23 September 2012

Day 73 - Reactions to "Who I was"


This blog is in relation to 'past memories' of 'who I was' and what I accepted and allowed within interacting with others. There is regret when looking at these memories, for who I was, what I did and what I didn't do. Even for how I judged the other person and allowed these judgments to direct me in ending the relationship.


So regret for who I was in a past relationship/interaction with another for accepting and allowing my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and judgments to direct me in making the decision to stop contact with this being. It was all self interest - only considering myself in the interaction/relationship - not being self honest about my experience, only accepting the way I was and not at all considering to communicate about it with the other person. Very selfish, as I was acting out within what I wanted or did want, what I felt or didn't felt and what I wanted to do or didn't want to do - it was all about me, again - not at all considering the other person, but of only myself. And so within this, regret and shame for what I accepted and allowed and wonder even within this of what I might have missed out - how I limited myself within ending the relationship/interaction without fully investigating myself or the decision to stop communication


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when looking at a past memory of having a relationship/interaction with another being - experience regret and shame for who I was and what I accepted and allowed within me as the form of judgments and to within this allow it to direct me and my decision to ultimately end the interaction/relationship with this being based within self interest, of only considering myself, what i was experiencing and not once considering the other being and how it would effect them or consider even to communicate with them about what i was experiencing


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto regret and shame for who I was in the past relationship and interactions I had with this being - judging myself for what I accepted and allowed, instead of forgiving myself for who I was and what I lived to be able to set myself free from who I was and no longer allow myself to bound myself to the past - to be able to face myself - my whole life, in how I lived and who I was and see it's no longer me


I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgments to/towards another being I was in a relationship/interaction with wherein I judged them for little things in the way that they moved and communicated and within this decide I no longer wanted to be in a relationship/interaction with them, without realizing the tools of self investigation as writing, and self honesty wherein I have the ability to bring all points directed towards others to myself and see in self honesty what it is I am accepting and allowing to then be able to direct myself to really consider all points in the relationship and not simply be directed my thoughts, feelings and emotions of the mind wherein self interest reigns


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within self interest in relationship/interaction with another being in the past, wherein I decided based on thoughts, feelings and emotions to direct me within ending the relationship/interaction, without looking at who I was within these thoughts, feelings and emotions that were telling me I wanted to end the relationship


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I have been in my past, without realizing self forgiveness is the key to set self free and no longer hide within fear of the past as who I was, but to be able to face it within self responsibility and self honesty to realize, this is who I was, yet I will no longer accept and allow this of myself, and so I face myself as who I was in the past, and release all feelings and emotions I allowed to direct me within who I was living within and as


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within self interest of only considering myself and my experience within myself in relation to another being I was in relationship/interaction with, to within this end the relationship/interaction based on myself and myself alone, without considering the other being, but actually blaming them for 'who they were' as not being 'good enough' to interact with and thus within this I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior to another being within thoughts, feelings and emotions and to within this, be directed to end the relationship/interaction within the starting point of self interest, where I was not getting what I wanted and thus was no longer going to participate in the relationship


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider, equally, others that I am in relationship or interaction with - to only consider myself, how i feel, what i think, what I am experiencing as if I am the center of the universe, and to not take into consideration the other being and so within this realizing the limited perception to only think of oneself's experience, not realizing a whole other being in the equation of the relationship


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as selfishness and self interest in relation to others in my world and reality - wherein I only consider myself and not the other being(s) - thus revealing to me why the world is the way it is - why so many exist in blind ignorance to the atrocities that are happening daily to the other 7 billion people on this planet and thus showing that my inner is reflected by the outer, where we do not consider others in this world - but only CONcern ourselves with ourselves - losing ourselves from reality within our internal reality of the mind where we keep ourselves busy with our thoughts, feelings and emotions that tell us who we must be, how we must act and who we will have in our reality or not - instead of breathing, taking all points directed outwards back to ourselves within self responsibility and to consider all others here as myself, equal and one and so within this stopping the self interest of the reality of the mind within myself, and getting back to reality of physicality where all life is here - equal and one


When and as I see myself reacting to who I was in the past, within memories - I stop and I breathe, and I bring myself back to myself here in the moment, and I allow myself to utilize the gift that is self forGIVEness - wherein I release myself from who I was and stand within/as self responsibility to realize that I am currently walking a process to change the "who I was' into "who I am" here - as life, as all as one as equal, within and as each breath


I commit myself to stop reacting to who I was within and as my past - and walk the process of facing myself as who I was in the past - realizing this is the only way to truly changing self - seeing self in self honesty in who I am, how I live and what I accept and allow, within myself and outside of myself - and no longer allowing myself to be directed by my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions, but to remain here, constant within who I am, as each breath in changing myself in each moment


I commit myself to forgiving myself for who I was in the past, with daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, in realizing that the past is not who I really am - it was who I accepted and allowed myself to be and thus I commit myself to realize and to LIVE the change I want to see in this world - realizing it can only start with me


I commit myself to stopping the self interest of believing that I am the center of the universe wherein I will only consider myself in relationship or interaction with others in my world and my reality - I commit myself to stand in the shoes of ALL that is here to be able to thus face ALL that is here in self responsibility - in taking care of what is HERE within this life and to no longer accept and allow any self interest within or without - but to consider ALL life that is here


I commit myself to stop possessing myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions that direct me in my day to day living - I commit myself to direct myself as each breath to ensure I am never in reaction or judgment or self interest or fear or anxiety or anger or lust or desire - but to always clear myself from any internal reaction to then be able to direct myself to SEE clearly in each moment without the fog of the mind as beliefs and perceptions - realizing this is what is best for all


I commit myself to stop living regret and shame to to LIVE for real, fully, in each moment, directing myself within/as always the awareness of what is best for all to then be able to always, in all ways, live out loud - without shame, without regret, but constantly HERE