30 October 2012

Day 86-Thinking like a Man

This point is in relation to starting to see the extent of the iceberg that exists under the surface and the real me underneath, where I exist within desire for males as relationship and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within separation of males as defining them within my mind as either ‘my type or not’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see males as only a means to have a relationship and sex

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the equality that exists as me with males – as we are equally here, human beings, breathing the same air, requiring food, water and shelter and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a special relationship within my mind based on energy wherein I define males as only a relationship partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I see a male, judge them based within my self created acceptance of ‘what male I would like to be with’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see males as only for my picking and choosing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within this point I see within myself, wherein I see males purely for sex and relationship and whether they would be adequate for me, as per my liking as how I define the ‘perfect mate’ within my mind, as being a ‘male trait’, in that I believe I shouldn't have have these thoughts and experiences towards males ans it's only a 'male thing' and so judge myself as being a female who sees males as how I have defined males to be only always just seeking a partner and so as I have judged males, I judge myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge males as being only desiring sex and relationship and thus when I see this point within myself, judge myself for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the extent to which I have become addicted to the desire for males within a relationship and physical intimacy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one with/as males within humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of anxiety within myself due to the self creation of definitions of ‘what males are’ in relation to me and thus when in the presence of a male that I deem ‘acceptable’ as per my ‘liking’ – I go into energy within myself of anticipation and excitement and anxiety – all positive and negative energy experiences one can consider in one moment simply by standing and speaking with a male

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see males as human beings – and that’s all
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not question the pursuit of partners and relationships in this world to the extent that I have accepted the construct within myself, wherein I see males simply as a ‘yes or no’ as being worthy of being with in a relationship or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing this point in fear of judgment from others, instead of realizing I am still only judging myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts within my mind about males in my reality wherein I imagine being in a relationship with them or being physically intimate with them and within this generate feelings of excitement and anticipation in desiring this to be a reality and then not living this for real, as due to the internal reality I create where I have created a relationship to males in my mind, that does not exist for real, fear being exposed for what I participate within my mind to the point wherein I cannot freely communicate with males as my equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change who I am in the presence of males, in hopes to ‘catch a mate’ as if I am fishing – where I throw out my line as a glance or a smile in hopes they will like what they see and then come to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to change who I am in the presence of males, wherein I believe I have to be bubbly and smiley and agree with them and ‘play the part’ of the female that is attractive and desirable for a male, in hopes they will like me, realizing within this I am not accepting myself at all, as I believe I must change myself, and so judging myself for who I am as not worthy enough to be the real me, simply here as breath, expressing in each moment without a character I have created to get what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honor myself in each moment while in the presence of males, to be simply here as breath, instead of going into various characters within my mind wherein I will play a part I believe I must in order to get what I want, existing in my self interest desire to have a relationship or to have attention or to have another be in awe of me as if I am something so special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am special in this world while millions go without food and shelter and basic human rights – just exposing the extent to the sickness within humanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define males in separation of myself, within my mind as something so great and so attractive and something I must have in order to feel complete, instead of realizing that I am here, and thus am complete with or without a partner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a male being attracted to me to be a fulfilled purpose, because then I will have a relationship and sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this life within the pursuit of relationship and sex, instead of realizing that there is SO MUCH MORE to be done in this world besides relationship and sex, and while it is nice and can be enjoyed and supportive – it is not supportive for me to separate myself from other beings through defining them as something more than me or more then life and the ultimate achievement in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself in moments of allowing thoughts as fantasy of males I would like to have relationships with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse males as an object of my attention, wherein I desire their affection it’s like it’s a mission for me to only focus on this and attain this goal of the excitement as energy I get when I have interactions with males

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by a desire for a relationship with a male that I have not giving to myself that which I believe I will find in another

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to create the relationship within myself of/as honesty, trust, commitment, intimacy… wherein I do not need to seek it outside and separate from me, but can living it as me here, and thus be able to then share myself unconditionally with another and not within the starting point of “I must get this because I don’t have it and without it life is worthless”

When and as I see myself changing who I am in the presence of males, within desiring their attention and focus, believing I must be a certain way in order for them to like me and be attracted to me so that I can ultimately attain the ultimate self interest reward of sex and relationship – I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back to the realization of the true abuse and dishonesty this actually is, wherein I am judging myself, separating myself and not living equality with ALL here, and so I stop the thoughts, I breathe through the energy experiences, I do not allow myself to go into any thoughts or fantasies of being with males and simply live and be here, as breath, walking my process of self transformation – turning inward to create the relationship I desire that I believe exists outside of me, instead of realizing it is here as me and thus I commit myself to walking the process of building true intimacy, with myself and true honesty, with myself and true commitment and true expression and true sharing and communication – all within myself first, as I have seen/realized/understood that that which I desire outside of myself, I am not yet living as myself and so I see this point in relation to males as the support for myself to look within myself, to be that which I expect males to be for me. I give myself attention. I love myself. I communicate with myself, I get to know myself, I be with myself, I trust myself, I commit to myself and to this process for myself as life – all as one as equal.

I commit myself to stop seeing males as an object I can lust after and stand equal and one with/as them – as they are in fact my equal, as all life is equal as one

I commit myself to stop the pursuit of relationship and sex and bring myself back to the each moment of breath, to remain present withn myself, as myself, as my reality to do what is necessary to be done in each moment that is in fact best for all

I commit myself to stop participating in thoughts of sex and relationship

I commit myself to stop changing myself in the presence of males – I allow and commit myself to realize they are my equal

I commit myself to stop participating in characters that I play in order to get what I want from males

I commit myself to stop the game, to get real and to investigate myself and who I am and how I have lived as I have seen/realized and understood that my inner reflects the outer of this world and thus realize my responsibility – I am here and thus responsible for the world in which I exist and so within this I commit myself to stop living in the fantasy reality of the mind as desire and self interest within the pursuit of my highest feeling of positivity and excitement and bliss and get back to reality – to real living as real express as who I really am as Life – as each breath, until it is done

