31 May 2012

Day 33- Back Chats about School

Class started 2 days ago – and I am already feeling ‘overwhlemed’ and it was based in thoughts of fear “what if this semester is not as smooth sailing as the last one?” “what if I don’t do as well this semester?” “how am I going to keep up with all my responsibilities and school work” “summer semester is more intense, can I handle this?” and then from here – fear and anxiety that ‘I will not make it’ and fear of it not going well. Anxiety and nervousness about not doing well this semester – and it’s only 2 days into to the semester.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not doing well in my summer semester of school

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing back chat to influence and direct the experience of myself where I accept the experience of fear and anxiety

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed after only 2 days of the summer semester based on ideas and back chat that define the semester as ‘more intense’ and thus then fear my ability to ‘keep up’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within school and not being able to keep up within the summer semester, before the semester has even really began

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to my back chat of fear that this semester will be hard and I will not do as well and then from this accept the experience of fear and aniety within doing my work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not being able to handel the summer semester of school and all my other responsibilities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to fit a picture of perfection within my mind where I have no difficulties within my school work – where I believe everything will come easy to me, and I will produce the work easily and I will sail through the semester getting only A’s – instead of being practical within myself realizing I am in school to learn, realizing there is much I have not allowed myself to learn and thus school will be a challenge and not all of it will come easy to me, thus I realize it takes self direction and self will and self motivation and self discipline to get the work done and not to be afraid to ask if I don’t understand

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an easy experience within school within the fear to be challenged

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire instant gratification as the satisfaction within my mind of having it ‘easy’ in school thus feeding my ego as being better than others where I can define myself as this great student

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and who I am based on me being in school and thus desire ‘good grades’ and an ‘easy time’ within school to define myself as being something great

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that school is practical in that I realize I must stand equal to what is here in order to be effective within this world, realizing only through the current systems in place will I be able to stand up within/as equal to in order to implement real change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not capable of being an effective student and thus allow fear to direct my experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to quit in the midst of the allowance of self judgment of not being able to effectively complete my requirements within school – I realize I am able to as I have done it before and thus I allow myself to stop all back chats of self judgments and move myself with every breath to effectively live and participate in my world – including school –taking it one point at a time like one breath as a time until I accumulate my completion of school

I commit myself to stopping all back chats of self doubt and self judgment and trust myself to move myself directly in order to do what is necessary to be done within school and to complete it with the effectiveness I know I am capable of

I commit myself to stop using school as a way to boost my ego and self definition of who I am as I realize school does not define who I am – who I am is defined within every moment and thus if I am allow the ego of the mind to influence and direct me and tell me who I am - then I know I am not life – I am in separation of myself as life and thus commit myself to stop this in each moment

I commit myself to realize and remind myself every moment why I am in school – to bring about effective and real change within this world realizing we will do it through the systems already in place – all it takes is for individuals such as myself standing within the principle of what is best for all to stand within the systems to bring about this principle to all forms of all systems so that we then produce a change practically for every form of life on earth – this is why I am here


30 May 2012

Day 32:The Reality of Illusion

I just uploaded a video where I was speaking about how within spirituality claims this physical reality is the illusion and gives much participation to the Mind Reality as if that were the 'real thing'. "The physical world is there to distract you from your reality, and your work is to overcome the distractions. Lessons from the Source"

I participated with this belief once upon a time in my Life - and so Self Forgiveness is required

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the physical reality as an illusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the mind as the real reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give more value to the mental reality within my Mind as if it were more real then this physical reality that is matter - real in every way as it is what is here - it is what i can see, taste, touch, and hear.. while the mental reality of the Mind only exists through my belief of it, my participation of it, and can stop if I stop it thus within this prove to myself it is not real - only the physical reality is real, as it remains, with or without me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself within an illusionary reality as my mind, and disregarding the real reality of physical matter as world, not caring about what is here and what is real and instead participate and separate myself within a separate reality that only exists because I have created it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to this physical reality through my acceptance and participation within the mental reality of Mind - where I believe I exist, not realizing I exist in the physical reality first and thus is what is actually allowing me to separate myself into an alternate reality separate from the real reality and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the real reality through my acceptance and participation in an illusionary reality within my Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the thoughts in my mind - believing they are real more then my physical body which is actually was sustains me and my life and ability to exist here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give more value to my mind instead of the real reality of physical matter - as I see this is what is real, this is where Life is - this is what is eternal, while the mind fades and will no longer exist when I die, as I realize the body will remain and thus within this prove to myself the body is real as it is physical - the mind is illusion as it cease to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the world around me as the real reality of physical matter to crumble, as I see there is suffering and pain and unacceptable atrocities happening in a daily basis - yet I choose to pretend it's not real through defining it as an illusion, because I believe it's easier to exist separate from it - believing I am not a part of it and so I hide within my mind to distract myself from what is here because I cannot stand to see it - I want to ignore it and pretend life is wonderful, not realizing life is physical and life as this real reality is showing me what I am accepting and allowing, showing me I have separated myself as I see the separation within this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Life that is Real and Life that is Here through accepting and participating in the Mental Reality of the mInd where I can be whatever I want and do not have to take responsibility for the physical world around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my self interest of the Mind where I can believe whatever I want as long as I don't have to face this real reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the Mind through defining myself within and as thoughts... believing that is who I really am and not seeing what is actually allowing me to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse the real reality through using it to exist in self interest of the mind - using my energy of the physical to feed the illusion of my mental reality, instead of being here and sorting myself out and sorting out this world so I never again live in illusion, but Live for Real in this Reality Equal with/as all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spit on life through saying this world is not real and hoping and praying for a better reality to exist because I have not yet allowed myself to realize I can change - I can become real in this physical reality with the ability and power to change it into a reality that is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the very thing that makes me real and gives/allows me Life - my physical breath as that it which sustains my very being here - my Life and thus I commit myself to BREATHE myself within equality and oneness as I walk my process of becoming real... out of the Mind and back to Reality where Life is Real as the Breath I breathe.

I commit myself to stopping the illusion of the Mind and getting back to reality where all Life exists equally

I commit myself to bringing the illusion of the mind back to earth so that I stop distracting myself and start directing myself to become real - participating in this physical reality and creating and changing into a reality that is for real best for all

I commit myself to stop my self interest existence within the Mind - and care for All life here within and as this Physical Reality

I commit myself to see Life for Real and stop the illusions of the Mind - I commit myself to stop existing in make-beleive - I commit myself to get Real and Become Life

29 May 2012

Day 31: Pattern of Fear and Resentment Play-Out at Work part 2

Here I am walking myself through self forgiveness of the situation I laid out in writing yesterday, so read for context.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘standing up’ for myself as myself when in positions of authority and responsibility

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear acting in ways that are best for all such as being responsible and accountable for positions of leadership, wherein I have been given authority to be a leader and set an example, and fall short within fearing how others will see me and fear them judging me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not good with being an authorative figure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not good at standing up for myself within positions of responsibility and leadership

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as weak

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect authority and leadership with fear thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself within the limited self definition of being scared of being an authoritive figure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself within the limited self definition of ‘not good at standing up’ within positions of authority and leadership

