05 October 2012

Day 76 - Seeing the Change yet not Living the Change

Seeing what requires to be changed – yet not changing it


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living out patterns in my moment to moment, day to day living wherein I see what I do that does not support me, and I allow to cause friction and conflict within myself wherein I judge myself for how I am living… and yet change nothing


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way that I live, wherein I will see myself in moments “give up” in not giving myself direction to complete a task or begin a project or take care of a responsibility, wherein I compound the experience further of ‘feeling like a failure’, instead of realizing I am creating this and thus am able to stop it in ONE breath… simply breathe myself back into awareness as self directive principle of myself and my life to MAKE THE DECISION to do what is necessary to be done in a moment, realizing it is what is best for all


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity and victimize myself in such moments wherein I see myself resist moving myself to complete a task, and at the slightest resistance, give in and give up and further perpetuate this self pity wherein I believe I am not able to redeem myself for not living fully as I see I am able and capable of doing


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the slightest of resistances within myself when facing responsibilities in my day’s moments, such as finishing homework, or writing a blog or finishing a transcription, to then instead, accept this “I am too weak, I cannot change my behavior” character, and give in without utilizing the support I have and have seen support me in such moments, to instead BREATHE, bring myself back to the moment, and DIRECT myself to push through, realizing that is the only way I will be able to change – to BE the change in such moments, no longer giving into even the slightest of resistance, but to expand myself in standing within the point and deciding who I am and how I will live in this life


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into such small moments in my day wherein I think, “it’s not such a big deal, I have time to do it later”, instead of realizing that I am only putting off what I can complete in the moment, and thus not taking advantage and opportunity of the PRESENT which presents itself to me, as a, being a moment to complete a task and allow myself to let go, and b, to expand myself as pushing through a resistance within myself that I have created to the point, in allowing it to direct me, instead of ME directing ME


I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realizing that it is in the smallest of moments wherein I decide who I am and what I will accept and allow within myself and within my life, and thus this life as this world, and so I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize the responsibility which is mine here currently, to correct myself in such moments to no longer accept the limitations I have placed on myself wherein I give my mind complete control over me depending on “how I feel” or experience myself, instead of trusting ME to make the decision


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that NOTHING will change, within or without, unless I CHANGE, and thus I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to change myself in every single minute moment where even the slightest of resistance, or the most nice thought will present itself as a way to sway me from doing what is necessary to be done


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that nothing, or no one will be able to change me, I must stand as living change, in stopping feelings and emotions to direct me in keeping me from living that which I want to live, that which is best for all… realizing I have wasted enough time on this earth, and so the time is here to BE HERE, as each breath, ensuring that I am always making the decision to do what I am able to do and that is necessary to be done, not giving into any excuse, any justification – allowing myself to be self honesty in each moment wherein I am able to do something – to DO IT


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the changes the I require to make in each moment I am here, and yet give in anyway, instead of realizing I am able to stop, and redirect myself and so I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to live the changes I see I am able to, to instead give in and give up, when I realize this is my acceptance and allowance and thus absolutely responsible and so I forgive myself that i Have not yet allowed myself to be absolutely self responsible in each moment, in seeing the opportunity to change and to not LIVE it

When and as I see myself giving into the slightest of resistances to my moment to moment living, wherein I will give up the moment of opportunity to finish school work, or write a blog, or finish a transcription, or the many other responsibilities I have taken on within myself, to stop and breathe and realizing that to give in is to be directed and thus not being self directed and thus I commit myself to direct myself in each moment, as I am able, to always make the decision that is best for all… which is best for me, and that is to do in each moment what I am able to do and not allow excuses to direct me


I commit myself to, when I see moments of practical physical change, to seize the moment, and decide to change, to live this change, to not give in to the direction of the mind, but to direct myself, as I realize this is my responsibility.

I commit myself to stopping and walking through all resistances within myself and within my day to day, moment to moment living, to ensure I am doing that which is necessary to be done to move myself in order to become an effective human being in this world that actually creates something of substance, that which is life


I commit myself to stopping the judgments of myself wherein I see myself fall for resistances and thoughts, feelings and emotions that tell me I can “do it later”, and instead simply stop, breath and realizing in such a moment, I have a choice, the only real ‘free choice’ that exists – to either give into my minds direction, or be self directive, as each breath, as life to LIVE for real in this world


I commit myself to no longer trusting my thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences as knowing what is best for me, and thus telling me what to do, but to stand equal and one as myself here, as the breath I breathe, to make the decision to trust myself


I commit myself to realizing I will only be able to trust myself when I LIVE this trust as each breath, through stopping all thoughts, and living self honesty in making the decisions in each moment to not give up or in on myself, but to always do that which I am practically able to do


I commit myself to exposing each excuse and justifications I give to myself daily through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application – to see which patterns I have defined as “who I am” and “how I will live” to stop all that are not best for all, and to stand as a real human being that is walking the process to rebirth – recreating that which has been created in separation, without awareness and with no self honesty


I commit myself to LIVING the change I want to see in this world, realizing real change only exists if it is lived, and thus changing my thinking or my attitude does not actually change the human being that is here, only through practical, physical reality will it actually become real change


Featured Artwork by: Jl Kenney

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