Day 85 - The Positive and Negative experiences of the Postponement Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when having accumulated things to take care of, in moments of not pushing through a resistance, and thus allowed myself to put it off for another moment/later time go into the character of “I will get ALL of this done on this day” wherein I go into my mind and make a list of all the things I will be able to do on a more suitable day where I am not having to run around the city to work or school and thus believe I will then get all the stuff I have accumulated done, and within this creating an energetic experience of myself of “feeling good” wherein I give myself approval for telling myself I will do all this stuff and then feel good about the idea of doing all this stuff – when in reality I have not physically lived it and thus proving that the mental reality is an illusion that has no impact on physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of positivity within myself when I tell myself I will do all the things I have put off for a later time, instead of investigating the game I am playing with myself, wherein I do not live the commitments I have made, and instead feed off of the energy I create in the mind with the illusion reality that I will do all these things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the illusionary reality of the mind wherein I think and believe that I will be able to do all the things I have put off for a later moment/time within feelings of ‘being good’, wherein I do not question the reason as to why I am in the situation of having to get done things I Have put off and so investigating the postponement character wherein I will tell myself I have more time later to do something that is currently in my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when believing the voices as thoughts in my head that I tell myself I will do all the things I have put off for later times/moments, and then not do them, allow myself to go into the opposite polarity that was expected, intended within myself of feeling shitty and then judge myself for not doing what I told myself I would do – instead of stopping myself before this whole polarity playout could even begin – by not accepting and allowing myself to give into to the postponement character that I participated within, telling myself I can ‘do this later’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of facing a resistance, accept the thoughts within my mind such as, “I’m too tired to do this, it’s too late, I will do this tomorrow… I have more time on this other day, I will get it all done”, instead of realizing that this is deliberate self sabotage to not be responsible for myself and the commitments I made and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my thoughts as the postponement character direct me in deciding to not do something I am more than capable of doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thoughts of “I will have more time to do this later” as a reason and justification for the resistance to doing what is necessary in the moment as taking care of school work and studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thoughts of “I don’t have enough time now – it’s too late” as a reason and justification to not walk through the resistance to school work I have created to thinking it will take to much time, instead of stopping, breathing and pushing through to complete that which I have made a commitment to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a ‘later time’ to get things done, instead of realizing this is another justification and excuse I use to not have to do that which I have committed to do and is necessary to be done as doing school work/studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be ‘perfect’ in taking care of all the responsibilities I have allowed to accumulate to a lot of things I need to take care of within the ideas in my mind as an image of be doing all the stuff in one day, doing everything and within this feel accomplished as if I did something well, instead of realizing this is all within my mind and a game I am playing with myself instead of ACTUALLY living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when having accumulated things to take care of, in moments of not pushing through a resistance, and thus allowed myself to put it off for another moment/later time go into the character of “I will get ALL of this done on this day” wherein I go into my mind and make a list of all the things I will be able to do on a more suitable day where I am not having to run around the city to work or school and thus believe I will then get all the stuff I have accumulated done, and within this creating an energetic experience of myself of “feeling good” wherein I give myself approval for telling myself I will do all this stuff and then feel good about the idea of doing all this stuff – when in reality I have not physically lived it and thus proving that the mental reality is an illusion that has no impact on physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of positivity within myself when I tell myself I will do all the things I have put off for a later time, instead of investigating the game I am playing with myself, wherein I do not live the commitments I have made, and instead feed off of the energy I create in the mind with the illusion reality that I will do all these things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the illusionary reality of the mind wherein I think and believe that I will be able to do all the things I have put off for a later moment/time within feelings of ‘being good’, wherein I do not question the reason as to why I am in the situation of having to get done things I Have put off and so investigating the postponement character wherein I will tell myself I have more time later to do something that is currently in my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when believing the voices as thoughts in my head that I tell myself I will do all the things I have put off for later times/moments, and then not do them, allow myself to go into the opposite polarity that was expected, intended within myself of feeling shitty and then judge myself for not doing what I told myself I would do – instead of stopping myself before this whole polarity playout could even begin – by not accepting and allowing myself to give into to the postponement character that I participated within, telling myself I can ‘do this later’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of facing a resistance, accept the thoughts within my mind such as, “I’m too tired to do this, it’s too late, I will do this tomorrow… I have more time on this other day, I will get it all done”, instead of realizing that this is deliberate self sabotage to not be responsible for myself and the commitments I made and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my thoughts as the postponement character direct me in deciding to not do something I am more than capable of doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thoughts of “I will have more time to do this later” as a reason and justification for the resistance to doing what is necessary in the moment as taking care of school work and studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thoughts of “I don’t have enough time now – it’s too late” as a reason and justification to not walk through the resistance to school work I have created to thinking it will take to much time, instead of stopping, breathing and pushing through to complete that which I have made a commitment to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a ‘later time’ to get things done, instead of realizing this is another justification and excuse I use to not have to do that which I have committed to do and is necessary to be done as doing school work/studying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be ‘perfect’ in taking care of all the responsibilities I have allowed to accumulate to a lot of things I need to take care of within the ideas in my mind as an image of be doing all the stuff in one day, doing everything and within this feel accomplished as if I did something well, instead of realizing this is all within my mind and a game I am playing with myself instead of ACTUALLY living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my minds reality of me doing things that are required to get done instead of seeing and investigate the REAL reality where I am not living up to the mental reality, where I then create conflict within myself as the physical reality is not matching to the internal mind reality and thus create friction within the positive and negative feeling I generate within this whole scenario of putting things off, and then telling myself I will do it all, and then not doing it all and thus then feeling shitty about myself, instead of realizing this while play out within myself was unnecessary and could have been stopping in one moment – through/as breath

When and as I see myself going into thoughts of telling myself that I will have more time another day to do what I am currently faced with as a responsibility in my day, I stop and I breathe and look within myself in self honesty to see the starting point of wanting to make the decision and check to make sure it is not within deliberate self running away and trying to avoid the responsibility, as I see/realize/understand the whole playout I will create for myself as the polarity game of the mind, and thus I stop and I breathe and ensure I am clear within the decision and if I am not, I commit myself to forgive myself for the resistance I am allowing within myself and proceed to complete the responsibility I am faced with, such as studying and school work

