiences of conflict within myself as 'being behind' and self judgments for not doing that which I know I am more than capable of.

SF:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define responsibilities or projects or assignments that do not require a lot of time to do as being 'easy' and thus decide to do only those as I define those points as responsibilities within my day to day living that take more time, more in depth evaluation, more self movement and self direction as being 'hard' and 'difficult' and thus resist actually doing them within how I define myself as incapable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of taking on such projects I have defined as 'difficult' instead of realizing I created the definition of what it is and thus am able to change my mind about how I will accept and allow myself to exist in relation to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create resistances towards responsibilities within my life that are absolutely priority in that they require my immediate direction in order to be completed as they are the specific points that are of utmost support for me currently in my life and my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistances to the things that are priorities in my life within defining them as ‘hard work’ and ‘taking too long’ within this, not giving myself the patients to breathe through each moment as I walk through each point, ensuring that I am completing and giving all of myself to each responsibility/task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘take the easy road’ in my daily responsibilities – doing only that which I define as ‘easy’ wherein the fact is it's the fear of having to ‘dive deep’ into myself, as self reflection/investigation or a point that will support my self expression to be free in moments without limitation – these moments I resist through defining myself as not capable of really digging deep within self honestly taking a look at myself or dealing with memories and the relationships I have created to others in my reality, or allowing myself to trust myself in the moment of self expression in sharing without the dependency on knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the ‘path of least resistance’ within my daily living, directing only points within my day that I define as “easy” as I believe I do not have to be self reflective or self directive – these are the points that are usually ‘automatic’ in that they are simple automated points that do not require much attention, just some simple physical acts, realizing here I am limiting myself in keeping myself confined to the self definitions that I am not able to expand myself beyond that which I believe is ‘hard work’

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the belief within myself that some things are ‘hard’ is how I create a resistance and actually a judgment on because then I define them as ‘negative’ and prefer to ‘feel good’ within myself and my world and thus do not ‘go there’ yet remain isolated in the comforted space within my mind where I believe ‘its easier’ to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to face resistances is an awesome supportive indicator of being right where I am suppose to be – as it challenges me in every possible way as how I have accepted and allowed myself to be thus it is real self growth – it forces me to face myself, in facing the definitions I have drawn up within myself as the lines of boundaries I cannot cross without realizing the lack of expansion I am actually giving to myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to go beyond the boundaries I have created for myself to ‘stay in line’ within myself and my life as believing this will keep me safe from having to face the reality of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘easy/simple’ tasks in my day to day living as an excuse to not take on the more priority points within my life, in when I complete these easy tasks, I justify my resistance towards the more that ‘need my attention’ responsibilities as saying, “look at me – at least I did this – I did something, it’s cool I didn't get to everything” – yet using this justification everyday is a clear indicator I am hiding/running away from something and it is obviously myself and my self responsibility to sorting myself out

When and as I see myself allowing myself to participate firstly within my day those points of responsibility that are not as high on the priority list for myself as others - I stop and I breathe and I investigate my starting point for such decisions and bring myself back to the self honest point of some things require my attention and focus and direction first within the day and so I commit myself to support myself in dealing with/directing those responsibilities that are on the top of my priority list first and foremost realizing that if I do not, I am only accumulating this energy experience I have created in the past of "being behind" and 'having to play catch up" and feeling hurried as I need to quickly get them done in time - I commit myself to stop creating, accepting and allowing these unnecessary experiences of emotions and feelings and simply breathe through each responsibility, giving myself the patients to actually walk through each point, doing what is necessary to be done without any ideas or perceptions about it, just being here, in the physical, as my physical, directing myself to direct each point requiring attention in my day

I commit myself to take on in each day those responsibilities and points that are of utmost importance, the priorities and then once they are complete go on to tho other points in my day that require less attention - allowing myself to then direct all points necessary in a day without resisting some and focusing on others more - simply taking on each point, giving it equal attention and focus, breathing patients and getting them done

I commit myself to utilize resistances as self support to "walk the path of MOST resistance" as within this I realize I am actually supporting myself to grow and expand beyond the self creating imaginary boundaries

