28 June 2012

Day 48 - Blame and Anger from the Past

My reactions within myself in relation to another wherein I allowed something that has happened in the past to define who I am here and how I interact/react to the person today. This will be covered in many posts to come.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at another for not being in my life while I was growing up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto anger towards another for coming back into my life after so many years of not being a part of my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame another for not being a part of my life while I was growing up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at another for returning to my life and believe they expect to be a part of my life after not being a part of it while I was growing up and blame them for this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume another expects me to be here for them to support them in their life because they came back to town and wants to be a part of my life and within this blame them for the belief I have of them doing so and spite them within my mind saying, “You weren’t there for me, I don’t want to be there for you”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite another within my mind as back chat when I tell myself I don’t have to support them because they did not support me – revealing the evil nature within myself of the starting point I allowed to be the reason I am not supporting another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto resentments and anger towards another and myself for allowing them to come back into my life and believe they do not deserve to be in my life and within this starting point, act out in ways as a way to protect myself and show them I am not ok with the decisions they made in life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to protect myself from another based on who they were in the past and how they lived their life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame another for who they were in the past

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the past through defining another based on who they were and the choices they made

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a victim to another and their decision to leave when I was a child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the past as being a child when another was not there for me, and carry this with me in my whole life and now that they have returned, still existing within the memory of them not being there for me and want them to pay for not being there for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the spite within me towards another, instead of realizing the poison it actually is and has no effect on another, only myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to poison myself with spite towards another for them not being there for me and for now that they have returned

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I stay angry at another through defining their actions as 'bad' and 'wrong' and accept myself as a victim to them - then I am somehow protecting myself from it happening again and believing that I am in control of the experience as fear of it happening again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to protect myself within and as fear of what has happened in the past and it repeating

I commit myself to stop all forms of anger and blame and resentment and spite to/towards another in stead of realizing this is a reflection of myself and thus I commit myself to take back all thoughts, all judgments, all blame back to myself wherein i Have the power to change who I am here in relation to another and the relationship with myself

I commit ymself to stop spite witin the mind as I see it creates wars, within and without

I commit myself to stop the belief that I have to protect based on memories as past experiences

I commit myself to stop blame towards another for their past - and take responsibility for myself and my past