I commit myself to stop resistances within myself towards school work and studying and all things in general as the responsibility and commitments I have in my day to day living, realizing I am the creator of the resistance and thus able to stop it’s creation and manifestation in one breath

I commit myself to investigate the forces that direct me as thoughts, feelings and emotions throughout my day to stop myself from existing as an organic robot that follows thoughts feeling and emotions, and instead commit myself to breathe and live and decide for myself within self honesty how I will live

I commit myself to stopping the postponement character as I see/realize/understand the self dishonesty it is and thus the manifested consequences it creates

I commit myself to take responsibility for all the commitments I have made in my life, to ensure I am giving equal consideration to all points in my life to ensure that I do not put anything off for later time and deal with what is here in each moment I am able

I commit myself to stop allowing thoughts feelings and emotions to direct me

I commit myself to breath in moments of facing resistance

I commit myself to stop feeding myself with positive feelings of energy within my mind where I allow thoughts and ideas about how I will live make me feel good, instead of simply LIVING it for real, in/as this physical reality

I commit myself to stop living in the mind as the lie and start living in reality as self honesty I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my minds reality of me doing things that are required to get done instead of seeing and investigate the REAL reality where I am not living up to the mental reality, where I then create conflict within myself as the physical reality is not matching to the internal mind reality and thus create friction within the positive and negative feeling I generate within this whole scenario of putting things off, and then telling myself I will do it all, and then not doing it all and thus then feeling shitty about myself, instead of realizing this while play out within myself was unnecessary and could have been stopping in one moment – through/as breath

When and as I see myself going into thoughts of telling myself that I will have more time another day to do what I am currently faced with as a responsibility in my day, I stop and I breathe and look within myself in self honesty to see the starting point of wanting to make the decision and check to make sure it is not within deliberate self running away and trying to avoid the responsibility, as I see/realize/understand the whole playout I will create for myself as the polarity game of the mind, and thus I stop and I breathe and ensure I am clear within the decision and if I am not, I commit myself to forgive myself for the resistance I am allowing within myself and proceed to complete the responsibility I am faced with, such as studying and school work

I commit myself to stop resistances within myself towards school work and studying and all things in general as the responsibility and commitments I have in my day to day living, realizing I am the creator of the resistance and thus able to stop it’s creation and manifestation in one breath

I commit myself to investigate the forces that direct me as thoughts, feelings and emotions throughout my day to stop myself from existing as an organic robot that follows thoughts feeling and emotions, and instead commit myself to breathe and live and decide for myself within self honesty how I will live

I commit myself to stopping the postponement character as I see/realize/understand the self dishonesty it is and thus the manifested consequences it creates

I commit myself to take responsibility for all the commitments I have made in my life, to ensure I am giving equal consideration to all points in my life to ensure that I do not put anything off for later time and deal with what is here in each moment I am able

I commit myself to stop allowing thoughts feelings and emotions to direct me

I commit myself to breath in moments of facing resistance

I commit myself to stop feeding myself with positive feelings of energy within my mind where I allow thoughts and ideas about how I will live make me feel good, instead of simply LIVING it for real, in/as this physical reality

I commit myself to stop living in the mind as the lie and start living in reality as self honesty

Featured Artwork By: Andrew Gable, Marlen Vargas Del Razo and Damian Ledesma

28 October 2012

Day 84 - The Good Grades wont Last

This point is in relation to putting off school work, not dealing with it when the time is necessary and the justifications I make up for it in my Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off doing the studies I required within the belief that “I’m still doing well in school”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reasons as to why I put off doing my studies for the last minute within the back chat of “I am getting good grades”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to doing school work and thus when the time comes for me to sit down and do what needs to be done for my classes, separate myself from the moment of breath and go within my mind and participate/validate the resistance with back chat of, “I’m doing well in school, I can put this off for later, I’m still getting good grades” instead of realizing that as life, school is a process of accumulation, and whether I am allowing moments of “not doing work” accumulate within my life, then I will find myself at the point of saying, What the fuck – how am I so behind, because I allowed myself to give into resistances and accumulate moments of not doing school work when I so easily could have, if I just in that moment of resistance, stop, breathe, bring myself back here to get it done

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize that school, like all things in life, is a process of accumulation – a process of getting each point done and dealt with to then be able to move on ensure all points are being addressed, and thus I forgive myself that I Have instead of allowing myself to walk each step within studying, as I walk with each breath, go into resistances and tell myself, “it’s ok I can do this later” when I realize this is a character defense of not wanting to take responsibility for myself within school and thus I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to take full responsibility for myself within school, within realizing that the only way to succeed is to SIMPLY do the work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my studies to the very last minute wherein I then create and energy experience within myself of rushing and hurrying and worry to ensure I get the work done and so that I am prepared for class, instead of realizing the unneccesaryness of this creation, realizing I am creating this, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the energy of “rushing and hurrying” when dealing with school work, instead of taking time each day to do what is necessary to be done within school

When and as I see myself ready to sit down and do some school work, and then experience a resistance wherein I tell myself “I can do this later” – I stop and I breathe, realizing that to allow this point to accumulate will lead me to a situation wherein I am accepting and allowing energy to direct me in “getting it done” because I have saved it all to the last minute and so I stop and I breathe and do not create this for myself, I allow myself to in the moment, do what is necessary to be done to then be DONE with it so that I can move on to the next point necessary within my responsibility

I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself within school work

I commit myself to stop saving my school work to the last minute and then participate in energy to “quickly get it done”

I commit myself to give myself the time necessary to do what is necessary to be done within my school work

I commit myself to stop all resistances in moments when facing a responsibility

I commit myself to breathing through and not allow resistances to direct me and my life

I commit myself to give time each day to do school work to support me within my studies and process of education

I commit myself to give myself all to the process I am walking within school, realizing it is necessary to be done and like anything in life, if I am not will to give all of myself, then I am not really standing in self honesty in the decision I make to go back to school

I commit myself to not use the excuse that I’m getting good grades in school as a reason as to why I can “put it off” for later, realizing there is no ‘later’, I am always here

I commit myself to breathing in each moment to ensure I am directing myself to make decisions within self honesty, so that I do not end up sabotaging myself in the end and accepting and allowing that which I see/realizing and understand does not support me