I commit myself to stop allowing resistances influence me in my day, as I realize resistances are based within self definitions and relationships I have created within my mind towards other things in my reality and thus I take responsibility for the creation of resistances and no longer allow them to direct me, yet I direct myself to 'go there' to that point in which I am resisting - to face it once and for all

I commit myself to stop judging some responsibility/tasks in my day as 'easy' and some as 'hard'

I commit myself to stop taking the easy path as within this I am only keeping myself in the limited acceptance of what I am capable in my life and this world

I commit myself to expand myself through pushing myself through all resistances I create in my day

I commit myself to stop all excuses that justify my reasoning for not taking on responsibilities in my day that will take my time and my patients, allowing myself to use these points as self support to slow down, breathe, be in the physical doing whatever it is I am doing as a point of priority in my day

I commit myself to support myself with the self support I have written here in following the list of priorities, trusting myself to get to those points that I have allowed myself to ignore by completing those first within my day

I commit myself to give myself enough time and space throughout the day to enjoy myself as well, to not always be 'about business' and support myself to simply be here, breath, and enjoy, in whatever it is I am doing, always 'being here'





100. Playing Catch Up for Consequences Accumulated

So I see this pattern of not doing something for awhile that requires consistent attention/application – and after sometime of not paying any attention to it, or being inconsistent with it – I then go into this “I have to make up all of this and I will” character. Where I am then playing catch up – adding more to the day’s responsibility that I Have accumulated from the past, and always in a way then stuck in the past.

For instance – I am on day 100 of writing – and yet, I have only posted up to day 83.(I am still in the process of “catching up – as currently I am on day 115 for my self writings – and only now am placing this day 100) That’s 17 days I am behind in posting my blogs – and every day it’s the same thoughts, “today I will post at least 2 blogs” yet when it comes time to it, I only post one. And I had this desire to be “caught up” by day 100, so I could make this grand gesture/image presentation of being like, Here I am, day 100 and caught up on my blogs, and from here on out I will publish a blog everyday for the next 7 years, and I will be perfect, and everything is perfect. Yet again – this does not exist in my reality.

I have this tendency to create this grandeur experience in my mind wherein I will see myself as so amazing and perfect, and the play out will be perfectly precise – and every time, I fail myself. When in reality – the failure is the creation in the mind, and not simply living it in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for myself in the moment when I accept and allow back chats as excuses within my mind such as, “I do not have to write a blog today – I can do this later” – sabotaging myself from walking my process of self committing myself to actual, real physical change, in giving up to the illusion of my mind believing these thoughts are me and are valid in allowing them to direct and influence me in my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my inactiveness in taking responsibility for myself in each moment of facing and walking through and completing a responsibility I have such as writing my daily blog, allow thoughts and back chats and feelings of “I will do this later – and I will do more of this later to catch up on what I am not doing now” as a way to justify my inaction in making it ‘ok’ instead of realizing in that moment the dishonesty I am living in accepting excuses to be a back door for me to not face myself and change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the consequences of ‘playing catch up’ with my daily blogs, wherein I do not apply myself every day I am able to, to sit down, breathe and begin to write myself out for the day, taking self responsibility for the mind movements I participated in in distracted myself as entertaining myself with thoughts and feelings and emotions, instead of remaining here, stable with the physical to then be able to do more then I have currently allowed of myself, such as writing daily blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in creating an accumulation of having to post ‘back blogs’ exist within the back chat of, “this is ok, because TOMORROW – a projected moment of separation I create in not applying myself INT THAT MOMENT” as a way to justify my accepted reasoning for not facing myself in daily writing, and daily sharing of my blogs, actually WALKING the commitments I have wrote for myself for 100 days worth of blogs now – proving to myself that I am still not living the words I speak, as I allow myself to say I will write and post my blog daily, and yet do not do it when the moment arise and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more untrust within myself in NOT living the commitments I have made – actually, physical doing the action of writing, and self forgiveness and placing/sharing the blog daily as I have told myself I would do in self commitment – realizing this is what is means to be THE LIVING WORD – and when I do not do this for myself and give into the ideas within my mind that justify whatever reason I give to myself, I am telling myself that I cannot trust myself, and that others cannot trust me and that I am not trustworthy, as I have not lived the words I speak