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear authority and leadership and thus fear myself being within these positions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to others within my peer group as being authoritive and leaders and define them as egotistical and assume they are taking advantage of their positions and then fear them reacting to me the same way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume to know the experience of another when in a position of authority and leadership, instead of simply taking responsibility for myself and my experience within authority and leadership

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others within positions of leadership and authority defining them as being superior and then judge them for it – as if my assumptions of their experience is real instead of realizing it is a projection of myself within defining myself as being superior when in positions of authority and leadership

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as superior to others when at work and being in a position of leadership

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as inferior to others at work within a position of authority and leadership

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to live the realization that leadership and authority simply means, “living as an example” and thus no better or worse then anyone, simply giving direction to live and work in the most directive and productive way possible which is what would be best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the responsibility of being a leader and authority figure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others reacting to me as being a leader or in an authority figure at work the same way I have reacted to them, with back chat and judgments within assumptions of how they experience themselves within that position

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own back chat and experience of myself towards others who are in a position of authority and leadership

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see all as my equal and thus stop all judgments of those in a position to be examples, and to stop my fear of being in a position to be an example, as I realize ones that are in those positions are responsible for setting the example, thus living and working within the principles of ‘what is best for all’ require to be the guidelines and thus no judgments should be existent


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the past while at work within the memories of how past shifts has play out and thus bring the same experience to the present work shift, allowing it to influence and direct me within needing to control the outcome of others doing their responsibilities, instead of simply letting go of the past memories of work, and being here with breath where I am then able to direct myself within my position of leadership to be the example and thus give effective direction to others I work with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the same experience during work that I have had in the past wherein I do all the responsibilities because I do not effectively communicate with my co workers in getting them to stay with their responsibilities and thus speak to them during the present out of fear of the past and an attempt to control my experience, based on the past experience and fear of it repeating

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to control the experience of myself at work through communicating to my co workers out of fear, instead of allowing myself to simply be directive with myself and others in holding others accountable as I held myself accountable within this responsibilities to ensure all are taking responsibilities for their job

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict and reactions form my co workers if I would to be directive with them in holding them accountable for their responsibilities at work – instead of realizing it is my responsibility to do so, and so as I hold myself accountable – I hold others accountable as well and thus we are equal within our responsibilities to ensure a smooth work experience for all – as this is what is best for all – all individuals working together within doing their part to create a work environment that is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my not being directive with myself and my responsibility at work onto others through judging them for not being responsible for their jobs – instead of taking responsibility for myself and the position I was in as being a leader and to direct myself and communicate effectively with them in keeping them accountable for their responsibilities at work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my fear of holding myself and others accountable within our responsibilities at work through ‘just doing it myself’ wherein I then allow back chat to accumulate to the point where I then resent them for not doing their work – yet I gave myself no solution in standing up within myself as the position of my responsibility to hold others accountable for the same thing thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent myself for not being directing within myself as standing up within my responsibility to hold others accountable for their responsibilities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my experience of fear of holding others accountable with their responsibilities at work through saying to myself that “if I have time to tell them, I can do it myself” instead of realizing within this I am simply running away from the accepted fear I have in holding others accountable as being responsible within a leadership position

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a leader

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being responsible as a leader

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of being directive with myself as holding others accountable to instead allow fear to direct my through justifications that I can just do the work myself yet seeing in the end I am not being an example, I am allowing fear to direct me and then end up resenting myself and others for not doing what I see is best for all – being responsible within my position as a leader and thus holding myself and others accountable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “why is it so hard to just do the one thing you are responsible for” – instead of seeing and realizing this was me saying to me , “why can’t you just do the one thing you are responsible for” within holding others accountable for their responsibilities, instead of allowing fear of conflict and others ideas about me to direct me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “why are they so lazy” – instead of stopping the self talk as hate and judgment towards others and myself and simply direct myself within my responsibility and thus communicate with others in holding them accountable for their responsibility as I would then be equal in holding myself accountable within my responsibility within the group

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “why can’t thye be more directive in their job” instead of stopping my projections of myself onto others – realizing I was not being directive within myself in the responsibilities I had at work as holding others accountable within their responsibilities at work so that all benefit from the group effort making work ‘work well’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “people talk too much to each other instead of doing their work” instead of stopping these judgments within my secret mind where I can hide my fear and blame others for what they do instead of taking responsibility for myself within directing myself to get the job done and not allow back chat as judgments to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow back chat projected towards others within and as me – Instead of stopping myself in the moment I became aware of the back chat – not allowing it as I realize it is self abuse and abuse of life as I am then separating myself from myself and others through not taking responsibility for myself and the experience of myself and instead putting it on others through blame. I do not accept this of myself – this stops here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my ego as the mind as self talk to direct me within myself and my world/reality – instead of breathing – living here within directing myself to stop the fear of others and being in a position of leadership and simply moving and directing myself and all to be accountable within their responsibilities – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my ego to get in the way of me standing up within myself and in my world

When and as I see myself fearing to hold myself accountable within the position of work as being a ‘leader’ = I stop and I breathe and I direct myself through the fear of how others will see me and simply communicate as this is what is necessary to be done and so stop making it personal and allowing the ego to direct me and directing myself within holding myself accountable for my responsibility at work as holding others accountable for their responsibilities at work

When and as I see myself participating in back chat of blame and projections onto others within my mind – I stop and I breathe and I DO NOT accept this of myself as I realize within these moments I am not being responsible for myself and instead blaming others – so I breathe and bring myself back within self responsibility as self honesty to direct myself within myself to do what is necessary to be done

When and as I see myself attempting to control a situation based on a past experience and fear of it repeating – I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back within the awareness of ‘what is here’ as the moment to then be able to see and direct myself and my world effectively – not allowing back chat or fear to direct me – but me directing ME here

When and as I see myself justifying and thus accepting the fear I experience within being ‘a leader’ at work through holding myself and others accountable within the responsibilities of the work shift – I stop and I breathe and I do NOT allow this to direct me – I direct me as the breathe here – without ideas or projections or assumptions – allowing nothing to direct or influence me but me in the moment as breathe as this is the most effective way to live/work/express/get shit done!

I commit myself to hold myself accountable as being self responsible to stop the fear I have created within myself through ideas in my mind about others and myself

I commit myself to push myself to be more directive withi myself within standing up as what is ‘right’= what is necessary to be done and thus what Is best for all

I commit myself to stopping the limitation of the definition that I am too afraid to stand up and speak up

I commit myself to communicate directly and effectively – not making anything personal, simply living as the directive principle to live in ways that are most effective and best for all

I commit myself to live as an example that is best for all




27 May 2012

Day 30 - Pattern of Fear and Resentment Play-out at Work Part 1

Tonight at work – I saw an experience of fear, justification and resentment play out.

I was on a closing section – and so my responsibilities are to make sure everyone else is responsible for their specific responsibility during the work shift. Yet – I have always had difficulty ‘standing up’ and speaking up about these points – as authority has never been my ‘thing’. I fear people judging me for attempting to assert my position of authority – because that is what I do to others – judge them or have back chat about them for attempting to be an ‘authority figure’. Not always – but I have and can see why I fear people doing this to me – because I’ve done it.