I commit myself to live the realization that each moment is an accumulation of a decision of ‘who I am’ and thus I commit myself to breath in each moment to live self honesty and to thus accumulate what is best for all within this world within the decisions I make in each moment of my life

Featured Art Work By: Andrew Gable and Joe Kou

23 October 2012

Day 83 - Separating myself from being the Cause/Source/Origin of Myself

In this post, I take a look at the experience of blaming another as the reason to why I am the way that I am. Wherein I live behaviors that I realize are not best for me, but instead of directing and thus taking responsibility, go into blaming another for myself. Which is obviously insane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the reason and being of myself, my nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame what I have seen within/from another as the reason/cause/source origin of why I am they way that I am and why I am who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this blaming of another as the reason/cause/source/origin of why I am and how I am the way that I am, abdicate my self responsibility to myself – to my life, to what I accept and what I allow within myself and within my life, how I live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this abdication of self responsibility for myself, for my thoughts/feelings/emotions/experiences within blaming another for the reason/cause/source/origin for why I am the way that I am, give away the power of myself to change – wherein the belief that another has created me, I give up the right to create myself, as I am implying that another created me – another is responsible for me and thus I am not able to change me – they are responsible for changing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse another as blaming them for me being the way that I am, for the way that I live, as the reason/justification/excuse to not change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for the living example in which I accepted within myself, instead of seeing that it does not support me and realize all are products of the sins of the father, and thus like me, another was giving a living example of ‘how to live’ and thus each are responsible for themselves in what they accept and allow as the living of who they are – so within this realizing that even though I saw how one lives in this world, that is clearly not best for all, it was still within my acceptance and allowance and not question the living example that makes me absolutely responsible for myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within blaming another for how they live as the reason as to why I live the way that I live, without stopping and breathing and questioning myself in such a moment wherein I am abdicating my self honesty and self responsibility to be the change I want to see in this world, as I realize obviously focusing on another and their way of living and judging them for it, does not change me or my life or how I live

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself in accepting behaviors and patterns in my life that I see in another, that I judge in another, yet do not change within myself, and instead become dishonest with myself in such moments where I am projecting my attention unto another, instead of directing it back to myself – to see what it is I am accepting and allowing and thus responsible for changing in my life

I forgive myself that I Have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize that no one will change until I change – within this – nothing will change until I change and even more – I can only change myself



When and as I see myself blaming/judging and thus abdicating my self responsibility to myself, to my life, to my patterns and behaviors, to my thoughts/feelings and emotions, unto another as being the cause/source/origin of why I am the way that I am, as the nature of myself – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the breath as self honesty within taking self responsibility for myself as I see/realize/understand that no one outside of me accepted and allowed within me to be the way that I am – I am the absolute creator of myself and thus I am absolutely responsible for myself here, in this life and thus I commit myself to stop blaming/judging another as the cause/source/origin of the nature of ME, when I realize this is absolutely ludicrous and only an attempt to not have to change me

I commit myself to stop looking outside of myself as others and their life, and get self honest within myself and with me in my life

I commit myself to stop seeking ways to not have to change myself through blaming others, realizing this only perpetuates what’s already here – people pointing fingers and not willing to take a look at themselves

I commit myself to be/live/stand as self responsibility as directing myself back to myself to become self honest in seeing who I am, what I live and what I create as the life that I live, as a living example

I commit myself to stop blaming past generations for the reason as to why I am the way that I am, and realize that blaming does not provide any solutions – and thus I apply the solutions I have learned through walking the desteni I process – I commit myself to writing, to self forgiveness, self corrective application – to always bring myself back to the cause/source/origin of who I am which is me here

I commit myself to breathing – every moment I am able and aware of this point, to bring myself back to reality and out of the mind of blame and judgments and self abdication, to become self responsible in self awareness to always live in ways that are best for all/me


Featured Art Work By: Leon Perry, Kelly Posey and Jessica Arias

20 October 2012

Day 82 - Excusing my Mind's Reaction for not Supporting Others

The other day was my day to moderate the desteni forum. What I saw, and have seen as a pattern – is every time I get to a post that I define as ‘long’ or ‘beyond’ something I can support – I will not moderate or offer any support. What I see within these moments is – looking at the post, then the future projection within my mind is of me taking on each statement/sentence/point that someone has written – and I will be addressing each point. And then within this, the reaction arise that it will ‘take to long’ and then I give up before I even try – or am not at all giving what I have already received –which is the time and support others gave to me unconditionally while I was just starting out walking this process. And so not considering, again others, or standing in their shoes, but only considering myself in the moment.

Also I see a point of not trusting myself to actually be able to support – wherein I still define myself as inferior or ‘less then’ others within process, through comparison and judgment, define myself as unable to offer support others can, or I believe they can do better then me, and so don’t write anything and allow someone else to support them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of reading through post on the desteni forum, to in a moment, separate myself from the breath, and go into my mind as a future projection as an image of my writing out a response to the post, wherein I take each sentence/statement/point that someone has written, and write a response/support/suggestion and to then within this react to the image within my mind as the back chat of, "this will take too long" and thus give up based on something that is not even real, yet a reaction to something in my mind, thus validating the mind reality as being 'real' through reacting to it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mind's images of me writing out a response to a forum post as being "too long" and based on accepting this image and reaction being real, not provide any support or assistance, that was giving to my unconditionally in my beginning stages of walking process

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by future projection as images within my mind of me writing a response and to within this decide it will take to long, and thus allow the mind to direct me within my physical living, wherein I will not write a response because my mind told me it will take too long

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define writing support or a response on the desteni forum as 'taking too long'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself, as the living breath, being a living being that decides for myself what I will or will not do, and instead allow the mind to direct me in moments in telling me what it too hard or too long or within that decide based on something that has not even happened