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize the simplicity of living the words I speak, in realizing that once the decision is made and the words are spoken/written, then all that is required is the self will to in the moment, stop, breathe and move myself to get it done – it’s really that fricken simple

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the expectation of some grand experience within the journey to life blogs, wherein I believe that I will have this perfect alignment of day 100 with the catching up on the consequences I have created in allowing past blogs to accumulate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself in a separate, future reality wherein I have caught up on all the past blogs I have accumulated through my excuses to not post daily within my accepted and allowed resistances, and then within this future projection, feel good about myself for doing something I have not actually lived – thus proven once again to myself that the mind as thoughts and feelings cannot be trusted, as it pretends self is doing something of worthy when in reality self is deluding self into believing self ‘will’ – when it has not yet been proven to be real in real space and time, physical reality

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to prove to myself that I can trust myself, in trusting myself to in the moments of resistance, finally use as support and LIVE the realization the resistance is of support to slow myself down, breathe and push through to apply within the physical reality the living commitment statements I have made for myself within writing and sharing a blog daily

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this journey to life commitment of daily writing for 7 years is challenging every single cell of my accepted nature and that within the resistance, I always have a choice, to either accept ‘who I am’ as I have accepted myself to be throughout my life, or stop, breathe, apply the support I have to once and for all, give myself the gift of actually changing, putting in the physical labor, walking in real space and time, daily, with each blog, facing myself and forgiving myself in taking responsibility for myself and supporting myself to living practically physically changes to no longer accept the nature of myself that is of self interest

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to live physical changes in my physical reality, such as self investigative writing, self forgiveness, self corrective statements and self commitments, DAILY, as a way to redesign myself as I have come to realize that who I have been throughout my life was also, moment by moment, day by day, imprinted, ingrained and programmed within me based on my environment in the first 7 years of my life – within this realizing this is where I learned ‘how to live’ and that it will take the same amount of time to ‘rewrite the script’ in which I follow as the mind directs each of my moments – I use the gift and opportunity I have as being a part of a group as the Desteni of Humanity – to take charge of deciding who I will be and decide for myself what my nature is, and no longer accept the programming and conditioning I was subject to as a child in how I learned to be a reactive robot that follows the map of the mind in preserving myself interest as fear of survival

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continue my self interest desire to portray myself in an image and likeness that others will like and accept within defining myself as 'special'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need others to see me in a certain way for me to 'be ok' in this reality

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within who I am here and the expression I have to share within believing I have to portray an image for others - proving that I am only playing a character, acting as a way to get certain feedback and reactions - thus not living unconditionally as who I am here in this moment, equal and one with all life

I commit myself to realizing the Journey to Life can be walked by anyone able to see changes are required in this world and realize the simple message of “be the change you want to see in this world”

I commit myself to stop all thoughts as directions for me in my day to day living that tell me what to do, when to do it as it is always based within self interest and the inherit lack of self will to live in actual, physical reality

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to really allow myself to breathe in each moment of resistance to writing, realizing that self honest investigation implies resistance, as I have designed myself in such a way to preserve the nature of myself as the mind, to protect my secrets, to validate the characters to keep this world existing the way it does, without question and without awareness

I commit myself to becoming aware of myself as the directive principle, stopping the consequences created while busy in the mind with thoughts and feelings and emotions and conflict and blame and anger and imagination and memories and future projections and wonder – I STOP, I breathe and I live in this physical reality, equal and one with this physical body with and as each breathe to support myself to learn how to trust myself in stopping the inner reality of self interest

I commit myself to get myself caught up with my Journey to Life blogs, so that I am able to thus walk in real space and time, real daily writing, and no more this past blogs accumulation as consequences of postponing and dishonoring myself in the moment of applying myself in/as the physical act of writing my blogs

I commit myself to stop excusing myself and justifying my inaction within walking and sharing my process