Usually when I get to work – I start doing what needs to be done to cover everyone, and myself so that we have everything we need. “setting up for success” as we call it in our business. While doing this – I saw the list was up already for who was responsible for what during the shift. I mentioned to a couple of people, “do you know what you are responsible for tonight” – but did not say it to all – and I was saying this because I have found in the past, people are not direct with these responsibilities, and when I see they need to be done – I do it. Yet, I don’t say anything, and end up resenting them for not doing it. So tonight – based on this, attempted to take ‘control’ with asking some if they were aware of their responsibilities. Within this – I experienced fear – fear of how they would react, fear of them judging me for asking… like I’m not suppose to, fear of them thinking I am on a ‘power trip’. Why not simply let it be what it is – me taking responsibility for my responsibility – ensuring all are taking responsibility for their responsibility…. Instead I had all sorts of ideas about myself within this position and others within their position and allowed extensive back chat to direct me.

So during the shift – I noticed things here and there that could be done… as they were not being done. So – I have 2 choices in these moments, I can either do it myself, or let the person responsible for that specific task know that it requires to be done. I usually end up doing myself with the justification that “If I have time to tell them – I can do it myself” Yet what ends up happening… I do this the whole shift. And the others then are not being held accountable for what they are responsible for. And this creates a pattern of no one taking responsibility, no one is being held accountable, and I go into resentments and back chats about judgments in regard to ‘why can’t they just do the one thing they are responsible for’.

After doing some of the responsibilities myself – I considered, as a way to not have to face what I was experiencing as being an authority/leader figure – I said to myself, “I will ask them if they can do it or if they need me to do it.” – Yet I still didn’t do this… I ended up doing it myself.

By the end of the night, after a night of back chat such as “Why is it so hard to just do the one thing you are responsible for?” “why are they so lazy” “why can’t they be more directive in their job” “people talk to much to each other instead of doing their work” – lol, it’s funny to see these back chats, as I realize this are all projections – projections of myself for not being DIRECTIVE within MY responsibility… to simply hold others accountable for their responsibilities. Instead, I went into blaming ‘them’ for what ‘they’ are doing or not doing, instead taking self responsibility for what I was allowing. Fear and worry to direct me instead of me directing myself to be directive with others and stop making/taking things personally. It’s not personal when I say, “Hey – can you do your responsibility? It requires to be done”. It’s that simply, no need to make it more then what it is.

So I have the situation laid out here in writing, tomorrow I will take it on with self forgiveness and self corrective application – to give myself the solution to stop living in fear and become directive within myself and my world and with others. To BE the change. Thanks.

26 May 2012

Day 29 - Make Up as the Mask I Wear


Before I found Desteni - I wore a lot of Make Up. A lot of Cover Up. A lot of mascara and eye liner and lip gloss. In no way could I leave my house without these things... this I would not accept. Because I did not accept Me - and I believed I had to make myself up into something better - for others to see and accept me.

This has stopped as I SEE the self deception.. yet points have arised here and there where I 'think' about wearing make up again, and so revisiting the point I was existing within and accepting as myself to show to myself why I will never go back.. and what I have supported myself to see in walking the process of taking off the mask and standing naked.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wear make up to present an image to others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my physical look as ‘not good enough’ and thus wear make up to make myself up into something better then how I have defined myself without make up

I forgive myself for never questioning the societal ‘norm’ of females wearing make – up and investigate why it is we feel we need to wear it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my face without make up as ugly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others defining me as ugly without make – up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to cover up my face with false colors in order to be seen as beautiful

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others seeing me without make up – because I have defined this as ugly and thus fear others defining me as ugly without make up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as ugly and thus wear make up within the starting point of self judgment within believing it will make me beautiful and desire others to see me as this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself when I tell myself ‘I wear make – up as a from of expression” – when I know the reality of myself within my mind – I am terrified to be without make-up in fear of not being seen as beautiful and thus fear not being accepted by others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define beauty as acceptances

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define beauty as validation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define make up as beauty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define who I am as wearing make up to be beautiful

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to how my face looks – with or without make up – and completely disregarding the physical function of my physical body that supports me to BE/LIVE here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wear make up as a way to have power and control over others through manipulating them with the make up I wear to have them see me in a certain way/presentation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to have power and control over others through wearing make up as I have believed others are and will be in awe of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to others when wearing make up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others through comparing myself to others within how I look with or without make up and feel superior to others when I wear make up as I believed I look better and thus feel more comfortable with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define comfortability within myself based on the way that I look

I forgive myself I have never accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally accept and love myself as the way I am = without make up and cover up – being here with/as me as who I really am and without a mask I hide the terror behind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe others will like me more if I wear make up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present myself as beautiful when I wear make up – hiding behind the mask the fear I have of others not accepting me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within self judgments of the way that I look – defining myself according to the way that I look instead of what matters – how I live and who I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support the beauty industry within my desire to be beautiful by wearing make –up – thus supporting animal abuse and a profit driven industry that tells women we are worthless without make up

I commit myself to expose the beauty demons of this world – to show how beauty does not actually exists – but that it is only a mask we wear to hide our fear and real beingness without who we are as our minds

I commit myself to know myself and become the living expression of self intimacy – where I become intimate with myself as who I am as this physical body – walk with gratitude for the ability to live I receive in every moment – and stop defining myself on an outside picture and definition separate form me here

I commit myself to live real beauty – as who I am in each moment that is free to self express who self is in self honesty – without fear of others, without the projection of a picture I have to live up to – simply me here as the breathing being I am, standing for what is best for all in this world – equality and oneness



23 May 2012

Day 28 - Positive = Negative

Looking back throughout my Life - I saw this world wasn't 'right', meaning something was off. Why was there so much pain and suffering? Why was I asking 'who am I' and "what is my purpose" - why didn't Humans know who they are and where they are? And so, I was on a search my whole Life, always looking outside of myself to find the 'answer'. I 'thought' I found it through spirituality - believed we could change the experience of ourselves to be 'only good', meaning I just had to feel good and I would create good. I believed this to be true for the world as well, that the reason the world was so 'negative' was because we as humans were 'negative' and we just needed to tune into better feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the world is negative because humans are negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe positivity is real and negativity is the illusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the world as polarity and within that believe I had the 'free will' to choose which side of it I wanted to be on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the 'negative' within this world through accepting it as I accepted positivity, not question it and only seek to experience the positivity

I forgive ymself for accepting and allowing ymself to define and accept life as polarity and not see/realize/understand that one cannot exist without the other so within this I forgive myself for accepting and allwoing myself to support polarity within this world through accepting the negative and the positive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never question why life was polarizied.. why some were beautiful and some were ugly, why there was love and hate, why some had lots of money and some suffered without it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I just had to change the experience of myself through denying the negative and feeling only positiveness in order to change my reality and the greater reality we all share

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the negative and thus desire the positive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept those that suffer in this world through justifying it within the statement that they are within negative frequencies - instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that the current economic system is what is cause the polarity of 'haves and have nots"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care about those within the 'negative' of this reality - and focus on the people who were 'positive' in fear of creating negative in my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ymelf to define this world as positive when this physical reality - the truth of what is actually here - reveals to me there is no such thing as beauty, love or compassion