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been giving an opportunity to stand equal to and one with those on the forum that are applying themselves within the tools of self transformation, and as I was supported to walk my process, I am now in a position to support others, but instead allow the mind to direct me in moments that I define as 'taking to long' to response and thus allowing my self interest to direct me, instead of realizing that I could share something of support that could assist and support another being, as I was assisted and supported in my own self realizations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others on the desteni forum, who are daring themselves to become self honest and sharing themselves unconditionally, as when I face an opportunity to equally share myself unconditionally, I turn the other cheek and ignore the gift I am giving to myself in the moment, equally as others, to share and express and support each other in our walking a process of self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that while I am able to support others on the desteni forum, I am equally as one being supported within my own process, of facing the mind as the characters I have defined as "who I am' and who I believe I am, and what i think I can or cannot do and thus I forgive myself that i Have not accepted and allowed myself to walk through the resistance of facing others writings, standing equal and one as them, in supporting myself as I support them - to stop taking direction from the mind, but to direct myself as the breath, to walk through the minds barricade that I have built to keep me from seeing/realizing/understanding and thus expanding who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own self interest of what I want to do before giving unconditionally to others, equally as I have received

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other destonians walking the process of birthing self as life through judging myself as inferior to others as not being able to be effective in giving support to others on the desteni forum, wherein I will decide that others can give support, and I will pass on my gift of expressing and sharing myself in a moment, believing that I am not good enough and someone else can do it better

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others on the desteni forum within my comparison as being inferior to them within process, wherein I believe I am not 'good enough' to offer support and allow myself to believe others can offer better support, instead of realizing we are equally walking the same process and thus different life experiences and perspectives of the same process only allow for the expansion of self realization for all participants and thus I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to give of myself as I have received from others in sharing myself within my process and self realizations

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification and excuse of "others can offer better support" as the reason to why I allow the mind to direct me in not offering support to others on the desteni forum

When and as I see myself walking through the desteni forum, and see myself go into the future projections within my mind and then react and within this decide whether I will write a response or not - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the directive principle that is me here, in the moment, allowing myself to decide based on practical physical reality whether I am able to response or not, and no longer allow the illusionary reality of the mind of a future projection that does not exist, direct me within deciding to not post a response - I commit myself to getting real, breathing and allowing myself to share unconditionally, as others have shared with my unconditionally and we equally as one support each other to expand and grow and learn about what it means to be a real human being within self honesty as self responsibility in this world

When and as I see myself validating and justifying the reason as to why I am allowing the mind to direct me in moments of sharing on the desteni forum, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to justify the dishonesty in which I've allowed as letting a future projection and the reaction to it direct me in not sharing or supporting

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other destonians as being "better within process" I stop and I breathe and allow myself to be back here, back in reality, where we are all equally as one walking the exact same process in learning how to become self honesty, self forgiving and correcting our living to be within equality and oneness as what is best for all and thus realize that comparisons and judgments do not exist in such a reality, as equality implies EQUALITY, and thus all are equal

I commit myself to stop allowing the characters within my mind as who I define myself to be direct me in my physical living, I commit myself to push through the walls I have created within myself that tell me I cannot do something, realizing this is limitation, and thus I push myself to expand myself and dare myself to live, as I realize I have not fully allowed this of myself, I have only kept myself contained within the perceived security of the mind

I commit myself to sharing with others on the desteni forum with the support and assistance I am able to offer from the process I have walked thus far for myself, thus allowing myself to give that which I have received, unconditionally support and assistance to see beyond the veil of the mind and begin to consider the physical reality as a human being that lives and breathes here

I commit myself to trust myself in the moments of self expression as sharing with others on the desteni forum,trusting myself to be self honesty and open enough to support another being within their own process, as I have been supported within my own

I commit myself to stop the self interest of the mind and stand in the shoes of othres here - equal and one as me


Featured Art Work by:
Andrew Gable and JL Kenney






16 October 2012

Day 81- "My Life is Boring" - an Energy Addict Exposed

This post is in relation to a point I experienced wherein I was judging my life and my day to day routine as boring, without the awareness of the impact my actions have in living consistency and stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my day to day living as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so addicted to the energies of highs and lows that I produce through thinking and occupying myself with my mind, that i have defined being here, breathing and committing to daily responsibilities that are best for me to be boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the energies I produce with the act of thinking wherein I become consumed and possessed by thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, future projections - all things self interested in pursuing my happiness, that when I stop and living day to day stable with being here and living self responsibility as doing what is necessary to be done, I become bored

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life without the entertainment and pre-occupation of the mind as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and my life as boring now that I do not participate in things I did in the past, such as 'partying' and spending my money carelessly 'at the mall', wherein I am walking a process of learning about who I am and getting to know myself and stopping the distractions I have allowed to keep my busy within my own limited self interest

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to enjoy myself being here, breathing, standing within and as each moment that is here as me, embracing myself here, learning who I am as a physical being in this physical reality and to instead desire 'something more' when I have not yet even allowed myself to realize all that is here as this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so dependent upon the energies I create in my mind through thinking, that I cannot imagine or even stand to be here as the breath - that which actually is LIFE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the energies of the mind as more then being here as life, as the breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a reality as a human to be that which is distracted and occupied by thoughts, feelings and emotions as energy so much so that I cannot even enjoy being here as my body as my breath, that which is actually who I am as life, equal and one with this physical reality - with all, as all, as one, interconnected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as life as this physical body and as this physical reality so much that I am not even aware of 'what is here' as this physical body and as this physical reality, that i have not even begun to explore life that is limitless and unconditionally expressing itself here withing allowing myself to be separate within my mind in an alternate reality that I choose to make up, within myself, within my self interest, and not at all paying attention to myself as life or this life as all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define going to school as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the constant points in my day to day living, that is here supporting me within being effective in living stability, without the unexpected ups and downs of the mind, as being boring, instead of realizing these thoughts to be that which they are - self sabotage to keep me from seeing me for real, in getting to know myself and what I allow as the experience of myself in each moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to honor and cherish every moment of breath, in being here without the inconsistent state of the mind's reality, through breathing in every moment - and letting go of the illusionary reality of the mind that i made just for me, separating myself from the life that is here... the life that is waiting and the life requiring to be dealt with.

