30 September 2012

Day 74 - Polarity Games of the Mind

This blog is in relation to a polarity play-out I have had within myself/my mind, wherein in the past couple years I have had this experience of 'missing' and 'longing for' a past relationship. It is what I would consider obsessive. Thoughts always popping up and running, consuming many moments inside my mind about this past relationship. As of recently - the opposite polarity has shown its face. Wherein instead of having this feeling of "I miss him, I want to see me, maybe... someday..." now it's this "He's not worth it, I'm better off without him." So in allowing this negative feeling of, "I miss him and I feel sad about it", reaching for and creating/accepting this positive polarity energy of "I am better off without him, he's not worth it" and so building myself up in my mind as being better then the experience I had before.



So what this point is supporting in allowing me to see is how specifically the Mind moves in polarity - how if we allow one point to exist, such a 'negative', then the opposite polarity, actually it's equal, the other side of the SAME coin, shows up of "positive" and so it's the back and forth, up and down, friction creating experience, where I trap myself in circling around this one point of a past relationship, instead of simply SEEING the reality that is here and allowing myself to let go. Obviously there is more here for me to look at, like what am I defining of myself within this mind experience of thoughts, feelings and emotion in relation to this other person... how have I defined the relationship in separation of myself, wherein I believe I am 'missing something/me'. So it's to realize the games we play with ourselves wherein we will accept these 'highs and lows' within ourselves and our Mind, all within self interest, as it's about ME, instead of letting go of the self definitions of 'who we are', as we have beLIEved or accepted and allowed of ourselves, and be able to be HERE, present in each moment as breath. But for this blog, I will apply self forgiveness of allowing myself to participate in the polarity of the mind - instead of see one side and stopping it in that moment, before I create the polarity and thus the friction/internal conflict within myself which uses and abuses my physical energy in creating energy for the mind to only sustain and create more distractions and enslavement.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the 'negative experience' within my mind within/as thoughts, feeling and emotions, wherein I will think about something and through that thinking about something, create an experience within myself of 'feeling bad' or 'feeling sad' or 'missing something' and thus within this separate myself from the moment as life as the breath, through thinking myself into believing the experience I AM CREATING through participating in the thoughts that arise



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to participate in ONE polarity, such as negative OR positive thoughts, feelings or emotions within my mind, that I am equal and one creating the opposite polarity and thus causing friction within myself wherein I will feel low and attempt to then reach for the positive, and if I am too high for too long, REALITY will surface and thus I am shoved back down to repeat the cycle



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the negative polarity within my mind and through this accept, allow and create the opposite polarity within myself with thoughts feeling and emotions, as feeling 'positive' wherein I attempt to feel better about the 'negative' experience I accepted and allowed before, instead of seeing the trap I am creating for myself as being influenced and directed by the negative and positive polarities



I forgive ymself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through accepting and allowing the negative experience within myself that I create through thoughts feelings and emotions, desire to opposite polarity, as a way to feel better about myself and within this defining myself according to the feelings I allow within myself, as being 'negative or positive', instead of realizing that is NOT life - LIFE is simply here, as the breath, constant and the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow and thus I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as life as being 'positive or negative', instead of allowing myself to realize that LIFE is the breath and thus not opposite nor polar, simply here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self interest in cycling through the polarities within myself, and my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, within allowing a negative experience withing myself and to within this want to get to the opposite polarity to feel better about myself, all the while being consumed with MYSELF with either feeling shitty about ME and what has happened to ME, (not at ALL considering what is happening to this whole fucking world and the reality of life that is here) and then to within this desire to feel better, to 'pick myself up' as a way to define myself as 'ok' in this world



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to accept and allow polarity within myself, through accepting and allowing negative AND positive thoughts, feelings and emotions, I am accepting and allowing Polarity within this world and thus accept and allow some to live 'negative' and some to live 'positive' - revealing the reason WHY the world is current this reflected, as we are busy with polarity, the gap becomes bigger, and the fear and desire and self interest rules the world



I forgive myself that i have not yet accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am within and without within this reality is what creates, accepts and allows what this world is and how Life is lived, and as we can see we have created an atrocity, and so I forgive myself that i have failed to realize that I am responsible for who I am within myself and thus responsible for what this world is that I see and never allowing myself to stand within STOPPING the polarities within myself, to stand and STOP the polarities in this world



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize I must BE the change I want to see in this world, and so practically this must be walked in stopping the polarity of negative and positive, stopping the inequality, stopping the fear and desire, stopping that which enslaves and traps and misleads life that is being lived here, where many suffer and others ignore



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept the polarity within myself as "who I am' within accepting myself as the mind - instead of realizing, that through breathing, and really slowing down, I can see clearly the mind exist as polarity and only by stopping my participation, will I see the truth of what I have created/accepted/allowed



When and as I see myself participating within negative OR positive thoughts, feelings and emotions within myself, I STOP and I breathe, and I bring myself back to the realization that LIFE IS NOT POLARITY, LIFE is Equal and ONE and constant in it's living application = THE BREATH and thus I COMMIT myself to stopping ALL polarities and to live Equal and One with/as the Breath that is of life and supporting me to be of life in this one life I have



I commit myself to stopping my participation within the Mind of polarities and commit myself to walk each moment with/as each breath, to remain equal and one with what is REALly Life - this physical reality, as our physical bodies, equal and one and of the same source



I commit myself to stopping any polarity within myself, whether positive or negative, realizing BOTH are in separation of myself as breath, as I realize when I'm thinking, I am not breathing and thus not standing equal and one with this physical reality = the REAL world and thus I commit myself to stop the separation that I have allowed through participating/accepting/allowing/defining life to be in the limited space within the mind



I commit myself to no longer create friction and conflict within myself wherein I follow the highs and lows of the mind as a way to be directed in who I am, and commit myself to direct myself in each moment, through breathing in and breathing out, and moving me in each moment to ensure that I am here and not living from the starting point of polarity as the mind



I commit myself to investigate who I am as the mind,with writing as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be as defining who I am as the thoughts, feelings and emotions within myself, and get to know myself so that I am able to stop and correct hat which exists as self interest and thus accepts and allows self interest within/as this world where we do not consider/care about each other, we are only consumed with ourselves and how we can feel better or be better then others or.. commit myself to be self honest in seeing myself for real, the truth of myself that I attempt to ignore through playing the polarity game of the mind



I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, realizing that only through self reflection/investigation will we dis-cover the truth about who we are and what life is and WHY what is here, is here



I commit myself to create a world that is best for all, within/as equality and oneness through creating a world within myself that is best for all, stopping all polarities and self interest and becoming a responsible human being within myself that exists wtihin self honesty, in always standing in the shoes of another and asking myself, "is this best for all"



Featured Arwork by Marlen Vargas Del Razo