I forgive ymself for accepting and allowing myself to never realize that in order to change this reality - I have to become responsible for myself within this reality and walking myself within the direction of creating a system that is best for all - realizing this is the only way, as wishful thinking and positive thinking does not create change, the generations have been showing this over and over again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe despite the evidence, that positive thinking will create a better reality - instead of seeing/realizing/understand that is required is self responsible humans beings willing to stand up for those on the 'negative side of the coin' in being their voice to those lost in delusions of a beautiful world and create a system of support for all life

I forgive myself that never allowed myself to realize that change happens within the physical reality - not the mental reality of illusions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beleive that changing my thoughts will change the world - and never questioning where these thoughts come from thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ymself to accept myself within my separate reality of the mind where I can think about anything that has no real substantial effect on the physical reality when it comes to change - thus I stop the illusions of the mind and take responsibility in the physical, as the physical

I commit myself to bringing myself back to earth - back to this physical reality and stand up within in, within myself to create change within who I am and within this world with an Equal Money System

I commit myself to stopping the beliefs of the mind that tell me I do not have to take responsibility for this world - and I become self responsible for all life here - realizing I am equal as one

I commit myself to exposing how spirituality and positive thinking has never been a solution to this world and only perpetuates the current state of humanity which is fear of survival and seeking self interest

I commit myself to walk physical change in this world to be an example of what one is able to do within self honesty and self responsibility

I commit myself to be the change I want to see in this world - Practically, Physically, and for All life Equal as One


2012: Relaxing as Attention Diversion

WRITING:

In the last week I have seen where I have allowed myself go into ‘attention diversion’ – where I allow myself to divert my attention away from myself and in this case, into movies as entertainments. In these moments, there is a point of “I just want to relax”, “I don’t want to do anything” and also, what I found while watching these movies as a form of attention diversion, is that I completely throw myself into the movie where I allow the emotions of the movies to take me on a ride, and when I get off (the movie is over)– I want more. One night not too long ago, I ended up watching 3 movies in row, because I didn’t want to face myself alone, and wanted that ‘excitement’ of the stories I was watching… I wanted to energy.

So looking more specifically at the starting point for wanting to just watch movies was the back chat of self –abdication, where there were things to be done, yet I opted to ‘give up’ and ‘let them go’ as to not have to face them – myself as the responsibility to get them done, and went into this point of ‘I feel tired and I just want to relax.’

SELF FORGIVENESS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself from myself as responsibilities within my world with movies as a form of diverting my attention

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my cheek from the responsibilities within my world when I experience myself as being ‘tired’ or not wanting to do anything else and desire to be distracted with movies and a form of ‘holding my attention’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I just want to relax” when I see I still have responsibilities within the day I can complete – but instead follow the back chat and decide to distract myself with movies as entertainment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I don’t want to do anything” as a way to abdicate my self responsibility to myself in every moment and thus desire to divert my attention away from myself and the experience of myself and the responsibilities I have within watching movies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself while watching movies – as my starting point was of separation within deciding to watch these movies thus while I was watching them – I was not here with/as myself as the breath – I was within the movie, allowing the emotions of the story to direct me within energies within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek energy within movies that I watch as a way to not take responsibility for myself in each moment – where I allow emotions to rise and fall within me where I can get a high off of them, and then allow myself to desire more and more and more – instead of taking responsibility of myself within seeing what I was allowing and stopping it – bringing myself back to breath, and even perhaps stop watching the movie – as in that decision I was abdicating responsibility to myself as the projects that still required attention in the day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divert my attention away from myself as the breath and allow the movie to direct my attention – to direct the experience of myself as I allowed myself to ride the waves of the emotions within the movies


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as boring so much so that I believed I had to watch 3 movies in a row to entertain myself – where I believed the movies were more exciting then being with myself within the various projects I could have worked with thus revealing to myself here how I believe I require energy as excitement to live and enjoy life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define life as energy as excitement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to experience excitement as energy in order to enjoy life – instead of realizing only the mind require energy as excitement to exist – while the body requires simply breathing, food and water – and thus realizing that is what is real thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to exist within my illusionary reality of the mind as seeking energy instead of being here with and as the breath where I am then living with all life equal to and one with me as the physical thus realizing this is where enjoyment is real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is easier to watch a movie then to face myself and breathe and get done the responsibilities I have during the day, realizing if I was with/as the breath – then each point moves as me as I direct it, where when I stop and allow the mind to be directive principle – it tells me it’s ‘too hard’ and wants to distract and divert it’s attention thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind in its attempt to divert my attention as a way to not face myself – face my responsibilities and feed myself with energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the end of the day as a time to relax wherein I then don’t complete the last tasks that I have committed myself to complete and instead go into the accepted definition of the mind that I can give up and let go and divert my attention with movies

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define watching movies as easier then my responsibility as daily tasks and project thus allow myself to go to the ‘easier’ point as I have defined it within my mind – Instead breathing through the experience as resistance and push myself to get things done, not allowing the experience to be more than me where I then submit myself to the mind’s direct of diverting my attention towards watching movies

SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS:
When and as I see myself participating within the mind as back chats telling me to give up on the rest of the responsibilities I have throughout my day – and instead desire to divert my attention away from myself and away from the responsibilities as not wanting to face myself as directing myself – I Stop and I breathe and I see what I am accepting and allowing and thus I allow myself to breathe through the experience in no longer attempting to distract myself as hiding from myself and the experience of myself – I breathe and move myself to get done what it is necessary to be done, and do not allow the back chats of giving up and desire for diversion to direct me – I direct me here with/as the breath of Life

When and as I see myself desiring energy in the form of watching movies – I stop and I breathe and I check my starting point for making the decision to live this action, and thus take responsibility for myself to see whether it is practical or not and if it is not – if there are things still required to do – I stop and breathe and move myself to get them done, allowing no excuse or justification and if it is practical – I clear my starting point for wanting to watching movies and make sure that I support myself to be here while watching the movie to ensure I am not enslaving myself to the energies of emotions within the movies – I support myself to see where these emotions still come up and investigate them within myself so that I can release them from myself and no longer be taken on a ride of energy

When and as I see myself seeking excitement in the form of energy within defining life as excitement – I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to see that Life is not defined by energy and enjoyment and excitement is not defined by energy – It is a living statement of who I am and thus can only be lived within/as the breath as life realizing this is what is real – real living – equal to and one with all here as this physical reality – thus no one is excluded from the expression of enjoyment of life

When and as I see myself wanting to divert my attention away from myself and into movies as distractions – I stop and I breath and I do not allow this within myself – I take back directive principle of myself and realize what I am allowing through accepting the minds experience – fear of not existing and wanting to hide away – in stead I stop – I breath – I stand up within myself and take directive decision to move myself

When and as I see myself participating in the pattern of wanting to give up and not ‘go on’ within completing my responsibilities throughout the day – I stop and I breathe and I push myself through the resistance as the back chat of ‘its too hard’ and realizing with/as the breath it is simply and so I stop allowing me as the mind to tell myself it’s ‘too hard’ I allow this to be a red flag to myself in seeing what I am allowing and bring myself back to directive principle of myself as the breath