I commit myself to stop living as an image for others to accept and approve and thus validate me, I commit myself to validate myself here through changing my living to be proof that I care about life, that i consider life, that I honor life as I honor mySELF enough to change myself in taking care of myself as investigating myself

I commit myself to stop expecting some magical experience within my process and journey to life, and simply allow myself to be here, express, breathe and actually enjoy myself while on this journey, as I am actually becoming intimate with me, in getting to know me, and learning how to live in ways that best support me to be a human being that actually cares about life and willing and able to create a world that is best for all

I commit myself to never give up on myself – to always push myself through as I realize resistances become weaker and weaker the more I do not give in to them but to instead make the decision that is always best for all in applying the tools of desteni, in writing, self forgiveness, self corrective/commitment statements and sharing the process along the way so that others might be supported within their own process – as we are not islands, we are equally as one here and responsibility and thus facing our accepted nature as the consequences of this reality – and so I commit myself to give of myself as I would like to receive, to create true giving and receiving as equality in physical reality

Featured Artwork By: Anna Brix Thomsen

17 December 2012

Day 99 - Using Judge-Me-nt as Justification to Not Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for what I’ve done in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to let go of what I’ve done in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I have been in my life and what I’ve done and within this judgment believe I do not deserve to be forgiven

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not deserve to forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate who I have been in my life

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to live in such ways where I accept myself to hate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for lying to other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to lie to other people

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that lying to others is in fact lying to myself and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for stealing from other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to steal from other people

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that stealing from others is in fact stealing from myself and thus I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to steal from myself

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for manipulating other people with my words to get them to react in ways that I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play games with other people in an attempt to be the winner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others finding out about this and judging me as I have judged myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I have been in this life and within this believe I will never be able to forgive myself for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others not forgiving me for who I have been instead of realizing only I can forgive myself for who I have been as it was through and as my own acceptance and allowance have I become the person I am/was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a pattern that I see does not support me and believe I am not able to stop and change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself because I define myself and my life as a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a perpetual state of self hate as a way to keep myself enslaved

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I tell myself as thoughts that I am a bad person, then I will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear within myself to motivate myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self abuse as self hate as negative thoughts to keep me busy and limited within my own self enslavement and as an excuse and back door to not stop and stand up and no longer accept this of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as so fucked up that I will never be able to change – that I don’t trust myself to change and within this I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to use these self definition as an excuse to not change - to not stand up and to not assert my self directive power to no longer accept and allow such abuse and bullshit within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and judge myself as the worst being in existence that I will never be able to live forgiveness

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too fucked up to change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply the tools of self correction, as breathing and writing and self forgiveness and self correction and self commitment, within my daily life to once and for all support myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back chat of diminishing self talk that talks shit to myself as a way to abuse myself as means to justify my in action and perceived inability to change, instead of utilizing the tools I have and have seen are effective in stopping the self deception as I realize all experiences are self created and thus I stop my creation and redefine who I am as a living, breathing being, no more excuse, no more justification, only the decision to be who I am able to be in consideration of what is best for all in each moment I have here

When and as I see myself participating in the back door within my mind of self abuse as self talking self hate - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realization that this is simply self manipulation and a reason to not stand up and stop this within and as myself and thus I commit myself to stop myself, to stop all thoughts, to breathe here in self honesty and to direct all experiences within myself with writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statement/commitments to no longer accept the lesser, diminished version of myself and commit myself to assert myself as the directive principle of me in every moment as the awareness of who I am as life in living principles within the physical laws of equality and oneness, committing myself to always bringing all points back to myself, always taking self responsibility for myself and my creation and no longer accepting myself as a victim to who I have been and who I have become but gift myself the ability to change, once and for all

I commit myself to expose how each individual is responsible for their creation equal and one as all within and as this world

I commit myself to expose how self bullying and self hate is self deceptive in the image of self victimization - I commit myself to expose how this is abuse of life

I commit myself to always support myself to see within self honesty who I am in each moment, as each thought, with each word, in each action to always clear my starting point for existing to be that which is best for all within and as equality and oneness

I commit myself to realizing and thus living self forgiveness and a living statement of who I am here

