05 September 2012
Day 68 - Persuading myself with Thoughts
I don’t want to write, and the excuses coming up are, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” and “I have a head ache, I just want to lay down” and “I want to go to bed early to ensure I get up early tomorrow and break this habit I have been creating of staying up late and getting up late in the day”
And so seeing these thoughts as persuasive, I almost gave in… yet I wont give up, and I will remove this until only I remain, the I that is here as breath that decided who I am and what I do, and no longer allowing my mind to direct me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to writing as the back chat of, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” within believing that I am actually too tired to take the time and support myself in writing myself out, to make sure I am clear and direct myself and not being a slave to the mind telling me what to do
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to tempt myself as the back chat of, “I’ve been in school all day, I just want to relax” as a way to justify the resistance I have created to writing – I stop this and push myself through the resistance as I type these words and stand clear, breathing here, to sort out this dictatorship of the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being with myself as the words I write, not want to see myself or take responsibility for myself and believing it’s ‘easier’ to not write, instead of realizing it’s the blissful ignorance that I don’t have to change when I clearly see I must change for anything to change, and thus I commit myself to be the change through creating a new habit that is best as writing everyday and stopping the habits that suppress and support abuse in myself and in this world through no longer allowing myself to ‘relax’ when I see it’s my minds way of not having to sit down, look within and see what is here, always keeping it simple
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to writing within and as the back chat in my mind of, “I have a head ache, I just want to lay down”, instead of stopping the thoughts as the excuses I give myself that I tempt myself with as to not be responsible for who I am and what I allow within myself and thus within this world, I realize that this point will come back again until I direct myself and stop taking direction from the thoughts, and so I stop it in this moment and write myself out
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to use a head ache as a reason for why I don’t have to write today, instead of realizing that besides the head ache, that is not very strong, I am perfectly capable of writing here, I just have to get out of my head and be in the physical , as breath, to do the physical act of writing
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to allow the mind as an alternate reality and a voice in my head that I believe is me, tell me what to do, as the back chat of, “I have a head ache, I just want to lay down” – instead of simply breathing, stopping the thought and going straight to the point that I believe I “don’t want to do” and allow myself to expand through doing that which I resist
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance within myself towards writing as the back chat of, “I want to go to bed early to ensure I get up early tomorrow and break this habit I have been creating of staying up late and getting up late in the day” – allowing this justification to be the reason as to “why I don’t want/have to write”, instead of realizing it is simply me and the mind’s defense mechanism, to not have to see what I am, who I am and what I have allowed within myself, because if I were to see, in self honesty – I would realize the shit that I allow, and as I see in this world revealing the reflection of myself – and so I stop the justification and stand here, breathing, writing, and no longer allowing any excuse within myself when the physical reality shows that I can, and am able and thus I move
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in thoughts that tell me “I can’t” and “ill do it later” and “tomorrow will be better” – when I have in fact seen where this path goes, and I refuse to allow this of myself, no more, it stops here. I push through, I breathe, and I see the thoughts for what they are – my prison that keeps me confined to ‘stay the same’ and to not change and not see how I am able to be the solution I have been seeking, realizing… I am Here.
I commit myself to taking absolute responsibility for myself here, as life, as an equal participant in creating and sustaining what this world currently is, and so I commit myself to write myself out each day, to sit with myself in support of myself, to create self trust in myself, trusting that I will be responsible for the abuse in this world as I become responsible for the abuse I allow in my internal world, and thus commit to be the change, from the inside out, with writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, breathing and corrective application - the actual Journey to Life - purifying ourselves in each moment
I commit myself to stop all justifications, excuses, reasons and manipulative tactics of myself to keep me from seeing me, within me, as who I am as the mind, as the thoughts, as the characters, as the personalities that have all been programmed into me as 'who I am' through the generations that have gone before - I stop and question all of it and find it's origin in my life, and remove the point to ensure that I am here no longer perpetuating the sins of the fathers
I commit myself to realizing that no thought justifying a reason to not write is ever valid, as I see the thought always direct the physical reality - when in fact the physical is the key - the real reality and so I stand equal as the director of myself as a physical being in this physical reality to physically write myself, see myself, get to know myself everyday