REDEFINING THE WORD: Relax


1. Gathering information:

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – Within this point I can see how I have defined relax as ‘giving up’ on something and choosing to relax instead – where relaxing has become a point of attention diversion – as a way to not face myself and to attempt to escape from myself and my reality where I defined the physical reality as ‘too difficult’ and thus desire to relax as a way of ‘getting away’


b. Dictionary Definition –
verb (used with object)
1.to make less tense, rigid, or firm; make lax: to relax themuscles.
2.to diminish the force of.
3.to slacken or abate, as effort, attention, etc.
4.to make less strict or severe, as rules, discipline, etc.: torelax the requirements for a license.
5.to release or bring relief from the effects of tension, anxiety,etc.: A short swim always relaxes me.


b. Sounding the word – Relax… re – lax, re lacks, we lacks, me lacks

2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word
-What I am starting to see is that ‘relax’ has been defined/lived within myself to be something I do in order to ‘get away’ from myself and my reality – like ‘life’ is tense and I just want to let it go and ‘relax’ So it’s been a word I have lived within escaping my reality as a way to not face the experience of myself

• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’
-Positive/good – because the word within myself as bee lived as something I do to ‘get away’ where I can run away from my problems, or myself or my reality and just ‘let it go’ and so within this it is something I desire as I allow myself to not face myself/my reality when/as living the word relax

• What associations do you have with the word? Napping, vacation (beaches and nice weather)

• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Better as I defined it as something I ‘get to do’ when things become to difficult for me so in a way, I am happy when I get to live the word relax, as I don’t have to take responsibility for myself or my world and I can excape within myself into my mind, so it’s something I desire to do when ‘shit gets rough’ – whether in my reality or within myself as the experience of myself

Self Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as escaping from myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as something I do when my reality or the experience of myself gets to hard and I don’t want to face it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as something I can do to get away or run away from myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax with napping

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax with memories within my mind of going on vacation and being on the beach – I delete these memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax as a positive charge as being something I ‘get to do’ after having a hard time in myself and my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax in separation of myself here – as I realize to live the word relax would to breath in every moment – as I am then not allowing myself to be dragged around as thoughts and emotions and feelings, I will live simply in a relax expression as I am here, directive of myself within/as the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the experience of myself and my reality to be difficult and thus desire to live the definition I Have give to the word relax as that which I do to escape and not face myself or my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word relax in separation of myself and my life – believing it is something separate form me like I place I must go to to get away from where I am – instead of realizing I am always here

I delete these definitions and stand clear within and as the word relax – removing the polarity of positive charge and allow the word to be innocent without memories or beliefs or ideas within it that do not support me or what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: relaxing is like saying I am lacking something in my life – my life is lacking enjoyment and stability and peace and thus I desire to find it in an experience of the word relaxing. Instead of living the word relaxing as something that is simply and here and enjoying the experience of life as the breath – living then in peace with myself and not allowing myself to be dragged around by the energies of thoughts feelings and emotions, yet allow myself to live relax as who I am as the breath, here, calm, open, living.

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Relax: That which I do every moment of myself as the breath – where I allow myself to be calm and here and stable as the breath not being dragged around by the energies of thoughts, feelings and emotions. No longer a form of escape, but calmness as myself in every moment of breath thus I am always relaxed, always open, always here.



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes
c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes

22 May 2012

2012:DIP into the Delusions of "Love will Change the World"

WRITING
In the past – I participated within the Secret and the Law of Attraction and within this, believed ‘Love’ would conquer all things. I really actually believed Love would change this world and could change individuals – yet it was never within actual physical ways – it was based on an ‘idea’ and ‘feeling’ you had to posses to be ‘good’ and ‘lovely’ to others – within this, believe others would experience the ‘presence of love’ and change themselves. I never considered who I was within the Mind – how thoughts generate feelings and never dared to see within self honest my starting point for desiring the ‘feeling of love’ as a solution to this world.

Within my starting point – I thought being “Love” was an easy solution. I did not have to take responsibility for myself, I just had to ‘feel good and share it with others’. I did not have to investigate my inner reality as the Mind – as through this idea of “Love being the answer to change the worlds’ I was in complete submission to myself as the Mind –accepted it and never questioned it. Just like I accepted the Mind and not being at all aware of who I was as the Mind, I accepted this world the way it was. I did not question how the Current Money system is the actually source/cause/origin of the many atrocities that people have to experience in this World – I did not consider creating a New Economic System – I just accepted the System as it was, and attempted to find my happiness within it. So to be – It was a bonus to be able to think, the world is fine the way it is, I don’t have to change anything within it – and I am fine the way I am – I just have to ‘feel love’ and thus – that will create change in this world. Fuck – how delusional… and ignorant. As Love never created any sort of change, as apparently is has been around for so long, and the world is getting worse.

So what I have realized within the desire for ‘love to change the world’ – it actually supports acceptance of the System, and accepted of Self as the Mind – as there is no self responsibility for who self has been and why or how… no awareness/seeing into that Secret Reality within myself where I converse to myself as my thoughts – where I am always within judgment of another, and always attempting to be ‘right’. Within this Mind I can see even how I used Love as spite – where I defined myself as superior to others for my knowledge of ‘love will change all things’ and said, don’t worry – you will see. I wont waste my time on your ‘negativity’.

So here within this point of Love – I am looking at the thoughts: “Love will change the World” and “Love is the Solution to this World” and “Love will conquer all things”

So within these thoughts, I can see that I was attempting and trying to find a solution to myself and to this world – and then just accepted what I have gained through knowledge and information to be ‘Love is the Answer”, like all I had to do was Be love, share love… when it’s like how do one actually practically, physical do that? It’s just an idea with no substance, and thus left for a flighty experience with no practical guidelines.

So some feelings within this point were: Desire to have a better experience of myself within this world, Desire to change the world. Felt better within believing all I had to do was ‘share the love’ and this would change the world. Also – feelings of being superior to others as I ‘knew’ the secret to changing ourselves and this world = Love.

Also – within this point, the acceptance of the World System without questioning what it is actually creating in this world – acceptance of myself as a Mind that ‘feels’ better when thinking about things that I justify with my own ideas and beliefs – not investigating what is real and practical in this world, thus submitting myself to my mind and to this world system as a whole.