I commit myself to support all who dare to hear that self forgiveness is the only real forgiveness in this existence

I commit myself to support myself to forgive myself for that which I have created as myself equal and one with/as this world

I commit myself to changing myself, practically, physically, with daily self investigation, self honest with self writing, self forgiveness, self commitment statements and self corrective application to assert myself of the directive principle of myself and no longer accept myself as a victim to myself or my life - I take responsibility for who I have been and who I am currently and I take responsibility in changing myself - as I have proven to myself it is possible and thus I commit myself to walk the journey to life



16 December 2012

Day 98 - Driving (Directive Principle) without Awareness

I was driving home, and I was thinking about if I was going to write a blog tonight, and contemplating the very early morning I have tomorrow, and what still I had left to do tonight. Then all of a sudden, I said to myself, out loud, where am I? I did not recognize the street I was on, and was completely unaware of the ride up until that point – which is scary really, as I was on the street I normally am when driving home from work. This time, I was not aware, I was not breathing – I was thinking and contemplating in my head about some future plans, and then the realization that for a moment – I didn't know where I was. Which is what we are doing when busy in our heads – thinking and not at all aware of our moment to moment reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist without awareness when I am thinking and participating in thoughts and future projections within my mind

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware of myself as life, as each breath, equal and one with/as this physical reality when I accept and allow myself to participate in the mental reality distractions of an experience or situation that is in fact separate and illusionary in relation to real space and time, physical existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive without awareness, without breathing and instead participate in the next morning and the evening to come, and within this once I have finally ‘came back to reality’ exist without awareness of where I am, revealing to myself that participation in the mind creates and accepts the nature of no awareness, without presence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ‘auto pilot’ when driving my car in allowing my physical body to through repetitive actions drive the car without any awareness at all as my awareness is focused in the CONsciousness as my CONscious mind as thoughts and memories and future projections

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the physical support driving is as when I am breathing, and feeling my fingers on the wheel and feeling my seat supporting me and feeling the foot on the gas and break, while breathing I am in directive principle and control, not only of and as the car, aware of the environment in which I am, but also the directive principle of myself, in standing equal to and one with physical reality in stead of in the mind participate in an alternate reality separate from myself here as life, through thoughts and memories and future projections – creating a situation of consequence as without awareness on my actual reality while busy in the alternate reality of the mind, I am not aware of other cars or the road I am on or the sounds around me which can lead to physical consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in physical danger while driving my car while distracting myself within my mind with thoughts and future projections and not breathing, being present and in the moment of driving

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that while I am busy being distracted within my mind as thoughts and memories and internal conversations and future projections, I create a reality of unawareness to reality – I am in fact separating myself from reality and thus separating myself from the physical which is in fact real and can create physical consequences, as what we can see exist in this world, as we are all busy in our minds we are not at all caring for our physical reality and so we are slowly but surely without awareness creating more and more consequences for our reality due to our desire for an illusion as the realities in the mind

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that humanity currently is the directive principle in creating this world and the physical consequences that currently exist within our acceptance of valuing our mental realities more then the actual real reality of this physical existence, like driving a car without awareness, we are still driving - yet we are not here, we are not taking responsibility and thus creating consequences in reality for our lack of being here, being present, aware AS the directive principle

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts and memories and future projections while driving in my car – I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the realization that to accept this is to accept separation and the consequences in physical reality of separating myself from myself as life and thus I stop and breathe and bring myself back to the physical, taking directive principle of myself as myself and as the car

I commit myself to stop my self delusion realities in my mind that I allow to distract and busy me in separation and creation of consequences in physical reality

I commit myself to bringing myself back to reality as the physical each and every time I see myself participating in my mind – I commit myself to ground myself back to earth – to get real, to get here

I commit myself to stop allow myself to exist without awareness as myself as life through my participation with the CON of consciousness as the conscious mind as thoughts and memories and future projections

I commit myself to become equal to and one with the realization and the awareness of who I am as life as equal and one as all within/as this physical reality

I commit myself to expose the abuse and destruction we create in our acceptance of ‘who we are’ to be ‘of the mind’ through our participation with all functions of the mind that we use to blind ourselves and ignore this reality

