18 September 2012

Day 70 - The Character within Wearing Clothes



Today I was distracted by my clothes. My shirt kept clinging to me and so I had this experience of being uncomfortable – like I was not satisfied… more specifically, did not feel ‘good’ in regards to how I looked, especially to others, and kept obsessing about my shirt. Also – my hair was not looking ok to me today, and again, was distracted by it… and the whole experience I can see is rooted in this fear of how others see me/desire to be seen as beautiful, or at least attractive enough to catch someone’s attention.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself away from being here as the breath, as life living self honestly, with thoughts about my clothes not sitting on my body to my satisfaction



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through going into my mind and obsessing about my clothes and how they were being worn on me, and reacting to their ‘staticness’ and relating that to an experience of not being able to enjoy myself in clothes, as support, but reacting that they were not fitting well



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable within myself created through thoughts about how my clothes looked on me and not being satisfied because I was not creating an experience of contemptment by the way that I looked in my clothes, and thus I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to value the picture and image of me in clothes, instead of the physical practical support of clothes



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define wearing clothes within the polarity of “good” or “bad” wherein I define them as “good’ when I THINK I look ‘good’ in them; attractive to others and define them as “bad” when I judge myself for the clothes I wear and fear how others are seeing me as not attractive



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe clothes are to be worn for the acceptance of others, instead of realizing their practical physical reality purpose – to be comfortable and able to move effectively in this world



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use clothes I wear as a way to feed my ego of desiring to be attractive to others, - believe this is what will make me happy and thus I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define happiness upon how others see me as being attractive or not by the clothes I wear



I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to wear clothes I believe others will like, without taking into consideration MYSELF and what I would like to wear, for MYSELF, realizing its ME wearing the clothes



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my participation in obsessing or concerning myself about the clothes I wear and whether they are 'acceptable' or not to others - support this world system in which fashion and beauty are deemed valuable - without considering or regarding the physical living of myself as a body, and instead attempt and try to fit in and mold myself to be the picture I have been programmed to define as beautiful and within this desire to be that picture, in fear that if I don't I wont be accepted in this world



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to value the clothes I wear instead of the being that I am as a physical, breathing expression of life that is of substance of the earth



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to through my own judgments of how I look in clothes, judge others in how they look in clothes



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the picture defines who a being is, instead of realizing it is within the picture the being is as who they are in what they accept and allowed and thus realize within the picture I present I am attempting to be something separate from me - an image I have been told is beautiful



I forgive myself that iH ave accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to be only a picture or image for others to see



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to wear certain clothes to create a certain image only supports the characters in this world to serve the self interest of individualized self interest as the pursuit of happiness - instead of taking into consideration LIFE that is here and how it currently suffers and to stop playing the game of personalities that writes a story where life is separated



When and as I see myself obsessing over the clothes I am wearing through desiring/fearing how I look to others - I STOP and I breathe and I realize it doesn't matter as I am not a picture, I am a flesh and bones human being, breathing and equal and one to all others as flesh of this earth



When and as I see myself attempting to create an energetic experience within myself by and through the clothes I wear, I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the realization/awareness, that I am not the clothes I wear and to attempt to be the image I am attempting to portray as the character of myself in the game of Life, I am limiting who I am as an expression of life, saying that this is only who I am, a picture presentable to others



When and as I see myself creating a polarity through defining clothes within the 'good' or 'bad' which create a positive or negative experience within me - I stop and I breathe and I allow myself to realize that Life is not polarity - and to bring myself back within the walking application of breath by breath to remain constant and stable within physical reality to no longer support the friction and conflict within myself that is caused through participating in the energy charge of polarity - I commit myself to redefine clothes to be within the considering of effective and practically living



I commit myself to stopping the character of the mind that desire to look good for others through the clothes I wear and in stopping my character I stop others characters and thus stop this world from playing a game where some are better then others or less then others, and all can stand equal as living flesh



I commit myself to stop the polarities within the mind of how I define life and living through breathing, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, to no longer accept and allow life to be polarized but to live the realization that life is equal



I commit myself to expose how the current monetary system supports separation wherein those with money can buy the image that appeals to those without money, forever trapping them in the desire to have that same image



I commit myself to stop living as a picture and to get real in this physical reality through/as/by the breath



I commit myself to stop giving my value away outside and separate from me here through beliving my clothes define myself and who I am in this world and where I stand in relation to others, I commit myself to stop living for others and how others see me - and give myself the gift of seeing and living myself here in every moment of breath



I commit myself to walking the journey to life for the next 7 years, writing daily, with self forgiveness and self corrective application as I see/realize/understand that only through stopping myself in what I accept and allow within and as me, will I be able to create and direct effective and real change in this world and thus commit myself to investigating who I am as the addictions I have created to energy, in seeking positive feedback from others in fear of negative feedback from others and start living for myself here, in each moment, for all as one as equal as myself