SELF FORGIVENESS
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek a solution to this world – separate from me here through an idea and a feeling of Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and submit to the knowledge and information within this world that suggested “love will change the world” without ever investigate ways to practically live this or how it can be actually real within this physical reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire Love as the Solution to this world – as then I did not have to be self responsible for myself within changing myself – I only had to ‘feel good’ as I defined Love to ‘feel good’ and thus believed this was a solution to this world – when this is not real in this physical reality for all – thus not a real solution in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept Love as being the answer to changing this world within the belief that if I ‘be love’ and ‘share love’ with others – then I am changing myself and this world – without ever investigating who I am within the secret mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions, and thus accepted the no guideline of how to practically live love as what is best for all in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define Love as a Solution to this world – without realizing that Love do not feed people nor does is give people water, nor does it give people homes – it simply creates ignorance within people to not see how the Current Economic System is what is causing the desire for solutions in this world and we see what is here should not be accepted, yet we have not considered investigate real solutions, that places us into self responsibility to change this world physical – not just with an idea of how to ‘be’ within this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within ignorance within believing Love will Change the World because within this – I accepted the World Systems the way they were and did not dare question whether they are best for all or not as I see/realize/understand that what is Best for All is Equality for All – living standards for all that are best for all and thus realizing this is Real Love in this World as it is a Physical Change – providing for all, instead of believing I just have to find my happiness and place within the current system and do not dare change what is here as myself or this world, but just accept it and find my place within it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within self interest within the belief that Love will Change the world as I then turned the cheek to the current state of the world and not investigate real solutions that would be best for everyone, I simply settled for what I believed was best for me and that was the desire to feel good and thus believe love is what made me feel good and then accepting this as a solution to myself and this world – when simply I was within self interest to have a good life only for myself and did not consider others that are here as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept Love as a Feeling – not realizing these feelings were generated through my Mind as thoughts that exist only within self interest as I am always seeking to find better ways for myself, how to be happy, how to experience joy – how to have contemptment for only me and within this believing that if I had this – then it would cause others to have this as well, as they would magically pick up how I was experiencing myself and choose to live the same way – without seeing the absolute delusion within this as this does not actual practical, physical change anything in this world, as I was still in acceptance of this economic system that I now realize is the cause/source/origin of the many abuse that is taken place against life

Thus =I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how to practically, physically change this world and submit myself to the idea of Love – as this idea had been around for so long and believed that it was a solution – not seeing how money and it’s value in this world to be more then life is was is causing the separating and abuse within this world – to all forms of life, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that real Love in this world would to be changing the current economic system to one that supports all life to be here.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowing myself to within my belief of Love being the answer to change this world – accept myself as the Mind I am within existing in a separate reality where I only consider myself and my pursuit of happiness and bliss and do not see the One true Reality as this Earth and what is currently manifested within/as it/ Instead I desire to not have to be responsible within seeing who I was and what I was participating within/supported and instead accepted the current state of the world to be humanity lacking love, instead seeing the real cause of this world – humans within separate realities within their minds that do not consider real life on this earth and within this accept the current system that allows life to suffer and so within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support life to suffer within my ignorance and disregard for this physical reality and instead believing in my illusionary reality of the mind where I desire to ‘feel good’ and thus accepted on love as a feeling to be the way to change this world – without seeing Love for Real and how it can be lived to Change this World – for real, physically for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see/define myself as superior to others who did not realize ‘love was the answer’ and defined anyone who portrayed any kind of ‘negativity’ from my perspective – was not worth my time and thus inferior to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Love as a reason to abuse others within my mind through seeing them separate form me as they did not see the same solution I did as Love being what will change this world – Instead of realizing that if Love as an idea or feeling or state of being was an actual solution to this world – we would not see the current suffering that is currently manifested

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within hope and waiting for Love to be the change I want to see in this world – believing if I believed in love – love would be created in this world – instead of realizing ideas and beliefs have no real physical impact in this world, as I can see from the Hippie Movement of the 70s where Love did not conquer all things – it only conquered humans into submitting themselves into acceptance of this world and their mind, thus not investigate real solutions to this world such as becoming responsible for stopping the separate reality of the mind and sorting out themselves to get back to this real reality and changing the current system that currently supports and create abuse and separation here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ymeslf to define love as a feeling

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a state of being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as an experience

I forgive myself that I Have never allowed myself to realize/see/understand what love is a phsycial reality within myself and within this one reality we all share

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to define love as separate from me as a feeling I have to reach for and create within myself – instead of seeing it as who I am here = equal and one with all that is here as the same physical substance in which I am, thus living this realization through standing equal to and one with all that is here as this physical reality, stopping the mind of separation of judgments and attempt to be superior

SELF CORRECTING STATEMENTS:
When and as I see myself existing within my mind as self interest, participating in thoughts of judgment and separation to/towards others – I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back here to myself within/as the awareness of what is real as the physical body in which I am within realizing the substance that I am is equal to and one with all that is here as this physical reality/physical substance, and thus I allow myself to live this realization through breathing with/as my physical body – equal to and one with all physical bodys and forms that is here, no longer existing within a separate reality, but living equal to and one with the real reality as this physical reality within realizing this is best for all

When and as I see myself accepting knowledge and information such as ideas and feelings to be solutions of this world – that only serve to make me feel better, as within this I don’t have to actually physical change myself, only change ideas about myself and this world – I stop and I breathe and I do allow myself to investigate for real whether ideas and beliefs of this world actually serve what is best for all in this physical reality and thus commit myself to find real solutions that do in face assist and support the changing of this current physical reality into what is best for all

When and as I see myself accepting the current state of the world, human beings within it, the current economic system, and all systems of this world – I stop and I breathe and realizing this is was enslaves me to not actually physically changing myself or this world – and thus I commit myself to question every being, every system, every way of thinking and every belief system to see if it is in fact best for all or only serving and perpetuating the current state of the world of separation and abuse

When and as I see myself accepting myself as who I am as the Mind through believing in my thoughts and internal conversations within my mind – I stop and I breathe and realize this is not actually who I am for real – as the real me is this physical body, breathing and thus allow myself to live for real as this realization of who I really am and thus commit myself to investigate myself and what I have accepted and allowed within myself as separation within he mind of beliefs and self definitions and commit to change myself into being a living being here equal to and one with my physical body as who I really and thus equal to and one with this physical reality as all substance here is equal to and one within/as itself – thus I allow myself to live this realization through breathing – stopping the mind participating and redefining my existence to be that which is best for all within/as equality and oneness

REDEFINING THE WORD: Love


1. Gathering information:

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – I have always defined Love to be a ‘feeling’ or state of being, in which you ‘feel about’ yourself or another or anything. Never actually physical real – just an idea, an attitude, nothing I could tangibly touch in this physical reality. So in essence, it was a belief in a feeling that I experienced to/towards something which really was perhaps an addiction to feeling good


b. Dictionary Definition –
LOVE
[luhv] Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov•ing.
noun
1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
5.(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
EXPANDverb (used with object)
15.to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16.to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for(another person).
17.to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to lovemusic.
18.to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19.to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.


b. Sounding the word – Love – well Love backwards/in reverse is Evol – and sounds like Evil.. and I can see through walking this point how Love is in fact Evil as it simply accept what this world is without questioning it and supports humans to exist in ignorance and self interest as their own pursuit of happiness – without taking into consideration the rest of Humanity and the Rest of the world. So love is in fact Evil in this world as Love is not Lived by Humans = if it were, we would not have/accept/support/exist within/as a System that supports Inequality and valuing Profit more then life – Life would be Equal for All thus All life would be supported to Live.

2. Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered

Does the definition within the different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?

This can be determined by looking at:
• Your own personal experience with this word
-I always accepted the word Love to be a feeling or idea or state of being. When I was a child, I recall asking my mom what this word was, Love, because I always heard it is songs and wondered why people would sing about it all the time. I could never place it into physical terms, it was only ever ideas about what love was and within this acceptance of it being a feeling to/towards someone/something… so existing within only my mind as thoughts and ideas/beliefs.