When and as I see myself defining and thus experiencing myself and my life as boring - I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back to the realization that it is my mind's attempt to feed the addiction I have created to energy through participating in the alternate reality of the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories and future projections and so I do not allow myself to continue feeding this addiction and push myself to become the living awareness of who I am as life as each breath I breathe - to once and for all, get back to reality - back to earth, to face what is here and to change it into a reality that is best for all

I commit myself to stop believing the mind is more valuable then reality, and instead realize that I have created a reality in which I desire to run away from, one that is not best for all, and thus believe that I am escaping from it through participating in the other creation I have created in the mind, where I can create wonderful feelings that make me feel good and not have to face the reality of myself or this world and thus I commit myself to stop and face myself and face this world and stop the reality of the mind that is not real, and only based in self interest and get back to this ONE reality that is equally as one for all, and create a world, as myself, as this best for all

I commit myself to stop judging my life, to stop judging my day to day routine that supports me in living stability as who I am and taking care of the responsibilities that require to be done

I commit myself to stop seeking entertainment within the starting point of judging my life as boring

I commit myself to explore myself and who I am as an expression of life that is here as me as my physical body, equal and one as this physical reality

I commit myself to stop my dependency on the mind for stimulus

I commit myself to get back back to earth - back to reality, through breathing, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application - to stop the separation that has caused massive abuse in this world with humans are too busy to care and to consumed to change

I commit myself to walking the journey to life - to investigate who I am, and what I have created as the 'who I am' here - to change that which is of self interest into that which is best for all

I commit myself to stop defining stability as boring

I commit myself to live out loud, unconditionally, in each moment, as each breath, to finally allow myself to realize what it means to actually LIVE



13 October 2012

Day 80 Judgments, Fears and Math - Oh My!

Recently I sat down with a math instructor to go over some math material as review because I am unable to make it to the tutor training sessions during the week, as I am in class during those times. She gave me some “constructive criticism” – and said that, lol – specifically, to take a breath before I speak when working on problems – as she said I seemed to react to quickly to thinking I don’t know how to do something. And within this – I can see this is helpful and I can use as support for me, as I do think I am not effective enough in math to tutor another, or fear I will not know something when helping another student. So support coming from all areas of my life and can be applied in all areas as well... Stop, breathe and become aware of myself before proceeding with word or action. Do not live as a reaction, instead live in self honest, self awareness to realize all the self judgments are self created and thus useless to live effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when helping another student with math, to react when I come across something I don't remember or may have to consider a bit longer before solving, instead of stopping, breathing and not allow myself to go into the reaction of, "fuck - I don't know this, I suck at Math - I suck at life"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the tools of breathing in each moment, to ensure that I am not reacting when faced with a point that is not completely clear within me at the moment, but instead react within myself with self judgments about myself as to why I cannot figure out a math problem, realizing this is not helping me to solve the problem, it is only perpetuating the accepted and allowed nature of "I don't know how to do this, I suck"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how I do not know a math problem, instead of stopping and breathing and looking at it without any thoughts of self judgment, to try and find ways, from what I already know of the rules and principles of math, and to even ask for help, without shame or judgments of myself, to be assisted in solving the problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an automatic reaction as who I am when in moments of facing math problems that I cannot solve in an instant, instead of allowing myself to breathe and see what it is I do know about the problem, and find ways I am able to solve it, without self judgments or reactions of "I don't know how to do this" as obviously this will not allow me to solve it, it will only keep me trapped in the idea that I don't know how

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as "not effective in tutoring math" when helping other students, instead of realizing I would have never been offered the position if I was not applying it well enough in class

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as "not good enough" within tutoring math, and thus fear being exposed as this when faced with a math problem I cannot solve in an instant, instead of stopping, and taking a breath, and not allow myself to go into anymore reactions, as I realize reactions is of the mind which is of separation of who I really am, as I am then defining myself according to beliefs and ideas about myself that are not real and thus limiting myself and what i am actually capable within myself and within this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other students thinking that I am not good enough with math to assist and support them within their understanding and application of math - instead of realizing this is a projection of myself unto them, wherein I have already defined myself as inferior and bad at math, and thus believe they will judge me as I judge myself and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my self judgments within math unto another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "being bad at math" with fear and thus I forgive yself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must be perfect within math, that i must know all the answers and never be challenged within my understanding and application of math, and thus when faced with such a point, judge myself for "not being perfect" instead of realizing it is a process of understanding and application and thus I allow myself to walk breath by breath, wlaking as patience as who I am in each moment, to allow myself to expand within my understanding of math, and not expect perfection, as I realize this is only a way to feed my ego of "I am awesome at math - revel in my glory"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use math as a way to define myself within my ego as being awesome and thus when this character is challenged, go into fear as protective/defensive mode, as I fear to lose this character and ultimately how others will see me, as I use to to be seen as great

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to be seen as 'great' by others with math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic relationship within math, wherein I define myself as "good or bad" and within this causing friction within myself when I am at either end of the polarity, bad in desiring to be good again, and when good, fearing to lose the self image

When and as I see myself reacting to myself within facing a math problem I cannot solve in an instant, and thus fear losing the self image i Have created of being "good at math", I stop and I breathe and I clear myself from the reaction and look at the problem with the tools I already have within the understanding of math, and thus realize self judgments and fear will not support me to solve the problem, and thus I let go of the self judgments/self definitions and simply be here, in the physical, as the physical, as the breath, and apply the tools I have to solve the problem

When and as I see myself reacting to thoughts in my head about not being good enough to be a math tutor, I stop and I breathe, and I allow myself to realize in such moments that my thoughts are NOT REAL, and I am creating them, I am accepting and allowing them, and thus I stop the self abuse of such thoughts that keep me trapped and limited to definitions of myself that do not serve me in this life

When and as I see myself reacting to a math problem within the thoughts of, "fuck - I don't know how to do this" I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back to awareness and out of the mind, and I proceed stable, here, and take on the challenge of the math problem, without expectations or ideas of myself

I commit myself to stopping the self abuse of self judgments that tell me I'm not good enough at math

I commit myself to stopping the self definitions of who I am within math - I commit myself to stop using math as a way to separate myself as others as being better then them because of my application of math

I commit myself to breathe in each moment to ensure I am not a reactive battery charging the ego of the mind that only fuels more thoughts of self judgments and self definitions that limit my within living here

I commit myself to not allow myself to exist as a reaction, but to always bring myself back to breath, back to what is real here, as this physical reality, equal and one with/as my physical body

I commit myself to stopping all thoughts, all feelings, all emotions, all reactions, all self definitions that are of self abuse, to myself and others, with daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective action - to stop myself from creating further self diminishment, and allow myself to stand and live

I commit myself to slowing down, with and as each breath, to be able to see who I am and what I am participating in within and as me, to ensure that I am not existing within reaction, but am here, constant, stable to ensure I am able to see/realize and thus live effectively in this world, to do what is necessary to be done, to stop all self abuse and to once and for all live without limitation


Featured Art by Kelly Posey

11 October 2012

Day 79 "If I do this, then I will feel gooooood!"