I commit myself to take back directive principle of myself as life here as each breath

I commit myself to stop separating myself from life to realize that I am all life and that life is equal and one

14 December 2012

Day 97- Words Are Our Creation

Weird – negative energy charge – something that is odd and different from ‘normal’ and negative in general. Like something “out of place” or “not in line” or something strange and unusual. So this is how I define myself? Why? I have always had this experience growing up of fear of people thinking, “I’m weird” and I have had some say that too me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘weird’ in separation of myself here through placing a negative energy charge within it – defining it as ‘bad’ and ‘negative’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word weird in separation in accepting to be of a polarity as ‘not good/positive’ and so ‘bad/negative’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word weird as being something that is unusually and thus negative and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define something that is unusually as being negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word weird as being something ‘out of place’ or ‘out of the norm’ within the ‘accepted norm’ of society that presents safety in validation and ‘going along with the crowd’ and so within this fearing of being ‘weird’ as I have defined it as being ‘bad, and not like others, as unusually and out of place’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being different from others or being ‘out of line’ in not following the accepted nature of our societies as being bad – instead of realizing going against the preprogram nature of ourselves – radically changing the realization and the living statement and actions of who we are in this world is what is required to change this world into a place of actual worth, real love and true living

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an outcast by society through how I have defined the word weird to be ‘bad/negative’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘weird’ to the memory of other’s judgments towards something as being ‘weird’ with their facial expressions portraying disgust and so within this imprint this memory into myself and thus associate the word ‘weird’ to others peoples judgments and disgust and thus fear being the subject of others judgments and disgust of being ‘weird’ I delete this memory

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others as being ‘weird’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being ‘weird’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word weird through judging it as something bad – instead of realizing it is just a word with a definition that does not require a positive or negative judgment/polarity – it is simply a word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow without question the definition of the word weird to be that of my family and friends and society and CULTures – instead of defining it for myself, as myself, within the consideration of equality and oneness and not in separation as polarity of either ‘good/bad’, ‘positive/negative’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self created definition of the word weird through defining it as something ‘negative/bad’

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express myself within who I really am as the expression of myself as life, without polarity, but of and as equality and oneness, as the true definition of weird being that which is unlike something else – it is different, but not from the perspective of being ‘bad’ – simply a different way to express itself – perhaps even original, real individuality and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fall in line’ with how this society exists in defining the word weird as something ‘bad/negative’ and within this fear it, and resist it and attempt in any way that I can to ‘be like others’ so that I am not deemed ‘different’ and thus am somehow safe from others ridicule; thus revealing individuality does not actually exists – as we are all attempting to be a like in fear of each other, in fear of our judgments towards each other and thus limited and enslaved the definitions we give to words that keep us ‘in line’ and ‘following the rules’ so that we do not dare question or actually live solutions to create a world that is in fact best for all

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define words in separation of myself here, within a polarity charge of positive or negative – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realization that words are not ‘positive or negative’ they are simply words and only through our definitions do we create our experiences of them and thus I commit myself to redefining the words as myself here – in absolute equality and oneness, as an expression of what is best for all through realizing that to define words within polarity is to cast judgment and then I am forever enslaving myself to the fear of being judged as I have judged myself

I commit myself to redefine myself as the living word – living words here as me without memories and associations and reactions and judgments and fear as these are all separation and creating an illusion as words are simply words and thus I define words within the consideration of equality and oneness – what is best for all

I commit myself to investigate how I define words and clear that which is of separation

I commit myself to stop fearing the self created experiences and relationships I have to/towards words through how I define them

I commit myself to realize I am not enslaved to the definitions of words that is accepted and allowed within and as this world

I commit myself to investigate and question this world as it currently functions – in all it’s facets to determine for myself and without influence and other’s acceptances, what is and what is not best for all

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to exist within polarity as the mind as judgments and definitions and perception and beliefs and ideas and assumptions and knowledge and information

I commit myself to writing daily, self honesty, self forgiveness, self corrective/commitment statements to redefine myself as this existence to once and for all take responsibility for the life that is here and create it into life that is actually best for all and no longer of separation/polarity/energy/fear

So after applying the above self forgivness for my own definitions of the word 'weird' - I went and looked up the actual definition:

involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.

fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.

Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.

Interesting how what the word is defined as can be so very different from how we accept and define a word - proof we are programmed to exist in relation to our world and all it exists of throughout our lives and experiences. We use memories and other people and knowledge and information to formulate our own perception of them without considering the actual reality of it or what we are actually creating within it.

Featured Artwork By: Damian Ledesma

10 December 2012

Day 96 - Fear of Communicating with "others" = Myself


















I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not speaking directly with another about myself and my experience of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back myself as self expression in communication with another based within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself as another in communication based within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate fear of communicating with another through accepting and allowing myself to not speak directly and in honesty and openness about myself in what I experience, within and without

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by fear in communication with another through NOT communicating in self honest – as being real communication

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to speak in each moment without judgment of myself and fear of how others will perceive me if I am self honest about myself, and my experience

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the experiences I accept and allow within and without, as the patterns I have lived within and as throughout my life – fearing to expose this to myself and thus fearing to communicate it with another fearing that they will do unto me what I have done unto myself – judge me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that fear of communicating with another is merely me fearing to communicate with myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to develop real communication with myself, through writing, and self honest self forgiveness and self corrective statements, as a way to be honest and open within and as myself to then be able to develop real communication as another – as I have developed it within and as myself first

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to desire real communication with another without realizing it’s real communication I seek with myself

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to be unconditionally honest and open with myself in self communication, through writing and self honesty and self forgiveness, to begin to trust myself again in getting to know myself and allowing myself to stop the patterns in which I allow to direct me – trusting myself to direct myself

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to never question the communication between myself and others that are always based within gossip and judgment and acceptance of what this world currently is – instead of allowing myself to develop real communication – in being honest about who I am and how I have experienced myself and how I have defined myself and how I am currently walking myself out of the preprogramming as the personality I have developed – in sharing of myself unconditionally to really get to know myself and to get to know others as my equals – sharing in our equal and one process of life on earth

When and as I see myself existing within fear of communication within another – I stop and I breathe and I get myself out of my mind and back into my body and into this physical reality to be fully present with myself and what is here as my environment as I realize fear in the moment is directing me and I am not directing myself and so I stop my own self enslavement to fear and dare myself to be in the moment, self honest, and open with and as another

When and as I see myself desiring to have ‘real communication’ with another I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realizing that this is me that I am missing and seeking to communicate with and thus I realize that to seek outside of myself is to separate myself from myself and so I give myself that which I am expecting to have/engage with in another – real communication and thus I commit myself to communicate with myself in really getting to know myself, as my mind, as the patterns and personalities and characters in which I have developed within and throughout my life in which I use to define myself and protect myself within and as fear – I commit myself to investigate and get to k now myself with writing and self honest self forgiveness – to see within and as myself as who I am as my thoughts, words and deeds, to really get to know who I am here and how I’ve come to be the ‘way that I am’ realizing this is the only way I can experience real communication with another – with myself first

I commit myself to realize that change must first happen within myself

I commit myself to realize that what I seek from/as another – is that which I have not given/lived as myself and thus I commit myself to stop seeking in separation of myself here and gift myself to really live and really communicate with myself

I commit myself to get to know myself as who I am here as thought word and deed

I commit myself to investigate myself in self honest to see all of myself – not hiding or suppressing any parts of myself that I have defined as less then or unworthy or that I have judged as ‘too bad’ to face – I commit myself to face all of me to get to know all of me – to then be able to live out lout, in self honest, unconditionally with/as myself with/as others

I commit myself to stop allowing fear to direct me

I commit myself to stopping all fear in realizing it is not real

I commit myself to give myself back the power and authority to direct myself in each moment without fear but always within the consideration of what is best for all

I commit myself to change myself through daily writing, self honest, self forgiveness, self corrective application and self corrective statements, to re-script myself into a being that lives/breathes/expresses and stand eternally always what is best for all