• How you have interpreted the word as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’
-Positive/good – because within this I defined it as a feeling, a feeling I wanted to experience, as it was like good energy, a good feeling. As if I was experiencing something real – yet within this definition I can see a polarity, because for Love to be Good – we have to have the opposite to define it as such, hence Evil and ‘bad’.
So it was something I wanted to experience and defined as something ‘good/positive’ as how someone should feel/experience themselves, and within that believed it would change the world

• What associations do you have with the word? A Feeling generated through the mind as ‘bliss’ and ‘enjoyment’ where I feel good about the idea of what love is through defining it as a good thing. Love as a feeling towards someone or something and so feeling attachment and thus the idea of being complete as apparently ‘love’ exists between me and another.

• Do you feel better or worse when you are using or experiencing this word? Better – as I usually find myself saying it with ‘I love this” or “I love that” or “I love you” – so it’s like an excitement energy of ‘having’ something or ‘enjoying’ something separate from me here. Because this experience of ‘love’ is always projected onto/to/towards something or someone else – never here as me as an expression of myself.

Self Forgiveness on the word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love as an energetic experience within myself as a feeling generated through the mind as thoughts of wanting to feel ‘good’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ymelf to define love as something you feel to/towards another person or another thing, seprate form me here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love as a polarity of positive/good and thus separating myself as the definition of the word through defining it within a polarity of ‘good/bad and positive/negative’ instead of allowing myself to realize love is a living action as equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love as a state of being within the ideas of what love is as feelings – instead of finding ways to live it for real as who I am here, instead of just unsubstantial thoughts and ideas about what love is as a feeling/experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as something I find with/in another separate form me here and thus desire to have this experience in believing it is not here as me, and seeking outside of myself for it in another/something else and thus separating myself from the word love as me and believing I am complete and fulfilled if I find it in another or something outside of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel better when expressing the word love because I believe when doing so – I have achieved something great as an experience of myself, yet I have only separated myself from myself as love through defining it as a feeling I must achieve from something outside of myself thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as an experience of a feeling separate for me here that I must get from something outside of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to as a child wonder what love was because of hearing it within songs and accept the definition giving to me by others as being a feeling projected onto others separate from me here – instead of realizing within myself who I am in relation to all here as equality and oneness and thus realizing this is real love – equality and oneness as the substance I am equal to and one with all that is here

I delete these definitions and stand clear within and as the word LOVE – removing the polarity of positive charge and allow the word to be innocent without memories or beliefs or ideas within it that do not support me or what is best for all

3. New definition

a. Creative writing: Love is a way of being – physical in this world within the realization that who I am as the physical body I am is equal to and one with all physical bodies/forms here as we are of/as the same source – the earth and thus real love is to live this realization through being here as the breath equal to and one with my physical body that is equal to and one with the body of all as this earth… and thus real love is standing equal to/as my physical body through breathing = seeing/living all as my living equals of/as the same source/substance. Real love is creating myself into a being that lives equality and oneness as myself and thus directing myself within this world to create a sustainable system that is best for all, one that honors and supports all life to be here equally.

b. Writing the definition:

New definition: Love is walking/breathing here equal to and one with my physical body as the substance that is equal to and one with all that is here as the physical substance manifested. Love is walking the realization of what is best for all is the living reality of equality and oneness and thus changing myself to live within these principles of stopping the separate reality of the mind and getting into the physical reality through breathing here, that is equal and one within all and thus creating a system (equal Money) that is best for all within supporting all to physical live here as this is the real reality and is equal for all. Love is honoring all as myself equal and one as me thus giving to another what I would like to receive.



4. Checking the definition

a. Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no

b. Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes
c. Does the definition that I wrote represent what the word means?
Answer: yes



Day 27 - Living the Lie instead of the Life as the Living Word

I have been allowing myself to occupy myself and distract myself within cycles of self abuse - abusing self forgiveness through not living the words in myself/my reality and thus looping myself back to the same fucking point. It stops here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the back chat of “I don’t feel like it” when it comes to me writing daily self honesty and self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the back chat of “there is nothing to write about” as I realize this is an excuse and justification to not change the living of who I am as the decision of who I am and instead allowing the mind to be more then me thus separating myself as inferior to me as the mind – I stop this and commit myself to no longer use the excuse “there is nothing to write about”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to occupy myself within the pattern of allowing resistance to writing – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cycle this point of writing daily and always bring myself back to the same point…. Not writing for days and then having to force myself to write within seeing this is bullshit. I stop creating bullshit – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as bullshit as the words I speak where I haven’t yet allowed myself to live the decision of who I am as the actions of writing daily - thus abusing forgiveness I have applied, abusing myself as the commitments I Have made and not yet lived

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself fro mmyself as the living words through not living the words I speak or changing my living into the statement of the self forgiveness statements I have made as the decision of who I will be and will not be in this life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as the living word through not living the words I speak

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the power of the living word through not living the words thus rendering any statements spoken by me useless as they are not then lived

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “it’s too hard’ when it comes to writing daily – as I realize and have seen that this is the excuse of me as the mind to not have to face who I am nor take responsibility for who I am thus proving to myself that I cannot be trusted with life as I do not live the words I speak thus I am living a lie – speaking words I do not live so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the living lie

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the living lie through not living the words I speak thus separating myself form being the living word

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of ‘it will take too much time” instead of realizing I have dedicated 27 years of my life to creating myself as a lie – thus I allow myself to realize I must walk a process of accumulating the decision over and over again of who I WILL be within this Life – realizing I want to live what is best for all, yet this want is separation, because what is best for all is already here as me thus I must realize the LIVING change of who I am to be that which is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the back chat of “I’m tired’ when it comes to writing daily – allowing this excuse to be who I am to not take responsibility for myself or this world as I am then in that moment deciding to live the lie of the mind as if that is who I really am thus deciding to live in dishonesty instead of living who I am as self honesty – not listening/participating/believing/ACCEPTING OR ALLOWING ANY excuse such as tiredness to direct me away from what is necessary to be done – which is writing everyday so that I can see my bullshit – face my bullshit and correct myself bullshit as this is the only way I will determine who I am as life – life lived as what is best for all and not bullshit of self interest where I desire to be comfortable within not changing who I am because I have defined it as not worth it – thus deciding Life is not worth it as I as life have not decided to LIVE myself as LIFE as self responsibility within self honest. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as life as all as one as equal in deciding my comfortability is more important then sorting myself out and this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run in circles within myself and my life through not pushing through into the depths of myself as I remain within fear on the surface of myself – where I do not write every day, and circle around one point to keep me distracted and occupied – with just one point – instead of CORRECTING this POINT as the LIVING decision of WHO I AM within this LIFE and thus allowing myself to move within myself to see MORE of myself and thus allow myself to expand.

TILL HERE NO FURTHER

I make the decision to LIVE the application of writing EVERYDAY – no excuses, no justifications, because no matter where I am – I am always able to write, and thus I DO THIS, I commit this to myself as I will no longer accept and allowing myself to exist within this cycle of self abuse. It stops here as I decide who I am – I am one that supports myself through writing everyday – seeing into myself creating self intimacy. Until all live is living intimacy as equality.