This blog is in relation to a point I see within myself, wherein I will 'need' something, such as a motivation, to move myself. Specifically it's when I am faced with a resistance to do something, and I have, in that moment a choice to make - either walk through the wall I have created, or give in, accept it and just give up on the task at hand, in the moment. I can see where, one of the "reasons" or motivations I use to "push through the resistance" is a reward for completing a task, such as "feeling good about myself for getting this thing done".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive energetic experience within myself of "feeling good about myself" when I am faced with a resistance to doing/completing something, as a reason/purpose for me to get this thing done - instead of it being a decision within and as myself as self honesty of what is required to be done in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience to "pushing through resistance" as once done, and walked through a point of resistance, go into my mind and praise myself for being "so good" for facing and not allowing a resistance, revealing to myself that I am still a slave to energy, wherein I have not yet made the decision to walk through my life as me, yet require some kind of energy/feeling/emotion as a reward for doing such things that are necessary to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the positive energetic experience of "I am so good for pushing through a resistance" when I am faced with a task that I react to, such as having thoughts about not wanting to do it, and doing it later - to in that moment, separate myself into the future moment of walking through the resistance, and completing the task, and imagine the nice feeling I will experience within myself for doing that, and thus within that, making the decision, because of the reward, to walk through the resistance - instead of stopping myself in the moment I see myself wonder into separation of the mind as a future projection, breathe and make the decision within self honesty of what is necessary to be done, without the desire/need/want for some kind of reward - revealing here the true nature of my living - within self interest of "what I can get from this" and not at all unconditional in my expression of doing something without needing something in return

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do only that which I will receive something in return

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept self interest within who I am and how I live, instead of the unconditional expressing of life, here in each moment of breath, without needing anything in return

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only give if I am able to get something back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the positive polarity of "I feel good when I push through a resistance", also exist within the polarity play out of, "when I don't push through resistance, I am a shitty person... I am so bad at life" - instead of equalizing both within myself, realizing that the 2 are only creating conflict and friction, and thus revealing that energy and polarity of life is not eternal, is not stable, as it does not exist within consistency, it is always fluctuating from one polarity to the other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "pushing through a resistance" and the positive polarity of "good" and "not pushing through resistance/giving up/giving in" as "bad" and to thus exist from one extreme to the other within myself, instead of realizing Life is not polar, life is here, stable, consistent as each breath and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live life as polarity, instead of life for real, as stability and consistency as each breath

When and as I see myself facing a moment of resistance, and I attempt to go into my mind to play out the situation of "If I do this, I will feel good" as a way to seek a reward of 'feeling good' if I push through a resistance, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the awareness that in that moment, I am creating separation, by not breathing in self honesty in making the decision to not allow resistance to direct me, and in stead desiring a reward for my daily responsibility and thus I stop, I breathe and I forgive myself for seeking self interest as a reward for what I do in this life, and instead give unconditionally of who I am within all that I do

When and as I see myself participating within the positive polarity energy of "pushing through a resistance" of "feeling good about my self" I stop and I breathe and I realize I am not defined by these feelings of positivity, wherein I am only allowing self interest to direct me, as I have seeked a reward, and give it to myself by believing "I am a good person for doing this" without realizing that I DO NOT need beliefs or definitions about who I am in this life, only simple being here, breathing and doing what is necessary to be done

I commit myself to stopping the polarities within myself that say, "when I do this, I am bad, and when I do that, I am good", and instead live without polarity/separation and stand equal and one as life as each breath, stable, consistent and the same, today, yesterday and tomorrow

I commit myself to stop seeking self interest of a reward system for doing things in my life, and allow myself to realize the decisions must be made within self honesty, in directly seeing what is pushing me to do something, and no longer accept such dictation and to instead direct myself in each moment as each breath

I commit myself to no longer needing a reward as a motivation to LIVE

I commit myself to exposing to myself and all how the desire for reward as a motivation for taking actions/living in this world, is the exact same way we exist as the Money system - and thus equally responsible for ourselves and this world

I commit myself to stopping defining myself according to my experiences of thoughts, feelings and emotions

I commit myself to breathe in self honesty in every moment

I commit myself to stop being direct by my desire for a reward, and start giving unconditionally as who I am as what is best for all

I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective/commitment application - to expose to myself what I accept and allow as my reason for being, to erase that which is of self interest, and re affirm who I am as life and what I will stand for and live in this life

07 October 2012

Day 78 - Reasons for Working Out

Seeing a reaction of self judgments to/towards my body and within this exist within the starting point of "desire to be thin" as the decision to work out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body and it's shape/form

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the starting point of self judgment projected onto my body, desire to 'work out'/exercise within the desire to make this feeling of 'being fat' go away, without considering the reasons for why I am in judgment of my body in the first place, and thus only accepting the self definition of being fat within then working out because of this as a way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work out within the desire to "look good" based on a picture/image within my mind that i have accepted as the definition of "looking good", not realizing it has been programmed into me through family, friends, media and society

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "looking good" as how the physical body looks when one works out