Featured Artwork By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo


04 December 2012

Day 95 - Manipulating with Words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read into other people's words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine there is something else being said in other people's words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume to know what other people's experiences are in relation to me, and believe there words have a hidden meaning behind them, instead of simply being here physically with the words spoken and not attach anything else to them - simply be what they are as the words spoken

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to other people's words with ideas and thoughts of my own about 'what they are actually saying'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people speak words they don't actually mean and thus believe there is more they are saying behind the words they speak

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self acceptances of having ulterior motives and hidden agendas as manipulation in the words I speak, expecting a certain reaction or playing a game in looking for a specific response, onto others, in believing they are doing to me what I do to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume others are not speaking directly with the words they speak, instead of taking responsibility for myself in how i Have accepted and allowed myself to speak in such a way as to manipulate another to have a specific reaction to my words

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulative in the words I speak in seeking a reaction and specific response to others

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek energy from my communication with others in expecting them to respond to me in a way that makes me feel good and gets me high and the ideas of what they are saying, within feeding my ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself in speaking with others, in not being here and playing games as manipulation in seeking a reaction or specific response to others and in turn fear this being done unto me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot trust others and the words they speak instead of realizing I do not trust myself in the words I speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as communication within self interest in seeking specific responses from others in hope to get a reaction that causes an energy reaction within myself to sustain the self definitions I have towards myself and in relation to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words I speak through using them for my own personal self interested gains

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others as the words they speak through projecting myself onto them in blaming them for existing within how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within using words as a tool of manipulation

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not speak directly, clearly, here as me within each breath to ensure I am not speaking words in dishonest as self interest in expecting a response or reaction from another, yet simply being here, speaking, communicating, sharing myself unconditionally without the need and expectations from others

I forgive myself that i have not yet allowed myself to realize what it means to be the living word

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use words as a way to separate myself from myself and others through abusing them to cast a specific spell to entice others to do or act or respond to me in a way that gets me my energy fix of positive feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret others words as if they are speaking in code, saying something more then the simply physical words they express, within attempting to making something more for me to gain some kind of power and control over - instead of taking the words that are spoken just as they are

When and as I see myself reacting to another's words in thinking, believing, perceiving they are saying more to me then the words they speak - I stop and I breathe and I realize this is in separation, within indulging in my minds interpretation and self projection of myself as what I have done to others in using words to get a specific response or reaction that suits me keeping in tact my own self definitions of who I am, so I stop and take self responsibility and support myself to allow the words to be what they are, simply in the how they were expressed without hidden meaning that is only my own creation and thus I commit myself to be here in communication with others, to not allow my mind to wonder into ideas about what else is being said, and simply accept the words as they are

When and as I see myself projecting myself onto others through thinking, believing, perceiving they are saying words specifically in attempts to manipulate a certain reaction or response from me, as I have done to others, I stop and I breathe and I realize the dishonest in self projection and abdication of self responsibility in what I have accepted and allowed within and throughout my own life and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for myself as the words that I speak and remove all self interest as expectation of how I want others to respond to me, I allow myself to simply speak words without a hidden agenda and allow others words to be innocent in not having a hidden agenda

I commit myself to purify myself as the living word to no longer use words as a means to gain power and control over manipulating others in reacting or responding to me in a certain, specific way and instead commit myself my allow words to be an expression of me, within self honest, as each breath

I commit myself to stop using words within self interest

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself and others through using words to gain a specific response or reaction

I commit myself to allow others words to be simply the words spoken

I commit myself to stop attempting to find something more then what is here as this physical reality

I commit myself to forgive myself within self responsibility for the games I have played within myself and with others as words

I commit myself to stop seeking an energy high from others words

I commit myself to stop using words to have a positive feeling within myself

I commit myself to realizing what it means to be the living words - self expressive in each moment within self honesty

I commit myself to stop all self interest within and as me

I commit myself to exposing myself to myself in how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, within thoughts, words and deeds, to face the truth of myself and to forgive myself and I commit myself to doing this with daily writing, self forgiveness, breathing and self corrective statements

Featured Artwork By: Jl Kenney

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