03 September 2012

Day 67 - The Preacher Character

Today I had lunch with a friend. We got together after about a year and a half of not seeing or speaking to each other. I didn’t think it was for any particular reason, yet she did bring up the point of how I was a bit forceful with her about the ‘desteni point’ and that she seemed at some point she had enough. And said that she was glad to see a change in me, wherein I was speaking about how I realize I cannot change anyone, it’s not my responsibility to, I can only live as an example. And so looking at this point, or I should say character – I can see it prominent in my life. More so since I came across the LOA and even into desteni. I would be “this is how it is and you must realize this – see this, realize this” and I would be telling them and telling them without telling myself, and applying it myself and actually living it myself. And I can see while being so busy concerned with whether ‘someone else’ gets it – I miss the point myself – am I getting it? Because I realize that while I’m busy focusing on others, I am deliberately ignoring myself as then I am distracted and reacting to another instead of investigating and seeing myself. So it’s a deliberate character I play – to not have to see, and take responsibility for myself and to ultimately change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the “you must see/realize” character wherein I play the role of being the preacher and preach to others “how they must live” and “how they must be” and “how they must change” instead of realizing the deliberateness of this character in accepting myself to NOT see ME and instead point the finger and attempt to force others to see what it is they are doing

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to change others through the words that I speak, as the preacher character that attempt to force others to see what it is they are doing, what it is this world is doing and thus tell them the solutions they must live – instead of taking it back to myself, and LIVING the solution as MYSELF to thus be an example that is clear in how to actually change in this world. By stopping the blaming and pointing of the fingers and focusing on who self is, the me here that lives and breathes every moment, see what is coming up, who I am, whether I am reacting or not, whether I am allowing feelings and emotions to run me ragged – to wake up and be aware of myself in every moment to ensure that I stop the deliberate act of abdicating my responsibility – as I see that is what the world currently exists as, many blaming the ‘other guy’ as the problem and not taking into account our own participation in this world as self accountability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberate in creating this character that attempt to tell others how they must live and what they must believe and what they must change so that I do not have to change – proving to myself that I am not trustworthy and do not live the words that I speak, as I am preaching to others that have eyes that can see I have not change and so what kind of example is that?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to hide in the preacher character of telling others how they must be and how they must change, so that I do not have to be responsible for myself, even though I realize I always am, this character is designed so that I can exist in an illusion where I believe I am ‘doing good’ by telling others how they must be – instead of taking it back to myself and stopping the illusion where I believe I have power and control over others and am responsible for them waking up and see who they are in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this character of preaching to others how they must live/how they must change, seek and find an energetic experience within myself wherein I feel good for what I say and what I share, because I believe “I am powerful” and I know it all – instead of realizing this is all ego that is not taking into consideration the many years of accumulated shit each one has accepted and allowed and thus realize the only way to create effective change – is to walk it and live it myself, breath by breath – not just saying the words, but living the actions and I realize that that is done through breathing, being here, stopping the separation within my mind of seeking validation and energy of the ‘high’ of feeling good and sorting out the mess that’s in the mind that believes I can change others without changing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to change without being the change myself

I forgive myself that I Have never accepted and allowed myself to realize that the solution is simple and it is here within and as me – to be the change I want to see in this world, through stopping the mind of self righteousness and getting back to earth, where life is equal and all are one, as we all require the same stuff to exist and are able to without the minds reality of beliefs, knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to spread knowledge and information to others, without living it first as myself – realizing that others will only hear me once I am here, living as me, as what is best for all, as an example

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to create the manifested consequences of pushing others away through my attempt to tell them how to be and how to live, without taking this back to myself, to ensure that I am living that which I tell others to live

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to expect from others in this life that which I haven’t yet lived for/as myself

I commit myself to be the change I want to see in this world

I commit myself to realize that I cannot change others – I am only able to change myself

I commit myself to changing myself through breathing, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, so that I no longer have to TELL people “what to do” but they can see clearly who I am and what is best for all as the living expression of myself as Life

I commit myself to stopping the addiction to energy wherein I attempt to make myself feel good by being a ‘preacher character’ that has all this knowledge and information for others to live better lives, and bring myself back to living life through stopping the energy highs and lows and remain stable here, as each breath, constant, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow

I commit myself to expect from others only that which I have lived myself

I commit myself to stand within myself in stopping the mind of self righteousness that believe “I know it all” and prove my knowledge to be a solution by living the message

I commit myself to daily writing, and daily self forgiveness, to always live the words I speak that is best for all, “be the change you want to see in this world” – by investigating myself and sorting myself out as I realize this world reflects(the outer) reflects who I am (the inner) and thus I equalize it within walking the Journey to Life and the Desteni Message to once and for all create a world where all live lives equally and no more separation can exist