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create my body to be just an image, wherein I have to mold and shape it to be that which I have accepted to be 'acceptable' which has been passed onto me from previous generations and so within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept the acceptances of previous generations and what is currently here being flooded through media/entertainment as what defines beauty, without every questioning whether it is actually best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my physical body as a picture/image instead of realizing it's functioning that I am not even aware of, and yet exists and allows me to be HERE and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my physical body within my mind as something that is here to define myself according to within finding acceptance within society, instead of standing equal and one with it as what is it - a physical body that functions in completely equality and oneness with all life here, as this physical reality, as it is equal and one with the dust of this earth, as all life is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as not what the pictures I have been told are beautiful and within this desire to shape and mold my body through exercise to be that which I believe is beauty - instead of realizing true beauty is a reflection of who I am as self expression, only real within awareness as each breath of self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self confidence within and as the shape of my body, instead of realizing this is not real.. and my body will change and thus it is not eternal, yet who I am here as life is eternal and thus realize that real self confidant can only exist within and as who I am within/as each breath of self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the polarity of "fat and thin" and "ugly and beautiful" within myself and within this world and thus play the game where some will win and others will lose, and as long as I am not a loser, I don't dare question the game, because them I'm winning and I'm protected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this world of polarity where some are defined as ugly and others as beautiful

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use exercise as a way to validate the self definition within myself of 'needing to look good', instead of supporting my physical body and myself within standing equal to and one with my physical body, here as the breath, in this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest when working out as the starting point of "I need to look good", instead of stopping and clearing my starting point within realizing the desire is coming from fear of being fat and judgments of my body

When and as I see myself judging my physical body for it's shape or form, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realization that my body is not limited to it's picture presentation, that in no way to the "look of my body" carry in substance to the fact that is functions unconditionally for me within this reality and thus I stop abusing myself as my physical body and honor it as the support in which allows me to BE HERE

When and as I see myself making the decision to work out within the starting point of desire to be thin, "look good" and fear of being fat, I stop and I breathe and I realize that this is within separation as I am within my mind attempting to validate a self definition that is not real and thus I breath, self forgive and clear all points of judgments, reactions before I begin my exercise regime

I commit myself to stop all polarities within this world of ugly and beautiful, and fat and thin in realizing I accept and allow it within this world through accepting and allowing it within me and thus I commit myself to stopping all polarities within myself

I commit myself to stop using exercise as a way to validate the experience within my that tells me I have to work out in order to look good - I commit myself to breath and clear my starting point ensuring that "I am here" when making the decision to work out, as a way to be in this physical reality, as my physical body as physical support

I commit myself to stopping all self judgments of my body as being a picture, as this is limiting my body to be just that, which it is not, it is so much more and thus I commit myself to explore who I am as a physical being as the physical body and see what lies behind the limitation I have placed on it

I commit myself to investigating the acceptances and allowances that are within me that have been passed on through generations, to investigate why I accept and allow what i have accepted and allow and to once and for all stop all points within me that are not best for all and only support separation/inequality within this world

I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as the means to change myself into a physical, breathing being that is effective in living change as who I am that is best for all

I commit myself to stand equal to who I am as life as self expression with/as my physical body and to no longer limit myself within the definitions of my mind

I commit myself to stop supporting this worlds enslavement to the beauty constructs - to expose them as they are, that which does not support what is best for all

Other Journey to Life Blogs


05 October 2012

Day 77 - Living Solutions

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all experiences I have within me, wherein I experience conflict and judgments within myself in relation to my living and my world, is but a point of support to show me what it is I have not directed in my life and thus I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to use myself as a point of support, showing to me that which still requires my attention and direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others/something outside of me to show/tell me how to live, what to do, and how to change myself/correct myself - always looking for a solution for myself/my life, yet never willing to see the solution within the problem and thus realizing the simplicity of being the change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I experience within me that I allow to cause me conflict and turmoil is my creation, and thus I have the ability and power to change it, to find a solution for myself wherein I can direct myself to stop the inner conflict and live stability as who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I find to be a problem in my life, exists as the solution as well and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the solution and only stay stuck in the problem

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to consider self honesty in moments where I experience conflict in how I am living, wanting to have a change, yet not realizing I must be the change and thus I forgive myself that I never allowed myself to realize that change can only happen within me, as the directive principle

I forgive myself that i never allowed myself to realize the simplicity of real change, in becoming self honest within myself and my world in seeing what is working/supporting me to live most effective, as what is best for me/all, and to remain confined to a problem I perpetuate by not investigating/living the solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself from realizing how simple solutions are to changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate an internal conflict within myself by judging myself for what I do/don't do, and how I live by judging myself for it - instead of realizing the key is within the problem - the solution is within the problem, the answer is within the question and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself instead of seeing the changes I require to make, and then applying them practically in my physical reality - wherein I no longer allow myself to stay stuck in what I am accepting and allowing and allow myself to stop, stand up and LIVE the changes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the conflict within myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions with back chats and judgments about myself for not living/doing something, instead of realizing that this only limits me and keeps me from making the decision to live the changes I see are required and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of seeing the changes I want to make, and then actually, physical LIVING them, to instead trap myself within myself in self sabotage within believing "I don't know how to change"

When and as I see myself conflicting within myself about something within me or within my world, I stop and I breathe and instead I look to find the solution, realizing it's not actually something I have to find, only something I must see/realize within me as the within the problem, lies the solution and thus I commit myself to finding solutions to living changes that are best for all/me

I commit myself to be the change I want to see in this world, for real, actually, as PHYSICAL living, moment to moment, breath by breath, step by step, committing myself to live awareness as who I am to thus be able to support myself to always change in moments I see possible, to no longer accept self limitation and perpetuation of a problem, but to live the solutions I see I can

I commit myself to realizing the simplicity in changing one's living as being a process of making a decision within self honest and then applying them in each moment of each day - to actually DO that which I want to do in order to change myself

I commit myself to stop existing as/in the problem, and to be/as the solution

I commit myself to seeing solutions within the problems I identify within myself and within my reality

I commit myself to support myself within seeing that which I conflict with internally, within myself, within my mind, as a point of seeing what I still require to direct - taking the lead to make the decision and finding solutions for myself, as I realize conflict within and without are unnecessary when I am able to live/be the solution

I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, as a practical, physical process of self CHANGE, to see/realizing/understand who I am, what I accept and allow, and how I am able to effectively change me, so that I am no longer waiting for direction, but become the directive force of myself as life to create/be/live/express that is best for all life in all ways, equal and one


Featured Artwork by: Jessica Arias

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