19 May 2012

Day 26: The Starting Point is the Decision of "Who I Am"

I've realized since walking my Process - that who you are determines what you will do - and what you do will determine who you are. Yet - I realize I am not defined by what I do.. and tonight what I realized is this: The starting point from which "I Am" - that point from which I move within myself and my life... my reason for being, for doing, for acting, for speaking... my Starting Point is always "Who I am". And so is the Decision. Who Am I? What is my starting point for moving/acting/speaking/living? What moves me to do this or that, to participate in this or that? My starting point is my point of Creation - who I am as Creator... because from the starting point - births an outflow of where it began.

I had realized this tonight because the last 24 hours I had been participating in actions in which I was using to espace - to not face myself or my responsibilities and I realized - within the starting point of DECIDING to do those activities I did ( was just basically being lazy and watching movies instead of the many other responsibilities I have) I was within separation - I was within resistance and I was within dishonesty. Thus - my starting point was to not face myself, to give up and essentially escape for a moment. Thus, I then realized - this is me Deciding Who I am and how I live - based on the starting point. So essentially - My starting point = THE DECISION = Who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the starting point of separation wherein I move myself within the starting point of wanting to escape my reality instead of realizing from this I birth separation as myself within myself and this world as I am attempting to escape who I am here

I forgive myself that I havent yet allowed myself to LIVE in every moment of every Breath the DECISION that is Best for All - where I always clear myself within the starting point of my living application as who I am and Make damn sure I am within/as the starting point of Equality and Oneness = what is Best for All - thus birthing this as the outflow of my starting point

I forgive ymself for accepting and allowing ymself to make the decision to not support life through existing within the starting point of not standing up, and not wanting to take responsibility for myself and my world where I desire to 'get away' and thus create the outflow of me separating myself from myself as this reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my self honest wherein I SEE in every moment who I am as the starting point from which I move - I see when I am being self honest, moving from/as breath, taking directive principle of myself to act within my world to do that which is necessary to be done, and when I am being self dishonest, moving from/as the mind of energy and separation wherein I exist in self limitation and self separation - separating myself from the whole within self interest and wanting to exist and escape to my own little reality where I do not have to take responsibility for myself or anyone else and just wanting to 'get away'

I forgive ymself for accepting and allowig myself to decide to allow myself to fall within not pushing myself through the experience of wanting to escape and instead allow myself to follow the direction of the mind within the beleif that 'it's too hard, and I can't do it' so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to validate my self limitation as the back chat of my mind, isntead of breathing and standing up within the DECISION to change what I Have accepted as who I am and thus MOVE myself to be directive of myself/as myself - no longer accepting the mind as my directive principle, but for once and for all Decide who I am going to be/live in this World within seeing the starting point of the very nature of why I do what I do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to realize that who I am is within the starting point = the reasoning I do what I do, whether I do something or not - the cause/source/origin of who I am and what I decide to live in this world, and thus continue to allow myself to fall within separation within/as the starting point of moving within the desire to escape - to not face myself or this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider others here and only myself through existing in the starting point of wanting to escape my reality with actions and participation within my world

I commit myself to clear myself within the starting point of who I am to ensure that I am allways in allways moving within the starting point, decision that is best for all

I commit myself to slow myself down enough to become self honest within allowing myself to see who I am deciding to be within/as this world through seeing the very starting point, source/cause/origin from which I move in this world

I commit myself to trust myself to direct myself in moments wherein I want to 'give up' and participate in actions that support my self created separation through allowing the Mind to direct me within the limitations I Have placed on myself - I commit myself to always decide to support life as equal and one with me hererealizing from this will birth the equality of humanity

I commit myself to decide in all ways to live that which is best for all - thus seeing when I am separating myself within my starting point of who I am and thus what I live in this world and to not allow anything less then what is best for all


17 May 2012

Day 25: Forgetting to Breathe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost within my my internal world when leave my home wherein I lose my effectiveness to remain breathing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define breathing aa a difficult application while outside of my home – where I am amongst people and things and stimulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself tobeleive that outside of my home where I am among people and many stimulations – that I cannot remain breathing and not push myself to remains as the breath as I walk throughout my day, no matter where I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my external reality and environment for causing stimulation that distracts me from my breath - instead of taking responsibility for myself in every moment as life - to walk self honesty as who I really as as Life = the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as life as the breath when I leave my house, as I then allow people and things in my external world to stimulate my internal world where I am in constant commentary about what is happening around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is easier to be within/as my breath when I am home alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience guilt within myself after leaving work or heading home after being out all day as I realize I was not with/as my breath – which implies I was within/as the Mind and thus supporting the personalities and alternate realities within my mind – accepting this as me, living is as me as I was not living equal to and one with me as life as the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let go of my self will with breathing when I leave my house – allowing people and things in my external reality be the triggers for the expeirneces of myself within myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push myself to remain with and as the breathe as I walk my life in every moment – no matter where I am as I am always here – yet if I allow myself to stop breathing as who I am as life – then I am separating myself from who I am as life and thus living self dishonesty and so within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live self dishonest as me when I do not breath and simply allow myself to forget myself as the breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as life as what is real as the breath which is me as the physical substance equal to and one with all and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as all equal and one with me when/as I do not support myself within breathing as I am then within my own internal reality wherein I exist in self interest and self dishonesty thinking about only me and my experience and literally disregarding this physical reality as me as the physical breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the mind wherein I find myself going so fast – jumping all over the place and not ever stable here, where the breath moves slow and steady and is constant, the same all ways in all ways and thus I forgive myself that I haven yet allowed myself to walk with/as life as the physical as the breath – being the constant expression of life always here in all ways, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow

I commit myself to push myself to breath, in every moment and thus when and as I see myself not breathing or not aware of my breath – I stop – NO MATTEER WHERE I AM OR WHO I AM WITH – I bring myself back to who I am as equality and oneness and walk with/as the physical as I realize this is where I am most effective in supporting me as life and thus all as me as life

I commit myself to stop the guilt within myself when I find myself not breathing – I simply forgive myself and bring myself back to the breath and push myself to always do this until I am constant here walking with and as the breath as who I am as life as equality and oneness as this physical reality as me and thus I realize it is a process within reprogramming myself to become aware of myself as life/breathe – and stop I always bring myself back here, always remind myself to breath, always stop and breathe as who I really am thus support life as me

I commit myself to stop blaming my external reality for why I am not breathing in every moment of my days – as I am able to breathe no matter where I am, it is simply a matter of becoming self honest in walking the application as who I am and thus I commit myself to become self honest within walking every moment with/as the breath as who I really am, and realize that no matter where I am or with who I am – I am here as Life/breath

I commit myself to slowing myself down, to ensure I am the one taking each breath – that I am directing myself within each moment as I realize I can only do this as the breathe because I see when I am not breathing – I am not life – I am existing within the Mind as the alternate realites of the past/present/future as memories that I use to distract and occupy myself with instead of LIVING here – BEING here – Supporting life as me as the physical as who I really am as the breath